Please help- I want to commit suicide

[Emaaki]

I want to because of all the decisions i have made over the past 3 years. i read a self help book, and took it word for word, and tried to become perfect, as well as pleasing everyone around me. I have now developed into a person thati hate. i met who could have been the love of my life, but since i had changed, i didn't suit him any more.

I NEVER WANT 2 BE WITH ANYONE ELSE THO!!! IT WAS MEANT TO BE HIM!!!

I have also thrown away alot of my youth as through tryng to be perfect, i matured way too much, and also crushed alot of my dreams. i am no longer that sweet girl who shoud have been patient with herself, i am an old minded freak who just managed to through away the most important person in the world to her. And no, i can't get through this. also because I have ruined too many things that i can never reverse. I am a failure, and I am going to end my life, as i am already dead inside anyway.

[magi13]

This is serious. Did you try talking to a suicide hotline or seek help? The only thing I can do for you is listen to your problems. If I can give you advice it's better if I know your situation more so that the readers may give their input.

I'm glad you took the time to post. <(^o^<)

Feel free to PM me, if you need privacy. Take the first step and reach for it. It's free, I don't charge a penny.

[Emaaki]

I have literally killed the person i used to be, along with all her dreams.....My life is no longer worth living. this is not just a phase, i have seriously ruined my life. i am such a ****head, i really am. I have lost the man of my dreams, myself, most of my friends, guys that I loved in the past because i was too chicken to go out with them, my dreams, my job, my peace of mind, my hope and my sparkle for life. This life really needs to be ended, there is really no point in going any further.

[magi13]

What program did you follow?
If we can find the source, maybe we can fix it. I do believe in this one phrase. "As long as I am alive, I can move forward."
I myself was a suicidal guy in the past. (2 -3 years ago) so I think I can relate to you.
Have you ever watched YES MAN? I recommend it.

[wolfgang]

go like this...

inhale 1 2 3 4 (slow)
pause ever so slightly
exhale 1 2 3 4 (slow)
repeat some


easy does it

this too shall pass

what you had is still with you - you are still you

I can't understand, you are right

remember to breathe.

[Emaaki]

I placed millions of very high expectations on myself per day for a very long time. I forced all of these things. including forcing positive thinking and trying to never have another negative thought again, cos the book said it was possible. I was extremely hard on myself for a very long time, and i thought to get out of the mess, i should just try to reach my expectations.

mentally, i am the biggest mess you will ever find. My life is the biggest mess you will find. I am the biggest mess you will find. i hate myself with the passion. I AM EXTREMELY HATEFUL, and no, I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO EXCEPT THIS PERSON. I am complete and utter failure.

NO POSITIVE THOUGHTS WIL NEVER HELP. I am just ready to die. NOW. I AM NOT WORTH ANYTHING ANYMORE

[Emaaki]

NOBODY
NOBODY
NOBODY

And i don't mean the suicide part, i mean the completely ruining my life part that got me to this point of wanting to end it all. I am f***ing moron, who needs to be buried. i can't do it anymore. i just can't. i really really can't. I have thrown away my youth. i don't have anything to live for anymore.

I would be sparing myself aalot of pain if i just ended it all. My family will have to understand that my life just got too bad to go on.

i have just mixed floor cleaner with orange juice aand have so far drunk a bit of it. i feel very sick........

[AlexL]

Emaaki,
If you are truly in as much distress as your posts suggest, you MUST go to the nearest emergency room and ask for immediate help! As bad as you feel, as much as you may hate yourself right now, you must make yourself recognize on some level that this is only how you're feeling RIGHT NOW. Though it may feel as if you will never feel any differently, that IS NOT TRUE. What you're feeling is a function of a depressed life-state, not who you are. You say you hate who you are--but you can CHANGE who you are. I agree with you: NOT through the power of positive thinking. Against a depression you seem to be experiencing, positive thinking is useless. You need your symptoms controlled immediately so you don't hurt yourself and then you can stop, look around, and figure out a method by which you can rediscover the valuable person you are.

