How do you stop comparing yourself to others?

[xeo]

This has been a real problem with me for most of my life. A lot of times I'll look at what others have and what I don't have and it makes me really depressed. Seems like everyone is moving forward and growing, except for me. I feel like I'm going to be left behind. At times, I'll feel incompetent, have real low self-esteem, or feel completely unmotivated and uninspired. Maybe it's me being ungrateful or some form of jealousy. Is there any benefit in comparing yourself to others? How would you go about stopping yourself from comparing?

Any help would be appreciated.

[Chillax]

Originally Posted by xeo

This has been a real problem with me for most of my life. A lot of times I'll look at what others have and what I don't have and it makes me really depressed. Seems like everyone is moving forward and growing, except for me. I feel like I'm going to be left behind. At times, I'll feel incompetent, have real low self-esteem, or feel completely unmotivated and uninspired. Maybe it's me being ungrateful or some form of jealousy. Is there any benefit in comparing yourself to others? How would you go about stopping yourself from comparing?

Any help would be appreciated.

Well it could be beneficial if it makes you work harder but if you're going to compare yourself to others, it's important to make sure you have a fair comparision.

But the truth is it's nearly impossible to make a fair comparision since there's just way too many factors.

So there really is no point in comparining yourself to others.

I've felt the same thing too and when I came to this realization, it made me stop comparing.

[spirit4711]

@Xeo, you compare with others who in your perception are better or have more. How about comparing with people who are worse off in your perception?

Comparing isn't bad in itself, it may inspire a healthy ambition to achieve more of what you want. That's not what you are doing though, you're using it to confirm to yourself that you're less worthy.

How to stop that? Do something that inspires you and challenges you. Be it work, sports, hobbies or whatever. Focus on other people's needs instead of what they have, and support them in that. There will always be people who are smarter, more successful, better looking, more talented etc. Enjoy what they bring.

Tell us, what inspires you? What are you good at?

[ChrisN]

Originally Posted by xeo

This has been a real problem with me for most of my life. A lot of times I'll look at what others have and what I don't have and it makes me really depressed. Seems like everyone is moving forward and growing, except for me. I feel like I'm going to be left behind. At times, I'll feel incompetent, have real low self-esteem, or feel completely unmotivated and uninspired. Maybe it's me being ungrateful or some form of jealousy. Is there any benefit in comparing yourself to others? How would you go about stopping yourself from comparing?

Any help would be appreciated.

A Quote: To wish you were someone else, is to waste the person you are.

That pretty much sums it up. I was having a conversation earlier this week with a lady about her and confidence problems and wanting to change who she was so that she could hopefully be in a relationship with a guy who she had an interest in. My advice to her was DONT CHANGE ANYTHING about yourself. Comparing yourself to others makes you feel bad and jealous because your looking in a negative mindset, I think you can still compare yourself but you need to stop thinking about what they have that makes them better then you, why your not as good as them, etc. You need to approach it with a positive mind set and think, that person seems very confident, what is it about them that makes them that way? Is it something that I have that I haven't been considering?

Just remind yourself constantly that you are you for a reason, not to be someone else but to be your smiley old self. Once you believe that and that no one else is better at being you then you, it shouldn't be such as burden anymore.

[pauldickinson]

You need to recognise that you are the most important part of your life. Everything external is irrelevant if you don't feel that you are important.

[ChrisN]

mhmmm i have to agree

Take a look at this picture :P seems to sum things up well i think ^_^

Picture - Self Esteem

[cacheborn]

you know what, no matter which area you choose, you are going to find people who are better than you and people who are worse than you. Take money for instance. There are people in Africa who cannot get a meal everyday and there is the Forbes list of billionaires. You, I and everybody else fit somewhere in between, maybe skewed to one side than the other. So what is the point of comparing and getting depressed about it?
I know it's difficult to implement this attitude because it is ingrained in our culture. With practice it can be done.