Life is pretty bad

[Manomanman]

Originally Posted by BlackWigger

I think it's because of the ego, my ego likes it so much when getting approval from others. And I can't prevent that.

You can, but it takes work. A healthy dose of Steve Pavlina can cure you.

There's a difference between being in a state of love with other people, and needing an ego boost from other people. Just the language (with vs. from) is a huge clue to the perspective shift you need.

[BlackWigger]

Originally Posted by Manomanman

You can, but it takes work. A healthy dose of Steve Pavlina can cure you.

There's a difference between being in a state of love with other people, and needing an ego boost from other people. Just the language (with vs. from) is a huge clue to the perspective shift you need.

That's another problem I've got... I don't feel like I 'love' other people, or just like to be around them for what they are. Maybe it's because of my anxiety though :/

Originally Posted by AlexL

BW--
I am a physician. While I hesitate to make a diagnosis over the internet of all places, you quite clearly seem to me to be depressed. Everything you're feeling and everything you're thinking are as a result of that low life-condition. I wrote a post called "The True Cause Of Depression" on my own blog (link below) in which I discuss the fact that anti-depressants don't cure depression but they sure do treat its symptoms. The mere fact you haven't yet killed yourself is a testament to the fact that you actually still want to be happy, despite what you're writing here. And despite how many have responded, there most definitely is a point to life: to be happy! How to achieve that, however, when emotions change moment by moment, is the trick. In Buddhism, which I practice, we distinguish between relative and absolute happiness. Relative happiness would be having your second cousin actually be interested in dating you. But even that joyful feeling would change after a while. Absolute happiness is by definition dependent on nothing outside yourself, but rather on a deep awakening to your truest, largest self, an awakening that manifests a life-condition as far away from depression as you could imagine. It is truly possible. However, thinking about becoming happier and reasoning through depression don't work. You need a practice. And you need an anti-depressant. Please realize that your thoughts and feelings of hopelessness now are a part of an insidious depression that simultaneously saps your will to act to help yourself and simultaneously makes you rage at yourself for feeling so helpless and useless. But a better self exists inside you as a potential at every moment. Please visit my site. Explore. And get professional help.

So you are really a physician ? Cause it feels like depression is caused by, not causing all this.

Originally Posted by codenamesmiley

I do not personally feel that you are serious about ending your life, or you would not have posted a "cry for help" in a public forum. That is enough to tell me that you "choose" life!! Unfortuneately it also tells me that you only agree to do so, if someone can tickle your mentality in such a way that you want to live without having to change your outlook. (pick a side to this emotional tug of war.)

I would rather die than live, but I just can't make the last step and jump from the building cause I'm a ***** (and usually am irl). I ain't sure that I would do it even if something horrible happened to me.

Originally Posted by Parthon

The reality is people who are happy and living their lives have the same problems and the same concerns you do, they are living in the same empty life. They have overcome it, or embraced it, and used what they know and the advice other people give for fuel to push them forward.

I'm not sure the majority is truly happy. I'd say most live in ignorance. I guess that's better though.

I tried thinking how me being lonely and mostly isolated from my peers doesn't really matter, I think I even felt some kind of inner peace for a few moments. But I'm not sure about it.

[Holistic Star]

BlackWigger,

Serious question:

Do you want to be happy and enjoy life?

[AlexL]

