|Emotional Mastery Emotional intelligence, addiction and recovery, grieving, loss, fear, anger, guilt, resentment, frustration, anxiety, depression, happiness, joy, love, kindness, forgiveness, self-acceptance, confidence, escaping the pit of despair, EFT|
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|03-07-2009, 03:37 AM||#1 (permalink)|
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: in my mind
I HATE being shy...it is ruining my life and I am NOT happy because of it
hi everyone! hope you are doing well.
I've in my 20s and i'm STILLL shy. why why why? i want to be happy and confident and be able to hold a conversation with people, smile, and just be happy. but i can't i don't let myself. i constantly feel that they are judging me while i'm speaking to them thinking 'oh she's not that pretty (or she's ugly), she's not smart, she's (everything negative) i hate it!
one friend the other told me the other day "you are in your 20s it's about time you stopped being shy and insecure...grow up" that is so true! if only i were able to...
how do I? I need everyone's help!
|03-07-2009, 04:04 AM||#3 (permalink)|
Join Date: Nov 2006
first of all, tell your friend to go stuff it, never grow up.
there's nothin wrong with you, you're just very aware of being aware and of others being aware, this creates a lot of mental friction. use it, you could be an artist, or an artist could be you....think about that.
|03-07-2009, 05:27 AM||#4 (permalink)|
Join Date: Feb 2009
I used to be so shy when I was younger that I would never lift my face from staring at the floor. Then one day my older sister and I had this beautiful conversation that changed my life forever. I wish I could remember even a word of it, but I'm afraid I can't. But one thing was completely understood afterwards. It is a waste of time to act on your shyness. Life is FAR more rich when you interact - put yourself on the line with your beliefs, your sense of humor, etc. and then you get all this stuff back. It's beautiful. Take yourself less seriously. Realistically, everyone judges especially when you they don't know you and you say nothing. Maybe you can let a bunch of people judge you on how great of a person you are, and if they don't like you or think your ugly, so what??? You'll probably never know it and you're not going to die if you find out somebody does think your dumb or ugly. This person is gonna be the one with the problem, not you.
I'm still shy, but for some reason I just always say what I want to say. I turn red sometimes. Sometimes I'll say something that I think is funny and no one laughs (which just makes me laugh more). Oh man, if I could tell you some of those stories - hillarious!!!
Pretend life is your own show and you decide how much you want to get out of it before it's all over.
|03-07-2009, 06:04 AM||#5 (permalink)|
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: BC, Canada
I used to be so shy if someone made eye contact I would start shaking. I was diagnosed with "Social phobia" or it can be called "Social anxiety."
One day I got sick of staying at home, feeling so alone the pain is amazing, and said F@#* IT!!!
I went out, and interacted. I laughed at myself. I told funny stories about mistakes I'd made. (I'm in a wheelchair... and I tend to get lost in clothing sections of stores... I can't see above the clothes!!) I discovered that if everyone's laughing, they don't judge.
I also discovered that other people are so self absorbed they hardly ever think of anyone but themselves. I thought everyone was looking at me, laughing at me, thinking horrible things, but really, they didn't care. They didn't know me! Their world revolved around them, NOT ME!
Now I enjoy an amazing social life, I wish I could go back and hug my younger self. It's OK to be shy! If you want to change for you though, go for it! You have all the power in the world!
|03-07-2009, 06:10 AM||#6 (permalink)|
Join Date: Oct 2007
Dude, you can take my word for it when I tell you: you are only twenty and you're shy. Congratulations for deciding to get rid of it so early. I've recently written a blog post 'The nature of relationships'. The belief change approach I've presented there can do the job, if only you commit to the technique in the fullest and let your imagination really go wild. I think it's better to read it on my site, where the key words are bold, but if you prefer it here:
Imagine all the negative consequences of living with the old belief for the next year, five years and ten years. Imagine it vividly, actually feel the pain in your body. The stronger, the better. Imagine all of the wonderful people you’ve never met. Perhaps your spouse was condemned to loneliness. How would you look and feel if that belief heaved on you for another ten years? Imagine looking at yourself in the mirror then. Keep the visualization up for at least five minutes.
After that, break off your state by doing some quick moves, listening to your favourite song, or alike. Then run the same pattern in your mind for the positive consequences of adopting the empowering belief. Imagine all the joy of living with that powerful mindset for a year, five years and ten years. Imagine all the connections you’ve made. See the happy faces of all those people you’ve met and empowered on your path. Feel all the beauty that you have contributed to this world through your positive attitude. Feel the gratefulness of every person that enjoys a deep, passionate and loving relationship with you. All thanks to that empowering belief that you’ve adopted right now. Once you’re totally overfilled with joy, fully acknowledge this belief as yours.
Good luck and let me know how it went
|03-09-2009, 11:43 PM||#8 (permalink)|
Join Date: Nov 2006
tell ya what helps. look for a social anxiety group, i go to one of these and it does wonders for you..
its a mixture of anxious and shy people, pretty much the same sort of traits.