Expecting others to make you happy is a fundamental mistake most of us make at one point in our lives or another--especially with romantic relationships. I, too, was feeling exactly as you are now years ago when I broke up with the first love of my life. I thought: "I can only be happy with her, but she doesn't want me anymore, so I can never be happy." This was a distorted thought process I only recognized in retrospect, but only because I DIDN'T STOP TRYING TO BREAK THROUGH MY SUFFERING AND NEITHER SHOULD YOU.

It might help you to read a post called "The True Cause Of Depression" on my website. But only after you've gone to an emergency room. I am completely serious. Please go right now.

AlexL
Happiness in this World

[magi13]

Originally Posted by Emaaki

I placed millions of very high expectations on myself per day for a very long time. I forced all of these things. including forcing positive thinking and trying to never have another negative thought again, cos the book said it was possible. I was extremely hard on myself for a very long time, and i thought to get out of the mess, i should just try to reach my expectations.

mentally, i am the biggest mess you will ever find. My life is the biggest mess you will find. I am the biggest mess you will find. i hate myself with the passion. I AM EXTREMELY HATEFUL, and no, I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO EXCEPT THIS PERSON. I am complete and utter failure.

NO POSITIVE THOUGHTS WIL NEVER HELP. I am just ready to die. NOW. I AM NOT WORTH ANYTHING ANYMORE

I see, I do believe positive thinking is a pile of crap, the real world isn't as nice as what we would like to think, and those books were sold to delude people into believing in a power that does not exist.

I'm sorry for not being able to reach you back then, but rejoice, you can change, not into a positive thinking person, but to a person who thinks.

You are not a failure, you just made a realization of the truth. Don't be afraid, to accept reality as what you see it with your eyes.

You gain experience via hardship and failures, that's how the world works. The secret to overcome that is to learn from other people's mistake in order to move forward without having to make that mistake.

I ask you to talk and post more here and vent out as much as you want or pm me, I do believe I can give your closure. But I doubt I can post such things here. Since this is a forum for believers.



Do not be afraid to accept who you have become, and who you will become. You are who you are for the things you've experienced and once you've overcome this hurdle you will become better.

This is just a stumbling block in the thing we call life.

Do not give up. (you don't have to think positive to move forward) You can be angry, hit some pillows or destroy some things. If you can channel that energy into the physical world, instead to yourself, you will be able to release some frustration in a positive manner.

[magi13]

Seek help as soon as you can from the nearest hospital. <(^o^<)

[drama07]

Have you tried putting all your attention to the present moment? By that I mean being aware of the thoughts in your head, being aware of the feelings inside your body, being aware of everything you sense. Being fully aware results in a complete halt in thinking. Be aware but don't try to think.

I believe the mind is your enemy. Not you. Postive & negative thoughts are pretty much the same thing. It is the mind that separates them to thoughts you want to avoid and thoughts you want to keep. The mind is putting you to brink of suicide, but you need to remember you aren't the mind.

First step I suggest is to listen to the voice in your head. Just listen, just be aware of it. Don't judge, label as negative, the voice. Just listen. Stop thinking and listen. It can be difficult, but the solution to all this is to be aware of the mind without using the mind itself.

[lifetimelearner]

there is no heaven and hell as the bible suggests
the hell is what we endure here on earth !!
we all have our own personal hells to go through

you my freind are not going to die from floor cleaner !
you are going to get help
you came to this site for a reason -a purpose
do not let your thoughts defeat you
I know how POWERFUL thoughts can be
and yes those of us that have been to the edge
of the chasm know full well how those ties of freedom
that suicide can promise
feel like

it is a ruse
a false hope of freedom
do not allow it to ruminate

get that little girl inside of you to take over your actions
I bet she wants to live !!
and she doeesn't care about your past mistakes

don't be the hanging jury in you own life
take over -
crawl out if you have to dammit!!!

please live

[Brutha]

And i don't mean the suicide part, i mean the completely ruining my life part that got me to this point of wanting to end it all. I am f***ing moron, who needs to be buried. i can't do it anymore. i just can't. i really really can't. I have thrown away my youth. i don't have anything to live for anymore.

