Depression and Self Improvement

[Living2xcess]

I have noticed that there is a significant link between Self Improvement and Depression. I have noticed that people, including myself, set so many goals, create so many expectations, and are always trying to better ourselves, that we become unhappy with ourselves, discouraged, and anxious when we don't meet our own expectations. Although, I do understand that procrastination and not focusing properly on what you want to accomplish is destructive behavior, I also believe that under many conditions the desire and consistant actions to improve oneself leads one towards anxiety and depression.

[DiscoDan]

I happen to disagree with you on this one. Self-improvement, when done correctly, can only lead to positive outcomes. The key is to not look for those positive outcomes explicitly. This may sound counterintuitive (why try to improve at all if you aren't actively looking for these improvements?), but it helps to keep you from failing to meet your own expectations.

Here's what I personally do: I notice an area of my life that needs improvement, and actively search for ways to improve that area. Then I set a plan into action, and give it three months without looking for any results whatsoever. After three months are up, I compare my situation before and after. If I'm better off now, great. I will keep doing what I'm doing. If not, I look for another plan, and give that one three months.

It also helps to not take on too much "improvement" at once. I try to focus on only one or two areas that I feel will improve my life the most. Then, once I have those areas covered, I move on from there. Limiting your focus to only one or two areas at a time does wonders for "burn out" syndrome.

[RT Wolf]

I'm not entirely where whether you were just commenting or whether you were asking for help on that issue. I'll assume the latter.

If you haven't read this blog entry, it might help?
http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/200...rsonal-growth/

I might also suggest reading The Power of Now. That book helped me become more present, instead of thinking about the future excessively or what "could be" or what "should be", accept what is and decide to go ahead with it.

HTH.

[indestructible]

I understand where you are coming from, Living2xcess. I have experienced what you are talking about. In my case, I think that the problem was more with how I was reacting to the self-improvement programs, rather than the programs themselves.

One problem was handling setbacks. If I made a mistake, I would want to give up instead of forgiving myself and continuing, or learning from the mistake and changing my strategy. This all-or-nothing attitude about mistakes sometimes led to depression, because I saw the mistake as giant, and myself as hopeless. I did some exercises where I listed mistakes of people who I really admired - and it helped me see that it is fine to make mistakes - and they can be used as tools for learning. I knew this intellectually before of course, but absorbing it took a lot of work.

I also lacked self-acceptance. I believed that the author and the people that could follow the book or program were somehow perfect and I was flawed. Now I realize that probably even the people in books did not have a perfect road and I am fine even if it takes me a bit longer to get to the point that they have reached - or if I reach my own unique point instead of theirs. This took a lot of work, but realizing that I am "fine" even though I am not perfect. I read a book called "Radical Acceptance" by Tara Brach on this last year which was excellent.

I hope that this helps.

[Isis Kali]

I actually thought that you were speaking about clinical depression for a moment. If that was the case, it can be very hard to recover your "up" vibes if something gets you down, or if you feel like you're not living up to your goals or potential.

[John Hill]

I understand perfectly what you are saying and yes I agree. I am a Westener living in Asia and the longer I stay here the more obvious it seems to be that most Westeners always put pressure on themselves to achieve more. In many Asian cultures they tend to be content with much less than what the Western person needs or wants. When we get more or achieve our goals we are not usually satisfied for long and continue to want even more. This can lead to unhappiness and depression.

In tennis player Pat Cash's biography, he wrote that after he won Wimbledon in 1987, arguably the biggest prize in professional tennis, he never stopped for a moment to enjoy the victory, instead all he did was focus on the upcoming US open which he didn't win and eventually he spiralled into depression. What I learned from Pat's words were, stop once in a while and enjoy the journey.

I have addressed some related issues at the link below.

John

[Living2xcess]

Originally Posted by RT Wolf

I'm not entirely where whether you were just commenting or whether you were asking for help on that issue. I'll assume the latter.

If you haven't read this blog entry, it might help?
http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/200...rsonal-growth/

I might also suggest reading The Power of Now. That book helped me become more present, instead of thinking about the future excessively or what "could be" or what "should be", accept what is and decide to go ahead with it.

HTH.

Thanks for the link RT Wolf. I wasn't exactly seeking help, but I find the fact that Steve Pavlina addressed this issue is very interesting. The advice he gives towards this problem is very useful for anybody who does suffer from any anxiety or depression that is caused by improper or half heartedly applying self improvement concepts. I think it is important for the issue to be addressed more often because I am constantly noticing the link between personal development and emotional problems.

A good question to ask is... Is it important to address a persons concept of self prior to beginning an ambitious personal development program, or should goals, action, and techniques be the first step of personal development to 'get the ball rolling'. Changing one's behavior, habits, and self esteem is a long and difficult process but a very important one.

[ReallyGoodIdeas]

I believe self-acceptance is the most important part of any self-improvement plan. You must lovingly accept where you are, because you are responsible for getting there, the good and the bad. Once you can accept yourself, you can improve yourself. Seems counter-intuitive, but it's true.

EFT recognises this with the setup-statement which is worded thus:

Even though I have <this problem>, I love and accept myself completely.

I see it as you're the captain of a team. The team is you, but it's all the parts of your mind/identity/personality. If the captain is always coming down heavy on part of the team, it will not achieve it's best. The captain needs to encourage the whole team, so the whole team can achieve. If the whole team is behind you, you will be able to wholeheartedly commit to, so achieve your reasonable goals, because you are a high performing team!!

Once the team has met some goals (maybe start with easier short term goals and work up), it will have more confidence to go for bigger meatier goals, and more practice at working together.

