letting myself be happy

[lookinginside]

Today I realized that my entire life has been devoted to getting into college. Well, now I've been accepted, I have one semester of high school to go and the future has never been more frightening.

The past week has been very intense and emotional. I just started dating my first boyfriend and he is very conscious and much more emotionally mature than I am.

Talking to him and reading this blog and his favorite book The Power of Now have given me the tools to face a lot of the fear and shame that has ruled my life.

The idea that my parents divorce affected me adversely never really occured to me until yesterday. Most importanty, I think I'm finally able to talk about having been raped when I was 13 and how it affected me. Maybe.

I kind of feel like a toddler learning how to walk and this vulnerability is paralysing.

My other relationships are blossoming. I'm learning to be a lot more open, honest and courageous. I'm having conversations with my family and friends about things that I'm usually too insecure and ashamed to even think about.

I'm taking very, very painful baby steps and I need any advice and encouragement that you all have to offer.

[Gary]

When we learn to walk we fall down. It’s not failure to fall down. It’s failure not to get up again. We only learn of the conceptual idea of failure years later. And then we build up a big fear to the conceptual idea called failure. Thank God we learn about the conceptual idea of failure so much later in life or else we never would have learned to walk.

My suggestion is not to measure progress day to day. Evaluate the progress of your life by looking back at least six months. That will take out the day to day ups and downs that can lead to sabotaging self judgment. Self inquiry and self assessment is healthy. Self judgment is more like knocking your self down. It’s okay, it happens. And it makes your legs stronger every time you get back up.

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Pathway To Happiness
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[tc33]

Random thoughts:

- You are extremely lucky to have found a person to help you through these issues. Even if this relationship doesn't last, be thankful for what you have learned and what you will learn from this man. Most people go their entire lives without finding such an individual or somehow acquiring an inkling of what consciousness is all about. What you are doing for yourself is healthy and righteous.
- The feeling of vulnerability is something I have experienced as well once I suddenly recognized my character flaws. This leads me to my next point:
- PAIN = GROWTH. The emotional pain/vulnerability you experience is natural and normal. I personally found that embracing pain as growth, in conjunction with courage, allowed me to press through the pain and grow as a person.
- Continue to defeat your fears and live courageously, and you will continue to grow
- The undertones of your message imply that you already know these things, recognize your growth as positive, and want to continue your growth.

If you're going through hell, keep going. - Winston Churchill

Best wishes!

Tom

[Mercury_Rising]

Let me begin by saying that I really commend the work that you are doing!!!

Continue to surround yourself with good hearted healthy people and most of all, be kind and gentle with yourself. I believe the more we can accept and love who we are, the more we are able to uncover the gold within each of us. You are already well on your way.

There will be times when we stumble. I certainly have stumbled more times than I can count, but I've found that the simple act of being kind to myself has allowed me to be more open and courageous AND has been the foundation for helping me be kind to others.

Good Luck!

[joshbickford]

Wow. I thought my senior year was tough.

Keep pushing ahead, never give up, ever. Stretching and learning is tough, but you will be such a better person for doing it! The more you stretch the more you'll be able to stretch, and these things that may seem tough now will become a cinch. God bless you for working it out, you have no idea how encouraging that is to me!

[Colm OReilly]

You are very brave

[Mark Lapierre]

Originally Posted by lookinginside

I just started dating my first boyfriend and he is very conscious and much more emotionally mature than I am.

I know of people who, upon perceiving a difference between themself and their partner, have created a gulf between the two of them, firmly placing their partner in an out-of-reach place, despite their partner's attempts to bridge the gap.

It sounds like you're aware enough to not make the same mistake, are already removing potential barriers, and in general are aware enough to know when you need help, and to ask for it, and have the support of people you care about who care about you.

You're going to do great

[ReallyGoodIdeas]

And once you start on this path, lookinginside, the world will open up for you, you will never be the same again! The things you need will be there and you will find you will learn from all aspects of life, even the nasty bits!

If you get stuck, we're here to help!

I wish you a great journey.

Joy to you
Hazel