BW,
I am indeed a physician. Depression is insidious and once started cause and effect can easily become confused. Ultimately, depression, in my view, is caused by a complete lack of belief in your ability to overcome a specific obstacle or set of obstacles in your life. Once you become convinced you can't win over these obstacles, the life-condition of depression sets in and all the emotions you've described here in this thread manifest. They are absolutely all as a result of that primary belief that you can't win. You likely don't even know what the specific obstacles in your life you believe you can't overcome are, and likely won't be able to figure it out with your rational mind (a common experience for people who are depressed is to ruminate over and over and over about the same thoughts and reach the same conclusion, that they are powerless--and rage at themselves for feeling and being so). To break out of this kind of cycle requires you to do something you haven't yet done, whether it's seek out professional help, medication, meditation, or taking up Buddhism, whose goal is to enable people to overcome their sense of helplessness and hopelessness by discovering and activating their innate power to become happy. A brilliant, happier self absolutely exists as a potential inside this miserably unhappy self you describe in this thread. It begins with action. And not just any action, but action that truly has the power to help you. Frankly, though I don't know you, from your repeated answers to other commenters here ("yes, but...") you seem to be wallowing in your suffering (of course, that's also a function of being depressed--and I'm saying that from personal as well as professional experience). Don't make the mistake of thinking just because you feel as you do now, and may have felt this way for years, that it is the only legitimate way to feel or that you can feel. You're absolutely right that most people aren't truly happy. But some, including me, are. How do we do it? Do you honestly believe there's something special about us that you don't also have? That our hearts beat in some magical way yours doesn't? If so, that's only your depression and self-hate talking. If I gave you a blood pressure medication, your blood pressure would drop because your physiology is the same as everyone else's. The principles that govern the human mind and spirit also have rules that are universally obeyed, if not as well known. Anti-depressants don't, of course, treat the cause of depression, but they sure do treat the symptoms well. Do both. You haven't even begun to figure out what fantastic contribution you could make to others because you're so mired in your own depression. Take concrete action to free yourself from these feelings and then look around. Being released from this cycle of negative thinking will feel like a great weight being removed from your shoulders and enable you to view yourself and your place in the world with a much clearer focus.

The very best of luck to you,

AlexL
Happiness in this World

[high2life]

hi, read yr post..Plz do not end this life u are having right now in tragedy..I dnt no u or wat u hv been through but lets just say that having $$ and being successful in career and admired by others might make u happy for a little while but soon enough u will be right bak where u are now if u do not fix wat is on the inside first,u do not hv 2 own things or bye the things everyone else has 2 hv a point in life, yr own self and the challenge of getting through these tough times is and should be a journey 2 find out wat lessons u need in this life will help u in the nxt,it all might be a bit confusing for u 2 understand as i am not the best with words but u need 2 no that this is not the end and that it is just the beginning, u need this information and please reply 2 me and chat weneva u like..

[Holistic Star]

Don't make the mistake of thinking just because you feel as you do now, and may have felt this way for years, that it is the only legitimate way to feel or that you can feel.

Hi Alex,

Having been through depression and out the other side, what you said is spot on. When you're in the midst of it, you can't imagine feeling anything else.

And yes, taking action is the only way out the other side.

[pianoperformer]

I wonder if you can get involved in some activities? I find that when I am depressed, it is made worse by sulking in it alone. I know it's probably the last thing you want to do, but it can really help I think.

I've not experienced depression to the degree of wanting to commit suicide, but I think I can relate somewhat.

Get yourself together, go out and do something. Anything.

[AlexL]

Originally Posted by Holistic Star

Hi Alex,

Having been through depression and out the other side, what you said is spot on. When you're in the midst of it, you can't imagine feeling anything else.

And yes, taking action is the only way out the other side.

Holistic Star,
Agreed. It's amazing how little time you have to spend in a depressed state to feel as though depressed is all you've ever felt or ever will feel...

Alex

[BlackWigger]

Originally Posted by Holistic Star

BlackWigger,

Serious question:

Do you want to be happy and enjoy life?

Im not sure what that even means anymore... I think I'd rather not live life though.

Originally Posted by AlexL

Do both. You haven't even begun to figure out what fantastic contribution you could make to others because you're so mired in your own depression. Take concrete action to free yourself from these feelings and then look around. Being released from this cycle of negative thinking will feel like a great weight being removed from your shoulders and enable you to view yourself and your place in the world with a much clearer focus.

What do you mean by contribution ? Cause I'm pretty selfish atm and I don't have the need to help random people.

Also, I think curing my anxiety is more important than depression, though I doubt it's even possible to be completely free of caring about what other's think of you.
But if I solved that, depression probably wouldn't be as severe.

[Parthon]

Originally Posted by BlackWigger

I would rather die than live, but I just can't make the last step and jump from the building cause I'm a ***** (and usually am irl). I ain't sure that I would do it even if something horrible happened to me.

If you really would rather die than live, then you would find a way to kill yourself. If you are so scared of death that you can't bring yourself to do it, then a large part of you would rather live than die.

I'm not sure the majority is truly happy. I'd say most live in ignorance. I guess that's better though.

