help please.

[sai_]

I'm 15. I've got a lot of problems that no-one can help me with, so I hope to get some responses from here.

This is how I feel these days:

* I'm doing things much slower than usual.
* I'm bothered by things that usually don't bother me.
* I've had periods of feeling low that last for at least several hours.
* I've had trouble concentrating.
* Things that used to be interesting to me are no longer interesting.
* My energy level has been low.
* My future has seemed hopeless.
* I've have been preoccupied with death, dying, or suicide.
* I feel like I've lost some confidence.
* I get easily irritated.

* I'm afraid that something bad is going to happen to me.
* I've been sleeping a lot more or less than usual.
* I've have lost or gained five pounds.
* It is difficult for me to make decisions.
* I feel like no one likes me anymore.

* I have aches or pains that can't be explained.
* I've been avoiding my friends.
* I feel like I have nothing to live for.
* Nothing seems important to me.
* It takes a lot of effort to do the most simple of tasks.

* I feel sad or blue.
* I feel like a failure.
* I feel more dead than alive.
* I feel trapped in my life.
* I feel depressed, even if something good happens.


What's happening to me?

[Dharma]

You're depressed. That blah feeling is you shutting down emotionally.

Can you get to a counselor, either private or through school?

When did you notice the change in the way you felt and what was happening in you life at that time?

[Bisha]

Reading this brings back a flood of memories.

You definitely seem like you're quite depressed - and the fact that there are physical representations of this makes this apparent too (like the aches and pains you're having).

Has something happened to you recently that's made you feel this way, or is this something that just kind of on-set itself?

I know that 15 is a tough age (I was there very recently!) and though I'm sure you've heard it before, and probably hate to hear it again, there's the chance that it's what's going on in your body that's messing you up a little, too.

But I think with changing the way you think about yourself and the things that happen around you, you can really lift yourself out of this funk. There's so much to enjoy in life and you have SUCH a great time ahead of you (I promise!)

The fact that you made this thread shows that you know that things can improve - so you're well on your way already.

Maybe if you told us more about your situation in context, the posters could offer more help?

[sai_]

Well, firstly I'd like to mention I'm egyptian so I'm obviously not a very good english speaker, and I'm sorry if my posts seem vague.

Well, my parents got divorced 3 three ago. I know I should stop thinking about it but the memories are too strong to let go. The fights etc. I can make the story detailed but I wouldn't want to bore anyone. lol.

And second, I've been suffering from alopecia for the past 5 years. I've been doing a lot of research on it lately and it's incurable, and that's what scares me. I have a boyfriend as well, who, luckily, understands the pain I'm going through and doesn't mind me being bald. Okay, actually I told him my hair grew a bit which isn't true and I'm embarrassed to tell him the truth. He does know about my hairfall though.

I feel like crying everytime I go out with my girl-friends and seeing them with their hair, or my sister coming out of the shower combing her hair in front of me, it hurts and I'm sure no-one understands. I'm just sick of having to wake up everyday and looking at myself in the mirror. I want it all to end.

I cry for no reason. I'm even crying while typing this and I don't know why. I'm tired of lying to my boyfriend, tired of lying to everyone, tired of everything.

My dad re-married a horrible witch, my mom's dating a guy and I hate that. No-one cares about me anymore. My mom keeps on telling me that my hair'll grow soon, and there's no sign of any improvement.

I'm not really concerned about myself physically but I know that I'm really underweight for my age (100 lbs.) and students in my school bully me for being flat-chested and that hurts a lot.

I don't even know if I like my boyfriend anymore, I'm getting mixed feelings about him. I'm scared.

I've got a lot on my mind and when someone asks me what the matter is, I can't explain. I've been ignoring all my friends' calls and my boyfriend's. I don't know why I'm being like this. I'm just confused and wish I would die.

I don't want to see a counselor or a phychiatrist. I wouldn't want to let my parents or anyone else know about my situation.

School starts in two days and I wouldn't want to face anyone with this kind of attitude.

[Bisha]

Your english is fantastic, don't worry about it.

You're obviously frustrated - you're crying because there's so much going on and you feel like you don't have any control. Don't feel guilty or confused about this much - give yourself permission to feel the way you feel, accept the position that you're in.

It's difficult struggling with any kind of condition, especially one like this when you're self-conscious enough as it is being a teenager. I knew someone once who had Alopecia Mucinosa (the simplest explanation I got from a website is "A type of alopecia which results in scaley patches.")

