SEX! What is worse?

[NyraSponge]

If you are in a relationship, and your significant other cheats on you, it it worse if your lover is with someone that doesnt mean that much, like casual sex. or is it worse if your love attaches emotional and mental attraction besides physical fixation? To simplify. Would you be more upset if your lover cheated on you repetitively with somone he really liked and wanted. or if it was all just for fun?

[lifetimelearner]

Originally Posted by NyraSponge

If you are in a relationship, and your significant other cheats on you, it it worse if your lover is with someone that doesnt mean that much, like casual sex. or is it worse if your love attaches emotional and mental attraction besides physical fixation? To simplify. Would you be more upset if your lover cheated on you repetitively with somone he really liked and wanted. or if it was all just for fun?

both I hate dishonesty

[tintin]

uh nyrasponge.din have the guts to open a thread like this.like opening a barrel of worms.
well i think it hurts the same.casual/meaningful

and it hurts the most when you have a very low self esteem.because then it becomes all about you.
man,feels downright awful.
in the case of casual i guess some may be able to look the other way.i said 'some' for me it is the same.difference lies in me equating sex with love because id not have sex with a man if i wasn in love with him.
casual sex is beyond my comprehension.
so i guess one tends to see the world as they are.
i just cant seem to get my head around 'the other way of having sex'...sex for sex's sake.
also the circumstances..like my spouse was scr***** the maid when
1.my parent was diagnosed with cancer n i was runnin aroun for chemo and stuff
2.on my birthday (when i was with his mum,she was ill too,in the hospital)
3.im a late riser ...so...while i slept
4.in the presence of my child,as in she was in the other room.n i was away at the hospital.


yesterday my mum asked- how long am i going to carry this crap around?he said sorry din he?but you never forgave him.
i want to get rid of this crap too.she doesn realize how much i want to move on.
i did 'the work'.and uncovered that having a low self esteem and no self worth got me where i am today.denying my anger and hurt.
ok..so its all about me.right.fine but i would want t draw the line.my having a low self worth -did THAT make him sleep with another woman on my birthday?]or when i was inconsolable when i found out about my parents cancer?or when my kid was around?
that is a serious lack of integrity.or lets say..caring.

im just plain seething on the inside
no quarter.

wud be thankful for any suggestions.

[NyraSponge]

[QUOTE=tintin;304713]uh nyrasponge.din have the guts to open a thread like this.like opening a barrel of worms.

i am a unsure of your first statement, what did you mean?

[tintin]

i meant that its like something so explosive and unresolved in me.that i din wanto open that.but ive been meaning to...and here we are nyrasponge takes the cue

[therisingsun09]

Casual would be worse for me. At least it was love instead of lust they were overcome with

[NyraSponge]

Originally Posted by tintin

i meant that its like something so explosive and unresolved in me.that i din wanto open that.but ive been meaning to...and here we are nyrasponge takes the cue

awesome! =)

[Trey Baird]

This is an interesting question that can tell you a lot about how your brain works.

It's funny, because to me, the reason is irrelevant. I don't care why she does it, if it happens. If it's for love, that offends me, but if it's for fun, it makes it to where I can't respect her because she's a slave to her urges. Both reasons make me sick.

Sorry to give you a copout answer.

[HlynurT]

Originally Posted by Trey Baird

This is an interesting question that can tell you a lot about how your brain works.

It's funny, because to me, the reason is irrelevant. I don't care why she does it, if it happens. If it's for love, that offends me, but if it's for fun, it makes it to where I can't respect her because she's a slave to her urges. Both reasons make me sick.

Sorry to give you a copout answer.

I agree!

[bluedragon]

I would only be upset to find out that my lover considered that I couldn't provide for him what his cheating partner could, and that he didn't consider me open-minded enough to discuss it with me first. If I genuinely realized he would only be satisfied by the other person, I would have no choice but to allow him to fulfill his needs with that person (the only other option being that he do it without my knowledge of approval).

[Ontowhere]

That is why I am all for open relationships. A lot more fun and honest.
I like my own freedom, to.

[NyraSponge]

Originally Posted by Trey Baird

This is an interesting question that can tell you a lot about how your brain works.

It's funny, because to me, the reason is irrelevant. I don't care why she does it, if it happens. If it's for love, that offends me, but if it's for fun, it makes it to where I can't respect her because she's a slave to her urges. Both reasons make me sick.

Sorry to give you a copout answer.

It is obscene to me that people cheat. I don't like it and having to have been through the experiecnce of the one that I love unconditionally, the first time i have ever been in love. I love him. I just can't wrap my head around it. It seems that peoplen just don't think they are just selfish. Want to experiment with others? LEAVE ME FIRST! Then come back when you are done, IF you are done. Just don't bring back any sexual souvenirs >.>
Do not want an STD.

Why couldn't he call me up and say sweety, I love you, I want to be with you, but I wanna cheat right now. I have thing for this other girl, and I want to try out with her. So i gotta leave okay. I would be like hurt, but I would respect that he would leave me and not hurt me by doing something I dont approve of behind my back and lie to me.

It is sad and diconcerting to me that someone I love and claims to love me would still want others and not want to leave me. I am not the most attractive. I don't even seen good in me or beauty. Friends, family and my lover see it. I do not have a reason to believe in myself.

