Life is pretty bad

[BlackWigger]

Hi again.
Any advices on how to motivate myself to finally end my life ? I've been wishing for death for so long, and living life like that, and I'm still alive. It's quite frustrating.

It's just that there's really no ****ing point to life. Maybe I would ignore that fact if I could fix the numerous flaws that are plaguing my personality. Flaws that can't really be fixed. Hell, I bet I would come up with more flaws if I managed to fix all of the ones that I am currently aware of. It just doesn't end. Humans are a failed race, we should all kill ourselves. It's not like it matters.

There's the ego, there's the emotions clouding your judgement and actions, there's a limit to our comprehension and brain capacity. And of course, the lack of innate abilities to achieve what you actually wished for in the beginning.

EVEN if I did achieve some goal, what would be the meaning of that ? Nothing. Also, I would probably not be happy for too long about it either. It's just so... pointless.

[Annabelle]

Get some help, do your homework, live and laugh. You will die eventually, anyway. forget about your faults, we all have them, you know.

[hugofortin]

The most negative and sadness threats that I never see Online. So sad! ...Espcially on a personal development forum, strange!

Don't worry with life, it just the way it is. No point to be negative.

Change your thoughts. Change your actions. Change your results.

bye

Hugo

[Andrew Brunelle]

Well, I do agree that the human race has failed millions of times and that sometimes life does seem very pointless as we continue to destroy the Earth. You seem like you suffer from low self-esteem judging by all the "flaws" you say you have. So it's come to this. You want to end your life. You don't see the value in goal achievement and that's fine because in the long run, your physical life is pretty short. With comparison to the infinity of the universe, your life is nothing more than a blink of the eye. But you can still have a good time on the Earth and enjoy yourself. You don't have to spend all your time contemplating suicide. Do what you love to do, stop thinking about ending your life.

[Chad Prigmore]

It's sound to me like you need to look at the world with a new pair of glasses. I was in the same frame of mind at one time - and it was a gift because I learned to see all that is wonderful in life in spite of the negativity that can cloud it.

You don't need to set and acheive goals or do any of the worldly things that so many get caught up in trying to find happiness and meaning. Everything we need is already inside of us and it just needs to be accepted and let out.

We are spiritual beings having a human experience - please don't let the human experience destroy your spirit.

[Holistic Star]

Hi Blackwigger,

I hear your pain. I understand that life seems intollerable to you right now. I understand that you don't like living your life.

I very strongly suggest you get some professional help as soon as you can. Someone you can talk to who understands and can help with what you are going through. Having repeated suicidal thoughts needs to be addressed now. You don't have to go through this alone. In fact, I very much advise that you reach out for help.

Take each step as it comes to rebuild your life. Change can happen quicker than you think. You need a two pronged approach.

1. An inward approach. Understand where these thoughts come from and learn how to deal with them. Probably no more than a few of hours a week of focused work.

2. An outward approach, were you start moving and doing regardless of the thoughts that get you down. Anything that gets you outside, moving your body and focusing on something outside of yourself to give you a break.

It really does work.


(and if you think I don't know what I'm talking about - I really do understand. I'm 34 now, and 20 years ago I woke up in hospital after a suicide attempt. I really didn't want to exist anymore at that time and I thought the world would be better off without me. Like you, I thought I was flawed and that I couldn't change. I was so wrong about that.

I'm grateful every day that I was given a second chance and that I was able to rebuild my life. It wasn't easy, but you can build the life you want - promise).

[hugofortin]

Hi,

Thank you Holistic Star for sharing this story with us. I understand you.

There a song, which I love, make me this of our friend BlackWigger here and it's very realated to it.