I never said the majority were happy. I just said that happy people have the same problems and issues that unhappy people have, they've just dealt with it. Everyone has the opportunity to be happy, but it's not easy or fast, so they ignore it and wallow in unhappiness.

Happiness takes years to master. I've been working at it for 6 years and I'm *really* happy most of the time, but not even close to being a master. Most people give up after half an hour.

Originally Posted by BlackWigger

Also, I think curing my anxiety is more important than depression, though I doubt it's even possible to be completely free of caring about what other's think of you.
But if I solved that, depression probably wouldn't be as severe.

It's 100% possible to be completely free of caring what other people think about you.

That's different to wanting to be a better person though. It's the process of adjusting your goals so instead of pleasing others and trying to be a nice and likable person, you set great values and uphold them, becoming a better person, and becoming someone who is likable.

Pleasing others cannot be done. You cannot change another person's mind. You can't please everyone all of the time. The only thing you can do is live well, live strongly, and let everyone else do what they want to do. You'll find that people admire this.

[AlexL]

Originally Posted by BlackWigger

Im not sure what that even means anymore... I think I'd rather not live life though.



What do you mean by contribution ? Cause I'm pretty selfish atm and I don't have the need to help random people.

Also, I think curing my anxiety is more important than depression, though I doubt it's even possible to be completely free of caring about what other's think of you.
But if I solved that, depression probably wouldn't be as severe.

BlackWigger,
By contribution I mean using whatever talents or interests you have (or had before you spiraled into your current state) to create value, whatever that may mean to you. Creating value is the best way to create and sustain personal happiness. Ultimately if that value helps others, it will sustain your happiness at an even higher level. However, until you've secured your own happiness you'll be incapable and uninterested in helping to secure the happiness of anyone else. Of course, in your current state, you wouldn't recognize or believe in the truth of this, but it is true nonetheless. If anxiety is a bigger problem for you than depression then: 1) there are medicines that are extremely effective to control it (klonopin or clonazepam works exceptionally well for generalized anxiety) while 2) you work on your anxiety's underlying cause. These problems really are solvable despite what you currently think.

Alex
Happiness in this World

[CroMagna]

By your logic, the conversation you're having is pointless. So you do feel like there's a point to life, otherwise you wouldn't be carrying it out. So you're not just ignoring pointlessness, you're participating in whatever the point actually is.

Flaws that can't be fixed...if I managed to fix... Can they be fixed or can't they? And what according to you is the point of fixing them? (There may be one and there may not be one).

Humans are a failed race? What constitutes being a failed race? Not being perfect? What's perfect? Is your version of perfect the same as mine? And if it's not like it matters then why bother killing us off anyway?

[GHI]

Originally Posted by James81

So, what *is* the problem, BW?

For every piece of advice given to you in this thread, you have rationalized it away.

I'm afraid, my friend, that what you've just said *is* the problem.

[BlackWigger]

Originally Posted by CroMagna

By your logic, the conversation you're having is pointless. So you do feel like there's a point to life, otherwise you wouldn't be carrying it out. So you're not just ignoring pointlessness, you're participating in whatever the point actually is.

Just because I'm doing it doesn't mean it has a point :/
It's also true that since I'm already forced unto this pointless life, I have to find a way to kill myself... and thus I asked for help here. Why should I kill myself if it doesn't matter ? Well... it matters to me, since I have to cope with it.
It's true I could have made up a purpose for myself, but I can't. Death just makes more sense... too bad I'm a ***** though.

Originally Posted by CroMagna

Flaws that can't be fixed...if I managed to fix... Can they be fixed or can't they? And what according to you is the point of fixing them? (There may be one and there may not be one).

Seems like there isn't any point to fixing them at all, so I don't see why bother with life. Even if I was free of the ego, I wouldn't win, because whatever I did, it was... meaningless and forgettable.

Originally Posted by CroMagna

Humans are a failed race? What constitutes being a failed race? Not being perfect? What's perfect? Is your version of perfect the same as mine? And if it's not like it matters then why bother killing us off anyway?

Well failed because we're stuck with not being able to do much compared to the universe and being mortal.