There are other synergistic values, as diet and exercise which add to the affect of clarity thus enabling a healthy functioning brain.
I beleive some shyness/social anxiety can 'also' come down to a physical constitute which isn't always in our thinking effort to be changed.
|03-09-2009, 11:49 PM||#9 (permalink)|
Join Date: Aug 2008
But you have 2 options:
1.Go, make mistakes and learn, plus some bruces because of your mistakes
2.Stay shy in the comfort zone of unhappiness.
I would not try not to be shy because someone else says so.
|03-10-2009, 12:41 AM||#10 (permalink)|
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Madison, WI
I know what you are going through. I didn't do anything about my shyness until I was almost 40!! So you're doing better than me.
I am still shy, but it's so much better compared to how I used to be. The way I got over it, is I stopped caring what people thought about me. I found myself speaking up more in class, and it took a while to get over the nervousness and stuff, ,but I just spoke up anyway. I also told funny stories about myself about mistakes that I had made. I just didn't care whether people liked me or not. I decided that I am going to be myself. Now I've got lots of friends - a year ago I had one friend. But I had to work at it. I put myself in social situations and talked to people. Another thing is to approach people, don't wait for them to approach you.
|03-11-2009, 01:25 AM||#11 (permalink)|
Join Date: Mar 2009
The number one thing that you MUST do:
Put yourself out of your comfort zone.
Nobody is born knowing how to be a world-class chess player, or a famous TV presenter, or a millionnaire. The funny thing is that we all know that and accept that the people who achieve these things worked their socks off and got what they wanted because they really went the extra mile - but we don't tend to think this about social skills. Why? Surely people who are confident, popular and well-loved had to work for that, too?
Well think about this: social skills are just that. SKILLS. Just as you're not born knowing how to read, you're not born knowing how to interact with other humans. It may be embarrassing that you're learning these skills at 20 when most people learn them much earlier, but hey, people sometimes learn to read as adults. As long as you get there in the end, does it matter what road you took?
Here is a thought I would like you to mull over. Take it in, swill it round in your brain, think about what it MEANS: If you do what you've always done, you will get what you've always gotten.
Think about it.
You will ALWAYS be like this, unless you TRY SOMETHING NEW.
Talk to more people. Get used to being really, really social. Desensitise yourself to it. Yes, I know you don't want to do it. That's how you can tell it's good for you.
Talk to everyone. Smile at strangers. Make small talk with shop assistants and people in elevators. You will feel shy and stupid. Don't worry. Just keep doing it. You may start to feel that you are torturing yourself, but until you GET USED to talking to people all the time, you will continue to overthink everything.
Here is another thing: everyone is the same as you. Even the most confident-looking person secretly wonders if you're judging them, and how you're percieving them. Do you like to judge and think negatively of other people, or are you more concerned with how people see YOU? What makes you think that everyone else is any different? People don't want to think you're ugly or stupid. People don't CARE if you're ugly or stupid. What they WANT is to feel good about themselves. And you can DO THAT.
Try an experiment: the next time you see a friend, try smiling with as much irresistable warmth as you can muster. Let yourself seem totally, unreservedly pleased to see them. Then WATCH THEM. 99 times out of 100, your friend will light up and be unable to resist returning the smile. Wow, check that out, you just made someone feel totally good about themselves. They feel at ease around you and happy. Do they need to judge you? Of course not!
If you can learn to take pleasure in making your friends feel comfortable and happy around you, you will actually find yourself happy just to be yourself. I promise!
|03-11-2009, 08:20 PM||#13 (permalink)|
Join Date: Nov 2006
If this is something that isn't making you happy, stop doing it and change your skill set. You just need to learn social skills and experiment with talking to strangers or even distant family members. You have to go out there and start being social. Do it gradually and see where it takes you. I think Steve has a post called Progressive Training. I'll give the link here:
Read it and see what you think
|03-13-2009, 01:16 AM||#14 (permalink)|
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: in my mind
I don't interact because...
I feel like the person I'm talking to is judging me, and looking at my acne (icepick) scars, and I hate it. I just want clear skin, and a good job and to be happy. and I hate that i'm the shyest person from all my friends. it really really pisses me off. i just want to be the friendly girl who smiles alot and is cool...i don't even know.
|03-13-2009, 02:03 AM||#15 (permalink)|
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Denver, CO
Personal experience and yammering
Here are some thoughts and practices that helped me overcome those feelings and pattern of thinking:
When we feel judged by others it is because we judge ourselves and project the internal, sub conscious inner dialogue of self abusive thoughts we are repeating onto others.
I can almost guarantee that if you feel judged by others about something, during the course of your day, you have already put yourself down for the same thing. A way to counter this is to be conscious of your thoughts, and everytime you find that you are thinking in a negative way about yourself, to counter that with positive thoughts on the subject. So if you are thinking (just as an example) "God, im so ugly", as soon as you catch yourself thinking that, turn around and tell yourself "Im a beautiful, intelligent person". It might sound cheesy or what have you, but it works really well - it even has a neurological basis in terms of the way our brain is programmed and reprogrammed. Sometimes the idea of being beautiful or handsome is something we secretly scorn, because growing up a lot of people who were considered pretty or handsome by others were mean, and so we rejected the concept of beautiful being good - we may even consider it "arrogant" to think of ourselves as attractive. But its good to think of yourself as beautiful!