Leather Strip Go Ahead Lyrics:

Go ahead if you have to,
I want try to stop you,
go ahead if you have to
go ahead and kill yourself

Go ahead if you have to
I want try to stop you
go ahead if you have to
bigger fools have died for less

How can you say that you have your turn
and you will deserve our place in the sun
what kind of a man you´re trying to be
please tell me what are you running from

How can you say that you hate yourself
and you want to end this misery
I know a diffirent sight of you
now all I see is self pity

Go ahead if you have to,
I want try to stop you,
go ahead if you have to
go ahead and kill yourself

Go ahead if you have to
I want try to stop you
go ahead if you have to
bigger fools have died for less

How can you tell me that all is lost
and no one has any faith or hope
we all make the same mistakes
but we forgive because we have to cope

I can not tell you how find the sun
and I cannot show you the perfect way
all I can do is be at your side
and help you back if you should stay

bye

Hugo

[Writertype]

Hey BlackWigger, it sounds like you are in a really bad place right now. When things feel as bad as they do for you, it colors your view of both the past and the future. Everything looks terrible and pointless-- not only that, you are convinced that it always has and always will. Please don't do anything you can't take back when you feel like this. If you can get out of this pit you can see things a little more accurately, so your 'job' at this point is to find a way out. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Try to get out and laugh, find gratitude for what is okay in your life, find friends or family members who can help you. And don't hesitate to see a professional.

I bet most of the responses you will get will just piss you off-- "go out, be happy! Why are you so sad, it's silly! Just be free and full of mimsy!" They sound minimizing and, frankly, stupid to you because turning your world around seems so foreign to you that you can hardly imagine it; these ideas almost sound like what an idiot who hasn't realized what you have about the world would say. My advice is to give yourself time and try to make slow changes to start the healing process. I wish you well with it.

[BlackWigger]

Originally Posted by Chad Prigmore

It's sound to me like you need to look at the world with a new pair of glasses. I was in the same frame of mind at one time - and it was a gift because I learned to see all that is wonderful in life in spite of the negativity that can cloud it.

You don't need to set and acheive goals or do any of the worldly things that so many get caught up in trying to find happiness and meaning. Everything we need is already inside of us and it just needs to be accepted and let out.

We are spiritual beings having a human experience - please don't let the human experience destroy your spirit.

Sigh, i guess the ones who knew what it takes to kill yourself aren't here to help me.

But the thing is, I don't see the point of life without goals, or without desires. On the other hand, I realized that it doesn't mean anything even if I did have goals, AND achieved some or all of them. Neither side of the coin are pleasing, and thus the conclusion is that I am better off dead.

Originally Posted by Hollistic Star

1. An inward approach. Understand where these thoughts come from and learn how to deal with them. Probably no more than a few of hours a week of focused work.

I know where they're coming from, its the very realization of human existence, hell why should I bother continuing living ? What's the purpose of actually putting on some pink glasses and pulling out of the "gutter" ? None.

I seriously don't see how a professional would help me. He'd probably just give me some lame pills.

I had an extensive discussion with a ... friend of mine, sort of. I knew him for a long time over the Internet, he lives in a different country, but we are kind of soul mates. Anyway, he told me that my problem is that I'm pretentious and that I think I'm deserving of certain things, like being successful in a certain area, or having a better life, and that that is a big problem for me. You don't really know me, but lets say that I'm sad for failing in pretty much anything, be it video games, socializing or being smart. Is it because I think I deserve I should be the best ?

But then I thought, if he was right that wanting something = thinking I deserve it, it's even shittier living a life without thinking you deserve anything :/

[Parthon]

Well, the easiest way to kill yourself is handgun in the mouth and up through the brain. Not a certain death, but easiest. The cheapest would be jumping off a building, which would be certain, or getting hit by a car/train, which would be less certain. There's also taking a whole bottle of pills such as sleeping tablets.

But you already know this. I'm not telling you anything new. If you *REALLY* wanted to kill yourself, and your dispair had overwhelmed you, then you'd have no rationality that would ask how or why. You say that life is meaningless, and I fully believe you, but you've missed the point.

The point of life is that there's no point at all. You don't have to do anything, you don't have to achieve anything, and you certainly don't have to win at anything. You can! But you don't have to. You have flaws; who cares! Thanks aren't going as planned; it doesn't matter! You have thoughts, emotions and an ego; whoop de doo! All this creates is freedom from thinking that life *HAS* to be a certain way. It really doesn't. It has no meaning and no point and no way it should be.

On the same page, you don't deserve anything. You don't really even deserve the air your breathe. Plants grow and die so you can eat, perhaps animals too. Forests cycle carbon dioxide into oxygen so you can breathe. Heat evaporates water, and mountains turn it to rain so it can flow down rivers and into dams and through pipes to your house where you can drink it. Builders build your house, roofers put the roof on, painters painted it, etc, etc, so you would have somewhere to live. If you really want to honour the contribution all those around you have done, and to pay the world back for your thanks, you wouldn't wallow in self pity, but find out what wishes and desires they had and fulfill them for them.