I said we should all kill ourselves - I guess I was wrong, you're right that it doesn't really matter if we do that or don't. When I think about it, most people would find not killing themselves more convenient simply because they're unsure of what happens in death. Not me, tho

[James81]

Originally Posted by BlackWigger

Just because I'm doing it doesn't mean it has a point :/
It's also true that since I'm already forced unto this pointless life, I have to find a way to kill myself... and thus I asked for help here. Why should I kill myself if it doesn't matter ? Well... it matters to me, since I have to cope with it.
It's true I could have made up a purpose for myself, but I can't. Death just makes more sense... too bad I'm a ***** though.



Seems like there isn't any point to fixing them at all, so I don't see why bother with life. Even if I was free of the ego, I wouldn't win, because whatever I did, it was... meaningless and forgettable.



Well failed because we're stuck with not being able to do much compared to the universe and being mortal.

I said we should all kill ourselves - I guess I was wrong, you're right that it doesn't really matter if we do that or don't. When I think about it, most people would find not killing themselves more convenient simply because they're unsure of what happens in death. Not me, tho

Thing is, it just looks like you are here to argue and that you aren't looking to chage. When you are looking to change, you ultimately accept that you don't know everything, and that, even if a solution sounds ludicrous to you that it *might* just be the solution that works for you if you only try it.

You are going to stay exactly as you are, with no change in the way you think things, until you let go of your pride, admit that you might be wrong, and start accepting other views and advice as something you can truly, seriously try with an open mind.

Yeah, I know you said you've tried everything, but it's obvious that you haven't. And it's also obvious that you didn't approach it with the right mindset, because, based on your responses to this thread, you aren't open to anybody else's advice or opinions but your own.

Until you find a way to open up and truly try things with an open mind, you'll never change.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by BlackWigger

...I have to find a way to kill myself... and thus I asked for help here.

Hi, BlackWigger. This is a personal development forum, not a personal destruction forum.

You're not going to get any help in offing yourself here -- if someone does that, their post will be deleted. Instead, the kind of help you'll receive here is from people who want you to find a way to get your life to work for you the way you would ideally like it to. People here tend to recognize that the health and well-being of each individual is important to the health and wellbeing of the Whole, and so we'll support you in your health and well-being, not your self-destruction.

Of course you have the right to make your own choices, including self-destruction. But this is a terrible place to get results in that arena.

I think you knew that, either consciously or unconsciously, and that's why you are posting here. I think you were actually drawn to us because there is at least a small part of you that would like to make a go of it, to have a life that works. I don't think it's an accident that you came to the "wrong" place -- I would like to invite you to listen to the love and caring words that people have for you here, even the ones that seem impatient, because they are all aimed at having you feel safe and supported and playing the human game in a way that feels good.

And I also think it would be a really, really good idea for you to contact a suicide hotline -- you can do it anonymously -- and open hailing frequencies with a person who can give you a broader perspective and more choices.

More choice is good, don't you think? And the opposite of more choice is making the one choice that would take away all your other choices, at least here in the human game. Of course you can take your chances that you will have choice in the after life, but since you're here, why not make a go of maximizing your choices here and now?

I hope you go that route, because I would dearly love for you to feel good.

Thanks, and lots of love,
Angela

[Plays With Life]

What do you mean by "no point", BlackWigger? Can you elaborate on that a little?

[Parthon]

Originally Posted by BlackWigger

Seems like there isn't any point to fixing them at all, so I don't see why bother with life. Even if I was free of the ego, I wouldn't win, because whatever I did, it was... meaningless and forgettable.

If it's pointless and forgettable, why not do it anyways?

Originally Posted by BlackWigger

Well failed because we're stuck with not being able to do much compared to the universe and being mortal.

I said we should all kill ourselves - I guess I was wrong, you're right that it doesn't really matter if we do that or don't. When I think about it, most people would find not killing themselves more convenient simply because they're unsure of what happens in death. Not me, tho

Should? Why should? Because we are mortal and life is pointless? That's not a good enough reason. We are failed because we aren't all powerful and immortal? We failed in what? Where's the scoreboard, where are the points?

We can't fail in something that is pointless. It doesn't matter either way, so failure and success are pointless too, they are just words.

BW: You've only got half way there. You've given up on all the good in the world because "it's pointless", but you hang on to the negative. Everything that is bad in the world is pointless too. The fact that you are going to die eventually and everything you do here will be forgotten is pointless too. The fact that people are weak and don't live up to their potential is pointless too. the fact that life is harsh and unfair and difficult is pointless too.

