Being emotionally available when you have unfinished tasks

[bluedragon]

I have this thing: whenever I am working on something important (setting up a website, figuring out my objectives... struggling to establish a healthy habit... anything that occupies my thoughts - I feel I am unavailable emotionally to undertake any additional challenges.

For example, if I have trouble with my website, and every day, I keep working on a different issue and I still have "unfinished business" with it - then whenever I go to out, I feel like there is something on my mind. I can function perfectly with friends, even meeting new people - but if I were to want to pick up a girl for example or date someone - or if I wanted to challenge myself in an unusual way, I would always refrain, and hide behind the excuse that "I need to get my life in order before taking up new challenges". However, I don't think other people have everything in order, all their problems taken care of, all the objectives figured out, etc - and yet they still manage to challenge themselves, to date other people, to engage in risky activity etc.

I can do that too - but not when I have something on my mind. I know I could (really) get my life in order on all planes, and then only engage in one challenge (not 10), but at the same time, life has a way of sometimes throwing challenges at you constantly - and I would like to know that unresolved business is not something that can prevent me from living fully and taking on new challenges on a day-by-day basis.

[tintin]

i have the same problem bluedragon.i am laser focussed on only one thing at a time.forget emotional,i dont even care if i eat or bathe!
for a long time i have been calling myself 'one track minded ' ..so now ive got this label to live upto! (which is just an excuse really)
but if i just sit down and look at my reality there are many roles i am playing at the same time. i am multitasking at a very unconscious level. yeah i do withdraw my emotions but ive noticed that thats the time there will be an increase in the demand for my attention.and..if i just go with the flow and NOT think 'oh god im already busy with sumpin else' i am able to take care of the extra demand with ease and nary a conflict.

just check to see if you might not be using this as an excuse to not live your hundred percent .or if its a commitment phobia.get to the real issue huh? while i get to mine.

[RT Wolf]

You may be talking about the feeling of having an "open loop" as David Allen puts it. Look up Getting Things Done. Even if you don't follow the system (or all of it), you can still learn a lot about your psychology. Basically, your brain nags at you about something important. To get it to relax it has to know that this important thing is captured in a system or way better than it can do it. You can read his theory and come up with your solutoin. Allen's solution is but one way.

[bluedragon]

Originally Posted by RT Wolf

You may be talking about the feeling of having an "open loop" as David Allen puts it. Look up Getting Things Done. Even if you don't follow the system (or all of it), you can still learn a lot about your psychology. Basically, your brain nags at you about something important. To get it to relax it has to know that this important thing is captured in a system or way better than it can do it. You can read his theory and come up with your solutoin. Allen's solution is but one way.

That is exactely what I need! Thanks a lot. I'm sure that, with a few of his tips and my own, I will be able to find a balance. I'm very close.