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NyraSponge · 02-12-2009, 09:10 PM

If you are in a relationship, and your significant other cheats on you, it it worse if your lover is with someone that doesnt mean that much, like casual sex. or is it worse if your love attaches emotional and mental attraction besides physical fixation? To simplify. Would you be more upset if your lover cheated on you repetitively with somone he really liked and wanted. or if it was all just for fun?

lifetimelearner · 02-12-2009, 09:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NyraSponge

If you are in a relationship, and your significant other cheats on you, it it worse if your lover is with someone that doesnt mean that much, like casual sex. or is it worse if your love attaches emotional and mental attraction besides physical fixation? To simplify. Would you be more upset if your lover cheated on you repetitively with somone he really liked and wanted. or if it was all just for fun?

both I hate dishonesty

tintin · 02-12-2009, 09:58 PM

uh nyrasponge.din have the guts to open a thread like this.like opening a barrel of worms.
well i think it hurts the same.casual/meaningful

and it hurts the most when you have a very low self esteem.because then it becomes all about you.
man,feels downright awful.
in the case of casual i guess some may be able to look the other way.i said 'some' for me it is the same.difference lies in me equating sex with love because id not have sex with a man if i wasn in love with him.
casual sex is beyond my comprehension.
so i guess one tends to see the world as they are.
i just cant seem to get my head around 'the other way of having sex'...sex for sex's sake.
also the circumstances..like my spouse was scr***** the maid when
1.my parent was diagnosed with cancer n i was runnin aroun for chemo and stuff
2.on my birthday (when i was with his mum,she was ill too,in the hospital)
3.im a late riser ...so...while i slept
4.in the presence of my child,as in she was in the other room.n i was away at the hospital.

yesterday my mum asked- how long am i going to carry this crap around?he said sorry din he?but you never forgave him.
i want to get rid of this crap too.she doesn realize how much i want to move on.
i did 'the work'.and uncovered that having a low self esteem and no self worth got me where i am today.denying my anger and hurt.
ok..so its all about me.right.fine but i would want t draw the line.my having a low self worth -did THAT make him sleep with another woman on my birthday?]or when i was inconsolable when i found out about my parents cancer?or when my kid was around?
that is a serious lack of integrity.or lets say..caring.

im just plain seething on the inside
no quarter.

wud be thankful for any suggestions.

NyraSponge · 02-12-2009, 10:13 PM

[QUOTE=tintin;304713]uh nyrasponge.din have the guts to open a thread like this.like opening a barrel of worms.

i am a unsure of your first statement, what did you mean?

tintin · 02-12-2009, 10:17 PM

i meant that its like something so explosive and unresolved in me.that i din wanto open that.but ive been meaning to...and here we are nyrasponge takes the cue

NyraSponge · 02-13-2009, 01:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tintin

i meant that its like something so explosive and unresolved in me.that i din wanto open that.but ive been meaning to...and here we are nyrasponge takes the cue

awesome! =)

Trey Baird · 02-14-2009, 06:51 AM

This is an interesting question that can tell you a lot about how your brain works.

It's funny, because to me, the reason is irrelevant. I don't care why she does it, if it happens. If it's for love, that offends me, but if it's for fun, it makes it to where I can't respect her because she's a slave to her urges. Both reasons make me sick.

Sorry to give you a copout answer.

therisingsun09 · 02-12-2009, 10:30 PM

Casual would be worse for me. At least it was love instead of lust they were overcome with

funchy · 02-14-2009, 03:48 PM

All are bad. It's not that he enjoyed sex with another person (he probably did before he met you), but that he (1) broke a promise (2) hid it from you (3) probably lied some more to cover it up. It's wrong on so many levels. He risks bringing home a STD to you, and he risks destroying your financial security if it gets the girl pregnant. He violated a trust you have in him, sometimes that trust never comes back. It brings into question how much he really loves you or perhaps if he understands what true love really is.

If he did it with someone he had emotional feelings for, don't be surprised if he doesn't fight to keep the relationship going. His heart may be elsewhere.

If it did it with someone he had no feelings or respect for, he may be able to cut her off easier but it does say something about him: he risked a good stable relationship for a few quickies? What kind of person is this?

NyraSponge · 02-14-2009, 04:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by funchy

All are bad. It's not that he enjoyed sex with another person (he probably did before he met you), but that he (1) broke a promise (2) hid it from you (3) probably lied some more to cover it up. It's wrong on so many levels. He risks bringing home a STD to you, and he risks destroying your financial security if it gets the girl pregnant. He violated a trust you have in him, sometimes that trust never comes back. It brings into question how much he really loves you or perhaps if he understands what true love really is.

If he did it with someone he had emotional feelings for, don't be surprised if he doesn't fight to keep the relationship going. His heart may be elsewhere.

If it did it with someone he had no feelings or respect for, he may be able to cut her off easier but it does say something about him: he risked a good stable relationship for a few quickies? What kind of person is this?

the love of my life. =/ and the girl or girls he messed with he has feelings for. and even though now he says he only wants me how can i feel that is true? How do i know that he isn't in denial. and thus lieing to me and himself.

He once said to me okay, "that he could never just casually **** someone., he has to have feelings and thoughts for. intimacy." But then many times before that he would make comments like "i am guy, i want what all guys want, to spread my seed into every girl". I was like ROFL. " You do not want to be inside every girl, just the ones you find attractive and have feelings for". I don;t know what he feels, I doubt it all. I feel I love him. ANd sometimes I am even in doubt. because I dont even know who i am.

I guess i dont have faith. i dont believe.

maybe one day i will when it is too late.