The only point that life has is that it's blank. There's no deeper meaning, no significance. It's your canvas to paint onto it whatever you will. It's your medium of expression, your vehicle for self actualisation. It's not some servant here to do your bidding. Get over yourself, you are so significant in everything you do.

Give it all up, release everything. Get rid of the despair, the weight, the negativity. It's all pointless. there's freedom, lightness and peace knowing that all of thise that's going really doesn't matter in the long run. If it doesn't matter, then everything that's going on right now isn't important. It's not significant, and you can just let it be without having to change it.

As an aside: I know what happens after death. That's why I don't kill myself. It's not because I'm scared of death, it's purely because it's not time yet. I haven't learnt everything here that I need to, and I don't think I will in this life time.

[BlackWigger]

Originally Posted by Parthon

If it's pointless and forgettable, why not do it anyways?

Should? Why should? Because we are mortal and life is pointless? That's not a good enough reason. We are failed because we aren't all powerful and immortal? We failed in what? Where's the scoreboard, where are the points?

Yes I corrected myself... it's not "should", I was wrong.

Originally Posted by Parthon

Give it all up, release everything. Get rid of the despair, the weight, the negativity. It's all pointless. there's freedom, lightness and peace knowing that all of thise that's going really doesn't matter in the long run. If it doesn't matter, then everything that's going on right now isn't important. It's not significant, and you can just let it be without having to change it.

Yeah I tried, but for some reason I'm still bound to earthly things like caring what others think. I guess it will never really change, and am thus stuck in a pretty vicious circle of emotionally caring but knowing that life means ****.

Originally Posted by Parthon

As an aside: I know what happens after death. That's why I don't kill myself. It's not because I'm scared of death, it's purely because it's not time yet. I haven't learnt everything here that I need to, and I don't think I will in this life time.

So.. what happens after death ?

Originally Posted by Angela

I think you knew that, either consciously or unconsciously, and that's why you are posting here. I think you were actually drawn to us because there is at least a small part of you that would like to make a go of it, to have a life that works. I don't think it's an accident that you came to the "wrong" place -- I would like to invite you to listen to the love and caring words that people have for you here, even the ones that seem impatient, because they are all aimed at having you feel safe and supported and playing the human game in a way that feels good.

Yeah that's probably true since I was expecting to not kill myself that soon

Originally Posted by Plays With Life

What do you mean by "no point", BlackWigger? Can you elaborate on that a little?

It's pretty simple. Nothing really means anything. If the human race has no real purpose, then how can your life have it ? Even worse, the whole universe, this plane of existence... what have you.

Originally Posted by James81

Thing is, it just looks like you are here to argue and that you aren't looking to chage. When you are looking to change, you ultimately accept that you don't know everything, and that, even if a solution sounds ludicrous to you that it *might* just be the solution that works for you if you only try it.

You are going to stay exactly as you are, with no change in the way you think things, until you let go of your pride, admit that you might be wrong, and start accepting other views and advice as something you can truly, seriously try with an open mind.

Yeah, I know you said you've tried everything, but it's obvious that you haven't. And it's also obvious that you didn't approach it with the right mindset, because, based on your responses to this thread, you aren't open to anybody else's advice or opinions but your own.

Until you find a way to open up and truly try things with an open mind, you'll never change.

It's not that I am not open minded or able to admit that I'm wrong... but it's not like I didn't know of most of the responses I got here. *sigh*

[Plays With Life]

Originally Posted by BlackWigger

It's pretty simple. Nothing really means anything. ...

OK, but what do you mean by "means" something?

[James81]

Originally Posted by BlackWigger

It's not that I am not open minded or able to admit that I'm wrong... but it's not like I didn't know of most of the responses I got here. *sigh*

Well, then, that's probably a sign that you need to go find yourself a therapist instead of thinking that the answer will somehow magically appear on the internet for free somewhere.

We're not psychologists. We're just a bunch of rag-tag people on the internet giving our best opinions based on what has worked for us.

Or you can just continue to be miserable for the rest of your life, but still rest assured that you were right about everything, but never could find happiness because you already know everything you need to do but refuse to do it or do it with an open mind.

