How to stop being over-sensitive?

[JoannaC]

I have had a really rough couple of years with some career difficulties and transitions that really affected my confidence. I seem to have become really over-sensitive and I am not sure how to fix it. Any small criticism feels like a huge attack, and I often build things up in my head into something that they really are not. For example, a few weeks ago, I got to work (I work in a school) and the secretary was standing at the door waiting for me, and the first thing she said was "I need to see you in my office right away." In my head, I immediately panicked thinking I had done something wrong, she was mad at me and I was going to be fired. It turns out that someone was going to be late and they needed me to fill in for her for an hour, and she was waiting to tell me so she could go onto her other work and stop watching for me to arrive. Even though I rationally understood that there were any number of non-tragic reasons for someone to call me into their office, my first response was to panic and think the worst. As a result, I find myself spending a lot of time needlessly worrying I need a thicker skin. Any sugggestions?

[ticktockclok]

Meditation. I learned some really basic techniques a couple months ago, and its helped me a ton. It eliminates mind block and emotional worry. There are probably books at your local library on meditation. You could always look online for free resources on meditation.

[MSC2471]

I would concur with the meditation and deep breathing exercises. Visualize yourself in a much more relaxed state and try your best to not assume the worst in what's been said around you.

I've faced this issue many times in my marriage and I've learned that the whole world is not against you, there are times that you just need to hear the other person out and realize that maybe what they are bringing to the table are offers and solutions rather than criticism.

Good luck and keep us informed.

Matt

[Liara Covert]

Dear Joanne,
I admire your desire to tackle sources of inner fear. Examining root causes of your own assumptions can be very helpful.

My own suggestion is to mentally train yourself not to assume the worst. Unless a negative situation is presented to you, (i.e. unless someone actually tells you that you're fired) then you have no reason to jump to that conclusion. You can train yoruself to visualize positive outcomes. The meditation idea is good and so are the breathing exercises. Over and above this, I encourage you to find a book that interests you about overcoming fear.

All the best!

[C33]

is to be able to feel anything bad deeply but also anything good. Does it apply to you?

I used to be like you; and it took some short term therapy(cognitive) to stop being impacted so much by other people s emotions or some minor drama in my life.

It s all in your head, so the good thing is, if it is all in your head, you do have the power to get it out of your head. I would recommend books by Martin Seligman. Also, yoga is a wonderful tool.

Being sensitive is being alive, maybe more so than people who are withdrawn!
Creativity is a great way to channel one s emotions and perceptions of the world. I would also suggest journaling.

It really helped me to realize that most people are into themselves and do not care as much as I think about what I do, say or how I act. It s not always about me. Therefore, when you think people have this particular idea or intention towards you, maybe you are just picking up on their own insecurity and they are also thinking: Gees, I hope she likes me.

[mattsonn]

Johanna C, I definitely fall into that category too, though maybe a little less extreme than you. I recognize that the feeling part of my brain is basically like the brain of my parent's dog. It needs to be reassured when things potentially get stressfull, and it needs to calm down when things potentially get exciting.

Positive self talk was the solution for me. That doesn't mean you aren't going to feel those emotions when almost any non-routine situation arises. But when you can keep your conscious thoughts separated from what you're feeling, then that's pretty much gold right there.

Some weeks ago, I made the definite decision to be happy on the conscious level regardless of my external circumstances. I do allow myself one exception a week, because seriously, nobody wants to be happy all the time. But doing this has made a significant impact on my life. I think I have better control over my life like this.

[Dharma]

Keep reminding yourself that your response to any situation is a choice. And you can change your choice to whatever you wish.

Right now you're responding to the now with fear and projection into the future. Try someting different. Even after you hit the fear, remind yourself that next time you can make a different choice in the moment.

[lrose]

JoannaC -- I feel your pain! This is not fun to deal with. I think everyone has listed the best possible solutions to working through this. Another thought, and while this may come off as flippant, it's actually kind of relieving in a way: the world does not revolve around you (or me). (I guess C33 said this already in a different way.)

Most people are probably way more concerned about their day and their problems rather then how they can attack you. And any incident that might upset you will most likely be quickly forgotten by them. Also, if you can act in an open an honest manner, you'll know that you have nothing that you could be attacked for. And to echo mattsonn and Dharma, you CAN choose how you react -- only YOU determine how you respond to situations. No one can MAKE you feel anything you don't want to feel.