So I say self-acceptance is the key. There are great EFT articles on self-acceptance by Steve Wells here.

Joy to you
Hazel

[Eli]

There always seems to be some pain in the transformation. some internal termoil that passes with the new and better U. Hold on and love the burn. Peace

[Dating Specialist]

Originally Posted by indestructible

One problem was handling setbacks. If I made a mistake, I would want to give up instead of forgiving myself and continuing, or learning from the mistake and changing my strategy. This all-or-nothing attitude about mistakes sometimes led to depression, because I saw the mistake as giant, and myself as hopeless. I did some exercises where I listed mistakes of people who I really admired - and it helped me see that it is fine to make mistakes - and they can be used as tools for learning. I knew this intellectually before of course, but absorbing it took a lot of work.

I also lacked self-acceptance. I believed that the author and the people that could follow the book or program were somehow perfect and I was flawed. Now I realize that probably even the people in books did not have a perfect road and I am fine even if it takes me a bit longer to get to the point that they have reached - or if I reach my own unique point instead of theirs. This took a lot of work, but realizing that I am "fine" even though I am not perfect. I read a book called "Radical Acceptance" by Tara Brach on this last year which was excellent.
.

I agree! It's about learning from the mistakes you make along the way and changing your strategies to get a different result.

Setting specific and attainable goals are important too. No doubt you want to make a quantum leap by setting higher goals, but they've got to be attainable, otherwise you'll find yourself working so hard and yet the goal is forever too big or too far to be in sight. If your goal is too far to be seen, how can it motivate you to prod on?

Whether or not you achieve the goals is a side issue. But what's real and concrete is so long as you continue to take actions in self-improvement, you will gain some learnings. It's a definite thing. You will surely take away some things during the process, and by knowing how to appreciate those little successes, your depression will not have a way to come in while you are on your road in self-improvement and personal development.

It's not easy to start doing this, because I'm like this too (so ironical isn't it) But I'm doing my best to stop feeling like this and learn to celebrate little successes along the way and relishing in the experienes I gained.

Maybe you wanted to mean having the feeling of being defeated when things just don't seem to move as fast as you like to be? If that's the case, I don't think that's depression too!

[Gally]

Originally Posted by DiscoDan

I happen to disagree with you on this one. Self-improvement, when done correctly, can only lead to positive outcomes. The key is to not look for those positive outcomes explicitly. This may sound counterintuitive (why try to improve at all if you aren't actively looking for these improvements?), but it helps to keep you from failing to meet your own expectations.

Here's what I personally do: I notice an area of my life that needs improvement, and actively search for ways to improve that area. Then I set a plan into action, and give it three months without looking for any results whatsoever. After three months are up, I compare my situation before and after. If I'm better off now, great. I will keep doing what I'm doing. If not, I look for another plan, and give that one three months.

It also helps to not take on too much "improvement" at once. I try to focus on only one or two areas that I feel will improve my life the most. Then, once I have those areas covered, I move on from there. Limiting your focus to only one or two areas at a time does wonders for "burn out" syndrome.

Yeah, it's mainly a perspective thing.

Rather than see ourselves as the sum total of our entire life's achievements we tend to see the current project's up or downward status as the 'all' that matters 'right now'.

On a sidenote, how much of our 'perspective' is shaped by Madison Avenue?

[Andrew Brunelle]

Sometimes I get discouraged when what I am trying to do doesn't work, but then I remember with enough practice, with enough time, whatever I am trying to accomplish will work. It's more of enjoying the process of getting there than it is just enjoying the destination. If you're on a good path, a path filled with excietement and adventures, then getting to a destination is not so important as enjoying the path is. If you cannot enjoy your present moments, good or bad, happy or sad, then it will be difficult to attain happiness off in the future somewhere, as you are projecting it just out of your reach.

[Cron]

One of the side effects of depression is a distortion in perception. People see things through gray colored glasses. Things that aren't that bad, look that bad when they are not.

Cognitive therapy, clincally proven to be as effective as medication works by helping people to fix their faulty perceptions.

There is a grain of truth in what you say. I don't mean that shooting for too many goals can lead to depression if you don't achieve all of them. What I mean is that what you tell yourself about these set backs can effect your mood, color the way you look at things and lead to depression.

Success encourages people, failure discourages people. It is as simple as that. People who manage to achieve a lot manage to hold their heads together when what they want doesn't come quickly or doesn't come at all.

They are able to keep their attitudes good and keep trying until they something sticks. It isn't easy.

Watch what your thoughts are and what you tell yourself. Talk to other people, ask them if they have failed at many things before getting where they are. Don't look at your failures as failures, but lessons. See if anything positive came from those efforts......remind yourself of those things.

[Cron]

This always cheers me up and puts the mountain of failure that is required for most of us to achieve any kind of success into perspective for me:
=============================================

1832: Lost job
1832: Defeated for the legislature
1833: Failed in business
1834: Elected to the legislature
1835: Sweetheart died
1836: Had nevrvous breakdown
1838: Defeated for Speaker Of The House
1843: Defeated for nomination for Congress
1846: Elected to Congress
1848: Lost renomination
1849: Rejected for land officer
1854: Defeated for the Senate
1856: Defeated for nomination for being the Vice President
1858: Again defeated for nomination to the Senate
1860: Elected to the Presidency Of The United States

..............Abraham Lincoln

From

HOW TO GET CONTROL OF YOUR TIME AND YOUR LIFE
by Alan Lakein. 1973 ISBN: 0451167724, pages 156 - 157