I've been ignoring all my friends calls and my boyfriend's. I don't know why I'm being like this. I'm just confused and wish I would die.

Don't give up hope! There are obviously people who care about you - your boyfriend is calling you, your friends are calling you - you have made positive impacts on people's lives and they want to be around you.

I think to get yourself out of this state you need to really take control of how you think about yourself and react to your surroundings. Your parent's divorce obviously had a big effect on you and you need to deal with your lingering emotions there, too. You should break it all down and deal with these things in babysteps if you must, but tackle them and think about what you reallly want.

Give this article a shot:
http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/200...gedy-and-loss/

I think some of the ideas might help you if you really open yourself up to them and allow yourself permission to FEEL and then to heal from that and move on with your perceptions.

[sai_]

There are times when someone gives me advice and I become speechless. Like, not knowing what to say. And this is definitely one of them. I'm not good at expressing my feelings or gratitude at all anymore. I'm sorry. I know this isn't enough but thank you. very much.



Oh, and one last unrelevant thing, my being bald has totally ruined my dreams of becoming a model, how can I overcome that? And I still want to be a model.

[Minstrel]

Dear Sai,

Oh, and one last unrelevant thing, my being bald has totally ruined my dreams of becoming a model, how can I overcome that? And I still want to be a model.

I have two suggestions.

First, why did you want to become a model? Perhaps if you can figure out your reasons for wanting this, you will be able to think of other paths that will meet the same needs or desires. For example, if you want to be a model because you want recognition and public appreciation, you could look into being a speaker or even a comedian. Was your reason financial? Then think of other paths that will meet the same financial needs.

I suggest that you sit down and make up a list of all the things you liked about modeling. Write down every good thing that appealed to you. Try to dig deep. Maybe one reason is that you wanted to feel pretty. (If so, see below.) Now make another list. Beside each item on the first list, write down other things that could provide the same good to you.

My second suggestion is this. Be a model. You do not have to give this up because you have no hair. Do you have a beautiful face? Look at your profile. There is still beauty there. Ask your boyfriend to tell you what is beautiful about you. Ask your other female friends as well.

I'm not trying to raise false hopes in you. Realistically, you probably will not have the same glamour shots you imagined before. It will probably be hard to be hired by someone else. But. Hear me out:

The whole world is full of women who want to by clothing, but who aren't glamorous. There are thousands of women in the world with no hair, just like you. Some of us are even ugly. Some of us are short. Some of use have scars on our faces, or disfigured bodies because of breast cancer. Some of us are albino, and have no color in our skin or hair. Some of us have Down syndrome. The people I know with Down syndrome have difficulty finding clothes. Can you imagine having a fully developed body, and yet being only four feet tall? And yes, there are women with scars on their faces. I know a girl who was born without eyeballs. She has empty sockets.

All of these women still have beauty. Not the same glamor, maybe. And they all need clothes that will set off their best attributes.

Forgive me for my boldness. Here is my suggestion. Go into business making clothes for "different" women. Model yourself to show them the truth. Model your own hats and scarves for women without hair. Study coloring and hire someone scared to show off what a well planned outfit can do. Hire someone extra short or extra tall, someone disfigured. BE a model, if you want to. You have a whole market out there that no one is catering to.

Remember how sad you are when your sister combs her hair? Imagine how other people feel when they are shopping for clothes, and all the models are so glamorous. It isn't real. They know they could never look like that. It hurts them, just like it hurts you. But if you modeled clothing for people without hair, they would know that this is real. You'd be telling them the truth, that they--and you--can still be beautiful. So reach out. Take your dream by the horns and achieve it.

When you read the above, you might not want to do this at all. If not, don't. My point is, you have a choice. You can still do whatever you want to do. YOu are not in a cage. If you want to be a model, do it. If you don't, don't. But it is your decision. It hasn't been taken away from you.

Minstrel

[Lauxa]

Dear Sai,

I have shaved my head twice, once in college and once when my first daughter was about 6 months old, and it made me feel very free (so much easier to take care of!), but I can see how it would be different when it is not something of your own choosing. I found this blog, and wanted to pass on the link:

Help4Alopecia.com

Tell yourself that everything happens for a reason and that this challenge has come to you for your benefit, even if you can't see how right now. I don't know if it's true or not, but your belief will create your reality to a large extent.

I also reccommend listening to motivational audio material like Tony Robbins. He is so charged with positive energy that it's practically impossible to stay depressed while listening to him.