Basically you have made choice that damaged your life and maybe your friends so that they turned away from you and you don't want to take responsibility and bring your life back in order.

Losing a loved one is always hard. But you can take responsibility and make better decisions next time.
While you at the moment don't want to look into a future where you are happy with another person, there's such a future.

Love is a stong emotion but with time you learn to detach from the person who left you.

Go to a hospital and take responsibility for your life.

[wolfgang]

I was thinking it might not be suicide you really want. There is something you want to kill but it's not yourself, in a way. You want to change where you find yourself right now - kill this particular set of life circumstances. The feeling of ending your life is a symbolic representation of wanting to kill the circumstances. Remember you know what it's like to like where your life is too.

again, breathe

[Plays With Life]

Maybe it's OK that you've killed the person you USED to be - and now you can create a new person for yourself?

[coLLege kid07]

calm down relax. (breathe in breathe out =) ) I'm sure many people have gone through what you're going through maybe not the exact same circumstances but something like them. Try talking to a therapist/counselor. A resource that really helped me alot was http://www.clinical-depression.co.uk...-Path-Free.pdf. Just take it slow and try not to worry too much. Plus realize change is inevitable. Its the one factor that always remains constant in the world. Really take it slow and calm yourself down.

[Emaaki]

i belived in youth sooo much. Now i belive in death sooo much. serioulsy i will be better gone. I really would. Its not like I will be living happily anyway....

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by Emaaki

i belived in youth sooo much. Now i belive in death sooo much. serioulsy i will be better gone. I really would. Its not like I will be living happily anyway....

Why don't you call the suicide hotline in your country, they can help you go through this.

What is the purpose of this thread too for you? You said you wanted help at the topic, however, what kind of help do you want?

[Emaaki]

Yea, i don't know...I actually don't think anyone can really help me right now. i am really really feeling useless and hopeless- well when you have thrown away ALL of your dreams.......

[Dimond]

Make new dreams. The whole point of making mistakes is that you can keep changing and improving. You can reinvent your life and self over and over and over.

You can start right now creating your new ideal life.
#1 List all of the things in your life you want to change. Write a detailed description of your ideal life. List ideas for how to obtain these things.
#2 Create An Incentive
An incentive is the purpose of your life and the key to your plan working. What is it that will give you the motivation to do what’s necessary to achieve what you want?
#3 Breakdown your goals into steps.

[Icantelleverything]

why do you think what you think about yourself???? and who is it really ....who has decided??? that is who you are.......????......think about who you are......and how you got there....who are you trying to please???

[Parthon]

I'm confused.

If you really wanted to kill yourself, then why did you post about it on a forum? What's the purpose of coming here just to tell us you are committing suicide?

I propose that there's a large part of you that doesn't to die, that wants to live. But a greater part of you loves the attention, the hopelessness and the pity party. I don't understand your mindset, but I understand your position. I have nothing and noone and am heavily in debt. It's not a case of having everything and losing it, I never had it to begin with. I should always be lonely, depressed and disappointed with my lot in life, according to popular opinion.

I can't really give you any advice until you discover that you actually do want to live. If you really don't want to live, and I mean *REALLY* don't want to live, then by all means, go along with it. But if you have anyone or anything in your life you would miss, or any kind of small dream you would like to fulfill, or anyone you think you would be letting down then perhaps your desire to die isn't 100%. If you don't want to die 100%, but only 50%, 80% or even 97%, then there's still a part of you that wants to live, no matter how small. It's that part that's posting on this forum, it's that small part that doubts and wonders.

It's time to ask yourself: Do you want to die 100%? If not, why not?

