How To Uppercut Fear

[Matt Willard]

I'd love to give my intense paranoia a giant uppercut and get on with my life, but, thundering through the forums and blog posts, I haven't found anything really practical. What can I do to erase my irrational fears? They're quite distracting and hardly nice things to think about.

[Angela]

Matt, what are you irrationally afraid of?

[The Cloud]

What about the paranoia bothers you?

[garentee]

A book that has given me tremendous help is Feel the fear and do it anyways by Susan Jeffers...Hope this helps. G

[RT Wolf]

I have three ways to deal with anxiety that have worked wonders for me:

1. Fear-setting. Picked this one up from Tim Ferriss: Fear-Setting: How to Overcome Fears | Mind-Manual

2. Do it badly to start with. Intentionally go out tehre and try to get the worst result you can. Your psychological immune system, after getting hte crappy result will be like, "yea yea, I did badly but I was trying to do badly" and protect you from feeling bad after the fact. You'll also figure out waht the worse case scenerio and do fine. This space intentionally left crappy | Mind-Manual This is a great antidote to procrastination too.

3. Repeated exposure. This is an idea straight out of phobia therapy. Say you're afraid of elevators and I'm the therapist. I'll take you say twenty feet from an elevator, somewhere your heart is racing and you can't go any further. Then I'll let you stand there until you calm down and sorta get bored. Then you'll move a little closer till you're worked up again and then you settle down. Keep doing this until you're inside the elevator, but you don't let the door close and just stand there with the door open in the elevator. Then let hte door close maybe hlaf way a few times till you get used to it, etc.

According to my prof who's a psychotherapist, people don't habituate to the thing that makes them afraid, they learn that they are bigger than their fear. People relate to fear in different ways, some people see it as a big red stop sign, others see it as a yellow "proceed carefully" sign. The people who seem to be able to handle it the best see it as a sign of what to do, a big flashing green "go at it" sign. And I'd agree witht hat. I believe great personality transformation comes from doing what you fear.

4. The root of almost all fear is that you can't handle it. This from the Feel The Fear...and Do It Anyway book which is excellent. Sometimes your amygdala, that's responsible for fear and other things, is basically using fear to let your conscious mind know that there's a danger and that you need to have a plan to deal with it. So, your conscious mind builds a plan and stop being afriad.

5. Finally, the best and sometimes the only antidote to fear is do whatever you're afraid of. As long as you think there's other ways to handling fear, or that you can just avoid the thing that scares you, you'll take any way out available to you. If you mentally get yourself to agree that the only way to handle fear is to face it, then you'll be less scared and it'll be just soemthing to be accepted and to be done.

[garentee]

I could not load mind manual...

[Dharma]

I recommend reading Loving What Is if your problem extends from your thoughts. "The Work" is a very simple 4-step process which allows your mind to see that it's own thoughts are not true. When you stop believing the thoughts are true, they let go of you.

[EFT4Dating]

Matt,

What exactly are you afraid of? Can you write out the details on this forum and I can respond back? If it is too personal, then email me privately and I'll do my best to help.

I am a wellness instructor and would be glad to share any tips.

Dating is easy! Attract the person of your Dreams with Emotional Freedom Technique!
www. eft4dating.com

[Matt Willard]

I've actually made a thread about this before which didn't really come to a conclusion, so I still feel afraid from time to time. Yeah, I'm not exactly sure how to expose myself to my fear constantly, because, see, my fear is death! Particularly a painful, gruesome demise. Or, even worse, a painful, lingering, hanging-on-the-edge-but-can't-quite-tip-over kind of fate. I'm paranoid about getting jumped, losing it all, being unable to accomplish what I want or settle my affairs...yeah, the whole gamut, basically.

On a random note, I feel loved by reading the replies this has already, so I guess that's a good sign. XD

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by Matt Willard

I'm paranoid about getting jumped, losing it all, being unable to accomplish what I want or settle my affairs...yeah, the whole gamut, basically.

Why does this paranoia bother you?

[Matt Willard]

Originally Posted by The Cloud

Why does this paranoia bother you?

Well, I think about it a lot, especially at night when I take the dog out. (It gets pretty dark.) I dwell on it constantly.

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by Matt Willard

Well, I think about it a lot, especially at night when I take the dog out. (It gets pretty dark.) I dwell on it constantly.

What about that bothers you?

[Matt Willard]

Originally Posted by The Cloud

What about that bothers you?

I'm not sure what you're trying to ask.

[ginkgo]

You should focus on feeling relaxed and peaceful. The more relaxed you are, the happier you are. See this site dealing with anxiety for practical things to do to help it like yogurt, I mean yoga. Then see the page on happiness for more practical things to do.

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by Matt Willard

I'm not sure what you're trying to ask.

Why does it bother you that you dwell on your paranoia constantly?

[Matt Willard]

Originally Posted by The Cloud

Why does it bother you that you dwell on your paranoia constantly?

Well, it's just unpleasant, I guess. I'd rather not be paranoid to begin with.

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by Matt Willard

Well, it's just unpleasant, I guess. I'd rather not be paranoid to begin with.

Then don't listen to paranoid thoughts.

[Matt Willard]

Originally Posted by The Cloud

Then don't listen to paranoid thoughts.

Gee, THAT'S simple.

[edith]

Originally Posted by The Cloud

Then don't listen to paranoid thoughts.

The Cloud, are you wondering if he has a "secondary gain" from listening to his paranoid thoughts? Just wondering from your line of questioning.... That maybe he is satisfying some other need by being paranoid?