There's a huge difference between wanting something and deserving it. A massive gap between desire, and entitlement. There's a HUGE opposite between having joy over the things you have, and feeling sorrow for those you don't. You have so much to be grateful for, your health, your life, your abilities and your power, but you cry about what you think you don't have. And what you think you don't have isn't even real, it's all in your head. You imagine being smarter, but in reality you are just as smart as you are. The whole "I'm not <blah>" is completely and utterly made up, and completely in your own head. And you can't even see it! It's real for you, and it's 100% your imagination! ARGH!

[Daddymike]

I'm with you on some of this. Life can seem pretty pointless and stupid. Without goals, desire, or hope every day just flat out sucks. I can relate and so can many others in this forum or else they wouldn't be here.

The thing that keeps me going are my goals, desires, and hopes. I don't know what yours are and you should probably post them (at least post some interests) because someone here can probably help point you in the right direction.

My stuff has gotten pretty simple as I've gotten older. I don't need a million dollars, peace on earth, or my team to win the Series. I don't care about the President's dog and I don't care about Britney, Paris, and Lindsey. As long as I can hope for some of my stupid little things, that's enough to keep me going. Some are small, but they work.

---I'm going to spend my 40th birthday watching the sunset in Maui and I don't care if I have enough money to do it or not.
---I'm going to get a tattoo of Monty Burns somewhere on my body.
---I'm going to shave my head just to see the look on my wife's face
---I'm going to watch my kids grow up. I have got to see how they turn out!
---I'm going to tell my boss: "Kiss my ass. I'm outa here!" or enjoy a nice layoff. Then tell him to kiss my ass.

These are just some of my goals and desires. Some that I didn't list I've already done - such as moving, having kids, writing a short story. For me, it's the little goals that are the best and the ones that keep me from losing my mind and sticking a pistol in my mouth.

Set some small goals first, then work towards them one step at a time. If your goals are small and stupid and you want to do them anyway, good for you. That means you have learned to tell the world to kiss your ass.

Good luck, Peace, and stay with us for a while to see how it turns out.

[drama07]

Your body was put on this planet to live. Nothing else! The point in life is to live. Look at animals. They live, but they dont care how they live. They just LIVE!. Everything else the mind(ego) says is meaningless and can be ignored. Actually it should be ignored because it's all FALSE...damnit!

Congratulations, you realized that fixing flaws only breeds more mind-made flaws. You also realized that achieving goals wont keep you happy for long. Reason why because happiness does not come from the mind. So why not ignore all your mind-made flaws desires, and just enjoy, being the witness of it all There you go.. thats true happiness.

It's all your ego talking. The ego is dysfunctional and will always swing back & forth. It sees happiness in the future but never in this moment, which is all there is. And funny thing is the future is always the moment. You are not the ego. I REPEAT you are not the ego. The ego will trick you in thinking that you are, but YOU ARE NOT! So comtemplating suicide isn't a decision YOU are making, so all you can do is witness.

But the thing is, I don't see the point of life without goals, or without desires. Who is saying that huh? The ego is and like I said you arent the ego. Since you arent the ego, there is no need to care about it either. Let it be and watch its destructive behavior to learn from it OR dont pay attention to it at all.

When you know, all you can ever be, is the witness of the mind(ego) & the world it projects, would you even care about the body commiting suicide? Surely, you can enjoy watching your mind&body do whatever it is it does. (even if it does kill itself)

I agree with Parthon's Post and also Chad Prigmore 's

[spirit4711]

Originally Posted by BlackWigger

...
It's just that there's really no ****ing point to life. Maybe I would ignore that fact if I could fix the numerous flaws that are plaguing my personality. Flaws that can't really be fixed. Hell, I bet I would come up with more flaws if I managed to fix all of the ones that I am currently aware of. It just doesn't end. Humans are a failed race, we should all kill ourselves. It's not like it matters.
...

Reading this makes me sad, as I've been where you are now. Now I'm not. That's the good news. It is possible to change your perspective.

There are a few things I can share what helped me.

