Depressed because of my situation

[andy999]

Hi, how are you all? Im just gonna ramble on but any comments are welcome and appreciated.

Well, im pretty depressed at the minute. Been like this for the past couple of months. Im just so pissed off and angry at myself because im going no where. Let me explain:

Im a 20 year old living in the UK. Ive been to 2 colleges since i left high school (for those in the US, college is not the same as a University. Like, when you finish school at 16, you goto college for 2 years, and then progress onto university) Ive got A levels in Maths, Chemistry, Computing & Media. I also have a qualification in Building & Construction (Quantity\ Building Surveying, Architechtural drawing etc) The problem is, i just do not know what to do. Ive been out of work for 3 months now.(Used to work full time as an IT Technician, but as business was poor i got laid off) Its really frustrating me because i have no money, no car, cant go out and meet new people etc. Now, over the past year or so ive gotten into music. I really enjoy it and would love nothing more than to make music for a living. But, as i never studied music in school or college, ive not got no qualifications.

So, ive mapped out my plan. In order to get into the music industry, im gonna have to pay for a music course in my own time, night classes or whatever. After that, Ill stand a better chance at getting in with something. But these courses arent cheap, £3000 for each course.

Now that all sounds good, ive found something i really enjoy, have a lot of motivation for and want to succeed in. But, im still in a rut. I dont know where i can work to get this money. I dont want to work in a bar or a shop for minimum wage, unsociable hours. Ive worked in half a dozen such placements part time whilst i was at college, and i despise working in such environments. But if i dont work in somewhere ♥♥♥♥♥♥, i dont know where else i can work. I just want a job that id want to wake up and do. It doesnt have to be perfect, far from it, but just somewhere where i could work for a year or 2 and get back on my feet.

Its just so depressing for me to be in this position. I used to have my own car, went out on the town at weekends, spare cash in the bank etc and now that im unemployed i just sit in my f*cking room all day, and im not the introverted type, so its sending me mad.

My mums suggested going the docs and getting some anti depressants, but i dont want any of that. I know what the root of my depression is; having no job, therefore no money to go and meet friends/make friends. Seeing people my age booking holidays abraod in the summer etc just finishes it off for me. My nasty streak makes me want to just snap and take it out on anyone and everyone.

I dont know what to do...


Thanks

[bman]

20 years old and depressed ?



Hmmm. I can relate to that but you should not be depressed over something so trivial.


You have youth on your side, and don't neglect your health.


As for your mental health, if you want a job you could always try out the fast food joints temporarily until you find a better job.

Come on, life is not that bad. You're still young, and if you think you should be depressed, wait till you reach the 'real world'

Take things, one step at a time, and get sufficient sleep.

[RRR]

Overcoming Depression

I suggest looking into diet. I was suicidal much of the time before switching to a raw vegan diet.. I feel freaking amazing and its been under 30 days.

Believing you can't make friends because you don't have any money is a false belief.
-Did you have friends as an unemployed kid?
Believing you need to take a course to become a musician is a false belief.
-If you are talented you can play music anywhere, Bars, Pubs, Street corners, parties, weddings..

I found that (prior to my diet), the biggest things that warded off my depression were
1. Connection - Sex, Love, Dating, Meaningful Conversations, Studying subjects I love
2. Fun - Laughter, Sports, Revelry,
3. Choosing to be happy.. Simply stand up and say "I'm happy" with the emotion behind it..its kind of freaky how easy it is.
4. Exercise- Being in top physical form is good for the ego, and the endorphins are natural mood lifters.

[SimonaRich]

I also live in UK and I have noticed false belief that if you want to be good at something, you must take some kind of course. That is so silly! Why would people buy into it?

Paying so much for some paper that they could show to potential employers only to hear that employers are looking for experience, rather than qualifications.

With £3000 you can establish your own company, rather than wasting your valuable time in some institution.

You do not need any investment if you want to be in the music industry. You need practice.

[Susanna77]

Hi

What about call centre work? I did that in the UK when I finished university. Can't say I liked it but it was a wage and got me out of the house.

Don't focus on the negative (I must tell myself that too by the way); focus on the positive...you just need to look around to see that with so many people losing their jobs and being unable to pay their mortgages, and with kids to feed and all that, are in a far wose situation. Agreed?

Whereabouts in the UK are you if you don't mind me asking? I lived in Lincolnshire for a while. My husband is from there. I miss England A LOT.

[SimonaRich]

Originally Posted by Susanna77

Hi

What about call centre work? I did that in the UK when I finished university. Can't say I liked it but it was a wage and got me out of the house.

Don't focus on the negative (I must tell myself that too by the way); focus on the positive...you just need to look around to see that with so many people losing their jobs and being unable to pay their mortgages, and with kids to feed and all that, are in a far wose situation. Agreed?

Whereabouts in the UK are you if you don't mind me asking? I lived in Lincolnshire for a while. My husband is from there. I miss England A LOT.