Another thing that really helped was to look in the mirror, naked, and tell yourself "i love you". Over and over. It can be hard just to summon up the feeling of love - so mentally think of someone you love, and a moment you had when you could feel that warmth, and then hold on to that feeling. Remember it, then take it and direct it at the person in the mirror. Works like a charm.
You are absolutely perfect as you are, in this moment. Because in this moment your past and future dont exist (the former is gone, the latter has yet to be created), so right now you are exactly as you need to be. And if the moment is the only thing that exists....
Oh, try eating vegetarian - eating animal products (meat, eggs, dairy, in the order of severity) can cause anxiety for people. I still get the anxiety from eating meat unless i send it lots of gratitude beforehand.
One last thing i would recommend is a book; "The Mastery of Love", by Don Miguel Ruiz.
p.s. 21 will be a much better year, trust me! It always is, apparently, and im enjoying the heck out of it. I think it has to do with numerology.
|03-16-2009, 05:21 AM||#16 (permalink)|
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: avondale arizon
I'd get a job in sales where your constantly interacting with new people & having to put yourself out there. It made me so much more outgoing! plus at these sales jobs your around tons of other extroverts & in my opinion some of their outgoingness rubs off on you.
Some of the people that I think have the best people skills that are anything but shy are........
black people (not stereotyping but the majority of the time they're much more outgoing & louder & aren't afraid to talk to people)
people from new york, loud in your face
and salespeople, good bullshitters.
get around these peeps & your shy days will be ending soon
|03-16-2009, 03:52 PM||#18 (permalink)|
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Do Not Compare Yourself To Others
Praise yourself, reward yourself for every step you take, every positive and strong thought you think, be your own best friend
Anxiety is caused by false beliefs. The false belief is active whenever you are having anxiety. Don't take it seriously, label it false, laugh at it, and distract yourself"
"So what If I have this anxiety, I just want to have fun!"
Think of what you are afraid of where you know you would be better off without the fear. . Then say or think to yourself "whats so bad about that?" realize there's nothing bad about it and respond with "nothing".
Keep thinking about the different reactions and things that could happen or ways you could feel and keep thinking "Whats so bad about that? NOTHING."
You are much more high up and important than you think.
***** Let your voice be strong, clear, and loud always. *****
Even the most popular confident people look like a looser or a wierdo sometimes.
+++++ Be Proud that you're different +++++
Love yourself or be ok with yourself SO MUCH that nothing can bother you.
When anxious, think "there is more important things than this" Think of something important to you like God, or a Loved One, anything important to you
The anxiety is based on nothing real. Your thoughts and feelings are lieing to you right now.
Everyone looks like a looser sometimes
Maybe, Just maybe, I like being unperfect
There have been people who acted insensitively towards you and hurt you deeply. Haven't you said or done things too without thinking? That person / those people didn't know any better at that time, they were just reacting to something, like jealousy, or peer pressure, or their own insecurity and their own issues. They probably were unaware they were hurting you on the inside as much as they did and if they knew, they would probably be very sorry.
~~~~~Stop Comparing Yourself To Others~~~~~
Stop taking anxiety seriously.
***It's Ok To Be Scared***
When anxious think "Theres much more important things than this, like having fun!"
No wonder I'm having this anxiety, look at my attitude!
(Note - This page may also be helpful if you don't have S.A but have stage fright, want more confidence to talk to the opposite sex etc)
The important thing is that I spoke to him/her! Nothing else matters.
^^^ It is you who hurts yourself ^^^
You can do anything
Surround yourself with positive caring people as much as you can. You deserve it!
You don't have to proove yourself to others, You don't have to proove yourself to yourself
YOU are NOT the Problem. The Problem is the Automatic Negative thoughts.
Just dive in. Be interested in how things will turn out.
Who care's what others think. It's what you think that is important
YOU are the one creating the assumed negative judgments of yourself.
People with social Anxiety typically are deluded about several things: They think they have an unacceptable appearance, are too fat, too ugly etc, when they look great and fine. They think other people are judging them negatively and harshly about every detail they show or reveal about them-self, seeing them as a looser, a lesser inferior person.... when the other people are thinking they are great and fine and probably like them and want to be friendly with them and are mostly thinking about them-self and their own issues anyway.
When I'm anxious, Everything I'm thinking right now is wrong.
Stop associating yourself with anxiety. You are separate.
>>>>>The Bully, the nasty person, the enemy is our self. We are doing it to our self in our head. <<<<<
No-one looks perfect and acceptable all the time
???????The anxiety ALWAYS twists things and lies to you. ??????
&&&&&& The anxiety ALWAYS catasrophises and blows things way out of proportion &&&&&&&
!!!!!!!!!You don't have to listen to the thoughts the anxiety is trying to give you. !!!!!!!!!!