- Right now it's pretty bleak, but whatever you are feeling now, it can always get worse. E.g. you could lose the use of your limbs, you could get robbed, you could be run over by a car etc etc, and combined with what you feel now, it would be worse, no?

-The opposite is also true. Whatever you are feeling now, it can get better. How? For me, it was at one point deciding. Deciding that how I was made me sick and I wanted something else. For me it was changing my perspective. For example, you tell yourself life is pointless, and get sad about it. You could also tell yourself equally true that life is pointless so why not enjoy it?

- My point of view now is that life is meaningless. It's up to each of us to give it meaning. Nobody can do that for us, we choose our own meaning and live that. Suppose this is true. What meaning do yo want your life to have?

Again, I have been where you are now. If I can support you, let me know.

[GHI]

I had an extensive discussion with a ... friend of mine, sort of. I knew him for a long time over the Internet, he lives in a different country, but we are kind of soul mates. Anyway, he told me that my problem is that I'm pretentious and that I think I'm deserving of certain things, like being successful in a certain area, or having a better life, and that that is a big problem for me.

Geez... Some friend, heh?

Listen, mate, you do deserve a better life. And you can be successful in any area you want to be successful in. So the next time a "friend" tells you otherwise, ditch him. People who constantly put you down do not deserve to be your friends.

Now, the only question that remains is: What do you want from life? What are your dreams and ambitions? What kind of life will make you feel fulfilled and happy with yourself? I don't care what your friends expect from you. If they can't accept your goals and deepest desires, that is their problem, not yours.

It's your ship, mon capitan. Tell me were you want to go, and I'll be happy to help you get there

[BlackWigger]

Originally Posted by Parthon

The point of life is that there's no point at all. You don't have to do anything, you don't have to achieve anything, and you certainly don't have to win at anything. You can! But you don't have to. You have flaws; who cares! Thanks aren't going as planned; it doesn't matter! You have thoughts, emotions and an ego; whoop de doo! All this creates is freedom from thinking that life *HAS* to be a certain way. It really doesn't. It has no meaning and no point and no way it should be.

So why bother living ? :S

Originally Posted by Parthon

There's a huge difference between wanting something and deserving it. A massive gap between desire, and entitlement. There's a HUGE opposite between having joy over the things you have, and feeling sorrow for those you don't. You have so much to be grateful for, your health, your life, your abilities and your power, but you cry about what you think you don't have. And what you think you don't have isn't even real, it's all in your head. You imagine being smarter, but in reality you are just as smart as you are. The whole "I'm not <blah>" is completely and utterly made up, and completely in your own head. And you can't even see it! It's real for you, and it's 100% your imagination! ARGH!

Well.. if stuff like "I'm not <blah>" is only in my head, then so are the so called power and abilities I should be grateful for :/
But the truth is, alot of this stuff is noticeable by others, therefore it isn't really made up

Originally Posted by drama07

It's all your ego talking. The ego is dysfunctional and will always swing back & forth. It sees happiness in the future but never in this moment, which is all there is. And funny thing is the future is always the moment. You are not the ego. I REPEAT you are not the ego. The ego will trick you in thinking that you are, but YOU ARE NOT! So comtemplating suicide isn't a decision YOU are making, so all you can do is witness.

Yeah I did list ego as one of the main problems... how do I get rid of it ?

Originally Posted by spirit4711

My point of view now is that life is meaningless. It's up to each of us to give it meaning. Nobody can do that for us, we choose our own meaning and live that. Suppose this is true. What meaning do yo want your life to have?

I'm not sure I want any meaning any more... it won't matter in the end :/
I wanted to become an influential politician, partially for my own reasons (being admired by others?) and partially to help the country (I don't live in the US just fyi)

Originally Posted by GHI

Geez... Some friend, heh?

Listen, mate, you do deserve a better life. And you can be successful in any area you want to be successful in. So the next time a "friend" tells you otherwise, ditch him. People who constantly put you down do not deserve to be your friends.

Nah.. he was just being honest, and I respect that. And he's probably, at least partially, right. Probably cause I whined to him alot :/

[Chad Prigmore]

Blackwigger, your head seems like a real mess right now, and it's totally focused on you in every way.