[alreturnslol]

Life is worth living

Life is worth living

Life is worth living!!!!!!!!!!


Seriously, don't do it. Your just in an extremely negative state right now, if you give it 48 hours to really think about all the good things in your life (and there are tons of them, even though you don't want to admit it. Look at a picture of a happy baby or a cute puppy, kittens. Something!!!)

Its never too late to turn your life around, killing yourself is a cheap way out of pain at the ultimate cost. It really takes courage to live. Courage I know you have because you came on this board. That takes courage. And now you have many posters in this thread that have proven you are worth something to them.


You are worth something to me, you really are. From one human to another I mean that with the deepest compassion.

YOUR LIFE MEANS SOMETHING

YOU SAY NO ONE LOVES YOU, I FEEL A DEEP SENSE OF CONNECTION AND LOVE FOR YOU.

go to the emergency room, call a hotline, do something. Your going to give up the only thing you have. And its NOT WORTH IT.

[Seven Steps]

I felt a bit similar..then I came across a beggar on the street who did not have two legs. I instanlty knew how lucky I was. I went to volunteer orphans all over the globe, and I know how lucky I am.

Look at the people suffering, go around and help them. They need your help, and you can make a difference.

[Emaaki]

I just called a hotline, and a man actually made me feel better. He said to have something called a wish board on my wall where I placed pictures on it- like the haircut that i might want, a car, whatever. The middle picture is the one that is the most important to me.

I guess i feel aot better, and i thought nothing could. i really did. i was about to do something really stupid, but then I thought, i will call the hotline first.

This man turned things around for me- he really did.

And i thank you all for your support- i really do, you are all beautiful.

there are still many things that i want to reverse, and i know it will take alot of time, which sux

But i gues there is hope. i amm not going to worry about what people think any more, i guess i will to an extent, but I will stand up for justice, and hopefully not get walked on.

is it possible to reverse absolutley anything? i have heard of brain therapy?

[Parthon]

Yes, it's possible to reverse and rebuild just about anything in your life. In fact, it's possible to build it better and more wonderful, no matter where you start from.

Often though it doesn't turn out the way you wish, but much much better. Don't worry about the how, or the what, just work on the why.

[AlexL]

I am so relieved you got help! YES, it is possible to reverse ANYTHING! You're only seeing the surface of people's lives in these forums, but I can attest that I have changed miserable circumstances and feelings in my life that, like you, I literally never believed possible.

However, there are paths to follow that actually work and paths that don't. If you really want to change and really want to become happy, which you absolutely deserve, you must dedicate your life to finding a practice/method that actually enables you to do that. If you try something out and it doesn't work, discard it. But always remember that if something fails it doesn't mean ALL things will fail. Never ever give up!

AlexL
Happiness in this World

[magi13]

I'm glad you're moving forward.

[RubberDuck]

Emaaki, I'm really glad to read that you regained some of the spirit.

It is not possible to fight negative thoughts with positive thinking, you have to release the negative thoughts first.

If I may ask, which self-help book had this effect on you?

Take care,

RD

[Susanna77]

Originally Posted by Emaaki

I just called a hotline, and a man actually made me feel better. He said to have something called a wish board on my wall where I placed pictures on it- like the haircut that i might want, a car, whatever. The middle picture is the one that is the most important to me.

I guess i feel aot better, and i thought nothing could. i really did. i was about to do something really stupid, but then I thought, i will call the hotline first.

This man turned things around for me- he really did.

And i thank you all for your support- i really do, you are all beautiful.

there are still many things that i want to reverse, and i know it will take alot of time, which sux

But i gues there is hope. i amm not going to worry about what people think any more, i guess i will to an extent, but I will stand up for justice, and hopefully not get walked on.

is it possible to reverse absolutley anything? i have heard of brain therapy?

Great news!!! You have a lot of time ahead of you so use it to work on those things you say that "sux". I assure you it's worth it. Take care. xxx