Life is pretty bad

[sk8joyful]

Originally Posted by BlackWigger

Hi again.
There's a limit to our comprehension and brain capacity. And
of course, the lack of innate abilities to achieve what you actually wished for in the beginning.
EVEN if I did achieve some goal, what would be the meaning of that ?
Nothing. Also, I would probably not be happy for too long about it either. It's just so... pointless.
Any advices on how to motivate myself to finally end my life ?

Agreed, life , as you've described that, should end.
And
geeze, what an ad. for the 'Personal-development for SMART people' place -
and now for some additional excellent news for you!
Yeah, you just happen to have within *you*, along with everyone else, a bazillion...innate abilities, and
we scarcely have scratched the surface of brain-capacities, and comprehension? well,
apparently you need to remember what all you've got available...to you.

And the best part? Openmindedly using your abilities for your every wish, want, dream, aspiration, plan, goal, &
achievements... & Happy? well with each success, you'll develop more joyful as you want... no problem.
---
Remember too, your life was intended as a FUN-game, where noone's hurt/harmed, & you help...others, and

If you're anything like me, about the biggest challenge: getting...more time to achieve what all you want!

Enjoy...fun!!!

[BlackWigger]

Originally Posted by Plays With Life

Hi, BlackWigger. What about this?

You keep saying there's no purpose in life, it's pointless, there's no meaning. What is it that bothers you about those things?

ie, the world is also not the color zargot. But are you bothered by that? There are also no dragons or unicorns in the world (that I've seen ), but does it bother you that there aren't? What's the difference here? I mean - why are you bothered by the fact that something doesn't exist?

It's pretty simple... why live life if there's no purpose ?

Originally Posted by Hollistic Star

So what's your payoff for playing this game? By playing it you don't have to take responsibility for your life. You make it other people's responsibility to come up with suggestions, which you reject so you get to stay where you are. It means you don't have to take action, you don't have to experience the initial pains of growth, it means you are not taking 100% responsibility for your life.

Could be... then again, whenever I blame someone other than me for my failure, I blame fate... or my genes.

Originally Posted by Hollistic Star

You need to think about how YOU are going to turn it around. I'll support you every step of the way but the plans and suggestions have got to come from you. What you are going to Do differently to take responsibility for yourself?

It's just that I don't see the point of improving anymore... even if I could, it would only be temporary happiness. And I don't see how I can achieve anything other than that, like getting rid of my ego..

Originally Posted by James81

Heh, it's not a "been there, done that" kind of thing. It's a "I am going to have to do this daily, everyday, for the rest of my life until I reach the life that I desire to have."

Why though ? Especially if you don't see any progress at all and it just seems useless to even try anymore... trying hard just won't cut it every time.

Originally Posted by Parthon

Even if life is pointless, or especially because life is pointless, I'll go out there and make the best of it that I can, for myself and others. In fact, it's the only thing I can do. Nothing else matters.

Sorry to say, but that just seems plain dumb to me, because that doesn't matter either (as you yourself said in the beginning of the sentence). It would matter as much as anything else I would set as my own goal, like killing people.

[Plays With Life]

So you can't see a reason to do anything?

[Parthon]

Originally Posted by BlackWigger

It's just that I don't see the point of improving anymore... even if I could, it would only be temporary happiness. And I don't see how I can achieve anything other than that, like getting rid of my ego..

There is no point to improving. However, if you want to feel better and be more effective in the long run, and eventually be a joyous and peaceful person, then growth is all there is. If you want to experience unconditional love and endless possibilities, then growth is all there is. Even if you fail at growth, even if a million people fail at growth, that doesn't prevent growth from being the only path to peace and joy. A person might fail at growth, but nothing can replace growth in the area that growth works. *NOTHING*

Originally Posted by BlackWigger

Sorry to say, but that just seems plain dumb to me, because that doesn't matter either (as you yourself said in the beginning of the sentence). It would matter as much as anything else I would set as my own goal, like killing people.

Exactly. It doesn't matter what you do really.

So then, what is there?

I have an opportunity to make other people's lives better, for no reason at all. There's no point to it, only the fact that another person's life got a little easier or better because of it. Another person is a little big happier or at peace because of what I did. And yet, there's still no point to it.

I choose to try and make the world a better place, because a better world allows everyone to live easier.