In my opinion, killing yourself is absurd. Instead, have you considered finding someone who is in dire need of someones help? Whether it be a cancer patient, homeless person, elderly person - whoever with whatever problem. Just do yourself the favor of spending one day trying to help another human being in any way you can without any expectation of reward, gratitude, or appreciation. Just do it from a perspective of compelete selfless charity - and then see if your outlook has changed a bit.

It may sound like a crazy idea, but just go do it!

[BlackWigger]

Originally Posted by Chad Prigmore

Blackwigger, your head seems like a real mess right now, and it's totally focused on you in every way.

In my opinion, killing yourself is absurd. Instead, have you considered finding someone who is in dire need of someones help? Whether it be a cancer patient, homeless person, elderly person - whoever with whatever problem. Just do yourself the favor of spending one day trying to help another human being in any way you can without any expectation of reward, gratitude, or appreciation. Just do it from a perspective of compelete selfless charity - and then see if your outlook has changed a bit.

It may sound like a crazy idea, but just go do it!

My friend also said i was self-centered. I don't really have the drive to do such a thing... or even know where to go about doing it, maybe donating some blood ? But that's not really much.

Plus... my social anxiety would probably prevent me in doing this too :/

[drama07]

Yeah I did list ego as one of the main problems... how do I get rid of it ?

KNOW that the ego isn't you. KNOW the ego is an illusion. But since you arent at that phase yet where you realize everything is actually an illusion, Stick to being the witness of it all. And that means being the witness of ego. Dis-identify from the ego and watch it without thinking. Watch the thoughts, watch your actions, watch everything. You will soon realize that you always were the witness of it all, but was dragged within the ego's confines and allowed it to control you.

It's like this. Currently, you are within the clouds of ego and you need to pull yourself out of the clouds to realize that you are the sun. There is no need to get rid of it. All you need to do is realize it aint you and separate from it. Then you can clear the clouds and shine upon the world. You're true self (sun) is never depressed. You true self is always happy.

I know it may sound hard to do, but remember that is just ego talking again. Accept the ego for what it is and let go of it.

Just to help you out now. There is hope, and I mean there is actual hope. You can be permanently happy. Remember that!

HTH

[Kindred]

I believe there is no higher purpose to our lives than ourselves, and thus we are liberated from any possible meaning -- free to choose anything we want. Our collective consciousness is the greater good we search so desperately for, but are actually a part thereof.

To take on this perspective, consider for a moment that you are some sort of celestial being that created the entire physical universe. Do you really need a higher reason to create something so wonderfully beautiful, intriguing, and vast? Why is reason needed at all when you have control of all existence? Wouldn't you be extremely curious about what you could create and experience from your power?

Suppose now that we and everything we see are a part of such a creation. Essentially, each of us is a tiny part of our higher consciousness because we've been created within it. Our physical brain and bodies provide us special limitations to which we experience our piece of existence here.

Now, through our limitations we gain unfathomable room for growth by experiencing and overcoming our challenges and also by providing experiences and challenges for other parts of our consciousness. If we have any meaning at all, it is one set specifically by ourselves which develops our own piece of our higher being. Even if we set no meaning for ourselves at all, our higher self will still gain something new from it, albeit maybe not as much had we set one.

This is a snapshot my understanding of reality so far. It may not be completely accurate, but it brings me acceptance with death, a reason for why we exist, and drive to live my life to the fullest.

[Parthon]

Originally Posted by BlackWigger

Well.. if stuff like "I'm not <blah>" is only in my head, then so are the so called power and abilities I should be grateful for :/
But the truth is, alot of this stuff is noticeable by others, therefore it isn't really made up

Not at all, it's the difference between being able to lift 5kg, and thinking you should be able to life 10kg. One is something that actually exists in the real world, and one is something that only exists in your head. If it's noticable by other people, is it because you told them as much?

I'll take being a politician for example: Wanting to be a poilitican is real, you can feel it. Not being a politician is real, you aren't a politician. Thinking you should be a politician is completely made up, because nothing should be anything. There's just what is. It's okay to not be something. The suffering is in the should. When you really believe you should be something you aren't, then you are creating a gap between where you are now, and where you think you should be. This gap is what causes suffering, axiety, and despair.

Goals give you focus and allow you to act, but never confuse the end of the goal with where you are now. The only reason why you feel so hopeless is because your entire life is a made up fairy tale about what it should look like by now. The first step is acceptance, just acknowledging where you are right now, and working from there. If you can master acceptance you will find peace, and the despair will leave.