-----You don't have to believe the thoughts the anxiety is trying to give you.-----
&&&&&&&& I never know who I will be each time I take a breath. The me I am right now is not the me that I was or the me that I will be. But for now, I am, and that is all that matters. &&&&&&&
Always say "I can"
No-one can be perfect
When anxiety comes say "Is this me?" then "NO"
Say "this is NOT me"
Because the anxiety is there, but it isn't you. It may be trying to control you and make u act in a certain way, but always tell yourself "This is NOT me"
***** What has Anxiety done to you? How has it controlled you and held you down? WHY would you listen to a voice like that? When Anxiety tries to speak to you again, IGNORE IT! Ignore the creeping feelings and thoughts and they won't be able to last. Anxiety CANNOT SURVIVE without your attention. ALWAYS IGNORE IT.
~~~~~ I am who I am, end of story. ~~~~~
Always see the funny side of the situation!
Imagine your closest loved ones by your side and how supportive they would be.
***** That person / those people, are actually a lot more nicer, friendly and caring than I think *****
+++The anxiety is not you, you are the person you are when you are confident or relaxed+++
***When anxiety comes along, laugh at it, it is just pathetic!***
When Anxiety comes say "Did I hear something? I thought I heard something very quiet but.... nope."
Vizualise yourself being happy and successful with the situation
It is you who bullies yourself
******* When anxious imagine what a person with healthy self esteem would say to you who cares about you, they'd tell you things like "WHY would you think that!" and how great you are just as you are, and anyone thinking otherwise is a jerk *******
Positive Self Talk is the Key
Come on It's not like I'll die!!! I'll survive.
It's ok to feel fear. You can feel fear and do it anyway
It is your attention that gives anxiety life.
=+=+=+= Instantly forgive and forget. =+=+=+=
F.E.A.R = False Evidence Appearing Real
Distract yourself from anxiety by taking slow, long deep breaths, holding them and letting them go
Worry is just your imagination. It's not real.
Focus on what you want in your mind, not what you don't want
No-one is better than you. There are just differences.
It's ok to feel nervous while I'm doing it. I'll be glad I did it.
Say to anxiety "Oh, its You again" give it a funny look, see it shrinking as you don't take it seriously.
*** The problem is NOT YOU. The Real problem is your automatic negative thoughts. ***
**The important thing is that I socialized! The rest doesn't matter. ***
Treat Anxiety like a NOBODY. Like it doesn't exist.
-----It is the anxiety trying to bring you down. Call it a bully, a friend you no longer have. -----
Whenever you are thinking others are judging you negatively, don't listen to that voice, it is a lier.
It is you who is not accepting yourself and being ok with who you are
Instead of focusing on what others have that you're missing, focus on what you have that others are missing.
-+-+-+-There is nothing wrong with you. There is something wrong with your thoughts, atleast, they don't serve you.-+-+-+-
Sarcasm is great! "The walk of death" "The phonecall of death" It's not like I'm going into the middle of a war zone!!!
Think of a REAL reward to give yourself after you do it (face something you're nervous about) After you do it, call a friend, play a game, eat your favorite food or buy new clothes etc. You are COURAGEOUS! You deserve it!
Be proud of yourself.
Every time you ignore anxiety, it gets another wound and is closer to death and not existing anymore.
When anxiety drops in, see how it is trying to control you, . Don't take it seriously and immediately do the thing the anxiety was trying to prevent you from doing. It's trying to control your life! Well I think not! I will go right ahead and do it! ha!
Would you judge others negatively and harshly? Then why do you imagine everyone does it to you?
everyone.....Everyone.. makes mistakes
Think of a tough, carefree attitude
Where is the EVIDENCE other people are judging you negatively and harshly.
The nastiness is created by you. The cruelness and nastiness and unkindness from others exists only in your head. You made it.
Your voice is always stronger than everyone elses voice, and you are in control of your voice and what it says
Everyone looks or feels they look unattractive some days.
|03-16-2009, 03:53 PM||#19 (permalink)|
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Brisbane, Australia
If your body is relaxed, you can't feel anxiety. Get a massage or massage yourself. Take deep breaths. Tighten and tense your muscles all around your body, hold, then release
Lighten up... it's just life on planet earth.
I've done it before, I can do it again
Always take your attention off the anxiety Immediatley. Distract yourself. Tell the anxiety it is irrational and you don't want it.
Where is the EVIDENCE that you are inferior to others?
We are the enemy. We are the bully.
You are the one that creates the monsters, the scary people
-----What anyone says about you or your beliefs is not necessarily true -----
<<<<< When anxious say "Everything I'm thinking right now is wrong" >>>>>>>>
The problem is the THOUGHTS I am thinking right now
You might be thinking thoughts like "I look so wierd/weak/ like a looser/ strange/inferior to others right now, they probably are noticing how unsociable I am" then you might put yourself down for not doing what you wanted to do. Well, OFCOURSE you will feel bad if you tell yourself things like that!
