What is the most effective method for changing one's own personality you've found?

[RegisteredUser]

Let me add, the most effective one that a working class person (less than 30K a year) can afford? That's the problem I have with these expensive personal coaches and immersion seminars. If I had that kind of money to throw around, I wouldn't need a seminar lol But as I said in the "Tony Robbins, Date with Destiny" thread, I've been driven for most of my life by fear rather than desire. That's how Dennis Waitley puts it in "Psychology of Winning". Or as Tony Robbins would probably say, my top "moving toward" value is comfort/convenience/safety. My top "moving away from" value is any kind of emotional pain, but more specifically probably it is probably panic/helplessness.

I fear emotional pain more than physical pain. I've always been intrigued by the idea that I heard in one of Tony's tapes, that if you could rearrange the order of a person's "moving toward" and "moving away from" values, you'll change virtually everything about them. He says there's a way to do it, but I don't have thousands of dollars to spend on an immersion seminar on some island. I know that inside me is a person who loves adventure, loves new experiences just for new experience's sake, loves getting up in the morning, loves being alive. I know because for short periods of time in my life I've BEEN that person. I'm already middle aged and most high school kids have "been around the block" more than me. I'm getting too old to have done nothing with my life, there's no more "someday" for me.

Any help would be appreciated.

[fresco]

To be honest, what started me off on my own personal journey was borrowing self help books from the library. Cost? Free!

I've learned different ways of seeing the world and myself through various points of views in these self help books, then have cobbled together my own personal philosophy on how I live my life.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by RegisteredUser

... my top "moving toward" value is comfort/convenience/safety.

Hi, RegisteredUser! Consulting with a Master NLP Practitioner doesn't have to cost you several thousand dollars, and by doing so, you can directly approach rearranging your values as Tony Robbins was suggesting. In fact, NLP is where he got that.

If you were to visit me, I'd probably suggest first eliciting your values as they are, then doing TIME Techniques, which is a two-hour session in which we release all your old stored-up negative emotions. It's wonderful. Then we'd elicit your values again, and I think you'd be amazed at how different your list of values looks after you let go of all that old gunk. Mine was radically transformed, in the sweetest way, and my entire life looked different without all those old emotions stacked up in my mind and heart.

Then we'd look to see if the order of your values works well for you, if there's anything missing that would make a difference that you'd like to add to your values. We'd also do any other NLP techniques together that would help your ideal self -- the you who loves adventure, loves new experiences just for new experience's sake, loves getting up in the morning, loves being alive -- emerge powerfully, easily, effortlessly, and joyfully.

This all can be done with a Master NLP Practitioner in one or two sessions, amazingly enough, and you and your issues will be the prime focus of your practitioner -- it's all about YOU, unlike in a seminar where you share the spotlight with hundreds of other people.

By the way, your value of comfort/convenience/safety sounds like a moving-away value to me. Those things sound more like an oasis from what you DON'T want -- relief from discomfort, inconvenience, danger, and pain. Do you see what I mean about that? Again, releasing your old stored up emotions tends to move your values into areas that are "towards" -- dynamically compelling values that excite and motivate you -- and it happens "automatically," easily and effortlessly.

Let me know if you'd like more information about that.

Lots of love and best wishes,
Angela

[RegisteredUser]

Yes I definitely would like more info on that, thank you. I'm in the Chicago area.

[SimonaRich]

It is reallly beneficial to read self-help books and if you are able to apply what you have read, than you do not need a coach.

Personal coaches are necessary if the person finds it hard to apply things and keep being motivated to change.

[Angela]

RegisteredUser, I just did a quick search of NLP+Chicago and got zillions of results -- it looks like Chicago is a hotbed of NLP activity! I would look at some websites, find a couple whose style resonates with you, and then ask for references. Some practitioners are more gentle and new-agey, and some are more authoritarian, and so on... everyone's style is a little different. (And, by the way, I and some other practitioners will do sessions over the phone. Most practitioners will do a free phone consultation with you so that you can get a *feel* for them -- and see if you like their voice!)

SimonaRich, no one *needs* a coach. It's sort of like massage -- you *can* massage your own body, and it's great! And it's a whole 'nuther experience to have a massage therapist rubbing you the right way. You can read a hundred books on massage, but it's not going to give you the ability to massage you the way another person can.

The value of a coach or practitioner does not lie in relying on her or needing her -- the value of consulting a practitioner is that you get a dissociated new perspective, and you get to be guided by someone who has been there before, which can save you lots of time and frustration. Plus, it feels really good to have another person there who is committed to you getting what you want.

[James81]

I wrote an article on my blog that might help you:

Inner Turmoil Part 3: Paradigms :The Soul’s Asylum

Most of your issues are probably stemming from your beliefs about yourself. When you discover your most basic beliefs about yourself, then you can see clearly what's driving you and perhaps get a clearer idea about where you want to go.

[Chris Cade]

For me, the biggest change occurred simply when, like you, I started asking more meaningful questions. Change occurred when my curiosity was more important than my present ideas about how life "should" be.

[Holistic Star]

EFT - you can download the manual for free from EFT Home - World Center for EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques)

That's what got me started.


Angela, really interested in TIME techniques. Sounds fascinating. What's that and where can I learn more?

