I can feel myself slipping again

[Gracestars]

I know I may be risking boring the pants off people on this site/forum, think I have already done so in other posts, but I really just need to feel like someone can relate, if they can, if they are out there.

I am a 25 year old female who has her health, intellect and education at her disposal, but I am just plain unsatisfied. Maybe that doesn't sound right...this is hard to write. I'll try again...

2 years ago I lost the love of my life and battled an ugly depression that made me near crazy. The important word here is battled. I worked my arse off with the help of therapy and zoloft to regain some semblance of normalcy, and then did so drug free. I did not just wallow in a puddle of my own misery, I fought for happiness. But as a result of my depression and other peoples side-taking over my ex and I, I then lost a whole lot of very important and close friends. I have been shattered, abandoned and hurt beyond words, at least that is how it feels. Since then I have CHOSEN happiness. I have done so much soul searching, so much accepting, so much responsibility taking. I have immersed myself in self-help, astrology, buddhism and LOA. I am all too aware that life is as much about suffering as it is happiness...

I know I probably sound like an ungrateful child, but I am not. I have worked so hard at 'fixing' myself, at being a better person. I have done my learning and now I want happiness. But I am so so lonely. I consider myself a loyal and dedicated friend but i continue to be let down. I have so little people around me, and trust me, I do not bang on like I am now. I am bubbly and loving and dedicated.

But i have realised that I have so few people who even care that I exist. Few family and few friends, and even they may not stick around. And so, what is the point of living through the suffering if you cannot eventually surmmount it, when the hard work is for nothing? What is the point of life without love, when you have so much of it to give?

[utakan23]

Well you have to go through such situation to learn something about living a life. For me I don't need a lot of people in my life, just a couple who can be trusted is enough. I am not living my life to please people but I am living my life to help people. Right now I am in situation where my friends don't know where they are but I am not bothered because friends come and go that's the reality of life.


On your own pondering moment know yourself better and improve whatever mindset you have. Self-pitying can't help you move on the right track. If you have time socializing wit people do it, you don't have to be so close to them to feel variable. Just do the things you want to do, 1 true friend would be enough to keep going with life.

[Gracestars]

Originally Posted by utakan23

Well you have to go through such situation to learn something about living a life. For me I don't need a lot of people in my life, just a couple who can be trusted is enough. I am not living my life to please people but I am living my life to help people. Right now I am in situation where my friends don't know where they are but I am not bothered because friends come and go that's the reality of life.


On your own pondering moment know yourself better and improve whatever mindset you have. Self-pitying can't help you move on the right track. If you have time socializing wit people do it, you don't have to be so close to them to feel variable. Just do the things you want to do, 1 true friend would be enough to keep going with life.

What if it doesn't feel like enough? 1 person that is... do we not all have different needs/wants/desires/limits? I don't belive happiness is about stuff...cars, money, houses, status... happiness is about love, a sense of connectedness, community, belonging. Can one person fulfill this? Maybe... but a number is despite the point... it is the feeling that matters. And self-pity is/has gotten me nowhere... I suppose it has helped me learn, made my skin tougher... but still i lack that sense of belonging... and so I feel perpetually lost in a world that is sad. The funny thing is... I do help people.. for a living. I have a private, insiders account of the suffering of others, and I am very good at what I do. You'd think that would help me realize how lucky I am, and to an extent it does, but it also helps me to feel tired... constantly giving and never receiving at 25.

[recordrustle]

good on you for battling depression and not giving up

my advice would be to not have any expectations of what people should be giving to you because you might always be disappointed.

it has helped me in the past to realise that you do not necessarily need to have a deep relationship with people to feel connected, you are already connected by the fact you are human. the sense of belonging can be felt by smiling at a stranger on the street and them smiling back, its the little things.

good things take time, sometimes a longer time than you expect, be patient, the people you lost will eventually be replaced by more wonderful people

[pushbutton]

Originally Posted by Gracestars

I know I may be risking boring the pants off people on this site/forum, think I have already done so in other posts, but I really just need to feel like someone can relate, if they can, if they are out there.