Positive helpful thoughts:
I'm just as normal and kool as those other people
I'm just as gorgeous as him/her
I'm doing my best and that's all that matters
I can do something small, but if not, I will be supportive of myself through this anyway
This anxiety is like an old bullying friend I no longer have, it keeps trying to cause me misery but I'll just keep ignoring it
I'm proud of myself
Even staying with the fear prooves how strong and brave I am, and showing me I can do anything
I totally approve of myself right now,
This fear is NOT me
I will increase my size and importance in my head, and decrease the size of those other people
Stop seeing the other people as perfect and you as not, try to lighten up, picture them in a clown costume in your mind, or pretend they have food on their face and look really silly
It's just a ride, no need to run, no need to hide, don't hide your eyes, it's just a ride!
Take a deep breath and hold it for several seconds as this kills the anxiety
Remember everything you are thinking right now is wrong. They aren't your thoughts. Remember all your thoughts right now are wrong and don't take them seriously
Remember to think about all the similarities between you and the other people instead of the differences, you will naturally feel more comfortable with them if you can list several things you both have in common, even if it is like "we live in the same country" we live in the same state" "we both come to the same place to hang out" etc.
~~~Realize the thoughts you are having that are scaring yourself and putting yourself down and start thinking thoughts that are opposite to those, positive, uplifting, encouraging, supportive, healthy thoughts. ~~~
%%%%% The important thing is that I just did it! The rest doesn't matter. %%%%%
The stress and worry is nothing but a lier
See what you want in your mind, not what you don't want
Everyone has days and times where they can't be bothered and "don't look the best."
When anxiety comes, say with a carefree attitude, "Oh, it's just that looser. "
Listen in on conversations to distract yourself from anxiety. Try and write down what each person is saying in your head
Ask yourself, "is this really a big deal?"
Where is the EVIDENCE that other people think you look ugly right now?
You aren't your appearance, your job, your income, your personality, your house, your clothes or your car, you are the observer inside so you have every right to feel secure with yourself always.
You are a human being, it is ok to make mistakes
When anxiety comes tell it "we are separate and my confidence and happiness is stronger than you cause you're just a lie. "
In your head, decrease the size of other people.
*-*-*-* I am who I am and your opinion isn't necessary. *-*-*-*
-+-+-Everyone... everyone experiences anxiety sometimes. Everyone gets scared. -+-+-
Everyone has bad hair days when their hair needs a wash and isn't perfect.
Always see the humor in the situation!
***** When anxious you have to focus on the EXTERIOR. Focus on things that are going on AROUND YOU not inside you. ********
Build yourself up with your own self talk
***** Realize that you're worth it and you deserve to feel confident, ok, and relaxed, and ok with yourself no matter what. *****
When anxiety comes, treat it like it's just a little bit of dust you are brushing off your shoulder.
A week later, or a day later, even a few hours later, this will have been all forgotten about.
Where is the EVIDENCE that other people think you are a looser???
You can do anything. Imagine how your life would look, what you would do if you had zero anxiety
~~~~~ I am who I am, I AM me, I'll just have to accept that ~~~~~
Anxiety, our "Friend".
What does anxiety do to you? Anxiety tells you a looser, that you're not good enough, that you're inferior, that you're boring, that since you're not perfect you're unnacceptable, that you look ugly and no-one would like you right now, it tells you that every time someone is not happy, it's because of you. It tells you all sorts of awful things to shatter your self esteem, give you depression and bring you down very low. And it doesn't stop there. It tells you all this so subtly and so much that you believe it and think it's the truth.
If anxiety was your friend, you wouldn't want it in your life. Anxiety just wants to hurt you. Choose to ignore it, choose healthy thoughts.
Play out what you are nervous of in your head or practice it out loud and keep doing it until the nerves disappear and you just feel bored or used to it.
Stop being a perfectionist. Think about all the reasons why you ARE acceptable and likable by others right now.
When anxiety comes, breath in some positivity, and breath out the negativity.
It is impossible for anyone to be "perfectly acceptable" you only see it that way cause you only look at why everyone else is perfect and why you aren't. Why not try it the other way around?
Be ok with yourself, always
Realize it is the anxiety trying to control you, trying to destroy your life. Well, I choose to rebel against what it wants!!!!!
*****You are the one who haunts your own mind.*****
When anxiety comes, say something positive to yourself
When anxiety comes, know it is just based on lies and ignore it.
It is ok to feel the emotion. Let it out in a healthy way, cry, punch a pillow, but after you express yourself, do something to feel better and keep going, never give up
It's ok to get hurt feelings
It's ok to be criticized and disagreed with
When anxiety comes, say "Stop. I want to stop having these irrational feeling and thoughts."
Where is the EVIDENCE that other people are thinking mean things about you?
Relax. You don't have to do anything
===== EVERYONE has something embarrassing or weird about them-self. =====
*~*~*~*Never Compare yourself to others*~*~*~*
When anxiety drops by, don't listen to it. It's a big fat lier.