You don't NEED advice or help. You need a good swift boot in the a$$. So get up off your a$$ and go do something about your situation.

[Holistic Star]

Originally Posted by BlackWigger

It's not that I am not open minded or able to admit that I'm wrong... but it's not like I didn't know of most of the responses I got here. *sigh*

Yes you might know them, but have you actually applied any of them with persistence? Knowing without application isn't really knowing - it's just theoretical. Experiential knowing is vastly superior to theoretical understanding.

I'm sure that you read those posts thinking - yeah, know that, know that, tried that a couple of times, didn't work, know that, know that.

I still say you don't know it if you haven't applied it persistently and with a third party who can spot your blind spots and challenge you and hold you to your agenda.

In a healing journey, no-one waves a magic wand and it gets better instantly overnight. It's a process of discovery. It's one of the most wonderful gifts you can give yourself. Yes you might make some mistakes, yes you might find it takes longer than you think, but as each limiting belief and false thought is released you feel better and better and better.

If you choose, you can do it. You just have to choose to get well and take the first step.


You don't have to solve all your problems right now.

Work out how you can feel 5% better then you do right now - then do it!!! Find a thought, a feeling an action that improves how you feel to lift you a little bit.

Then work out how you can improve another 5%. Keep playing, pass GO, collect £200 and repeat.

[Parthon]

Originally Posted by BlackWigger

So.. what happens after death ?

We die! Oh wait, that happens before death, or during. Both?

For myself, I know when I die I will travel back to the astral plane, and when I cross over I'll get to replay my life and see what I learnt, experienced and achieved. Then I'll go off onto some other astral adventure, and eventually decide to reincarnate once more.

But, even if all that happens when I die would be that I just faded away, like a dream, then I wouldn't change what I am doing. Whether I continue to exist or not after I die doesn't change how I live now.

In both cases, now is all I have, and I am all that I am. It's up to me to shape the life that I want, and only myself, right now, can decide if I am happy or not. Why would I like something as important as my happiness up to external factors. I am happy, because I choose to be happy.

[tsukiyo]

blackwigger, do you have any pets?

[JLewisReich]

Dear BlackWigger,

Let me first tell you why I am posting here. I believe firmly in raising the level of positive energy in the world. Right now, you are not enriching my quality of life. However, if I can help you become a happier individual whose actions have a positive influence on others, that positive energy will spread from person to person until it finds me again. Thus, my goal here is to make myself happier by making you happier. Selfish, isn't it? I see nothing wrong with that.

Another reason I am on this forum right now is that I have been suffering from depression and a whole plethora of various psychological pain for over half of my life. I am 24, and it's been more than a decade since the suicidal thoughts began. I am here seeking insights that will help me learn about my emotions.

A lot of people commit suicide each year in America, where I live. This year, (and last year, and the year before that), I survived a suicidal episode. I am not afraid to say that my suicidal attempts were not whole-hearted- I do not want to die. I am fortunate that the precise set of influences the universe has had on me has allowed me to come back from some very dark places.

At first, I didn't understand how I could be standing at the brink of suicide even though I didn't want to die. But suicide is not something people choose, it is the result of their PAIN -outweighing- their RESOURCES for COPING with their pain. I was overwhelmed, and suicide was the only answer I could rationalize. Now, armed with this revelation, I see that I can work to lessen my pain and increase my sources for coping with the pain I cannot eliminate.

Like you, BlackWigger, I could never quite kill myself. I am assuming that this is because neither of us deeply wants to die. Your presence here, and some of the things you have wrote about enjoying certain moments, and the fact that you consider your predicament vicious and undesirable, are evidence to me that you wish you could be happier. In order for that to happen, you MUST be willing to swallow your pride and admit your true feelings. On some level, do you wish you could live happily, free from the crushing pressures you feel now?

I will not say that you shouldn't feel the way you do right now. You have every right to your emotions. In order to deal with emotions, we have to embrace them and try to understand them. How can you possibly act appropriately to a situation if you don't really know what the situation is? Don't try to deny the things you feel, but do try to remember that they are only emotions. They are not reality, they are only YOUR response to an event that is inherently neither good nor bad.