I am a 25 year old female who has her health, intellect and education at her disposal, but I am just plain unsatisfied. Maybe that doesn't sound right...this is hard to write. I'll try again...

2 years ago I lost the love of my life and battled an ugly depression that made me near crazy. The important word here is battled. I worked my arse off with the help of therapy and zoloft to regain some semblance of normalcy, and then did so drug free. I did not just wallow in a puddle of my own misery, I fought for happiness. But as a result of my depression and other peoples side-taking over my ex and I, I then lost a whole lot of very important and close friends. I have been shattered, abandoned and hurt beyond words, at least that is how it feels. Since then I have CHOSEN happiness. I have done so much soul searching, so much accepting, so much responsibility taking. I have immersed myself in self-help, astrology, buddhism and LOA. I am all too aware that life is as much about suffering as it is happiness...

I know I probably sound like an ungrateful child, but I am not. I have worked so hard at 'fixing' myself, at being a better person. I have done my learning and now I want happiness. But I am so so lonely. I consider myself a loyal and dedicated friend but i continue to be let down. I have so little people around me, and trust me, I do not bang on like I am now. I am bubbly and loving and dedicated.

But i have realised that I have so few people who even care that I exist. Few family and few friends, and even they may not stick around. And so, what is the point of living through the suffering if you cannot eventually surmmount it, when the hard work is for nothing? What is the point of life without love, when you have so much of it to give?

Hi there. I'm new to this forum. I just discovered it by accident today but in actual fact I've searched the internet many times recently for something just like it, and not found it.

Anyway from what you have said, it sounds like you may be experiencing some of the same sort of feelings as I have been for many years now. My situation is probably not quite the same as yours, but I have experienced being abandoned and utterly let down by members of my own family who I love very much, but who unfortunately obviously don't love me.

There's more to the above story too but that's a very brief summary of it.

I too feel like I have a lot of love to give and make a very loyal friend, but I have only 2 people in the world who show me similar considerations.

I too have suffered severe depression and far more than my fair share of stress because of all this.

I too have tried many methods to try to overcome the problems, and have done a whole lot of soul-searching and considered just about every possible course of action you can imagine, from suicide, to religeon, to moving to some far-flung country and starting a new life away from everyone and everything.

The result of all this so far is of course that I still don't have the answer. However I would like to share on this forum what I have learned from all this in the hope that it may be of some help, or at least some comfort to others, and in the hope they may be able to do likewise for me.

So here's a few things I have learned:
- That I am not alone in feeling like this, and that many people do, even though some don't / won't admit it.

- That life, people, and the world are just NOT the way I think they should be, or anything remotely like it, and that to some extent I just have to accept that otherwise I'll spend the rest of my life fighting it and being miserable as a result.

- That there are a lot of very different people out there, who don't necessarily see the world the way I do at all. Some of them are much less intelligent than me, some much more intelligent. Some are more patient, or less patient than me. Some have a passionate interest in things I couldn't care less about, but then I have passionate interests in things most people I know couldn't care less about so I guess that's fair. People are just different so to some extent you have to allow for that.

- That human interaction is a highly complex thing and is influenced by a multitude of unpredictable factors. Therefore, sometimes when I say something to someone else which I think is perfectly clear, and well intentioned, it may be understood by the other person in a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT way. These misunderstandings can be extremely frustrating and extremely upsetting for one or both parties. The point here is that I now try not to assume that just because I have said something honest and heartfelt to someone else, with their best interests in mind, that they necessarily understand it as I intended. Sometimes it's worth simply ASKING them what they understood because the results can be utterly amazing! We think we speak a common language, but we forget sometimes about body language, tone of voice, and the different psychological processes that go on in each individuals mind, and influence their understanding of everything they see and hear.

