Anxiety and Fear of Failure

[dpvtank]

I'm in my final year of high school and today I got one my quizzes back (worth around 2-4%). I realized I had gotten a 60% and a 69% on two different parts. At this time, a realization struck me: if I continue on like this (exams in just two weeks!) I'm going to get less than an 80% on my Calculus course, making me ineligible for many of my favourite university programs.

It's not like this quiz matters on the long run, I understand that. I remember my first few quizzes and a test where I did miserably, and my mid-term mark was remarkably an 80%. I started getting 90%'s on the next few tests and quizzes, until the summative task (basically, worth 10%) where I got a 65%on the first task (worth 5%) and 67.5% (worth the second 5%). This scares me.

And its not that I don't study and pratice either. I guess I'm just frustrated and tired, and want to figure out a way to deal with this. The fear of failure is pretty difficult to deal with. I'm an honours student, with 5 extra-curriculur activities. I'm used to 90's, and thinking that one course might just screw my dream up for a better education really scares me.

Help me deal ith this.

[joshbickford]

Don't focus on your failure. Let it go and forget it.

Focus on how smart you are, and how well you learn the things that you study.

Know that if you can dream it, you can do it. You were made with an unlimited supply of potential, so if you want it you can have it.

[Gary]

One of the big problems when faced with fearful feelings is that we fail to scrutinize what we are really afraid of. One of the first steps to get free of fear is awareness. Self awareness begins with ruthless self inquiry

For starters, I suggest dissecting the fear of failure. By leaving it in such a large massive general block it is tough to break free of. Break it down into small pieces. What is failure? It’s not being a success.

Is success the same for everyone or does each person have their own version? Obviously each person has their own mental version.

That means fear of failure is not meeting my own mental version of success.

Will this still be your version of success when you are 35 or 50? Probably not.

So fear of failure is now not meeting your temporary mental picture of success?

I then suggest scrutinizing the details of the personal version.

You can go further with this but should have the idea by now.

By breaking it down, the small failure of a calculus test no longer means the end of our life dream. The exaggerated consequence is the result you had drawn earlier when you left the fear in one giant block.

Does that one score on one hour of testing, based on one aspect of your intelligence determine who you are and what you are going to do the rest of your life?

Well if I put it this way, perhaps not.

Exaggeration in the mind is dangerous when we are not aware of what the mind is doing.

The other part is to look at what creates the emotion. Events in our life don’t create emotion. Our interpretation and what we believe about events is what creates emotion.

With fear it usually is related to avoiding something we perceive to be painful. Maybe “failure” is a term that when applied to ourselves results in self rejection. Believing in our internal dialogue of self rejection means results in emotional pain.

In this case failure really means not getting what we temporarily imagined we wanted. And the real fear is that we will believe it will result in an internal dialogue of self rejection and the painful emotions of low self worth.

In this case we are more afraid of what we will believe about ourselves than the performance on a test. In this scenario succeeding looks like a way to avoid this perceived pain of self rejection.

In my book that isn’t success, that is our fears driving our need to succeed as a compensating strategy because we are unaware of the illusions in the mind.

All of this rambling may not apply to you, but it’s just an example of the mental and emotional stuff that is often below our conscious awareness.

Awareness is the key out of these dynamics. A process of self inquiry into the layers of stories behind the fear is one of the approaches that can get you out of the emotions of fear.

Anyways, I’ve been in fear and found this process to work for me. It takes some practice, but if we plan on living for a few more years, you might find the return on investment worthwhile.

____________________

Pathway To Happiness

[dpvtank]

Gary, you have no idea what a great and fresh new perspective you have given me.

Thank you very much.

On a strange turn of events, our teacher took the tests back to revise the marking scheme that should, "only positively affect your individual marks."

[Liara Covert]

Dear dpvtank,

I thought you would appreciate it if I related an experience I had back in highschool. At the time, Physics wasn't my exactly favorite subject. I don't know what caused me to get worked up about the tests, but I did. I didn't wish the subject to get the best of me. Back then, my teacher taught me something very valuable that I still benefit from in my life today. He encouraged me to remind myself of the 3 Cs. They mean; "Cool, Calm & Collected." This was an attitude I developed that overflowed into other areas of my life. I learned the benefits of deep breathing and other mental relaxation techniques which also prepared me to excel in skating competitions. I hope you think about the 3 Cs. May they help you as much or more than they did me.

[jbischke]

Listen to Steve's podcast on Overcoming Fear. Rinse. Lather. Repeat.