You are the one that scares yourself.
Distract yourself from Anxiety by putting on music and singing along to the lyrics
To take action towards what you want, all you have to do is take one step
When anxiety comes say loudly and clearly "You are Wrong."
Everyone looks crazy or looks like an idiot sometimes
-----Place a high value on yourself. Other people can sense what you think of yourself-----
|03-16-2009, 03:54 PM||#20 (permalink)|
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Brisbane, Australia
You don't have to Impress anyone
EVERYONE slips up and makes a fool of them-self from time to time.
When anxiety comes, judge it harshly right back at it!!! ha! how do you like it!
Where is the EVIDENCE that you are any worse in whatever way than those around you?
##### When anxious I will know and tell myself "Everything I'm thinking right now is wrong" #####
Anxiety, avoidance and keeping quiet is NOT you. That is social anxiety disorder. Be Yourself. There is no-one that can be you better. You have so much to add to the world. Your opinions are unique, intelligent and important. Your own voice is stronger than any criticism
It's ok to be wrong about something
Let's turn the tables around. When anxiety comes, negatively judge it, bully it, and hurt its feelings!!!
You have a totally inaccurate view of yourself. You're way more normal than you think you are. Everyone else sees you as normal, why not see yourself that way?
let the music move you
-*-*-*-You are the one giving yourself anxiety. -*-*-*-
Anxiety is caused by Automatic Negative thoughts, which may be so deep now you just experience unpleasant feelings...whenever you feel these feelings know it is lies that are causing those feelings
You don't even have to impress yourself. Just be ok with yourself no matter what
Turn your nose up at anxiety. You are so much better than that little lier.
Think about what you are truly grateful for, what you love and are so thankful for
It's ok to have debates, arguments, and disagreements
Distract yourself from Anxiety by calling someone on the phone and talking to them but don't talk about the anxiety
Your anxiety is lieing to you. Don't take it seriously. Ignore it. Move on.
Say to Anxiety with a sarcastic sigh, I'm sorry, I don't have time for this
*-*-*-* Everyone has things to be embarrassed about, no-one is perfect*-*-*-*
Don't compare yourself with anyone.
&&&&& You never are alone because you always have yourself. &&&&&
Think about all the reasons why you should feel good
Where's the EVIDENCE that everyone is being perfect and acceptable except for you???
You are Important.
You are the one who puts yourself down
Pay yourself a compliment
A positive attitude is the key
*******No-one is bigger than you, we are all the same size*******
IMPORTANT - NEVER compare yourself to anyone in any way. Stop doing it.
....And If you fall I'll pick you up
See yourself as strong and equal to others
@@@@@ Make it a game, dare yourself to do it. Come on life is NOT serious!!! @@@@@
Convince yourself that person/ people is a nice person. Say, "oh yeah, they are a nice person" and think of all your similarities. You both are residents of planet earth for a start!
Be ok with yourself in every moment
Anxiety is like an illusion, its trying so hard to convince you that there is something to be afraid of, but now you just laugh at it.
Face a fear, not a major fear, just a small fear, something you know you can do. Take action. Do it. Feel the power. Facing smaller fears brings your bigger fears down and you can keep stepping up as you feel more powerful. Don't be hard on yourself, Remember a happy, faithful, strong attitude.
Your opinion is important
When anxiety comes, say "I want to be ok with myself and like myself right now. "
When anxiety comes, put yourself in the role of a harsh judge, like one of the judges on the Idol shows, or so you think you can dance. Look at the anxiety, which is on the stage, shaking, and judge it! Tell it everything it's doing wrong and any entertaining insult you can think of!
Love who you are
......:::::::Treat the anxiety like an old friend you rejected. Sometimes it comes along and tries to cause you misery again and you simply laugh at its attempts and ignore it. :::::::.......
Think about all the reasons why you shouldn't feel guilty.
When anxiety comes, say "I want to be positive and healthy right now. "
&&&&&& You're here to have fun! &&&&&&&
When you feel anxious, say "I'm really sorry but I don't listen to lies
+++++ Develop a strong purpose. Something that inspires you and makes you want to get out of bed in the morning and live for your purpose/s
Realize you're worth it. You deserve to have fun and enjoy the situation+++++
Wheres the EVIDENCE that they're seeing you as a lesser person???
When Social Anxiety tries to pop up again say - "you're not welcome anymore!!!"
When anxiety comes, say "I want to feel confident right now"
Show me one piece of evidence that life should be taken seriously!
Remember all your achievements, no matter how small, they are all great
Laugh at Anxiety, don't take it seriously
*****Always remember to be ok with yourself no matter what. *****
~~~**** You can enjoy and have fun with any situation****~~~
Always keep moving on, moving forward. Don't look back
&&&&& Just make a promise with yourself that You will just DO it. No hesitation &&&&&
When anxiety comes say "I want to be confident, brave and be myself right now. "
&&&&& Surrender to being yourself. Surrender to being ok with you no matter what. &&&&&
Nothing is real but the present. The past and future don't exist except for in your imagination, and you are the master of your imagination
Wheres the EVIDENCE that people aren't accepting you and liking you as you are right now???