I currently live in London. I have not been to Lincolnshire but I guess it's nice if you liked there. I love England too But I also like many other countries and I do not like to stay in one place for too long

[Susanna77]

Originally Posted by SimonaRich

I currently live in London. I have not been to Lincolnshire but I guess it's nice if you liked there. I love England too But I also like many other countries and I do not like to stay in one place for too long

Lincoln itself is nice. I love London also but in a different way - lots more to do.

I also lived in High Wycombe when I was at uni there for a semestre (exchange program).

I hate being in one place for too long too. I moved quite a bit in the past 10 years...I am getting itchy feet I think. Part of me would like to go back to the UK. The other part would like to try Sweden, Norway or Finland.

[Maguru]

Originally Posted by andy999

Hi, how are you all? Im just gonna ramble on but any comments are welcome and appreciated.

Well, im pretty depressed at the minute. Been like this for the past couple of months. Im just so pissed off and angry at myself because im going no where. Let me explain:

Im a 20 year old living in the UK. Ive been to 2 colleges since i left high school (for those in the US, college is not the same as a University. Like, when you finish school at 16, you goto college for 2 years, and then progress onto university) Ive got A levels in Maths, Chemistry, Computing & Media. I also have a qualification in Building & Construction (Quantity\ Building Surveying, Architechtural drawing etc) The problem is, i just do not know what to do. Ive been out of work for 3 months now.(Used to work full time as an IT Technician, but as business was poor i got laid off) Its really frustrating me because i have no money, no car, cant go out and meet new people etc. Now, over the past year or so ive gotten into music. I really enjoy it and would love nothing more than to make music for a living. But, as i never studied music in school or college, ive not got no qualifications.

So, ive mapped out my plan. In order to get into the music industry, im gonna have to pay for a music course in my own time, night classes or whatever. After that, Ill stand a better chance at getting in with something. But these courses arent cheap, £3000 for each course.

Now that all sounds good, ive found something i really enjoy, have a lot of motivation for and want to succeed in. But, im still in a rut. I dont know where i can work to get this money. I dont want to work in a bar or a shop for minimum wage, unsociable hours. Ive worked in half a dozen such placements part time whilst i was at college, and i despise working in such environments. But if i dont work in somewhere ♥♥♥♥♥♥, i dont know where else i can work. I just want a job that id want to wake up and do. It doesnt have to be perfect, far from it, but just somewhere where i could work for a year or 2 and get back on my feet.

Its just so depressing for me to be in this position. I used to have my own car, went out on the town at weekends, spare cash in the bank etc and now that im unemployed i just sit in my f*cking room all day, and im not the introverted type, so its sending me mad.

My mums suggested going the docs and getting some anti depressants, but i dont want any of that. I know what the root of my depression is; having no job, therefore no money to go and meet friends/make friends. Seeing people my age booking holidays abraod in the summer etc just finishes it off for me. My nasty streak makes me want to just snap and take it out on anyone and everyone.

I dont know what to do...


Thanks

Can you read your post objectively without emotion, as though someone else, maybe another student/friend or me, a perfect stranger, had written it? What do you see? regards

[SimonaRich]

Originally Posted by Susanna77

Lincoln itself is nice. I love London also but in a different way - lots more to do.

I also lived in High Wycombe when I was at uni there for a semestre (exchange program).

I hate being in one place for too long too. I moved quite a bit in the past 10 years...I am getting itchy feet I think. Part of me would like to go back to the UK. The other part would like to try Sweden, Norway or Finland.

I am thinking of living in Malta next because I absolutely loved it when I visited it last year. I would like to visit Sweden (I have lovely friends from there) but I would not consider living there because it would be too cold

[cnwoods]

Originally Posted by andy999

Hi, how are you all? Im just gonna ramble on but any comments are welcome and appreciated.

Well, im pretty depressed at the minute. Been like this for the past couple of months. Im just so pissed off and angry at myself because im going no where. Let me explain:

There's the start of the issue. You sound like you're directing all your energy into hating yourself instead of hating the situation. If you redirect it to the situation you can at least USE that energy to change it!

Originally Posted by andy999

Im a 20 year old living in the UK. Ive been to 2 colleges since i left high school ... Ive got A levels in Maths, Chemistry, Computing & Media. I also have a qualification in Building & Construction (Quantity\ Building Surveying, Architechtural drawing etc) The problem is, i just do not know what to do. Ive been out of work for 3 months now.(Used to work full time as an IT Technician, but as business was poor i got laid off) Its really frustrating me because i have no money, no car, cant go out and meet new people etc.

You don't know what to do because you're stuck believing in a way that everyone else goes, but which you really, inside, don't want to follow. Why are you so determined not to let yourself blaze your own path?

Originally Posted by andy999

Now, over the past year or so ive gotten into music. I really enjoy it and would love nothing more than to make music for a living. But, as i never studied music in school or college, ive not got no qualifications.