Life is pointless, there is no deeper meaning. There's the opportunity to look at what is actually real, and then make decisions based off that. Life being pointless isn't some great depressive problem that causes people to kill themselves. In fact, if it is then you are assigning meaning to life being pointless. If you think life being pointless MEANS that it's not worthwhile, then you've just created a point to it being pointless. There's no meaning in life, and there's no meaning in there being no meaning. It doesn't mean life is hopeless, or worthless, unless you choose to see it that way. Life just is.

I see hope and worth in life, when there is no meaning or point to it. There's worth in doing good and making people feel better. I hope for a better future for all. I also know there's no meaning to it, and no point to doing any of it, but it's worthwhile and has an impact.

I also hope you haven't gotten meaning and point confused with worth. They are not the same thing.

[Aleksander Krstic]

Originally Posted by Parthon

I also hope you haven't gotten meaning and point confused with worth. They are not the same thing.

Would you care to explain what is the difference between the two?

[spirit4711]

Originally Posted by BlackWigger

It's pretty simple... why live life if there's no purpose ?

...

Why continue this topic that's got no purpose? What is your goal, to get us to join your 'life has no purpose' cult?

[BlackWigger]

Originally Posted by spirit4711

Why continue this topic that's got no purpose? What is your goal, to get us to join your 'life has no purpose' cult?

No... I was looking for some answers, and I got some pretty good ones, but I still can't get on terms with them :<

Originally Posted by Plays With Life

So you can't see a reason to do anything?

Basically...

Originally Posted by Parthon

There is no point to improving. However, if you want to feel better and be more effective in the long run, and eventually be a joyous and peaceful person, then growth is all there is. If you want to experience unconditional love and endless possibilities, then growth is all there is. Even if you fail at growth, even if a million people fail at growth, that doesn't prevent growth from being the only path to peace and joy. A person might fail at growth, but nothing can replace growth in the area that growth works. *NOTHING*

Yes but... lots of failures and limited potential, plus limited time obstruct the only path to peace and joy. There goes another reason for living life out of the window.

[Plays With Life]

If you can't see a reason to do anything, and it seems like there couldn't possibly BE any reason to do anything .. I know how that feels.

Sometimes when I've been in that situation a fast has helped me. It's kind of funny, but at about the 3rd day without food some inspiration from within me would just well up. The way I felt and the way things appeared would change dramatically. Maybe you could try that out.

[Parthon]

Originally Posted by BlackWigger

Yes but... lots of failures and limited potential, plus limited time obstruct the only path to peace and joy. There goes another reason for living life out of the window.

Are you so sure about that?

Knowing that growth is the only way is really meant to be a pointer to the path to be taken, the direction to travel. It's the journey that matters and not the destination, and the first step on the path is just as important as the last. There never is an end to the path anyways, and that's a good thing. The benefit is in the travelling.

From My Name is Earl last night: "The beautiful thing about having a path is that even if you stray from it, it will still be there for you to pick up right where you left off."

The only way to fail is to stop travelling. Your entire problem is because you've stopped, and refuse to start again. Yes you refuse, because all you have are reasons and excuses.

[BlackWigger]

Originally Posted by Parthon

Are you so sure about that?

Knowing that growth is the only way is really meant to be a pointer to the path to be taken, the direction to travel. It's the journey that matters and not the destination, and the first step on the path is just as important as the last. There never is an end to the path anyways, and that's a good thing. The benefit is in the travelling.

From My Name is Earl last night: "The beautiful thing about having a path is that even if you stray from it, it will still be there for you to pick up right where you left off."

The only way to fail is to stop travelling. Your entire problem is because you've stopped, and refuse to start again. Yes you refuse, because all you have are reasons and excuses.

So what do I do now ?
I tried ignoring my emotions and my ego, but it seems I will be getting the same emotional responses (and eventually... rational ones) as 3-4 years ago - when I thought getting approval from others and being cool was the most important thing and not possible to live happily without it.
Plus the crush on my cousin is pretty lame too... I can't seem to get over her. ****, I don't think I want to even though I don't see her much or am not in a relationship with her.

[Holistic Star]

You do know what you need to do. You have the answer. It might be buried deep, but it is there.

You might be scared to admit it - but you do know what you need to do.

