Coping with Perceived Inadequacy

[Nicholls]

Alright get this. I've been thinking about what bothers me emotionally as a person, makes me anxious/depressed/angry and I think for the most part it is a feeling of inadequacy.

To make a (I have to admit) pretty stupid example, I bought a pair of shoes the other day and because they have stretched a bit after some use they don't fit that well, and tbh they were a bit big when I bought them. Now I feel embarassed at wasting money and making a stupid purchase.

As a more general issue I often get periods of physical inadequacy, wondering if I'm too short, ugly, bad haircut, poor fashion sense etc. All this has added up to a perceived sexual inadequacy. I'm a teenager, in case you hadn't guessed

Now I know intellectually all of this is stupid, and I definitely get periods where I'm happy and nothing bothers me, but also ones where I worry about something persistantly and feel terrible. While I have worked on this and things have got better, I am still struggling.

My question is to anyone who has struggled with this, how did they work to remove this anxiety and vision of perceived inadequacy?

[mysticmadness]

This happens in your age and there is nothing bad about it. It happeens with everyone.

This thing is called experience which is nuggets in your life and tells you about good and bad. Learn from them and make sure not to repeat them.

This problem will go away when you would grow up and start to get buys in work.

You are on path of being wise, so do not worry dear.

[JHL]

Originally Posted by Nicholls

Alright get this. I've been thinking about what bothers me emotionally as a person, makes me anxious/depressed/angry and I think for the most part it is a feeling of inadequacy.

To make a (I have to admit) pretty stupid example, I bought a pair of shoes the other day and because they have stretched a bit after some use they don't fit that well, and tbh they were a bit big when I bought them. Now I feel embarassed at wasting money and making a stupid purchase.

As a more general issue I often get periods of physical inadequacy, wondering if I'm too short, ugly, bad haircut, poor fashion sense etc. All this has added up to a perceived sexual inadequacy. I'm a teenager, in case you hadn't guessed

Now I know intellectually all of this is stupid, and I definitely get periods where I'm happy and nothing bothers me, but also ones where I worry about something persistantly and feel terrible. While I have worked on this and things have got better, I am still struggling.

My question is to anyone who has struggled with this, how did they work to remove this anxiety and vision of perceived inadequacy?

To echo what ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ said - everyone struggles with this - including the people you think don't. Just reminding yourself of that is a relief in itself, because sometimes it can seem as if everyone is confident except you.

It sounds like you are addressing the areas that bother you the most and experiencing success - and that is a brilliant approach. The more you take care of yourself in this way, the more your confidence will grow. And in time you will have built a sustained confidence in who you are, and your bouts of feeling inadequate will become few and far between.

So keep up with working on those areas you feel you can, dont be too hard on yourself and you will definitely see lasting results in your confidence.

[Angela]

When did you decide you were inadequate?

[WordKeeper]

Nicholls - I admire you and I envy you for recognizing this issue at such a young age and do something about it. I felt such inadequacy but I repressed it and relied on a Super Ego to actually think I had it all in order.

I have recently found significant help with the inadequacy issue via EFT. If you are interested in that concept you can learn about it at EFT Home - World Center for EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques).

BTW - here is a link to a thread I posted on your very topic recently:
Tapping on sense of being inadequate

[Nicholls]

Originally Posted by Angela

When did you decide you were inadequate?

From what I can recall at quite a young age, when I realised I wasn't very proficient at sports. I think anyway. Some event must have happened that pushed me strongly in that direction, but I don't know. If it something everyone experiences to a degree than maybe that's just life. But I used to really hate myself. Don't anymore though

[WordKeeper]

Even if it is someting that everyone experiences it is a very significant issue and anyone's life and everyone experiences it differently. The purpose of saying that it is common is for you to not feel alone but it is not meant for you to dismiss the power of such a feeling in your own life.

Confront it and overcome it. Do not allow it to have power in your life. You are NOT inadequate but that feeling can render you so. Do not accept that internalized voice. Replace it with a voice that claims your compentences!! Fight for yourself and claim your worthiness.

[Plato]

Originally Posted by Nicholls

My question is to anyone who has struggled with this, how did they work to remove this anxiety and vision of perceived inadequacy?

Check the link in my sig. It made a huge tangible difference for me. It has for thousands of others.

I've gone from putting myself down a lot, to finding a great deal of positive. For real. Not just airy fairy theories. Real change.

[nocturne]

Originally Posted by Nicholls

From what I can recall at quite a young age, when I realised I wasn't very proficient at sports. I think anyway. Some event must have happened that pushed me strongly in that direction, but I don't know. If it something everyone experiences to a degree than maybe that's just life. But I used to really hate myself. Don't anymore though

nicholls you must judge yourself as a whole and accept the good and the bad. making a bad shoe purchase doesn't make you a bad person. it was one mistake out of many you will make in your lifetime. Remember, all people make mistakes, you should happy it was a shoe purchase not some huge mistake like committing a crime and ending up in jail!

In other words, making mistakes doesn't make you inadequate at all. It makes you human. There's a huge difference. Let yourself be human.

Take arguably greatest basketball player of all time - michael jordan. He makes about 45% of all his shots. That's a good percentage for a professional player, but it highlights an important fact of life: no one is perfect.

It is perfectly ok to be not be good at sports, to buy the wrong shoe, etc. Bill gates is not as good at sports as Michael Jordan, but THAT DOESN'T MATTER.

Give yourself credit for all the good things about yourself, work on the bad things you can work on, and accept the bad things you can't work on. If you look at yourself as a whole instead of being hard on yourself for your mistakes, this will lead to better self esteem.