Inferiority related to bullying

[dulaney0330]

Two things have really been my weak spot for a while now: confidence (which I somewhat addressed in a different thread) and same sex friendships.

From 4th grade onward, I was inconsistently alienated and neglected by my peers. I was teased by both boys and girls but the majority of the teasing was done by girls. Sometimes I was teased, sometimes I was accepted.

I was often teased for my appearance. I was a very skinny child and girls would call me "anorexic, ugly and weird." Boys would also call me ugly.

While I have grown to be an attractive person, I still struggle with these comments, specifically the "weird" comments because I have always thought this about myself.

I was picked on a lot, I believe, because I was shy, passive and very independent (I got along better with adults than children).

While I had some same sex friendships I was always fearful of them teasing me. On many occasions, I thought I was friends with a girl and I would find out she was talking bad about me.

Typical immature behavior, I understand. But at 24 years of age, I have difficulty maintaining relationships with women. I have this self-protective defense system and I am always feeling that other women do not like me. I am self-conscious and because of my past experiences I feel like I am "too weird" and "too shy" to be friends.

I have tried cognitive therapy on myself but it falls short. I have tried, " well you are not a mind reader so you do not know if they dont like you." But in the past, girls would act like they did to my face and then behind my back make fun of me.

The basic feeling of inferiority has been rooted by these past experiences and I am unsure how to unweave it. Therapy encouraged growth and it had uncovered the reasons for the teasing but never any resolve.

Any suggestions? Anyone relate?