Clue - it's probably the thing you are most resisting. Ask yourself. What am I most resisiting doing or being? That's where your answer is.

Be brave, be courageous, and face up to that answer.


It sounds tough, but this is one of those things you have to work out for yourself. When you've got it, come back and tell us what your first step is and we'll support you for that step, and each step after.


Edit: Sorry - didn't engage brain there at all. I've just got out of bed at 2am and turned the computer on to correct it.

I absolutely don't mean suicide. I mean that you have all the resources you need to choose the next step towards a happy and successful life. Ask yourself what you can do to be happy. What would make you feel a little bit better than you do now, and move towards that. You might not know all the answers up front. Just trust that with each move you move closer towards a better future.

[ginkgo]

You are in the same boat that everyone else is in. You are looking for happiness and without it there appears to be no reason to live. But that is the reason to be alive-- to find it. To learn how to do that, see this site about finding happiness in an unhappy world. Finding the ultimate happiness so you can feel perfect peace and limlitless happiness while alive is called Enlightenment.

You want to die to end your suffereing. You should end your suffering while you are alive since dying will not end it. You will just be dead and suffering. Buddha said that enlightenment is the end of suffering. Your purpose in life is not to fix your flaws and be perfect. Who is perfect? What is your purpose? Here are quotes from above site:

"How to gain, how to keep, and how to recover happiness is in fact for most men at all times the secret motive for all they do."
William James, MD (one of the most prominent psychologists-- graduated Harvard Medical School)

"Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence."
Aristotle (Aristotle is one of the most important founding figures in Western philosophy.)

"Happiness, though an indefinite concept, is the goal of all rational beings."
Immanuel Kant (philosopher, Wikipedia says "He is regarded as one of the most influential thinkers of modern Europe and of the late Enlightenment.")

"It appeared to me obvious that the happiness of mankind should be the aim of all action, and I discovered to my surprise that there were those who thought otherwise."
Bertrand Russell (Wikipedia says "Russell was an influential philosopher and mathematician." His books "have had a considerable influence on logic, mathematics, set theory, linguistics and analytic philosophy.")

[BlackWigger]

Originally Posted by ginkgo

You are in the same boat that everyone else is in. You are looking for happiness and without it there appears to be no reason to live. But that is the reason to be alive-- to find it. To learn how to do that, see this site about finding happiness in an unhappy world. Finding the ultimate happiness so you can feel perfect peace and limlitless happiness while alive is called Enlightenment.

You want to die to end your suffereing. You should end your suffering while you are alive since dying will not end it. You will just be dead and suffering. Buddha said that enlightenment is the end of suffering. Your purpose in life is not to fix your flaws and be perfect. Who is perfect? What is your purpose? Here are quotes from above site:

"How to gain, how to keep, and how to recover happiness is in fact for most men at all times the secret motive for all they do."
William James, MD (one of the most prominent psychologists-- graduated Harvard Medical School)

"Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence."
Aristotle (Aristotle is one of the most important founding figures in Western philosophy.)

"Happiness, though an indefinite concept, is the goal of all rational beings."
Immanuel Kant (philosopher, Wikipedia says "He is regarded as one of the most influential thinkers of modern Europe and of the late Enlightenment.")

"It appeared to me obvious that the happiness of mankind should be the aim of all action, and I discovered to my surprise that there were those who thought otherwise."
Bertrand Russell (Wikipedia says "Russell was an influential philosopher and mathematician." His books "have had a considerable influence on logic, mathematics, set theory, linguistics and analytic philosophy.")

I read the first part... I didn't really like it. Most of this eastern philosophy stuff seems to be disconnected with reality. And I dislike that. Although I do like the idea of inner peace, that is, finding happiness inside of you and not depending on outside sources for that.

Originally Posted by Hollistic Star

You do know what you need to do. You have the answer. It might be buried deep, but it is there.

You might be scared to admit it - but you do know what you need to do.

Clue - it's probably the thing you are most resisting. Ask yourself. What am I most resisiting doing or being? That's where your answer is.

Be brave, be courageous, and face up to that answer.

It sounds tough, but this is one of those things you have to work out for yourself. When you've got it, come back and tell us what your first step is and we'll support you for that step, and each step after.

I... have no idea. If you were right, it would be socializing with people, and that doesn't really make sense. Then again I don't rationally resist that, my anxiety does it.