~~~~I will survive! I hold my head up high ~~~~~
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Forgive and Forget ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Life is silly, crazy, wierd, a game, nothing serious.
When anxiety comes, say "I want to have a carefree attitude right now"
Get involved and interested in your work and your hobbies
Wheres the EVIDENCE that they don't like you?
*-*-*-* Rebel against what the Anxiety Wants!!!!! *-*-*-*
Worry and Anxiety = lies
-----Be proud of your work and your talents. Value yourself-----
Nervous of someone?
List in your head everything you have in common with them and Imagine them as a nice friendly person.
Are they the same sex? Do you have shared memories? Do you live in the same country? Enjoy going to the same shopping centre? There are many similarities between you and them.
Keep thinking about the similarities!
Tip Resolve your hurts. One by one, play out in your mind, scenes of communication, love and forgiveness with those that hurt you. Talk to them from your point of view, then let them talk from their point of view. They most likely didn't mean to hurt you, and didn't know how to behave better. They probably are very sorry for hurting you and, at the level of their soul, love you and care about you deeply. Doing all this is very important for letting go.
"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
Thomas Alva Edison"
"Never, Ever give up"
"“To trust one’s mind and to know that one is worthy of happiness is the essence of self-esteem.”br/>Nathaniel Branden"
"“What determines the level of self-esteem is what the individual does.”
"Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right."
"“Whatever your life's work is, do it well. A man should do his job so well that the living, the dead, and the unborn could do it no better.”
Martin Luther King Jr.
|03-16-2009, 09:05 PM||#21 (permalink)|
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Eastern Long Island, USA
I also thought you might like to know that when you turn, around 50 years old, you won't give a hoot what anyone things. You will say whatever you want to say....
I hope you find your voice before that!
|03-21-2009, 03:03 PM||#22 (permalink)|
Join Date: Mar 2008
Hi, just posted this link on another thread, but reading your post, I think you should visit this site too -
Dr. Richards is the guru of SA recovery, try his ideas, they really work! (Ask me how I know, lol)
Social Anxiety Support - Home Page
|03-21-2009, 06:33 PM||#23 (permalink)|
Join Date: Oct 2008
there are great responses here -everything I might have said and more
I was shy too
I did not want people looking at me and judging me
I had a lot of bad experiences from moving around and changing schools a lot
kids can be cruel
now that I am older I am still introverted but it's okay now
I accept that I am not a very social person
but I don't hide behind curtains anymore
it takes time
and life experience
if you want it to happen it will
|03-21-2009, 10:03 PM||#24 (permalink)|
Join Date: May 2007
Location: The Netherlands
You know, I'm 20 as well, and I'm quite shy too. People say I have a bad self-image. Ah well.
But hey, you shouldn't forget. Being shy has nothing to do with growing up. Being shy is fine, and don't let others tell you that there's something wrong with you!
Like I said, I'm shy as well. I've become more open though with the help of my passion: Music. I love playing guitar and I love singing! I kept it to myself for quite a while though, but later on I sang a little bit on a birthday party... I was so anxious that I kept forgetting the lyrics! But it was quite fun actually...
I kept doing it more and more... Getting used to it, you know? And then one day I decided to play a song at the school music event. Since then I became Much more open. And now that I'm learning to become a teacher, I'm in front of a class quite frequently and I become more and more at ease with every class I give.
It took me quite a while to get where I am now. Don't expect to become extrovert in a week. It's not that it isn't possible, but you might disappoint yourself.
But first... Let's look at who you are now. Forget about what the others tell you for a minute. Also let go of the expectations you think they have of you for just a moment.
You are shy. What qualities can you find in your shyness? Can you name a couple of reasons why it's so great that your so shy?
A couple of examples... You might be a quiet person, versus a noisy person. Or you might consider your wordings better, instead of blurting out your thoughts and possibly hurting others. Also, maybe being shy is protecting you from harm!
Try to think of as many reasons why being shy is beneficial as you can!
You see... Now we're bringing the shyness in a different light! You can learn to appreciate your shyness. You don't have to hate being shy It has it's own distinct qualities!
As you've learned, it does limit you, though. It's kind of like an over-protective mother (my mom is like that..). Tries to protect you from harm, but in the process limiting you.
You could wonder why we've been focussing on the shyness that much instead of techniques of letting go the shyness. I did this because realizing what the shyness really is removes the hatred and allows for growth.
Like I said, it's kind of like an over-protective mother. I talked with my mother a lot about her being over-protective wasn't beneficial for me, and eventually she learned to let go of me more. We both learned more about eachother in that process. I learned to understand why she did things the way she did it, and she learned why it was bothersome for me. We appreciated eachothers reasons, and from that place we went on.
So, first learn a bit more about your Shy quality. Put it in a different light Trust me, it will be a lot easier when you stop hating yourself!