- That ultimately the ONLY thing that you really have any real control of is how you choose to live your life, or at least what you choose to try and do. You can try to influence others in various ways, and you should, but you can't always predict how they will actually respond.

Well I don't know, maybe you can relate to some of that?

[spirit4711]

Originally Posted by Gracestars

...
I know I probably sound like an ungrateful child, but I am not. I have worked so hard at 'fixing' myself, at being a better person. I have done my learning and now I want happiness. But I am so so lonely. I consider myself a loyal and dedicated friend but i continue to be let down. I have so little people around me, and trust me, I do not bang on like I am now. I am bubbly and loving and dedicated.

But i have realised that I have so few people who even care that I exist. Few family and few friends, and even they may not stick around. And so, what is the point of living through the suffering if you cannot eventually surmmount it, when the hard work is for nothing? What is the point of life without love, when you have so much of it to give?

Sounds very recognizable, you're not the only one.

What I've concluded for myself, is whenever I experience something that you describe, is that my focus is on me, not on other people. And when I switch focus to others than myself, I usually change my perception too.

I also read expectations in your post. You seem to think: if I have less than X people in my life, my life stinks (whatever your X may be).

You have a lot to give, but no-one seems to want it? I can assure you there are people out there what want what you are able to give. Talk to people whom you have never talked to before, maybe even made you afraid. See what happens.

Oh, and don't blame yourself either. Doesn't work unless you love the victim role .

[utakan23]

You expect people, events, and all the things to go on your way. Well, the sad truth is it never will. Accept that things happen beyond your control, if the goodness you gave doesn't come back to you don't take a bid deal out of it because it will never help you.


Just don't expect too much from other people just do what you have to do and learn from it.

[rose A]

Gracestars

You state that you have read and immersed yourself in self-help books, but yet your post is riddled with comments from your inner judge. Put what those books read into play. Go back read them again until you understand where to put that judge of yours. You list very positive attributes about yourself that I would find very appeasing in a friend. Do you date? If you do, turn those dates into friendships, companionship. Men are a riot to have in our lives. They all don't have to be romanticly attached. Join meet-up.com and join meetups with like interests. Start a hobby that is completely new and adventurous to you. Start an exercise program or a gym. Your workouts will produce great endorphins to help you feel happier and at the mean time you will be working on making your body healthier and maybe more attractive. Even if you think to yourself, I don't need to lose weight, my body is fine. The workouts will be great for your overall being.

Your judge is what is making you feel unsatisfied.

[Plays With Life]

Originally Posted by Gracestars

... happiness is about love, a sense of connectedness, community, belonging.

Could you feel connected, and a sense of belonging, even when you're alone? You always belong as a member of the human race, don't you? Even if everyone around you doesn't like you - you still belong.

[Manomanman]

Originally Posted by Gracestars

But i have realised that I have so few people who even care that I exist. Few family and few friends, and even they may not stick around. And so, what is the point of living through the suffering if you cannot eventually surmmount it, when the hard work is for nothing? What is the point of life without love, when you have so much of it to give?

Go back and read some of my post history. I feel like I have a similar story to yours - somebody told me that I have Courage and Truth, but I lack Love. I feel like that's what you're talking about here.

I think what you're doing is just "waking up" to reality. In our mid 20's, people like us begin to realize the way things actually work in the world. People are essentially narcissistic and self-preserving. You can't be needy, approval-seeking, or dependant on them to validate your internal sense of worth.

You're female, so you should have an easy time meeting members of the opposite sex (see Steve's stuff on conscious sexuality). But you also sound hurt, which leads to fear, which can springboard into a host of other negative emotions. These negative emotions can be repulsive to other people, who have their own negative emotions to deal with.

The best plan of action is to make "Love" a long-term goal, just like "$1,000,000" is one of my long-term goals. Then work toward it. Be patient.

