Mental collapse...

[Bagz]

Hey all,

My first post here, so be gentle I'm writing because I've encountered a problem and I want to avoid it happening ever again... if possible.

I've been wondering along the path of personal development for about 2 1/2 years. I say 'wondering' because despite my best efforts, I find it hard to maintain that feeling of white hot strength and motivation, it comes and goes, and I often revert to behaviour I know is not constructive or effective. I've read all the classic books, many blogs (including Steve's), listened to podcasts, exercise regularly, practiced introspection, analysed my own behaviour and (mostly) tried to stay positive....

But last week I fell apart. It literally felt like the scaffolding just dropped out from under me. I gave into fear, and my self confidence dissolved (read: I spent 2 days sitting in my car, unable to summon the courage to approach potential clients to see if they'd like to try my product). I stressed so badly about my poor behaviour that I ended having a blinding migraine for a couple of days.

Now I'm feeling a bit more clear headed, and I'm trying to work it out and pick up the pieces because I didn't consciously see it coming.

A bit of background. I'm launching a new company, and I have the proverbial farm riding on it, I also have investors on board who have placed immense trust and faith in me and my execution of the plan. Success or failure hinges largely on my performance- primarily on my ability to convince businesses to give us a go. Its the responsibility I always wanted when I was in a Dilbert cube, and I've worked hard to get here. But now I feel like I've dropped the ball.

Also, a close uncle passed away suddenly of cancer in November (only sick a few months), and a week before our launch which was very upsetting to me. He was young, had a young family and children, and was the closest of my extended family. Having seen what he and his family went through, I organised a sponsorship deal with a charity that supports low income families affected by cancer, and I want to be able to contribute financially to them. It all rides on the business, and specifically my sales performance. Additionally, we aren't actually making any money yet, and don't expect to until mid year, and our cash reserves are razor thin.

I'm not a very outgoing person (INTJ according to this and a couple of others I've tried) sales is a very challenging role for me, but I have done it literally 500+ times over the past few months before this event... although it never got any easier.

Changes I've made in the last 7 days to try and fix myself:

• I get up for a run at 6am each morning. (Set start time as per Steve's article. It seems to have helped my insomnia. I also stopped running about 8 weeks ago, as I had convinced myself I was too busy)
• Picked up some brian tracy confidence cds which I listen to while running/trying to sleep. (Also seems to help with the insomnia)
• Trying out the listen to good music, think about the things I find challenging.
• Plastered my office and bedroom walls with positive affirmations
• Typed up my daily goals and put it up on a wall so I can keep track of how often I am meeting my commitments to myself
• Set 90 day, and long term goal and put them up on the wall too
• Started correcting myself whenever I think or say something negative, and reaffirming things in my head in a positive manner.
• Cleaned up my room and workspace so that I don't feel surrounded by mess.
• Made a commitment to my partner that we spend 1 whole day every fortnight doing something fun and not think about work (fun has been off the menu for a long time)
• Trying to correct my attitude towards my role, in particular the sales aspect

I'm starting to feel a bit better (Day 8 since the problem), in that my life feels more under control, but I still don't feel as confident on the inside as I did 6 weeks ago- still feel kind of empty. I'm also struggling with the dread of getting back on the horse in terms of my work.

Can anyone offer suggestions about what else I should be doing? I can't afford to continue doubting myself.. I need to lift my game but I'm not sure of the best way to do it.

Thank you for reading!

Bagz

[ticktockclok]

Company Problems: I've heard really good things about SiteBuildIt. Its engineered for the small business, so your company could really hit off with it.

Other stuff: One thing I learned from Photoreading that I've applied in other areas of my life is the power of affirmations. What I do is get myself calm through meditation- you could do it with your tapes. Then, with my eyes close, I mentally repeat some positive affirmations.

i.e. I have an unlimited source of confidence when trying to get a sale.
I am oblivious to the thoughts of other people about me.

Try to avoid putting the words "no" or "not" in there. If you follow the teachings in the secret, the things you don't want to happen will come true.

[Steve Pavlina]

It sounds like you have a classic case of too much stress. I'd suggest less "doing" and more relaxing.

Do you have access to a hot tub or Jacuzzi? Can you take time to get a massage?

Meditation/relaxation audio programs can help too.

[openeyes]

Originally Posted by Steve Pavlina

Do you have access to a hot tub or Jacuzzi?

Indeed. I was having very bad headaches for the first few days of my sales job about a month ago, but they quickly went away after I built and started using my infra red sauna (ended up costing less than $50 for everything). I also got back into meditating every morning.

[ReallyGoodIdeas]

I'd say you have too much on to cope with at the moment. I reckon that sales for an INTJ (I'm an ENTJ!) would be stressful. And then just dump a bit more stress on by having the family farm and all your starving orphan relatives riding on it as well!

Lighten up!! Yes it IS tough but you don't need to make it tougher for yourself! This was meant to be FUN wasn't it?

I'd recommend EFT, you're welcome to PM me and I can hook up with you privately or check my website. I'm a single mother, who left her well paid corporate job to teach people EFT, and Project management! I know the stress you're talking about, but you need to also remember why you're doing this.

Stress is because one part of us wants to go one way, but the other part of us doesn't.

I worry sometimes that people doing PD think if you have the pictures of the Ferrari pinned up, and the confidence mp3s going that it will all be right. These are only reminder tools! There's a lot of inner work needed as well. And faking it til you make it can also have the "or break it" tacked on the end.

I found that once I'd started on this road that I needed to seriously do some work (I used EFT to do it) on my confidence. My real confidence, inside me. My beliefs about doinging well in business myself, my beliefs about my ability to do EFT, to market my website, etc etc etc..

You're taking on a lot at once, so be easy on yoruself. You're going to learn a lot over the next period, and I bet you don't want to spen too many more days having migraines or sitting in your car.

Use your affirmations or intentions, and listen to the tail-enders. You'll know them, they start with "You can't do that... " or something similar. Check my doc Positivity Part 1 to see what to do with them. I'm happy to help if you want a hand (with EFT, not your sales!).

Joy to you
Hazel