I think I'm slowly losing all ambition too. Probably because I realized the pointlesness of it all.

[Holistic Star]

Originally Posted by BlackWigger

I... have no idea. If you were right, it would be socializing with people, and that doesn't really make sense. Then again I don't rationally resist that, my anxiety does it.

Well I am right and you do have an idea

Brilliant, socialising popped into your mind intuitively and look how you've tried to negate it already, paralysing it with analysis. It doesn't have to make sense - just do it. Get out there.

You don't rationally resist anything. Your conscious mind will know logically something is ok and safe (e.g. like public speaking, or someone with a phobia will know logically that a house spider isn't poisonous - doesn't stop them screaming and hyperventilating though, does it?).
It's emotions that make us resist things. So your anxiety is making you resist interacting with people. Brilliant. That's where you need to start.

You had a big clue there from your intuition. Your task now is to accept it. Start with some small steps. What do you think they could be.

See I told you, you knew!

Stop thinking, start doing.

[BlackWigger]

Originally Posted by Holistic Star

Well I am right and you do have an idea

Brilliant, socialising popped into your mind intuitively and look how you've tried to negate it already, paralysing it with analysis. It doesn't have to make sense - just do it. Get out there.

You don't rationally resist anything. Your conscious mind will know logically something is ok and safe (e.g. like public speaking, or someone with a phobia will know logically that a house spider isn't poisonous - doesn't stop them screaming and hyperventilating though, does it?).
It's emotions that make us resist things. So your anxiety is making you resist interacting with people. Brilliant. That's where you need to start.

You had a big clue there from your intuition. Your task now is to accept it. Start with some small steps. What do you think they could be.

See I told you, you knew!

Stop thinking, start doing.

For some reason, I feel like you've told me this just to give me some kind of goal, and not because I'm actually right :P

But it's true that logic sometimes prevents us from doing stuff too. Conforming to society in some aspects, for example.

[Holistic Star]

Conforming because society doesn't approve is fear not logic. Someone who wants to change their diet might logically know it's the best for them, but fear ridicule and regection so not do what they want.

And no I didn't tell you to do that to give you a goal. (I don't give out goals - they're not toffees!)

• You said you didn't know what to do.
• I asked what you thought your next step could be and you said it might be socialising. (That's not a goal, it's a next step).
• So the next step you identified for yourself is to make a little more effort interacting with people and see where that takes you.

You have all the answers you need inside you.

[Kelsey]

a lot of times ive seen that people in horrible situations tend to fucos in on several things in particular.
one- their surroundings. they analyze and pick apart their surroundings as if it were simply one thing in itself. as if it does not have many many pieces but as if it were one enemy, one dark painful thing. this is a completely false view, obviously. but in the mind of someone in pain it is easier to say goodbye to one thing than many. its easier to label than to truly understand.
two- negative aspects. people who are experiencing horrible things will focus in and tap into negative feelings very often. they will catagorize their life and who they are to further dip themselves in the pain they feel until they are desensitized of the world around them. until they cannot (or for better word) will not see the joy and beauty that in actuality, is everywhere.
three- easy. people who are in trouble, have issues, or are faced with suffer or loss or problems will let their minds take an "escape route" if you will the instant the problem arises. its a human reaction. we all are faced with an accusation. we think about walking away, denial etc. its all so easy. but the point of life is to BE difficult. thats really what makes life so great at times. if we as humans never had to face adversity or problems or suffering, than we would live in monotone so to speak. its the times that are the worst that make us stronger, love more, and be alive for gods sake. We all will, are, or have gone through hardships and have probably focused on the very things ive mentioned at some time or another. the end result is never an escape route in real life. the way to a happy successful life is like a symphony. it is not monotone. there are fluctuations, decrescendi, breakes, and sometimes beautiful, even melodies. the joy is being strong enough to wait until the melody arrives and listen. you will see no matter how long the song, it will be there.