You probably have some disempowering beliefs about love that you still need to de-program. I think you probably had a deranged concept of love that caused you to navigate this past relationship poorly, and when it didn't turn out the way you expected, it pulled the psychological rug out from under you.

Read Steve Pavlina's blogs. He had a good one recently about getting over "tragic events", I'll see if I can find the link. But if you really take subjective realism and emotional mastery seriously, then you'll eventually overcome your obstacles.

If you're attached to your pain, you'll never grow past it.

[SimonaRich]

You cannot work hard to achieve happiness, working hard gives only struggle. Start enjoying yourself by finding and focusing on things that bring you joy. Regain some of your power back by understanding that you are the only person completely responsible for your state of mind.

It is not friends that you are missing, you are missing better connection with your higher self. You have that empty/lonely feeling which indicates that. To reconnect with your hs you can meditate and focus on things that bring you joy. If you do that you will start feeling great and you will notice that you don't need any friends to be happy.

[Dot]

Gracestars, what if you stopped fighting the slipping? Slipping means you're losing grounding or your foothold on where you are.

Just go down. Boom!

A good example is watching one-year-old kids learning to walk. In the process, they fall down hundreds of times. And you'll notice, that as they begin to fall, they don't fight it. They just sit down. They just fall. With no fighting at all.

Then they're firmly on the ground, and can start the process again.

What you're trying to do is to literally walk through your life in the air. : ) Flying comes later. First you learn to walk, then to run. Then later to glide, then to fly.

When you "slip" it's because you've lost contact. You've lost grounding energy...the same energy that keeps a house standing.

Let yourself fall. Then you'll re-establish a ground connection. Then you'll be able to get back up. And you'll be standing on solid ground. Then go from there. One step at a time. And when you lose you're footing, just fall down. Get back up again. Until you can walk in your life.

My 2¢.

[Gracestars]

Thanks to everyone for giving me a lot to think about. I would like to reply to all of the posts but don't have time right now.

I suppose I am one of those people who has always found life fundamentally difficult. I guess I have always felt easily bogged down. Part of me believes that I have been going through a healing crisis of sorts, and I am at the very least proud of myself for chosing to create learning from what has happened and thankful that I have the self-awareness in order to do so. But it sometimes it feels constant and I feel as though a greater shift or change should have started to manfiest in my external world by now. Maybe I am being impatient and maybe I have much more work yet to do.

I know that I am attached heavily to the pain and losses of my past, but letting go is so much easier said than done. I have a big, beating heart that loves people greatly, and when hurt, bleeds greatly too. Maybe I need to channel more of this love toward myself. The pain had conditioned me to believe, even expect, more hurt and more loss, which is so very unhelpful, but the past has taught me what to expect from the future. I guess, all I can do is keep going, keep going. Somehow.

[Gracestars]

I guess as well, all of this 'suffering' makes me question the meaning of life. I mean, it is one thing to say that life is suffering... but really what is the point then? To learn? To accept? To accept so that suffering no longer matters? In my lower points, I find that really hard to swallow. I mean theoretically the impermanence of life should be a comfort, because as with all things, this too shall pass. And I think, so maybe I need to get back to basics... enjoy the water (I live near the beach and swim every day - when I'm able to), sunsets, warms exchanges with strangers, but then in time, the next big painful hit will come my way and this will be so much more consuming, and heavily experienced than any of these small pleasures, and so again we are left with what is the point? It's like we constantly get knocked down to get back up a little more brusied and battered than the last time.

[AncientSoul]

Dear Gracestars Soul,

What may feel like slipping is just a period of going deeper-I feel. You want more and need more from life and I can say that I feel often that I question the same things in life. We are all alone at the end of our interactions with other humans but then again we are always connected to the TRUTH and LOVE that is God. Loneliness is the most interesting feeling because it is a void that nothing fill but we from within. Connect with people you feel good with and then ask them to 'be with you' spiritually even when they are not around physically. Distances do not matter in the spiritual world and I have experienced this not just read about it. Feeling pain is part of being alive but I feel that I have to understand that it has to be acknowledged and then allow it to float away. Do not burry the loneliness and negative feelings-just recognize them and then let them leave your being. Spiritual journey is not an easy one-but the harder journey is not being spiritually aware. Cry if you need to but then laugh. Nothing is permanent but God or Cosmic Truth-whatever you believe. Feel the vibrations of love and empower yourself as a woman and as human. Let me know if you want to connect spiritually. I am open to all the good souls who desire to be friends.