When I am in a state of depression (which is as often as not), I am almost totally numb, especially to positive feelings. I hate waking up; nothing seems worth getting up for. I can't remember any of the things that brought me pleasure in the past, I just seem to zone out behind a veil of internal thoughts that separates me from reality. In an instance like this, where motivation and ambition are severely lacking, replaced by a sense of distant longing and self-pity, the key to improving my situation lies in self-discipline.

People argue that self-discipline inhibits the very nature of what makes us human. I disagree. Without self-discipline, we become slaves to our emotions, moods, and appetites. Self-discipline helps us overcome difficult, though surmountable obstacles to achieve things that are truly rewarding and important to us. Self-discipline is what separates humans from animals, and therefore is an integral part of human nature.

My own self-discipline is still weak. I am whimsical and capricious. But, I have had some success in that area and have felt its benefits. "You achieve success when you take your first step toward a worthy cause." Start with something arbitrary and simple, like establishing a waking or bedtime ritual that is easy to accomplish, like journalizing for five minutes, or stretching. As you develop your self-discipline and can deny your impulses or laziness in order to achieve your goals, your confidence and power will grow. This is an important step because it allows you to take action in moments of hollowness, despair, and depression. Often times, activity can loosen depression's hold on our spirits, as a physiological effect of metabolism and respiration.

It is also possible that certain kinds of anti-depression medications can correct chemical imbalances in your body, and even temporary prescriptions can permanently fix the problem. I am still too proud and biased against the pill-happy culture that runs rampant in America, so I have not sought this approach. Additionally, I have a severe sense of shame about my depression and am afraid to let other people know about it. However, I have been gradually opening up to others with remarkable results.

Sharing my pain with other people might at first sound a bit contradictory to the idea I started out with about sharing positive energy. However, it is a necessary step in the healing process. Ultimately, by improving the state of my spirit, even bit by bit, I am able to bring ten times as much happiness to others than the worry and concern that I brought to my confidants. Plus, as they see my improvement, feelings of accomplishment and growth will blossom from the seeds of our relationship. However, some people are afraid of suicide and will not be able to help you. Do not be discouraged if you are dismissed or even affronted by those to whom you self disclose. You will find somebody, somewhere, if you proceed with an openness to growth and an earnest desire to change. Just be conscious and realistic of their ability to help you. Some people don't know how to help somebody who is depressed, and it is often a good idea to seek professional help from a therapist. Again, some therapists don't know how to help somebody who is depressed, so be prepared to shop around until you find someone you like.

There are some very deep subjects that you brought up dealing with philosophy (you seem to be in a nihilistic mindset right now), religion, and human nature. Nobody can tell you the formula for happiness, and these are areas that will take time to explore. However, if it will not insult your pride for me to make a suggestion, I advise that you focus on areas that directly touch your life. Most of our worries involve ideas so abstract that we can never find real proof one way or the other, yet we place so much importance on them that we are paralyzed by their immensity. I try to live by rules I can see and understand. Logic is my morality; my religion is reality. With this approach, I can always find something meaningful to be dealt with, rather than depressing myself by wasting time and energy with imaginary concerns that have been vexing humanity for eons (like the existence of god or afterlife). There is a reason these are called eternal mysteries.

My last bit of advice is that you listen to yourself. If you are feeling hesitant about suicide, there is still a part of you that hopes. Nurture that part: find out what you value, what evokes your feelings, and take real steps to increase your caring attachments to these values.

I hope that something I said struck home with you. Let us know how you are doing.

Jonathan

[BlackWigger]

Originally Posted by Plays With Life

OK, but what do you mean by "means" something?

I don't think it can mean anything at all actually... :/

Originally Posted by James81

You don't NEED advice or help. You need a good swift boot in the a$$. So get up off your a$$ and go do something about your situation.

Been there done that. :<

Originally Posted by Hollistic Star

In a healing journey, no-one waves a magic wand and it gets better instantly overnight. It's a process of discovery. It's one of the most wonderful gifts you can give yourself. Yes you might make some mistakes, yes you might find it takes longer than you think, but as each limiting belief and false thought is released you feel better and better and better.

Sigh yeah I know... it took persistent failure to get me where I am. And realizing it means... nothing.
For example I'm trying to look at myself as a 3rd person or just perceive my ego acting a certain way when I'm being overwhelmed by anxiety or some emotions. And still almost nothing changes.