[Kelsey]

Sorry to say, but that just seems plain dumb to me, because that doesn't matter either (as you yourself said in the beginning of the sentence). It would matter as much as anything else I would set as my own goal, like killing people.[/QUOTE]

put simply, the point is whatever you want it to be. what i mean is that i cannot tell you what you love, hate, who you are because one, i dont know you, and two, im not you.
But you can. you can find that thing you love. that you live for inside you. happiness is definetly not temporary. its more pronounced at times and very hard to see it at other times, but its there. always there when you finally let it in. sure, you can die, and not feel anything (unless you have religion) but the point im getting at is that you ought to try at something that can really be something special. like your life!! you obviously have some insight, but youve chosen to beam it on something negative. theres people that could use that insight. things that need creating. what im saying is share your ideas and contributions. you might find a lot of joy in that itself. try something new. something good for you for a change. find new people to interact with. decide that you want to be happy and you will. constantly deny the fact that you can be happy and you wont. its that simple.

[BlackWigger]

Originally Posted by Kelsey

put simply, the point is whatever you want it to be. what i mean is that i cannot tell you what you love, hate, who you are because one, i dont know you, and two, im not you.
But you can. you can find that thing you love. that you live for inside you. happiness is definetly not temporary. its more pronounced at times and very hard to see it at other times, but its there. always there when you finally let it in. sure, you can die, and not feel anything (unless you have religion) but the point im getting at is that you ought to try at something that can really be something special. like your life!! you obviously have some insight, but youve chosen to beam it on something negative. theres people that could use that insight. things that need creating. what im saying is share your ideas and contributions. you might find a lot of joy in that itself. try something new. something good for you for a change. find new people to interact with. decide that you want to be happy and you will. constantly deny the fact that you can be happy and you wont. its that simple.

Man, I thought I found the thing I'd want to do in life, but with this latest realization it seems its slipping away and I'm losing that too... I don't see why I should be ambitious about anything anymore.

Happiness is not that simple. You have to deal with the problems first, just thinking about being happy won't do it.

Social anxiety is a ♥♥♥♥♥ too and won't go away just by imagining it dissapearing.

[lifetimelearner]

I find that in my line of work -I am a mental health nurse -that the people that REALLY want to kill themselves just go ahead and do it -a friend of mine blew his brains out and did not tell anyone he was suicidal

and the ones that talk about it just want some attention -

we are becoming a world of whiners and complainers !

yes you will receive my empathy for feeling down and out
but stop whining and you will receive so much more

[Plays With Life]

I was reading through the Bach Flower Remedy descriptions, and found this one. It made me think of you

--
Are you one of those who find that life has not much interest: who wake almost wishing there were not another day to face: that life is so difficult, so hard, and has so little joy: that nothing really seems worth while, and how good it would be just to go to sleep: that it is scarcely worth the effort to try and get well?
..
--

It's from the Clematis remedy. Maybe you could check it out

[BlackWigger]

Originally Posted by lifetimelearner

I find that in my line of work -I am a mental health nurse -that the people that REALLY want to kill themselves just go ahead and do it -a friend of mine blew his brains out and did not tell anyone he was suicidal

and the ones that talk about it just want some attention -

we are becoming a world of whiners and complainers !

yes you will receive my empathy for feeling down and out
but stop whining and you will receive so much more

Here's hoping I can prove you wrong

Originally Posted by Plays with Life

I was reading through the Bach Flower Remedy descriptions, and found this one. It made me think of you

Why me ? I'm not really unique

[Plays With Life]

Because the description seems to match the things you're saying.

[Bliss Sage]

BlackWigger,

You have three options:

1. You get the courage up to kill yourself.
2. You spend the rest of your life in this hellish limbo.
3. You realize that you don't have what it takes to kill yourself and that, unless you want to stay in your hellish limbo, you have NO CHOICE but to forsake all other endeavors and make your SOLE CAUSE AND PURPOSE in life to HEAL YOURSELF. And the point to devoting yourself to healing yourself is that you don't want to live all of your life in the hellish limbo you have demonstrated that you are in in this thread.

I was in the exact same position that you are now and I had to make this very decision last year. Exactly a year ago, in a foreign land, I had a plan to kill myself and I had made the decision to do so. My plan was ruined when I fell on the sidewalk and broke my foot. Here is my story: My Suicidal Foot | Celestial Aspirations

I had been living increasingly in this hellish limbo for years (and with suicidal depression for 20 years). Like you, I didn't have the courage to kill myself (I always think it's odd when people say suicide is cowardly--they should try holding the key to their own death in the palm of their hand and see how easy it is to take their final breath.) Anyway, last year I had finally both the plan and the preparedness to actually go through with my suicide. However, my broken foot made it impossible for me to carry out my plan, and in the interim, I made a promise to someone and I committed myself to my own healing and recovery--only for that one person I loved, not for me.