[Angela]

Oh, boy, Gracestars, my dear, you are slipping back into that same old story, aren't you! What happened to your new story? Hey, did you happen to pick up that book? (Money and the Law of Attraction)?

You know, your new story doesn't have to be some grand, unbelievable pie-in-the-sky tall tale. Your new story is to have you feeling a little bit better. And it will be a NEW new story every time, because it's something new in each moment that's going to have you feeling a little bit better.

Just to give you an idea of what I'm talking about:

Grace's new story, as retold by Angela.
I suppose I have been being a person who has always been looking for life to be fundamentally difficult, and I am beginning to see now that I have only been finding what I've been looking for. Maybe it's time for me to start looking for life to be fundamentally safe and supporting. I guess I have always felt easily bogged down, and now it feels really good to notice that I can just float, relax and float, and the bog will hold me up. I'm okay right now, the bog does seem to be holding me up. Part of me believes that I have been going through a healing crisis of sorts, and it feels really good to be choosing to create learning from what has happened and I am more and more thankful that I have the self-awareness in order to do so. I have a lifetime of fun challenges ahead of me, and I will handle them all.

I know that in the past I had been attached heavily to the pain and losses of my past, and now everything seems to be assisting me in just letting go now. It feels good to begin to just let go of what I don't need anymore. I have a big, beating heart that loves people greatly, and it feels good to notice that I am one of those people. We're all in this together. People care about me, and people are willing to help me, just as I'm willing to help them. That feels great to know.

I'm not sure what will come up, but whatever it is, I'll handle it.

It doesn't have to be all radically positive and happy teen spirit -- just thoughts that have you feeling a bit better. Doesn't it feel great to begin to just feel a little better?

[Manomanman]

Originally Posted by Gracestars

But then in time, the next big painful hit will come my way and this will be so much more consuming, and heavily experienced than any of these small pleasures, and so again we are left with what is the point? It's like we constantly get knocked down to get back up a little more brusied and battered than the last time.

You have the intention to manifest pain in your reality. You clearly have the mindset, "Something bad is going to happen, just around the corner." I can't tell you WHY you have this intention, because I don't know you personally, and you're not sharing some fundamental detail with us that will allow us to give you a direct fix. You're going to have to fix yourself.

Like I said earlier, if you can't make sense of and consciously confront the disempowering belief you have about love (somewhere DEEP DEEP down in your brain somewhere), then you're just going to be stuck where you are.

You don't seem motivated enough to get over the pain, though, which is something I see a lot of on these forums. There are no magic pills or one-liners to fix you. You're going to have to dig the disempowering belief out.

Explained in another way: a lot of people are attached to their ego, or their past self as their cornerstone sense of identity. They get emotionally attached to being in pain, or being angry, etc. etc. They don't know any other way. When they start to change for the better (i.e. after reading Steve Pavlina), they slip up and go back into the old patterns. Our brains fear change, because we're evolutionarily hard-wired that way. You're going to have to have the bravery to change, to let your old pain-wracked self die, and experience a rebirth into a newer, happier person. The change you're looking for is deep and life-altering.

[Manomanman]

Originally Posted by Angela

You know, your new story doesn't have to be some grand, unbelievable pie-in-the-sky tall tale.

Bingo. Read up on some of Steve Pavlina's stuff on a values-oriented life. It sounds like you're riding the highs when you're high, and suffering on the lows, which come one after the other.

