The 'Inner Game' of Life

[Johnny Soporno]

Life is indeed a game, and learning which of its countless rules are appropriate TO YOU is critical.

"Inner Game" is a convenient euphemism for having a "Satisfied Sense-of-Self".

The more richly developed you are AS A PERSON, the less crafty and manipulative you need to be as a Player, and the less you need to justify that you DESERVE the self-serving and empowering lifestyle you have chosen.

Once you wrap your mind around this, everything falls into place: Inner Game isn't something you get taught, it isn't something you study - it's something you must EARN!

The irony is, ONLY YOU can award it to yourself.

This Self-Confidence is like Freedom: You must EARN it - it can't be bought, borrowed, or stolen, nor can it be given away.
(When Freedom is GIVEN to you, that's ACTUALLY abandonment. Think about that!)

By earning your OWN respect, and satisfying yourself that you are becoming more fully-realized with each new experience you have, you begin TRULY to like yourself.

Most men are looking to live as playboys, but there is nothing innately positive about the 'worthless playboy' stereotype. Oh, it LOOKS like fun, but it's empty and shallow...

The paradigm I recommend, alternatively, is "Worthy Playboy" and I elaborate on it further now:

To become a 'Worthy Playboy' you must develop yourself as a Renaissance Man; you should endeavour to gain a broad-base of knowledge in areas you believe people who'd interest you will be versed. This will help you to remain interesting to them also; as being interesting is INFINITELY more attractive than being 'impressive'.

As a Worthy Playboy, you should be comfortable and confident enough to carry on conversations with women on subjects you have historically known nothing about, by candidly and sincerely encouraging them to share THEIR insights with you.

NEVER FORGET: Everyone's favourite subject is themselves, and NOTHING makes you more attractive to another person than being INTERESTED in what they have to say.

This works for men and women alike - but women are far more impressed when they receive this attention from men (since most men are usually too arrogant to concede they might not know everything... Schmucks.)

A Worthy Playboy is never ashamed of NOT KNOWING, because A) no one can know everything, and B) women will be DELIGHTED that their knowing something you don't isn't intimidating to you - and they will be flattered that you're man-enough to let them teach something to you.

"Know Thyself" said The Oracle, and that was profound advice - FOR SELF-DECEPTION IS THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL.

Introspectively interrogate yourself to discover WHO YOU ARE as you develop - to ensure you haven't lost sight of yourself.

Once you KNOW who you are, you'll know what you'll do.
IF YOU ONLY DO THE THINGS WHICH MAKE SENSE TO YOU, in which you find yourself BOTH cerebrally and emotionally settled, and where your conscience is unperturbed, YOU'LL BE ACTING WITH 'REASONED CONFIDENCE'.

This is the rational way of leading your life - by following these internal guidlelines, you'll NEVER have reason for regret, and no justification for embarrassment, EVEN if things don't work out immediately! (In such cases, dispassionately step back from the experience, return to the plan to see whether the problem was situational or persistant, and modify as-necessary before trying again.)

By proceeding ONLY with Reasoned Confidence, the only guilt you need EVER feel is the guilt of letting yourself down; the ONLY embarrassment, the embarrassment of making the same mistakes over again; the ONLY regret, the regret of not having come to this epiphany earlier.

Promise yourself regularily, "I will never do anything I wouldn't do" - and keep that promise faithfully - your internal consistency and congruency depends on it. Your ethical system should NOT have a 'margin release key' - that is the road to conscious hypocrisy (See "Self-Deception" above) and is nothing less than personal treason.

Explore your world - expand your horizons, develop new friendships with people of high integrity and ethics, and remain true to yourself and your word. Your relationships and your reputation are your strongest weapons in the battle against psychological misery and emotional defeat - make certain they are solid, just, and dependable as best you can.

As you progess, you will become comfortable that ANY PERSON (man or woman) with whom you interact will feel and be better-off for knowing you [even if it's simply because you proved to them that GOOD MEN still exist, and find THEM interesting] and that they will feel better about themselves because they've spent time with you.