Lauxa · 02-15-2009, 05:55 AM

Sex is so risky. STD's. Pregnancies. Emotional turmoil (not that hormones don't do that anyways).

When I was in HS my boyfriend had liked to spread it around... not when we were together... well, not at first... always bragged about all his exes... I felt tortured b/c I was totally inexperienced, waiting for someone special...

In hindsight, I should have let him go... love should feel wonderful, not like torture... I think I was just afraid to be alone, but when you are young there are so many options out there.

Have you seen Erin's article on relationships?
How to Attract the Relationship of your Dreams

KeithS · 02-15-2009, 09:07 AM

Yeah both reasons are bad, there is no excuse to that kind of behavior.

Love doesn't mean anything, anything at all. I'm saying that with a lot of experience under my belt. Never think that love with stop anything from happening, you will just fall that much harder.

02-12-2009, 09:10 PM	#1 (permalink)
NyraSponge Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Florida Posts: 112	SEX! What is worse? If you are in a relationship, and your significant other cheats on you, it it worse if your lover is with someone that doesnt mean that much, like casual sex. or is it worse if your love attaches emotional and mental attraction besides physical fixation? To simplify. Would you be more upset if your lover cheated on you repetitively with somone he really liked and wanted. or if it was all just for fun?

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02-12-2009, 09:58 PM	#3 (permalink)
tintin Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 288	uh nyrasponge.din have the guts to open a thread like this.like opening a barrel of worms. well i think it hurts the same.casual/meaningful and it hurts the most when you have a very low self esteem.because then it becomes all about you. man,feels downright awful. in the case of casual i guess some may be able to look the other way.i said 'some' for me it is the same.difference lies in me equating sex with love because id not have sex with a man if i wasn in love with him. casual sex is beyond my comprehension. so i guess one tends to see the world as they are. i just cant seem to get my head around 'the other way of having sex'...sex for sex's sake. also the circumstances..like my spouse was scr***** the maid when 1.my parent was diagnosed with cancer n i was runnin aroun for chemo and stuff 2.on my birthday (when i was with his mum,she was ill too,in the hospital) 3.im a late riser ...so...while i slept 4.in the presence of my child,as in she was in the other room.n i was away at the hospital. yesterday my mum asked- how long am i going to carry this crap around?he said sorry din he?but you never forgave him. i want to get rid of this crap too.she doesn realize how much i want to move on. i did 'the work'.and uncovered that having a low self esteem and no self worth got me where i am today.denying my anger and hurt. ok..so its all about me.right.fine but i would want t draw the line.my having a low self worth -did THAT make him sleep with another woman on my birthday?]or when i was inconsolable when i found out about my parents cancer?or when my kid was around? that is a serious lack of integrity.or lets say..caring. im just plain seething on the inside no quarter. wud be thankful for any suggestions.

02-12-2009, 10:13 PM	#4 (permalink)
NyraSponge Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Florida Posts: 112	[QUOTE=tintin;304713]uh nyrasponge.din have the guts to open a thread like this.like opening a barrel of worms. i am a unsure of your first statement, what did you mean?

02-12-2009, 10:17 PM	#5 (permalink)
tintin Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 288	i meant that its like something so explosive and unresolved in me.that i din wanto open that.but ive been meaning to...and here we are nyrasponge takes the cue

02-14-2009, 06:51 AM	#7 (permalink)
Trey Baird Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Cape Giradeau, MO Posts: 63	This is an interesting question that can tell you a lot about how your brain works. It's funny, because to me, the reason is irrelevant. I don't care why she does it, if it happens. If it's for love, that offends me, but if it's for fun, it makes it to where I can't respect her because she's a slave to her urges. Both reasons make me sick. Sorry to give you a copout answer.

02-12-2009, 10:30 PM	#8 (permalink)
therisingsun09 Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 43	Casual would be worse for me. At least it was love instead of lust they were overcome with

02-14-2009, 03:48 PM	#9 (permalink)
funchy Family Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: east coast, USA Posts: 1,628	All are bad. It's not that he enjoyed sex with another person (he probably did before he met you), but that he (1) broke a promise (2) hid it from you (3) probably lied some more to cover it up. It's wrong on so many levels. He risks bringing home a STD to you, and he risks destroying your financial security if it gets the girl pregnant. He violated a trust you have in him, sometimes that trust never comes back. It brings into question how much he really loves you or perhaps if he understands what true love really is. If he did it with someone he had emotional feelings for, don't be surprised if he doesn't fight to keep the relationship going. His heart may be elsewhere. If it did it with someone he had no feelings or respect for, he may be able to cut her off easier but it does say something about him: he risked a good stable relationship for a few quickies? What kind of person is this?

02-15-2009, 05:55 AM	#11 (permalink)
Lauxa Family Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 2,545	Sex is so risky. STD's. Pregnancies. Emotional turmoil (not that hormones don't do that anyways). When I was in HS my boyfriend had liked to spread it around... not when we were together... well, not at first... always bragged about all his exes... I felt tortured b/c I was totally inexperienced, waiting for someone special... In hindsight, I should have let him go... love should feel wonderful, not like torture... I think I was just afraid to be alone, but when you are young there are so many options out there. Have you seen Erin's article on relationships? How to Attract the Relationship of your Dreams

02-15-2009, 09:07 AM	#12 (permalink)
KeithS Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 43	Yeah both reasons are bad, there is no excuse to that kind of behavior. Love doesn't mean anything, anything at all. I'm saying that with a lot of experience under my belt. Never think that love with stop anything from happening, you will just fall that much harder.

Personal Development for Smart PeopleTM Forums

Personal Development for Smart People^TM Forums