Masking Hatred

[Angelwings]

Hiya! Is there an article about overcoming Hatred.
I m experiencing hating some close group of friends. I realized they r such bullies and a great cause of my unhappiness. I realised they r not really my friends... there's too much of competition and bitching behind my back.
i hate them so much i cant even contain myself when i m around them. I avoid talking to them n when one of them tried talking to me i would withdraw immediately saying " i m going to the toilet" Be right back.

Why is so easy to get into a friendship/relationship and so hard to get out of it.
Right now i have issues about making new friends meeting new people coz once i allow them to be part of my life ... it is tens more difficult to get rid of them.

Plz how do u deal with people u dont like>? and put on a mask and fake it so they dont notice your anger. How exactly DO U DEAL with people.. Some people are so great at hiding their emotions..
I m so sick of failing to hide my feelings n people can tell how i feel by looking at my facial expressions that i m upset and they immediately knew they had succeeded hurting me and continuing to do the things that would trigger me into EXPLOSION !!

[mattsonn]

I've had friends I didn't like as well. I handled it by just pulling away from them. Not calling, not aiming, etc. I agree that it's kind of hard when you make it a habit. Having other friends really helps.

[The Probabilist]

Originally Posted by Angelwings

Plz how do u deal with people u dont like>? and put on a mask and fake it so they dont notice your anger. How exactly DO U DEAL with people.. Some people are so great at hiding their emotions..
I m so sick of failing to hide my feelings n people can tell how i feel by looking at my facial expressions that i m upset and they immediately knew they had succeeded hurting me and continuing to do the things that would trigger me into EXPLOSION !!

Suppressing or hiding your emotions is a dead end. That's not how you can successfully go about it, especially as you said that your "friends" are feeding off your emotional instability and manipulating you to burst from within.

What you need to do is be in total harmony with yourself and enter a state of high self-esteem that is totally shielded from other people's attacks. It's not about ignoring what people think, but about noticing that whatever criticism is pointed to you, is in fact, an issue the attacker needs to solve for themselves for their own good - and has nothing to do with you if it's on an emotional level.

So, you have to enter a sense of peace over who you are because then, the negative emotions simply do not come into existence, no matter what external pressure or circumstances. I've never made the leap into this state, I've always been this way and I find it kind of double-edged that I can't really provide much help, other than letting you know that it is possible to live this way, internally in your mind.

You might want to read Power vs. Force by David Hawkins to identify your level of consciousness and see the next step. Steve wrote a nice summary of it here.

[Angelwings]

What you need to do is be in total harmony with yourself and enter a state of high self-esteem that is totally shielded from other people's attacks. It's not about ignoring what people think, but about noticing that whatever criticism is pointed to you, is in fact, an issue the attacker needs to solve for themselves for their own good - and has nothing to do with you if it's on an emotional level.
So, you have to enter a sense of peace over who you are because then, the negative emotions simply do not come into existence, no matter what external pressure or circumstances. I've never made the leap into this state, I've always been this way and I find it kind of double-edged that I can't really provide much help, other than letting you know that it is possible to live this way, internally in your mind.


= Thanks for d tips. It's not easy to be in Peace..especially my friends already know about weaknesses and are setting trap for Great Explosion.
I m falling into the the trap always!
I cant change them but to change myself..
It's not easy to be in Peace, in mountain High-esteem and be resistant to attacks..It's not possible to achieve that in a day it may take months or maybe years. I need a quick way to deal with this right now.

All i can think of is - if i cant change my emotions. I can control my facial expressions.. If i m about to cry... teary eyes. I have to learn to hold it and put on a brave face.
"I DONT KNOW HOW TO PUT ON THAT BRAVE I DONT CARE CONFIDENT LOOK! "

[Cron]

I had some trouble understanding your post. Are you a native English speaker or am I out of touch with some sort of slang? Absolutely no offense intended

[Eli]

Anglewings:
In any case a relationship is always tough when it goes bad for whatever reason because our heart becomes attached and we want to think well of those closest to us but that is not always the case. Some people are very hard to feel good about for many reasons. Things just seem to go bad and that is the time to make new decisions on whether its good for you to stay or not. There comes a time when it is time to make a change, so if that is the case here then make the change even if it is merely for a short time for you to regroup and perhaps meet new people......good luck....Peace...Eli

[alexb5784]

Originally Posted by Angelwings

I m experiencing hating some close group of friends. I realized they r such bullies and a great cause of my unhappiness.

