Tapping on sense of being inadequate

[WordKeeper]

As a child, I was a scapegoat for my parents and subsequently my older brothers learned to perpetuate that role.

Part of that scapegoating involved identifying me as "inadequate." The most prominant way this was conveyed was by excluding me from many family activities by reason of "you are too young" and "you are a girl". I was younger than my brothers but not by much and even with passage of time I never became "old enough".

This tagging would be used for a huge range of activities. As a young child it was used to keep me eating in the kitchen alone while the others had dinner together in the dining room. At age 5 it was a reason to leave me home with a babysitter while the others went on vacation with a family with only boys. Other vacations, it was the reason that I was not allowed to join in the primary activity of the vacation - such as snorkling in the bahamas.

As I began to work on some intention/manifesting items this issue began to emerge. I have repressed it for most of my lifetime.

Unfortunately there is so much anger and pain associated with this issue and as I begin to tap on it the anger and pain roar forth. To say it is unpleasant is not anywhere close - it is excruciatingly painful to do this tapping. There is so much pain and loss and rejection and shame buried with this repressed issue. All of that is emerging like a giant boil on my soul.

[Holistic Star]

I'm thinking that the only way out is through. When you stand before an issue it seems insurmountable (even with EFT in your toolbox). Afterwards you realise you got through better than you thought you would.

When the anger rises, keep tapping. When the pain comes, keep tapping. The fact that you get more emotional as you do this, is in fact a good sign it means things are releasing.

You might even find it helpful to go and bash a few cushions and have a bit of a scream while you tap! I sometimes do this when an anger issue comes up (I make sure no-one can hear me first!). I just yell it all out until I'm exhausted and all that pent up emotion has burst through me, and then I tap until I feel calmer again.

Can you get a friend to tap with you to support you and be with you as you do this. For important issues like this I really recommend having someone there lovingly supporting you as you go through it, holding you to your agenda and tapping for you if it all gets a bit much.

The other thing you might want to look into is psyche-k, because that is a way of prioritising which statements to balance. I find I can do 2 - 3 at at time and am working through little and often. It's not free though, you have to do a course.

I really acknowledge you for making a great commitment to personal development. You've made such great progress since you joined these boards, and I see you work really hard on taking on those challenges and working through them. I know it is difficult at times, but you have the strength to do it.

[WordKeeper]

Dear Holistic Star - your strength and kindness come through even via the printed word. Thank you for your encouragement and comforting words.

I have not heard of psyche-K. Thank you for introducing it to me. I am interested in learning more.

I have no doubt that I will get through this. I find that posting such things here or elsewhere help push me forward and when I receive thoughtful encouraging posts such as your it sends me even further forward.

Thank you. - Wordkeeper.

[Angela]

Hey, Wordkeeper -- what did you decide about yourself? What did you make it all mean about yourself, like, "I am ____."

(I ask because when you can pinpoint the limiting belief that you decided about yourself -- probably when you were 5 -- the clarity that comes with just seeing it can help you become free.)

[WordKeeper]

Wow - Angela - what a perfectly directed question.

It split me in two.
On the one hand I decided, "worthless".
On the other, I decided I deserved better and I looked for validation.

The first voice was the loudest.

[Erika Awakening]

Originally Posted by WordKeeper

As a child, I was a scapegoat for my parents and subsequently my older brothers learned to perpetuate that role.

Part of that scapegoating involved identifying me as "inadequate." The most prominant way this was conveyed was by excluding me from many family activities by reason of "you are too young" and "you are a girl". I was younger than my brothers but not by much and even with passage of time I never became "old enough".

This tagging would be used for a huge range of activities. As a young child it was used to keep me eating in the kitchen alone while the others had dinner together in the dining room. At age 5 it was a reason to leave me home with a babysitter while the others went on vacation with a family with only boys. Other vacations, it was the reason that I was not allowed to join in the primary activity of the vacation - such as snorkling in the bahamas.

As I began to work on some intention/manifesting items this issue began to emerge. I have repressed it for most of my lifetime.

Unfortunately there is so much anger and pain associated with this issue and as I begin to tap on it the anger and pain roar forth. To say it is unpleasant is not anywhere close - it is excruciatingly painful to do this tapping. There is so much pain and loss and rejection and shame buried with this repressed issue. All of that is emerging like a giant boil on my soul.

Hey Word Keeper, you've probably heard of the Tearless Trauma technique in EFT, a way of "sneaking up" on big traumas by tapping things that are related but not in the center of the fire? (for example, with a car accident, beginning by tapping on the events that led up to it)

For what it's worth though, the "Erika method" of EFT just goes straight into the fire. It has been the tapping sessions where I've been willing to say things like "f**k you Mom" and "f**k you God" or cry for an hour straight where the most negativity has been released and the biggest transformations have happened.

I'm actually excited for you cuz this sounds like a major core issue, the release of which is likely to transform your life in big ways!