Someone's already pointed this out. When was the last time you think your local pub asked their muso's to produce a piece of paper to prove their qualifications? I know, having gone to University myself, that it's an insidious way your thinking gets reprogrammed - value the paper over the real world. Trust me, you need to let that go RIGHT NOW! It won't serve you, and is already causing you no end of frustration. Who are the people you most admire - and is it their qualifications you look up to, or what they've achieved in the real world? Paper qualifications=knowledge. Success=knowledge IMPLEMENTED, ie real life actions. From first hand experience, I can assure you, shifting into action mode is the quickest way out of feeling depressed. It's not easy, but it gets easier as you do it, and you won't want to look back once you have it rolling.

Originally Posted by andy999

I dont want to work in a bar or a shop for minimum wage, unsociable hours. Ive worked in half a dozen such placements part time whilst i was at college, and i despise working in such environments. But if i dont work in somewhere ♥♥♥♥♥♥, i dont know where else i can work. I just want a job that id want to wake up and do. It doesnt have to be perfect, far from it, but just somewhere where i could work for a year or 2 and get back on my feet.

You've clearly got a belief that says money can only come from doing things you dislike doing. Read Steve's post on making your first love dollar, and start working on getting rid of that!

Originally Posted by andy999

Its just so depressing for me to be in this position. I used to have my own car, went out on the town at weekends, spare cash in the bank etc and now that im unemployed i just sit in my f*cking room all day, and im not the introverted type, so its sending me mad.

You're spending your time hating yourself and looking inwards. Not surprising you're going mad. Start doing things you enjoy (get creative and find the ones you can do without needing lots of money - they are out there!), cutting yourself some slack, and take the time to create a mental picture of what you want to work towards - earning money doing what you love. Then work through the obstacles that come up between you and it. Trust me, money isn't one of them.

Originally Posted by andy999

My mums suggested going the docs and getting some anti depressants, but i dont want any of that. I know what the root of my depression is; having no job, therefore no money to go and meet friends/make friends. Seeing people my age booking holidays abraod in the summer etc just finishes it off for me. My nasty streak makes me want to just snap and take it out on anyone and everyone.

I dont know what to do...

Stop looking at other people's lives, stop criticising your own, start letting yourself create the path that's right for you and then go out there and GET EM!

With so many qualifications, it's obvious you've got mental smarts. You're just in the sandpit right now for real life. Let yourself take the time you need on training wheels. You're in a different environment now. You're free of the encumbrances that keep most people from chasing their dreams but because 'everyone says' that you should have those ties (job, car etc) you're torn between being able to take advantage of that freedom and feeling pushed to go back into chains.

The decision is yours. Conventional path (find yourself another job, which I suggest will only happen once you value yourself a bit higher than minimum wage bars & shops) or use the time you have now to find your own road to travel, and kiss the 'standard life' goodbye.

[mikkell]

Hi Andy!
I've been living in UK (Somerset) for about a year. I have an uncle who lives in Paignton. When I saw him last time, he told me about a girl that used to play the violin on the streets around the town. In as little time as one month she was able to earn 300% more money than she would in a bar or fast food. Just by doing what she enjoyed anyway. If you have some skills already, don't wait. Start right now.

I'm sure you've heard about Van Morrison. He is world famous, and he is a self-taught person. You actually don't need a course to start off. First start doing sth, and then you can always take some course in the meantime. What you need is a strong motivation. In my opinion, the first step towards being motivated, is to find a peer group that'll support you on your way to become a musician. Look through local ads and announcements. You may find a band that is looking for a musician. That would be a good place to polish your skills. And once you earn your first pound, your motivation will be skyrocketing.

And one more thing. Don't play for money. Play for passion that it gives you, for plain pleasure, play to deliver a value to your audience. If you do that, creativity will be flowing through you naturally. But playing solely for money will cause you to burn out in a short period of time.

Hope I helped you to gain a different point of view on your current situation.

Best of luck!

[astra]

Sounds like the beginnings of a Quarter Life Crisis to me. Funnily enough, I've actually recently written one of my random-blog-postings about some research I done into this, it's the link in my signature if you want to have a look - some people (like me) find understanding what's happening to you helps a bit, if you're one of these it might be worthwhile. Unfortunately my research didn't show up any ways of helping you through this, but I did write in there a few little things I'm trying.

On a practical and possibly more helpful note, have you tried checking out the local pubs in your area that might hire musicians? Try going in and talking to them about where they find their acts, see if you can hook up an audition to play there or something. At the least, try to get talking to musicians that play there already and try to get some advice, build some networks in the local music scene, you never know what might come your way. Ask at your local music shops if they have a message board or there's a local magazine with classifieds that might have ads for auditions or opportunities to meet other musicians. Maybe even look into getting a busker's license and try that out. Failing that, audition for x-factor or one of those reality show thingies, at the very least you could meet some interesting people who also share your passion.

Apart from that, I agree with most of what other people said. You definitely don't need a piece of paper to show you're good at music, and there's nothing wrong with working what we aussies would call s***kicker jobs to support your real passion. It still amazes me that people think their work should be a great passion or it's wasting time. If it allows you to do what is your passion, then go for it!