Originally Posted by BlackWigger

So why bother living ? :S

To find the joy in each moment, all the time. To experience, enjoy and grow.

[GHI]

Originally Posted by BlackWigger

Nah.. he was just being honest, and I respect that. And he's probably, at least partially, right. Probably cause I whined to him alot :/

The honest dream-killers are the worst. Do you really want to continue to hang-out with people who think you're a nobody?

And you haven't answered my main question yet: What are your dreams? What do you really want to do with your life?

[ken nubo]

BlackWigger - go listen to some motivational 2pac songs, hey "Hey Mamma" or something. Keep your chin up, life does get better. You gotta take it easy, homie.

[spirit4711]

Originally Posted by BlackWigger

...
I'm not sure I want any meaning any more... it won't matter in the end :/
I wanted to become an influential politician, partially for my own reasons (being admired by others?) and partially to help the country (I don't live in the US just fyi)

...

So, what you're gonna do now? Spend the rest of your life moping about the pointlessness of life? Getting to be right about that? Will your gravestone have the inscription: "I led a pointless life"?

It seems you're disconnected to what you really want. I suggest to go and find that. In the meantime, do some volunteer work for people who are worse off than you. Yes, they are out there. Forget your social awkwardness. Who cares? It's pointless anyway .

[oscardelben]

Maybe This article can help you:

The Meaning of Life: Intro

[BlackWigger]

Originally Posted by GHI

The honest dream-killers are the worst. Do you really want to continue to hang-out with people who think you're a nobody?

And you haven't answered my main question yet: What are your dreams? What do you really want to do with your life?

He doesn't think I'm a nobody, he just knows why I am like I am.

Answer to your 2nd question:

Originally Posted by BlackWigger

I'm not sure I want any meaning any more... it won't matter in the end :/
I wanted to become an influential politician, partially for my own reasons (being admired by others?) and partially to help the country (I don't live in the US just fyi)

Originally Posted by spirit4711

So, what you're gonna do now? Spend the rest of your life moping about the pointlessness of life? Getting to be right about that? Will your gravestone have the inscription: "I led a pointless life"?

Try and kill myself as soon as possible ? :/

Originally Posted by Parthon

To find the joy in each moment, all the time. To experience, enjoy and grow.

I don't feel like I can grow or enjoy life knowing that ultimately it doesn't matter
This is just too much for me... I'm overwhelmed with a thousand thoughts and emotions. And I don't see why even bother with all of it.

Thanks for the responses, and that article is quite interesting too. Would be interesting if I had the balls to shop lift like him :P

[GHI]

Try and kill myself as soon as possible ? :/

Nice try, but that's not an answer to my question.

I've asked you about your deepest dreams and aspirations. You know, those "impossible" things you think you deserve. The goals which, if you only believed them to be realistic, would give your life meaning.

Will killing yourself give your life meaning? No. If you opt out of the game of life now, you'll be doing a big mistake. Because you can win this game. You just have to define what "winning" means to you.

[spirit4711]

Originally Posted by BlackWigger

...
Try and kill myself as soon as possible ? :/
...

Are you serious, or pulling our leg? I don't see you doing anything with the suggestions in this threads.

In case you are serious, you might read Erin's take on suicide.

What's it gonna be boy, yes or no?

[RT Wolf]

Get professional help immediately. And don't go to someone who just wants to prescribe you some pills, you just gotta talk to someone. If you don't like the person you're going to talk to, find someone else. BUT FIND SOMEONE PRO.

Alternatively, you can could try to find a philosopher and challenge them to a conversation about meaning.

[ken nubo]

Man if you lived in Toronto, I would meet you up at a coffee shop and talk it out.

[Parthon]

Originally Posted by BlackWigger

I don't feel like I can grow or enjoy life knowing that ultimately it doesn't matter
This is just too much for me... I'm overwhelmed with a thousand thoughts and emotions. And I don't see why even bother with all of it.

That's the catch. Does life have to matter to enjoy it? Life just is, and either you enjoy it or you suffer.

Thoughts and emotions come and go, and will always be around too.

In the end, you are the one that experiences the results, so it's about working out how to get the results you want, all in a meaningless, pointless world.