Often this shift works quite well. Another thing that goes quite well with this is finding your passion, and doing something with it. Passions are great! They make you feel great and it makes you forget about your worries. Develop your passions. If you can, show it to others! Begin small, but think big
Also, one other thing... You are not what others think you are. Only you know who you are, and only you can tell yourself who you are. Everybody else only can give you coloured estimations of who you could be.
|07-28-2009, 06:25 AM||#25 (permalink)|
Join Date: Feb 2008
I'm very shy and I'm 27, and I've always been shy, but I've improved lots during my life..
These are my thoughts on what you can do about your shyness..
1/ don't worry about that person who told you to stop being so shy and to grow up, sounds like that person needs to grow up themself.
2/ realise that a lot of people are shy. I think I read a statistic that 52% of people identify with being shy, (maybe more) and lots of people who are very unshy could really benefit from being shy.
Some people are really loud and thoughtless and rude sometimes (not to say all loud and or talkative people are thoughtless)
3/ Say to yourself "I love and accept myself just the way I am"
4/ make the effort to overcome your shyness, but don't give too much effort, like when you overcome your shyness it will probably be when you're not consciously thinking about your shyness.
|07-29-2009, 08:52 PM||#26 (permalink)|
Join Date: Jul 2009
I want to say I was just like you a few years ago, but I've made some massive improvements in being way more social.
Firstly... I wouldnt neccesarily agree with the people telling you to accept who you are. If there is something you want to change about yourself, go for it!!! Its great to love who you are, and if a shy person likes being shy thats awesome, but it sounds like you really want to be social, so dont hold back!
Also I'm betting your like I was and getting frustrated with people telling you all the reasons why you should change, and all the intellectual reasons about why its not hard to be social, and all the logical reasons about why being outgoing and social is safe.
I bet you already KNOW all the intellectual and logical reasons why its best to be out there and social, thats why you want to change in the first place!
The real trick to it is understanding that social skills are... SKILLS. They are just like any other skill, they need to be developed and practiced.
You cant just read about how awesome it is to be outgoing and friendly and then just run out there and do it, those words do give some inspiration but the actual application of it is still hard!
What I can say is don't expect to completely change overnight... but instead take little baby steps... small constant improvements. Everyday you go out hold in your mind that you want to practice being more social today.
Start with the really easy stuff, you dont need to go out there and try to strike up a length conversation with someone youve never met on your first try, believe me I know, its hard at first... the key is to start simple.
At first try making more eye contract with people, then try giving longer answers to routine day to day questions. Try saying a few extra words to the cashier, ask her how her day is going, shes paid to be nice to you so it feels easy! Later build up to bigger things like telling your friends or new acquaintances funny/interesting stories that have happened to you recently. Try smiling at strangers, or briefly commenting on something going on where you are. Even a "oh man its raining again" is good practice to talking with complete strangers. Challenge yourself more and more as you go.
Each little step wont seem all that hard, eventually you'll look back and be amazed at what you accomplished over a bit of time. With each new challenge you'll build new skills and be more comfortable with the old ones until you feel so socially full of life you wont be able to help yourself from talking to strangers or being way more sociable with your friends!
Everyone will respond better to you as well... hope my advice helped, it worked for me, good luck!
|07-29-2009, 10:49 PM||#27 (permalink)|
Join Date: Aug 2008
Hi, I'm also 20, and I also have that feeling that people are judging me a lot. So I'm on the same journey. I just thought I'd share with you a realization I had when journaling yesterday. I wrote about it in my blog, but basically it was this:
Every time I think someone is criticizing me for something I've done, I'm actually calling them too judgmental. I'm criticizing them for criticizing me, and I don't even have any evidence that that is what they are doing.
I don't think shyness is something we want to get rid of. It is a part of us just like everything else. It has a very good reason for existing, and important things to say in our decisions. That being said, sometimes it gets too loud, because it is used to different conditions. In those cases we need to gently remind it that now is not then, and we have other options now.
Anyways, that's my take on it at the moment, it could be totally unhelpful, but it's what makes sense to me.
|07-29-2009, 11:50 PM||#29 (permalink)|
Join Date: Jul 2009
Well, I use to be shy myself. I found out that the majority of my shyness was being insecure. Remember people can't read your mind.... so social anxiety can go away if you remember that whatever they think is out of your control anyway. If they are insulting you DO something which would be walk away and standing up for yourself. When talking to someone and you feel shy always remember that whatever you say withing the guidelines of what is appropriate cannot be embarrassing. If you are polite and nice how can anyone make fun of you? Nothing you say or do is going to really HURT you. The most that will ever happen is someone will correct you, depending on their way of projecting emotion, it will sound harsh or subtle. Being shy also limits your potential so remember that. Expressing ideas is your freedom not having the courage will limit some of that by your own self. Also, it is OK to be shy! You just have to know the right times. I am learning as I go myself. Nothing you can say or do will ultimately ruin your image as long as it is within the guidelines. You can't say to a group of people "I love vagina so much blah blah blah" They will think you are a pervert. Just remember if it is out of your control there is nothing you can do so just do your own thing.
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