But it's like they get to the moment where they have this opportunity to do whatever and then they don;t think oh how is this going to affect love when she/he finds out. You think that would stop them. No. I guess it is only worth it if you can hurt the one who loves you. No pain no gain right?

I must love pain. =( And I say I would never do that to anyone. I would never cheat yada yada. But now I feel it could, anything is possible. I am not above anyone. I am not above anything. I could worse. I could better. Just the right opportunity and my decision BOOM!

And at least I wouldn;t hide it. BECAUSE CAN HANDLE THE TRUTH UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE! Like my lover and family and some friends that have lied to me in the past.

I don't have to respond in the way" like oh you told me the truth
? Oh everything is okay now." NO. But I will be like thankful and let you know what I feel pertaining to the subject. Truth hurts. Life is tough GET A HELMET!

I am human I have my right to react to things. If I never heard anything about cheating and didn;t know of its consequences, maybe it wouldn't have hurt me when I found out. Maybe I wouldnt care. Maybe I care too much. =(

But i realize i can be him, I can be anybody.

And the one bitch won't face me. She doesn;t feel bad. NO JUSTICE!!!!
she has no clue of pain, nothing bad has happened to her. SHE DOESN"T appreciate anything good. And it is little things like that, that make me wonder IF I EVEN DO!

What makes me so god dam pure that I wouldn';t do that?

Well i have experience that stacks up on my back that tells me I did so many things that I didnt approve of, that I put my nose up at. ANd i did them anyway. Whether or not I wads manipulated or pressured. I still made the final decison. IT WAS ME! So i do things for experience to understand to know. and so i want to know what others feel when it pertains to me. HE has his first love cheat on him several times and yet he wanted anyway. But she was like no, forget it. Don't want cha anymore.

So he did the same **** because why he wanted to and could and wanted to understand how it felt to cheat and make someone you love hurt the one that love you hurt.

Fine!!!!! live for experience, its the best way.

But oooh I think I acutally hate someone.... I didn;t even think that was possible for me !!!! I HATE THAT BITCH not as much as I hate the other girl that was messing with him from a distance via phone and net. But this one UGHGHGHGHGH!
I can see very bad things happening to her to me to everyone who witnesses it. I could **** my whole life because of how I have been affected.

[funchy]

All are bad. It's not that he enjoyed sex with another person (he probably did before he met you), but that he (1) broke a promise (2) hid it from you (3) probably lied some more to cover it up. It's wrong on so many levels. He risks bringing home a STD to you, and he risks destroying your financial security if it gets the girl pregnant. He violated a trust you have in him, sometimes that trust never comes back. It brings into question how much he really loves you or perhaps if he understands what true love really is.

If he did it with someone he had emotional feelings for, don't be surprised if he doesn't fight to keep the relationship going. His heart may be elsewhere.

If it did it with someone he had no feelings or respect for, he may be able to cut her off easier but it does say something about him: he risked a good stable relationship for a few quickies? What kind of person is this?

[NyraSponge]

Originally Posted by funchy

All are bad. It's not that he enjoyed sex with another person (he probably did before he met you), but that he (1) broke a promise (2) hid it from you (3) probably lied some more to cover it up. It's wrong on so many levels. He risks bringing home a STD to you, and he risks destroying your financial security if it gets the girl pregnant. He violated a trust you have in him, sometimes that trust never comes back. It brings into question how much he really loves you or perhaps if he understands what true love really is.

If he did it with someone he had emotional feelings for, don't be surprised if he doesn't fight to keep the relationship going. His heart may be elsewhere.

If it did it with someone he had no feelings or respect for, he may be able to cut her off easier but it does say something about him: he risked a good stable relationship for a few quickies? What kind of person is this?

the love of my life. =/ and the girl or girls he messed with he has feelings for. and even though now he says he only wants me how can i feel that is true? How do i know that he isn't in denial. and thus lieing to me and himself.

He once said to me okay, "that he could never just casually **** someone., he has to have feelings and thoughts for. intimacy." But then many times before that he would make comments like "i am guy, i want what all guys want, to spread my seed into every girl". I was like ROFL. " You do not want to be inside every girl, just the ones you find attractive and have feelings for". I don;t know what he feels, I doubt it all. I feel I love him. ANd sometimes I am even in doubt. because I dont even know who i am.

I guess i dont have faith. i dont believe.

maybe one day i will when it is too late.

[Lauxa]

Sex is so risky. STD's. Pregnancies. Emotional turmoil (not that hormones don't do that anyways).

When I was in HS my boyfriend had liked to spread it around... not when we were together... well, not at first... always bragged about all his exes... I felt tortured b/c I was totally inexperienced, waiting for someone special...

In hindsight, I should have let him go... love should feel wonderful, not like torture... I think I was just afraid to be alone, but when you are young there are so many options out there.

Have you seen Erin's article on relationships?
How to Attract the Relationship of your Dreams

[KeithS]

Yeah both reasons are bad, there is no excuse to that kind of behavior.

Love doesn't mean anything, anything at all. I'm saying that with a lot of experience under my belt. Never think that love with stop anything from happening, you will just fall that much harder.