The thing is, you are living in the same hellish limbo, neither dead nor alive, like I was (I called it my living death). There is nothing worse or more painful than the state of that hellish limbo. It is the worst form of torture, if you can't kill yourself, if you have to keep living, then you have to drop everything else in your life and whip your head and heart into shape just so that you can stop being in the hellish limbo.

Those are your three options and the sooner you realize that, the sooner you can make a deliberate choice. Know that the choice you make by default is the hellish limbo, and, as someone who has lived through what your experiencing (and still occasionally has a relapse into it), it's my opinion that the hellish limbo is the worst of all those options.

Having said that, I can say that I am better now than I've ever been in my life, but I still have a ways to go. In fact, it's possible that I would never choose to keep living in this world if I were ever given a choice, but I'm working on a very ambitious goal and it includes good things that are not evanescent or fleeting like the happiness and other things to which you often refer. Not everything is ephemeral. I believe the most beautiful things and experiences are specifically not ephemeral, and that is why they are so hard to achieve and so little-known and little-believed-in.

[BlackWigger]

Originally Posted by Bliss Sage

BlackWigger,

You have three options:

1. You get the courage up to kill yourself.
2. You spend the rest of your life in this hellish limbo.
3. You realize that you don't have what it takes to kill yourself and that, unless you want to stay in your hellish limbo, you have NO CHOICE but to forsake all other endeavors and make your SOLE CAUSE AND PURPOSE in life to HEAL YOURSELF. And the point to devoting yourself to healing yourself is that you don't want to live all of your life in the hellish limbo you have demonstrated that you are in in this thread.

I was in the exact same position that you are now and I had to make this very decision last year. Exactly a year ago, in a foreign land, I had a plan to kill myself and I had made the decision to do so. My plan was ruined when I fell on the sidewalk and broke my foot. Here is my story: My Suicidal Foot | Celestial Aspirations

I had been living increasingly in this hellish limbo for years (and with suicidal depression for 20 years). Like you, I didn't have the courage to kill myself (I always think it's odd when people say suicide is cowardly--they should try holding the key to their own death in the palm of their hand and see how easy it is to take their final breath.) Anyway, last year I had finally both the plan and the preparedness to actually go through with my suicide. However, my broken foot made it impossible for me to carry out my plan, and in the interim, I made a promise to someone and I committed myself to my own healing and recovery--only for that one person I loved, not for me.

The thing is, you are living in the same hellish limbo, neither dead nor alive, like I was (I called it my living death). There is nothing worse or more painful than the state of that hellish limbo. It is the worst form of torture, if you can't kill yourself, if you have to keep living, then you have to drop everything else in your life and whip your head and heart into shape just so that you can stop being in the hellish limbo.

Those are your three options and the sooner you realize that, the sooner you can make a deliberate choice. Know that the choice you make by default is the hellish limbo, and, as someone who has lived through what your experiencing (and still occasionally has a relapse into it), it's my opinion that the hellish limbo is the worst of all those options.

Having said that, I can say that I am better now than I've ever been in my life, but I still have a ways to go. In fact, it's possible that I would never choose to keep living in this world if I were ever given a choice, but I'm working on a very ambitious goal and it includes good things that are not evanescent or fleeting like the happiness and other things to which you often refer. Not everything is ephemeral. I believe the most beautiful things and experiences are specifically not ephemeral, and that is why they are so hard to achieve and so little-known and little-believed-in.

I see... the thing is, the 1st thing is keeping me away from the 3rd and tied to the 2nd. The wish to kill myself is stronger than the almost non existant will to give up the hellish limbo and heal myself. Sounds weird but it's true.

How could you live with it for 20 years though ? I don't wanna experience that :/

[Bliss Sage]

Originally Posted by BlackWigger

I see... the thing is, the 1st thing is keeping me away from the 3rd and tied to the 2nd. The wish to kill myself is stronger than the almost non existant will to give up the hellish limbo and heal myself. Sounds weird but it's true.