What could be a more-attractive attribute to have?

Most of all, YOU MUST BECOME SELF-ACTUALIZED - in other words, you need to find your comfort with yourself based on your confidently and successfully following your own path, and NOT narcissistically through the approval of others.

Permitting yourself to be held-back from progressing because you fear the disapproval of people you don't admire is MADNESS!

Lead your own life, and conscientiously ensure you make all your descisions with Reasoned Confidence, and when you are met with disapproving or taunting jibes from 'the peanut gallery' just take note of it -

then DO AS YOU WILL, and watch as your detractors become your admirers.

There's no arguing with success.

Good luck to you all,

I hope you find value in this.

Johnny Soporno
Worthy Playboy

[ndpistonfan]

Johnny,

I sent you a PM. Anyhow, I respect your perspective as someone willing to go against social norms and conventions and designing a great, fulfilling life based on your own paradigm of contentment. I've always thought the dating scene, and getting over one's fear of women, is similar to sports in the regards as it's all about overcoming obstacles (both real and self-perpetuated), performing in accordance with the circumstances around you with confidence and competence, dictating tempo, etc. All of that is related to the "Inner Game" you refer to. Even if people don't agree with everything you do, it's irrelevent. When I used to go out and employ different techniques and tactics to overcome my own insecurities the most valuable thing I discovered was the journey of overcoming my nuerosis and becoming a better, more valuable person. You've used the dating arena as your stage of finding what you've sought, self-mastery and inner peace. As that evolves you'll be the better for it.

[cacheborn]

Great post Johny.
It should also be interesting to those who have doubts about the PUA community. The more I learn about PUA, the more I realize that picking up women is just a part of it. It is actually a comprehensive program to make you a better indivudual, better person and a better man.

[ndpistonfan]

Many people get hung up on the aspect of "picking up women" when it comes to members of the PUA community and dismiss them out-of-hand as immature jerks cheating some sort of "system". I don't tell many people this, but the road to true self-development for me started when I was able to deal with my irrational fears of interacting and approaching attractive women. David D'Angelo and his "Double Your Dating" franchise were key in helping me find my path and fortify myself for my re-vitalization (a story much to lengthy to go into in a single post). Once I got that area handled, it opened up an entire new world of confidence and realization for me. I faced my fears head-on and most of the situations that used to terrify me a scant few years ago now have been put in their proper place. I realize the world isn't going to stop if someone chooses not to respond positively to you, be it a woman, a peer at work, a potential business partner, etc. Johnny, and many in that community, have focused on the right things, which is working on a person from the inside-out, vs. many of the guys who focus on taking shortcuts such as manipulation, pick-up lines, and techniques with no foundation (which never work long-term anyway). I applaud the ones who use getting over their fears of women as a springboard for a holistic approach to overhaul and improve their entire lives. Having said that, I'm done

[JE Gonzalez]

What is there to say except wow! You sure are a wise man, Johnny Soporno.

[richforsandy]

JE you took the words out of my mouth. wow!

I'm working on these essential realizations, but never put it so succinctly.

My pleasure to participate with you. I am grateful we get to do this.

Thank you forum.

Rich (Toronto, Canada)

[garysmeade]

Johnny, I've printed this out and will read and re-read it several times to allow the message to sink in to my subconscious. Thousands upon thousands of books, programs, articles etc. have been written to get to the very point you've raised here. What I get you are saying is like what Steve says about Truth - namely, that to live consciously one must be in constant alignment with Truth through integrity. There seem to be two ways in which people are out of alignment with Truth - avoidance and falsehood. Maybe both are based on the assumption that 'I am not good enough'?

It's not easy to drop from the pack and live consciously. To search within and find your own truth, apart from the conditioning and expectations of others. I'm glad to have mentors here who have walked the path, continue to walk AND are dedicated to bringing others along for the ride.

[gluey]

This is great! I'm actually not as crazy as I thought I was before reading this!

