i just want to share...

[iamconscious]

i just gave up a possible job today..i felt i can't mingle with my co-workers...i felt i can't do the job "again"...this is the third consecutive time that it happened...i don't know what to do now...if i can't do anything right, how will i live this life...i can't share this with my family...they programmed me as a stupid person who just keeps on making mistakes...i can't share this with my friends....im sure they'll just laugh at me...what will they say if i tell them if i say i gave up my job just because im afraid of making mistakes...just because i can't i felt i can't build relationship with my coworkers...just because i can't stand thinking about making a mess in the office...

i don't know what to do with this life anymore...it's been months now that i lost interest in everything...i tried to find a job so that i can afford a therapist but i can't stay in those jobs for a week...i don't know....i don't know how to pull my self up....i can't feel anything...i don't know...if only i could trust my self a little or i could find someone who could teach me...

if only my family taught me how to trust myself...but i can't be angry to them...i have no right to be angry because they sacrificed a lot for me...whether they're right or wrong, they're RIGHT...and i can't be angry with them.......i wish i could figure a way out of this numbness....life doesn't make sense anymore.....

[magi13]

why don't you try baby steps? it's a good motivating tool? and spend sometime alone reflecting on what you want to do?

[mulbrich]

Have you tied looking around for small odd jobs? You might be able to get good experience and test doing something that you love and save some money up. Just remember that what your parents did for/to you doesn't have to be set in stone, you can change your life to whatever you want it to be if you accept that you want to change.

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by iamconscious

i can't share this with my family...they programmed me as a stupid person who just keeps on making mistakes

It's easy to blame others for your emotions and actions, but they are your feelings and your actions, and both are your choices. There's nothing wrong with what you're going through, but it is your responsibility. Not your fault, but your choice.

[SimonaRich]

Instead of searching support from others, you should start trusting yourself. Nobody can help you if you do not want to help yourself.

You are draining yourself off the energy with all these negative talks. Instead of constantly affirming negative statements you should try to find positive aspects of yourself and your surroundings.

You cannot move from where you are if you keep talking about all the negative aspects of it. You can only improve your circumstances by focusing on positive aspects of your current surroundings.

Also if you take action from the negative state of mind, you will always get negative results. If you are frustrated and you take action, you will get frustrating results, if you are angry and take action, you will get results that will make you even more angry. It is simply exchange of the energies.

Here is the podcast I published today that can really help you understand why you are stuck in your circumstances:

How To Always Take The Right Action

Hope that helps.

Good luck!

[iamconscious]

...i tried to be understanding about those days that they said i can't live on my own because of my stupidness...i knew my mother just had a frustating day..they won't trust even trust me transferring used oil from the pan into the bottle...i might mess it up...those days had past...it's time to move on...and its just childish to complain with them now that i am already 22 years old and already have graduated in college...

and i thought those negative thinking was over...but as it turned out i became numb instead of being better...i cannot feel a thing... i still notice my heart pumping fast when something happens that i knew would normally make me angry but the feeling isn't there....i don't feel pain but i can't feel happiness either...just numb...everything doesn't matter anymore...sorry if i confused you...i rarely share these kind of thoughts to anyone...i'm afraid i wont be understood since i myself can't understand whats going on...i've read about the levels of consciousness and i guess this is what tehy called apathy....but that's all...i don't know what to do about it...

they say i am a very nice man...i am a silent and obedient person...i rarely argue with others...but that's because i afraid of mingling with other people...this self-esteem had been an issue for so long now...i have to give up my 3 year relationship with my girlfriend because i felt i'm worthless...she doesn't even know why i didn't called and meet her anymore...i love that girl but she's gone because i felt worthless...how stupid is that?...

i'm sorry if this confused you...i just want to share some thoughts...i am not used to this and i guess i didnt explain them clearly...and im really sorry for that...i just want to know if these sharing would help me acquire those painful feelings...i really want to lift myself up from this numbness...thank you for your replies....

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by iamconscious

...i tried to be understanding about those days that they said i can't live on my own because of my stupidness...i knew my mother just had a frustating day..they won't trust even trust me transferring used oil from the pan into the bottle...i might mess it up...those days had past...it's time to move on...and its just childish to complain with them now that i am already 22 years old and already have graduated in college...

Let me guess; they tell you that you're no good, but keep expecting things from you. They say that you're worthless, and then they force you to do work that you're obviously going to screw up. They put you in the double bind of never being able to do anything right, but always being made to do things. By the way, who exactly are "they," besides your mother?

It sounds to me like you have very serious depression. Are there any factors in your life that are actively negative or controlling, perhaps a relative? Somebody that makes you feel as if you cannot win, but still expects you do do things for them or for their sake? Who makes you feel that you have no control over your life, and have no worth to even do the things that they expect you to do?

[The Cloud]

You there?

[Eric Roosevelt]

iamconscious,

The first step to solving any emotional problem is acceptance. If you feel depressed, just calmly note to yourself that you're depressed, and go with the flow. If you're nervous or anxious, or embarrassed, acknowledge it to yourself. Don't try to fight your feelings.

Don't fight yourself, or beat yourself up for making mistakes. Making mistakes is a completely acceptable part of life. You can expect plenty of failures in the future. So can all of us.

Start by putting on some head phones and dancing to your favorite music, or search for some personal development videos on Youtube. Don't raise your expectations to high. Don't forget the basic stuff like drinking water and getting some good sleep.