Originally Posted by Parthon

But, even if all that happens when I die would be that I just faded away, like a dream, then I wouldn't change what I am doing. Whether I continue to exist or not after I die doesn't change how I live now.

Fair enough... I was going to ask you that how can you be certain about such an after life, but it doesn't matter to you anyways.

Originally Posted by tsukyio

blackwigger, do you have any pets?

Nope, why ?

Originally Posted by JLewisReich

My own self-discipline is still weak. I am whimsical and capricious. But, I have had some success in that area and have felt its benefits. "You achieve success when you take your first step toward a worthy cause." Start with something arbitrary and simple, like establishing a waking or bedtime ritual that is easy to accomplish, like journalizing for five minutes, or stretching. As you develop your self-discipline and can deny your impulses or laziness in order to achieve your goals, your confidence and power will grow. This is an important step because it allows you to take action in moments of hollowness, despair, and depression. Often times, activity can loosen depression's hold on our spirits, as a physiological effect of metabolism and respiration.

Actually... some of my family used to praise me for my self-discipline... but see it didn't help me. In fact I feel like its weakening each day, actually that it is pretty pointless to rely on willpower for some things - and by this I mean willpower and willpower only, day after day... it just proves to me the futileness of life.

Thanks for the post, but I have to tell you I couldn't connect with much of what you were writing... because I feel like positive energy isn't going to help me either. Sure I might feel better for a few hours, even a day or two... but eventually I get disheartened by the lack of purpose in life, and the lack of use for that positive energy.

It's pretty sad I won't kill myself either... maybe I would find eternal peace in death. That's just speculation though

[Plays With Life]

Hi, BlackWigger. What about this?

You keep saying there's no purpose in life, it's pointless, there's no meaning. What is it that bothers you about those things?

ie, the world is also not the color zargot. But are you bothered by that? There are also no dragons or unicorns in the world (that I've seen ), but does it bother you that there aren't? What's the difference here? I mean - why are you bothered by the fact that something doesn't exist?

[Holistic Star]

I think you are playing a game with us all. I'm going to call you on it because I don't even thing you realise you are playing it. I think you play it in your own head, and you play it with everyone you meet in life. I think it has become so habitual you don't recognise it as a game.

I think you are playing a game called 'Yes, but...' Look it up in a book called 'Games People Play'

The games goes like this: you present a problem and people offer you solutions. To every solution you fire back with a reason why it won't work.

Instead of grabbing them and really delving into how you can work round those particular reasons, you are using those brush offs till I, or anyone else who might offer suggestions, eventually run out of suggestions and you can through your hands up and say ' see I told you this was too complex to fix'. I win coz you can't fix me.

So what's your payoff for playing this game? By playing it you don't have to take responsibility for your life. You make it other people's responsibility to come up with suggestions, which you reject so you get to stay where you are. It means you don't have to take action, you don't have to experience the initial pains of growth, it means you are not taking 100% responsibility for your life.

So how are you going to react to this post? Are you going to stop playing the game? I think you are going to 'Yes, but' everything I say. I challenge you not to.

You need to think about how YOU are going to turn it around. I'll support you every step of the way but the plans and suggestions have got to come from you. What you are going to Do differently to take responsibility for yourself?

You say life is pointless. It isn't. But Game Playing certainly is pointless.

[James81]

Originally Posted by BlackWigger

Been there done that. :<

Heh, it's not a "been there, done that" kind of thing. It's a "I am going to have to do this daily, everyday, for the rest of my life until I reach the life that I desire to have."

It's not about how hard you "hit," it's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. (according to Rocky Balboa that is )

If you haven't beat this yet, then get the heck back up and have another go at it. And keep going it until you find something worth living for.

[Parthon]

Originally Posted by BlackWigger

Fair enough... I was going to ask you that how can you be certain about such an after life, but it doesn't matter to you anyways.

"Someone told me." would be the easy answer. I don't know who the someone is, Source perhaps, but they didn't so much tell as "have me know it all along".

It does matter to me, in fact it matters a lot, but it doesn't change how I act in the moment. Even if what I know about the world changes, who I want to be right now, and what I want to do does not.

Even if life is pointless, or especially because life is pointless, I'll go out there and make the best of it that I can, for myself and others. In fact, it's the only thing I can do. Nothing else matters.