Please help- I want to commit suicide

[Emaaki]

I want to because of all the decisions i have made over the past 3 years. i read a self help book, and took it word for word, and tried to become perfect, as well as pleasing everyone around me. I have now developed into a person thati hate. i met who could have been the love of my life, but since i had changed, i didn't suit him any more.

I NEVER WANT 2 BE WITH ANYONE ELSE THO!!! IT WAS MEANT TO BE HIM!!!

I have also thrown away alot of my youth as through tryng to be perfect, i matured way too much, and also crushed alot of my dreams. i am no longer that sweet girl who shoud have been patient with herself, i am an old minded freak who just managed to through away the most important person in the world to her. And no, i can't get through this. also because I have ruined too many things that i can never reverse. I am a failure, and I am going to end my life, as i am already dead inside anyway.