[monica428]

You are such a strong young lady for you to have overcome all those difficulties!! I agree with the others that you don't need lots of friends to survive as not all friends could be trusted and dependable. As per my experience, I had lots of friends in the past and I could say that most of them were just with me in times of fun...but when in times of difficulty, I struggled alone and no one was there to reach out to. But it is good that I have like 2 or 3 friends whom I could really really rely on. I am currently going through a tough phase in my life and thank God I have these friends who keep telling me to hang on and never give up.
You just need friends like mine whom you could really really trust; who would never criticize nor judge you but would be there to lend an ear and a helping hand; who would be there not to influence you but make you see the good sides of things. You're young and wonderful and I know that the worst times of your life would make you stronger and a better person, so don't feel so down...you are not alone.

[Gracestars]

Originally Posted by Angela

Oh, boy, Gracestars, my dear, you are slipping back into that same old story, aren't you! What happened to your new story? Hey, did you happen to pick up that book? (Money and the Law of Attraction)?

You know, your new story doesn't have to be some grand, unbelievable pie-in-the-sky tall tale. Your new story is to have you feeling a little bit better. And it will be a NEW new story every time, because it's something new in each moment that's going to have you feeling a little bit better.

Just to give you an idea of what I'm talking about:



It doesn't have to be all radically positive and happy teen spirit -- just thoughts that have you feeling a bit better. Doesn't it feel great to begin to just feel a little better?

Yes, Angela, I'm afraid I had a bit of a relapse. As I have said before, thank you for your advice. I have not forgotten it.

[Gracestars]

Originally Posted by Manomanman

You have the intention to manifest pain in your reality. You clearly have the mindset, "Something bad is going to happen, just around the corner." I can't tell you WHY you have this intention, because I don't know you personally, and you're not sharing some fundamental detail with us that will allow us to give you a direct fix. You're going to have to fix yourself.

Like I said earlier, if you can't make sense of and consciously confront the disempowering belief you have about love (somewhere DEEP DEEP down in your brain somewhere), then you're just going to be stuck where you are.

You don't seem motivated enough to get over the pain, though, which is something I see a lot of on these forums. There are no magic pills or one-liners to fix you. You're going to have to dig the disempowering belief out.

Explained in another way: a lot of people are attached to their ego, or their past self as their cornerstone sense of identity. They get emotionally attached to being in pain, or being angry, etc. etc. They don't know any other way. When they start to change for the better (i.e. after reading Steve Pavlina), they slip up and go back into the old patterns. Our brains fear change, because we're evolutionarily hard-wired that way. You're going to have to have the bravery to change, to let your old pain-wracked self die, and experience a rebirth into a newer, happier person. The change you're looking for is deep and life-altering.

I wouldn't say that I am 'not motivated enough to get over the pain.' If I was really lacking motivation I wouldn't be here now. Maybe some of my writing has got lost in translation... I may be engaged in some pretty heavy doubts, but I am not apathetic when it comes to my life... bitter maybe, stuck, maybe, unmotivated not so.

[questions]

Hi Gracestars,

You've gotten very good replies...insightful, powerful and hopefully brought you a bit of progress

The love of your life ... What prevents you from pursuing. When loss is endured in a relationship, both suffer. Yet both brought the relationship to it's daily status. There is beauty in pain. A bit of depression, as long as it is recognized is normal. Cling on to your faith, mothers are wonderful friends.

To have Loved and given all is better than not to have loved at all.

Hopefully the relationship had no 3rd party involvement...

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Gracestars

Yes, Angela, I'm afraid I had a bit of a relapse.

Well, a tiny step backwards just means that you're getting ready to take a huge step forward, doesn't it.

[Manomanman]

Originally Posted by Gracestars

I wouldn't say that I am 'not motivated enough to get over the pain.' If I was really lacking motivation I wouldn't be here now. Maybe some of my writing has got lost in translation... I may be engaged in some pretty heavy doubts, but I am not apathetic when it comes to my life... bitter maybe, stuck, maybe, unmotivated not so.