Originally Posted by Angelwings

Why is so easy to get into a friendship/relationship and so hard to get out of it.
Right now i have issues about making new friends meeting new people coz once i allow them to be part of my life ... it is tens more difficult to get rid of them.

I take it this is not the first time this has happened to you. What you are doing is living a pattern. You are choosing to attract these type of friends into your life. I would ask myself "Why do I keep having these types of friends? What is it about being treated like crap feels so normal to me?"

Maybe you are used to people letting you down in all areas of your life. You could be unconsciously choosing friends who will make you feel less than. Maybe you have a parent or close family member who always upsets you, so you look for the same familar pattern in friendships. You might be used to being screwed over and know no other way to live.

The problem rests not in your friends, but in you. You chose your friends. But the good news is that you can change your friends and change yourself. You should focus on the great things in your life and go from there. Get involved in improving yourself. Take up a skill or improve one that you already have.

When you start improving yourself, you will find better friends. Why? Because we allow people to treat us the same way we treat ourselves. If you improve yourself, then these old friends of yours won't mean anything to you. If you feel great about YOU then others will treat you well. But if you feel less than or like a loser, then people will treat you like ♥♥♥♥♥. If you don't respect YOU, then who will? Who respects the drug addict or the drunk homeless dude on the street begging for coins? No one, because they don't even respect themselves. People respect those who treat themselves well. And if you treat yourself well, then you will treat others well

So work on improving yourself and have fun. You're great and deserve the best. Forget about these loser friends you had because you're better than that

[Angelwings]

Originally Posted by alexb5784

I take it this is not the first time this has happened to you. What you are doing is living a pattern. You are choosing to attract these type of friends into your life. I would ask myself "Why do I keep having these types of friends? What is it about being treated like crap feels so normal to me?"

Maybe you are used to people letting you down in all areas of your life. You could be unconsciously choosing friends who will make you feel less than. Maybe you have a parent or close family member who always upsets you, so you look for the same familar pattern in friendships. You might be used to being screwed over and know no other way to live.

= OH!@ U are right!!..u just pinpointed the source of my frustrated personality and insecurity. WOW! It upsetting coz it's true! I paused when i read this..u woke me up!
Thank you. I needed that.
Yup! u are right.. I was disappointed too many times especially from my parents GEez.. I admit I was not brought up normal like every average family.
My family is not NORMAL. My past haunted me and affecting my lifestyle..ie. friendship, decisions etcs..

I wud like to share with u my story..because i value your opinion Alex
Write back if you're interested. or should i set up another discussion forum coz i need guidance right now. I will be 21 soon.. it's scary coz i still dont know what to do with myself.. i m lost ...Still trying to find my path.,seeking reasons to live a better life.
.. its so difficult to look for a path when i m carrying so much emotional baggages, My past is not motivating it's keeping me from moving forward coz i m constantly reminded of my past.

[ReallyGoodIdeas]

Angelwings, Many of us have horrible pasts. The difference is that we have an "aha" moment. You've had one now. You've realised that you have allowed your friends to treat you badly because your family did.

You came here wanted to know how you could pretend to be happy when you weren't. Now you've realised that you deserve genuine happiness. OK you may not have seen much in the past, but the future starts NOW.

There are plenty of ways to recover from your past, I teach one, EFT. I used it to recover from my childhood baggage. You can do that too.

Read all of Steve and Erin's blogs. They are full of information about how to increase your happiness.

Look at the webpages of many of the contributors here, Many of us care deeply about our own and other people's Personal development.

You don't have to find THE PATH right now, just pulling your head out of the mire and looking around at what's available is fine for now. When you've looked around abit and understand what it's all like, you can then decide what path to follow.

Angelwings, half the trick is realising that you have options. You've done that now. The world is your oyster, so enjoy it!

Joy to you!
Hazel

[Angelwings]

Originally Posted by ReallyGoodIdeas

Angelwings, Many of us have horrible pasts. The difference is that we have an "aha" moment. You've had one now. You've realised that you have allowed your friends to treat you badly because your family did.

You came here wanted to know how you could pretend to be happy when you weren't. Now you've realised that you deserve genuine happiness. OK you may not have seen much in the past, but the future starts NOW.
l

Thank you EVeryone!
I realised there is another deep issue.
The biggest issue is "DEALING WITH MYSELF."
I cant even deal with my own personal life.. how can i deal with others?
Why am i directing all my focus and energy on others.?Why am I blaming people around me for treating this way? I allowed all that to happen! I didnt know It was ME!! I M THE ENEMY.
I WILL do something about myself!