[Kimp]

Hi there RegisteredUser,

I'm curious that you want to CHANGE your personality. Is this like someone getting breast enlargement? I'm not happy with me and have to change?

I've been through a very long nightmare, and it was clear to me that I had to get away from the person that I was and where I was at. But I didn't change my personality. I had to work at getting rid of all the learned behaviour that I'd inherited from my parents and society. For me it has been about getting thru to the real me, discovering the real me, way underneath a whole load of baggage. Peeling off the layers bit by bit like an onion.

I'm currently getting hypnotherapy, and have been thru years of therapies, but it's always been about me finding myself. Sure its costing me a fair bit, but before I was an empty scared lonely lost hibernating introverted guy. There's light at the end of the tunnel now, and its fab!

I'm not a new person, I've gone a long way towards finding the real me

[ijpeatey]

The most effective? I tend to think there are 2 ways this happens.

First is a major trauma (usually a 'bad' thing but could be a 'good' thing, as well). I wouldn't recommend seeking out one of these as they are often life threatening!

Second is working on whatever it is you want to change step by step. That could be mainly small steps and a few bigger steps.

Assuming the second approach, there are plenty of books, cd's, dvd's, seminars, workshops, coaches, therapists etc. out there. And what works for one person doesn't work for someone else. Personally, for example, I really don't like NLP but I know plenty of people who swear by it.

The 3 approaches I find most useful myself are Nonviolent Communication (Marshall Rosenberg), Constellation therapy (there are several forms of this) and The Work (Byron Katie). The first and last have plenty of free resources available in the internet. YouTube might be a good place to start. There are books, cds etc. And many workshops and seminars - usually at very reasonable prices.

As I say, what works for me doesn't mean it works for anyone else. Best thing is to try out as many as you can over a period of time and then choose one or two that feel good for you.

Good luck

[steve0617]

How about backing up a single step and asking if the fear even has a right to exist? Are you accepting what you're fearful of without even questioning it's source?

After reading Steve's How to Graduate From Christianity article last week, I really started thinking about all areas of my life in which I'm feeling fear (mostly money right now).

And then I started asking WHY do I fear these things? Are the fears I'm feeling truly anything more than possible judgment from family or strangers?

Are these perceptions simply other people's opinions of what is 'accepted' and I've just accepted that 'that's the way it is' and thus I have to go along with their opinions risking their shunning?

Can you separate the fear from why you think you need to be afraid? Can you question the source or acceptance of where the judgment began?

This is all new to me so I'm fumbling along with my thinking, but if Steve can write an article about walking away from the institution of Catholicism/Christianity because of questioning 'what is already accepted as fact,' perhaps there's a way you can get leverage (ala Tony Robbins) on the 'problem's source' itself.

[moriez]

Act. Act now. If you have a notion of who or what you want to be start being like that now

[poet]

Hi Registered User, I too am a Master NLP Practitioner, (based in England so too far away for you). I would agree entirely with what Angela has to say, NLP is perhaps one of the least expensive therapies because it works so quickly, and it works at re-programming your mind, and is not about changing your personality. Its your thinking that's the issue, not your personality. I work with Time Line Therapy, but I've not heard of the updated 'Time' technique, which sounds interesting. I do know, however, that Time Line Therapy worked for me and I know its helped many others in my own practice overcome emotional issues. It takes away the power of the event which is at the root cause of your fears. I also agree, that it's difficult to overcome your fears and re-programme your thinking by reading books alone, you need someone with you on your journey to give you feedback, help you see your 'blindspots' and encouragement, which motivates you to change. Good luck in your journey.

[andersonx]

Changing your personality.

What is your personality essentially?

It's your collection of habitual emotions, thoughts, and behaviours.

I suggest reading a little on the way the brain forms neurone connections. If I light up a cigarette once, a little neurone pathway is created. Everytime I smoke a cigarette that pathway is strengthened (especially if it is a pleasurable action). The brain is constantly forming new connections.

Your personality is the product of which pathways of emotion, thought and behaviour are the strongest.

For example you might be an anxiety-ridden, negative thinking, lazy and unfulfilled person, or you might be a joyful, open-minded, positive and motivated success machine. (Sorry the examples kind of suck, but you get the idea).

So what are you? You are basically one big habit. A whole load of habitual ways of feeling, thinking and behaving exist within your brain, new ones are formed over your lifetime, but for a lot of people this process is arbitrary - they don't consciously take the time to design the person they are becoming in terms of how they think, feel and behave.

You've made the first step towards conscious growth which is thinking: hey, I want to have some say in the process, I want to choose who and what I become.

So how do you begin consciously implementing this desire to change? You've got to choose how you want to feel, think and behave and spend some time every day bringing your actual feelings, thoughts and behaviour into alignment with the person you desire to become.

Affirmations, visualisation, reminding yourself of your goals daily etc. are commonly touted techniques (that do work pretty well!)

I think the best way is to hit directly at the way that you feel (the emotional) rather than spend to much time altering the mental. If you feel incredible, the right mental attitudes tend to follow suit.

I reccomend Anthony Robbins, GET THE EDGE for this. Its probably the most powerful product you can use to move yourself in the direction you want to go. If you want any more info, let me know!!

Check out Steve's latest blog post too, the holosync stuff sounds interesting, but I've never tried it, so can't vouch for it.

[roxy230]

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