But are you motivated to take make radical changes to your life and let go of the past forever? There's a difference between typing some stuff on a forum and actually making life-altering changes, which few people ever really do.

[Gracestars]

Originally Posted by Manomanman

But are you motivated to take make radical changes to your life and let go of the past forever? There's a difference between typing some stuff on a forum and actually making life-altering changes, which few people ever really do.

Seeing as you have asked, I will answer… yes, I am motivated to make big changes.

Of course there is a difference between writing on a forum and implementing more ‘radical changes’ but I do not have the luxury, nor the time to tell you my entire life story and the actions I am taking to implement the necessary changes. Moreover, I do not have to explain myself to you or anyone else. I have asked for help and conversation from people who can relate. I thought all of that would be pretty obvious. You do not know me and so you are better of taking my word for it if I say that I am motivated, rather than trying to prove me wrong or accuse me otherwise. It really just isn’t very helpful. You come across as irritated and impatient with this thread and those like it. You could just as easily cease reading it and all others like it.

[Gracestars]

Originally Posted by Manomanman

But are you motivated to take make radical changes to your life and let go of the past forever? There's a difference between typing some stuff on a forum and actually making life-altering changes, which few people ever really do.

Or if you prefer, I can give you the answer you want... yes I am unmotivated. You are right, and I am lazy. Is that what you wanted?

[Gracestars]

Originally Posted by Angela

Well, a tiny step backwards just means that you're getting ready to take a huge step forward, doesn't it.

I hope you're right! Right now I am managing to keep my head just above water but I am determined not to slip any further. I'm really not sure what has caused this relapse, but I have been feeling physically unwell also, so that might have something to do with it. To add to that I have been having very vivid dreams with many interactions from people from my past. But whatever the cause I am determined to turn this around.

Thanks to everyone for taking the time to post. You have given some sound advice that has been a grateful reminder of much that I have needed to hear.

[Dot]

Little changes are where it's at. : )

Row, row, row your boat - gently down the stream.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Gracestars

I hope you're right!

Me, too. Feeling hope feels a bit better than what you were feeling before, doesn't it? That's what deliberate thought will get you.

In my experience, the one thing that makes the biggest difference is intention: that is, being "I intend to feel good." Many people are just willing to wait for feeling good, like it's just going to happen to them, maybe, Someday. And sometimes it does. But the people who are really effective at feeling good -- the people who have a genius for it -- are people who feel good intentionally, with volition. It may be difficult to imagine feeling good when you're not feeling so great, and it may mean taking a huge leap of faith. And it doesn't take any leap of faith for me to notice that you, Gracestars, have the ability to feel wonderful, when you're ready to. It's very clear to me that you have the capacity to feel wonderful because you choose it, so if you are looking around for faith that you can do it, just lean on my faith in your power for awhile, if you like. Sometime it's easier for someone outside you to see it, than for you to be able to see it in yourself, when you're square in the middle of not feeling good.

I'm cheering you on!

[Manomanman]

Originally Posted by Gracestars

rather than trying to prove me wrong or accuse me otherwise. It really just isn’t very helpful. You come across as irritated and impatient with this thread and those like it. You could just as easily cease reading it and all others like it.

I believe we're getting somewhere now. I asked if you were motivated enough to change and pointed out a common pattern in which people fail to change. You responded by defending yourself and criticizing me as a person. I'm merely reflecting to you my perceptions of the interaction we're having - I have absolutely no control over your inner emotional state or thoughts. It's up to you to determine how you will act in response to others. If my suggestions are absolutely ridiculous to you, then you can simply ignore them. My suggestions are based on my past experiences of what people need, not what they want. I challenge others to grow (like Steve Pavlina does) rather than providing emotional support.

I would suggest reading:

Self-Acceptance vs. Personal Growth

Understanding Human Relationships