Anyway, when I started writing this thread- It was about DEALING WITH PEOPLE..
This thread started coz i wanted to know how to deal with people and pretend to be happy really..i m not happy but i want people to THINK i m a cheerful person so they ll like me and would like to be my friends etc.
Afterall, No one wants to hang out with someone that looks grumpy and sad looking all the time.
For example:Its like BARBIE Doll. She has a positive outlook.She was made smiling..who knows if She's fighting with Ken and had a bad time.Everyone THINKS HIGHLY of her and is respected.
I thought it is better that people should hide their feelings and be a Fake so no one can harm u coz they dont know u well.
Staying positive lookingis a way to protect yourself eventhough u dont feel positive.
I wanted to know how to be a FAKE!!

So right now i have 1 more issue to analyse:

1st- SHOULD PEOPLE BE FAKE.? ( its a difficult answer coz it's like when i go shopping with my Friends.. she tried on the red dress and i thought it looks awful.Should I Smile and say U look GORGEOUS!!" I failed to do that sometime..and my friend dislike me. People would say:" Dont try to please people, Its not necessary." but there comes a time when u MUST! When i was working in the clothing store for couple of months in the summer..I was trained to sell as much clothes as possible by complementing them as much as possible; that's like FAKING THO.. i feel absolute CRAP coz the lady intended to wear the dress to attend the wedding I couldnt say NO!" It was so hard to wipe those AWFUL look off my face! I was FIRED! I failed to produce THE LOOK! That Angelic look!!

People around me are so FAKE but they get their way. A friend told me:" FAKE IT TIL U MAKE IT". No matter how much i hate/dislike/angry/jealous etc..HIDE IT.

Is it the way to go?
To LOOK NEUTRAL regardless of what im feeling or thinking coz the world is a scary place sometimes... and there's all sort of people..Would it be easier if i put on the BARBIE'S LOOK, It could be a way to protect myself from people. Should i go around FOOLING EVERBODY?

( I hope PPL understand what i mean..its hard to describe. I know i need to work on myself but this issue is about PROTECTING yourself in certain situations)( I know be Peace and harmony with myself cud shield all sorts of attacks TOO but tis is about the way to Behave towards others) ( Should i be bother about people's feeling at all? ) ( SHOULD I BE BOTHER BY ANYBODY?)
SoRRy, I m quite confused myself as i m writing this. Someone analysed this. PLease!

[ReallyGoodIdeas]

“A friend is one before whom I may think aloud.“
Ralph Waldo Emerson said that and he was pretty smart!

Working in a clothes shop must have sucked! I suppose there are nice ways to say a dress looks awful, and "divert and distract" is always a good thing (Maybe this other dress would look nicer?), but you were certainly not employed to be honest were you?

Do you know, you attract people who will reflect back to you what you need to learn. So your faking friends are maybe just demonstrating for you how nasty dishonesty is.

And one of the things about PD is that we tend to lose our old friends (unless they grow as well), because we have less in common with them, and we find newer, more honest loving friends, who are BETTER ABLE to accept us as we really are.

So temporarily you may need to pretend, but you may find you prefer not to, and you will find situations to hang out in where you can truly be yourself.

Joy to you
Hazel

[Aphrodite]

its not that hard. once you realise and accept that hating others disempowers you and makes you weak - your ego will step up and say - egad forget about them!

you dont have to forget but you can forgive!

its a fine line and just when you think you forgive you have a vengeful thought and wish the curses of a million deaths upon them, then you think bugger it they are not worth the bother of all them animal sacrifices and burnt offerings.

humour hon, use humour to get you through the dark times, if you can - hang around some funny people that will poke fun at your enemys - its always fun to diminish that which haunts you

good luck
rae

[Alvin]

Angelwings,

It sounds like you're trying too hard to win the approval of others, and have them validate you by liking you.

If you were stuck alone on an island, would you love and enjoy being with yourself?

The obvious answer for your question about your friends (if you haven't had enough answers to act on already) is move on. Why hang around people you don't like? Doesn't make sense does it?

Just remember that when you move on, you'll bring one person with you - you. So might as well make sure you make yourself fun to hang around with