[Matt Willard]

Originally Posted by edith

The Cloud, are you wondering if he has a "secondary gain" from listening to his paranoid thoughts? Just wondering from your line of questioning.... That maybe he is satisfying some other need by being paranoid?

That's an interesting point. What sort of unconcicous need would I have to satisfy by being paranoid?

[bluedragon]

Do you happen to be preoccupied with other things that you care about, but that you always leave unattended, such as - a project you really want to finish, but somehow, you fail to work on it on many days?
I found out that for me, this was one of the major blocks. I couldn't summon the courage to face a challenge that was complicated, because my mind (and heart) wasn't there. I knew that even if I succeeded, and even if I failed, I would probably not learn anything from it, because I wasn't going to pay attention. And if I did it, I knew I was going to do poorly, not at my best, precisely because my mind was somewhere else. So I was always thinking - why try this, fail, and them have one more failure to remember, when I know that I can just wait a few days, until I get my life in order, and then I'll do 250% better, guaranteed! Why force myself to undergo a failure today, when I know for sure that this failure would be impossible tomorrow, after I handle my most important project? You see - those challenges I faced were never the most important thing in my life. That's why I was so inexperienced in handling them. They might have been the 2nd most important thing, but that wasn't enough to focus on them fully, when my nr.1 concern was not taken care of. But guess what? That day when what I cared about the most was taken care of - never came. I made progresses, of course, but I also came up with greater expectations. I wasn't satisfied. I say, take care of your business. Make it happen! At least, know where you are and how much you still need to do. Do every day the amount you believe is satisfactory, not less. Then move on to facing your fears.
I wrote this article that goes farther into it:Begin Each Day As If It Were On Purpose

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by Matt Willard

Gee, THAT'S simple.

What about it isn't simple? Just because you don't do it doesn't mean it's complicated.

Originally Posted by edith

The Cloud, are you wondering if he has a "secondary gain" from listening to his paranoid thoughts? Just wondering from your line of questioning.... That maybe he is satisfying some other need by being paranoid?

Maybe. Does it matter? Again, maybe. I honestly don't know if it is even relevant.

[Matt Willard]

Originally Posted by The Cloud

What about it isn't simple? Just because you don't do it doesn't mean it's complicated.

Well, let me ask it this way-how would you, personally, not pay any attention to paranoid thoughts?

[WordKeeper]

Matt,
RTWolf, EFT4Dating, and Dharma offered some interesting compassionate, thoughtful suggestions for addressing your fear. Don't get hung up on dialogues that aren't offering you the solutions you seek. Look into some of these positive suggestions.

[edith]

Originally Posted by Matt Willard

That's an interesting point. What sort of unconcicous need would I have to satisfy by being paranoid?

What does it keep you from doing? Does it provide sort of an "identity" that you now see as part of you and letting go of it would create a void that you'd need filled?

Maybe you were paranoid one or two times, and it had the result in your avoiding something or getting attention from a loved one, so instead of just simply avoiding that thing or letting your loved ones know you want attention from them (all valid stuff), you're doing it in a secondary way.

I don't know if that's the case, of course. Just something to consider. What *are* the solutions you seek?

[Matt Willard]

Originally Posted by edith

What does it keep you from doing? Does it provide sort of an "identity" that you now see as part of you and letting go of it would create a void that you'd need filled?

Maybe you were paranoid one or two times, and it had the result in your avoiding something or getting attention from a loved one, so instead of just simply avoiding that thing or letting your loved ones know you want attention from them (all valid stuff), you're doing it in a secondary way.

I don't know if that's the case, of course. Just something to consider. What *are* the solutions you seek?

Looking at it that way, I do believe that this paranoia grew in strength after my father died. My street was hit pretty hard with a hurricane and I felt a need to protect myself and my mother, so I began double-checking our doors to make sure they were locked. These days I actually obsessively check to make sure they're locked. From there I guess this paranoia branched into other areas. So, I can only assume that it's filling the need to be protected and to protect those I care about as much as I can. And while that's a good need to fill, it makes it hard for me to relax sometimes. I guess the solution I want is just the ability to tone it down or the realization that I don't need to feel that way.

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by Matt Willard

Well, let me ask it this way-how would you, personally, not pay any attention to paranoid thoughts?

By not using them as a reference for action. If I plan on doing something, and I feel fear over it, I try not to use that fear as a reference for what to do.

Of course, I am actively producing that fear, even though I can stop at any time. The best way I can think of to explain it is that I'm too afraid to stop being afraid, but that's not quite it either. I'm doing this, not the emotions. Looking for reasons would just give me more excuses to ignore that I'm responsible. You can do it, and it may help you superficially, but more problems will spring up to take the place of the ones you solve. You already know how to be rid of all your problems and can stop any time you choose, you've just convinced yourself otherwise.

[Matt Willard]

I'm...confused. XD

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by Matt Willard

I'm...confused. XD

Only because you think you're supposed to understand. Cause and effect doesn't really exist; it's just a convenient shortcut since some causes are more effective than others. In actuality, everything causes everything because everything affects everything, so nothing is really anything by itself, and everything is really just one thing. You can keep working within your cause-effect universe, but since it's not the way things really are it will always contradict itself, to your chagrin.

You can reach back into your childhood or your subconscious or wherever you want for answers, but that will never stop the problems from coming up, because it is the very same system that creates those problems. You're like a burglar trying to use burglary as a solution to burgling, as if by burgling more you will make yourself less likely to burgle again.

Perhaps it's not the most apt metaphor, but I think it gets the point across. Thoughts and feelings are your problems; thus, you are using thoughts and feelings to find the solution. Does that make sense?

[Matt Willard]

I think I understand now, but if that's the case, I'm not sure what to do about it.