How could you live with it for 20 years though ? I don't wanna experience that :/

Well, two things. The first thing was that it didn't start out this bad. I was suicidally depressed for 20 years, starting from age 20, and I desperately needed someone to love me, and the purpose of my life was to live in a loving marriage, so I basically devoted myself for all of those 20 years, to finding love with a man. Over the years, I was basically going through changes, a process. My reasons and seriousness about killing myself changed as I had more experiences, as the experiences altered my view of myself and the world around me.

The hellish limbo grew increasingly worse as the results of my attempts to find that love with a man were becoming increasingly more painful. You could say that I was able to live with that limbo for 20 years, because I wasn't aware it was a limbo and my hope wouldn't die. I didn't know the cause for my repetitive failures and I have sometimes thought that God was actively trying to kill me by means of my own hand .

In 2006, something worse than I was capable of imagining within the frames of a relationship happened to me and I heard about "intention-manifestation" and looked it up on the Internet and found Steve's article on it and his website too. Once I found this website, when I was in the throws of my worst and longest bout with suicide ever, all kinds of new information, not necessarily exclusively from his blog, but from the forums, eventually led me to an understanding of what had been going on all these years. So it took me 20 years to figure out what was going on. If I hadn't heard about the Law of Attraction 3 years ago on this website, I might never have come to any understanding of what, until then, I could only perceive as some kind of torture mandated by some divine force over my life and I would also likely have killed myself.

I wrote a poem, If which I feel accurately conveys (as best I can at least) my living death, which I think is a bit worse than the limbo you're currently in. That poem represents my worst moments.

Nowadays, however, I have not only come to an understanding about why my life has gone so wrong, but I think in this past year I have also let go of the most of the worst of the afflictions from my past, and from my "recent," that have perpetuated my suffering for the last 40 years. That means I don't live in the living death state anymore. I have a relapse into depression now and then, but my last one was in February. Also, lots of better people are coming into my life now and making it easier for me to live and not be miserable. I still don't have a job, and that is a little worrying, but everything else is falling into order.

I think that if your limbo gets bad enough, or if you suffer for it enough, like I did, eventually you will do something one way or the other to change it. If you find that you can't do one thing, you'll do the other just to get out of the limbo.

[lifetimelearner]

[QUOTE=BlackWigger;347780]Here's hoping I can prove you wrong



/QUOTE]




I am not your enemy
and
you do not have to prove anything to me
you just have to live your life or not

we all have unbearable pain to deal with

life is like that

we lose people we love and we have our hearts broken
you have to deal with it or not

[sk8joyful]

Originally Posted by Holistic Star

You have all the answers you need inside you.

yes, & no.

this Op. apparently has issues &/or challenges
1. accessing
2. anchoring, chaining, & stacking
3. deepening, & firing
4. practicing/rehearsing & demonstrating all the wonderful Internal resources, God created & imprinted within us, empowering each of us to be joyful

How about this person rediscoveres these, and really... lives life, as in abundant...
.

[sk8joyful]

Originally Posted by BlackWigger

I do like the idea of inner peace, that is, finding happiness inside of you and not depending on outside sources for that.

Yes, this "happiness inside you" is a major clue.

[themaster]

Wow, there's a lot of false information/limitation in here.. like death being a "hellish limbo"

First of if it would bring you happiness "BlackWigger" then please leave.. I am suggesting you kill yourself straight up.. you don't have to do it physically you can use LOA to do it.. but understand from my knowledge and viewpoint you make come right back and not know it.. I would hazard a guess based on your viewpoint already; you have already died a few times

The hell that everyone claims exist.. is actually the place we exist in here.. the physical world.. this world of limitation as it is.. is a tough and brave game to exist in.. we are already winners if we can manage to stay here even 1 illusionary hour

I think however based on what you are writing you are lying to yourself about not finding anything exciting to do here.. even if you repressed huge parts of yourself you can open the door to fun, excitement, allowing etc.

If suicide sounds fun, exciting to you then just do it.. if it sounds neutral then that's what it is.. do it or don't it makes no difference..

It is my understanding and this may not be your understanding that negative and positive ideas are communication to you from your higher self.. by following your higher self you will be following your energy.. by following your energy you will have fun, joy, excitement in this physical reality limitation..

If you wish to know more knowledge on the "rules" of the world I would gladly offer you my source.. if you have no use for this advice then fine.. good day to you.. and cheer up!