[Mr_A]

Beautiful Man
Thank You

[Valakiel]

Just what I needed to read today. Thanks man!! I'm going to share this with my friends.

[Johnny Soporno]

I really appreciate the positive and corroborative comments you've all left!

I strongly encourage everyone to re-visit the OP fairly regularly, until every aspect of it rings-true for you!

Many people (like Garysmeade above!) have found it to be very helpful to print it out, and place it somewhere you'll see it without thinking about it, such as your shaving/make-up mirror, or your refrigerator door...

Again, thanks for the kind words!

Johnny Soporno
Worthy Playboy

[chrisrushton]

Originally Posted by Johnny Soporno

Bump

glad you bumped that, i've not seen it before.

[spirit4711]

Originally Posted by chrisrushton

glad you bumped that, i've not seen it before.

Same here. I hate the colours but the content resonates.

[Johnny Soporno]

Originally Posted by spirit4711

Same here. I hate the colours but the content resonates.

Sorry the formatting irks some people - but I'm a serious believer in Marshall McCluhan in-band signalling, and feel the messages have much greater impact when the intended emphasis is crafted into the medium.

Johnny

[Declan JJ Lestat]

Only recently come across your YouTube stuff and posts, Johnny. And I can safely say I hate you!

I thought I was all original and cool with the things I was thinking about "Inner Game", and then I find you're way ahead of me. Way to burst my bubble.

Seriously - This is top notch stuff. I hope you reach as MANY guys as possible when you hit the UK. There's more than enough Mystery's over here for you to solve - if you catch my drift!

[drakecatz]

Originally Posted by spirit4711

Same here. I hate the colours but the content resonates.

Hate the colors? I've been looking at posts this am, and people seem to be on a rampage of formatting 12 inch long posts without any spacing that just appear as one big blob of words!

I don't know how anyone can read them let alone answer them!

I'm trying to think of a nice way to let these people know I start going cross-eyed just trying to read without blending the lines!!

That's hard to do to someone who's pouring their heart out. It's like, "sorry your mom died, use spacing!!"

So color away JS! Good post! Great advice for the guys! And very readable!

[Angela]

Originally Posted by drakecatz

"sorry your mom died, use spacing!!"

[Johnny Soporno]

bump bump bump

Please read the OP before commenting!

The 'Inner Game' of Life

[Falco]

First of all, inspiring read. Thank you for sharing .

"NEVER FORGET: Everyone's favourite subject is themselves, and NOTHING makes you more attractive to another person than being INTERESTED in what they have to say."

To me, this sounds a little like 'sucking up'. I know that's not what you mean but, to me, it is still as if you need to take some value by listening to her talking about herself all the time.

So, to counter this, you really need to be genuinely interested. I am still at a point where I am kinda shy when it comes to meeting/talking to strangers and I still have to remove some of those mental blocks you've talked about.

Hopefully, more people will share their thoughts on this:

[brendannz]

Originally Posted by Falco

"NEVER FORGET: Everyone's favourite subject is themselves, and NOTHING makes you more attractive to another person than being INTERESTED in what they have to say."[/I]

Being interested in others gets you out of your shyness, because you're less self-absorbed.

Plus the more interest you give, the more you receive.. generally.. If you talk for 10 minutes about yourself, anyones going to be bored, so if you talk about them, they'll give you the chance to talk about you.. it's not so complicated

[Johnny Soporno]

Originally Posted by Falco

First of all, inspiring read. Thank you for sharing

Thanks for taking the time to read it, and even moreso, thanks for taking the time to respond!

Originally Posted by Falco

To me, this sounds a little like 'sucking up'. I know that's not what you mean but, to me, it is still as if you need to take some value by listening to her talking about herself all the time.

It is my belief that on a primal level, everyone craves attention.

The act of "paying attention" to another person is just that - a payment. In effect, by paying attention to someone, you validate & affirm them, as well as encouraging them to continue to share themselves with you.

Originally Posted by Falco

So, to counter this, you really need to be genuinely interested.

It is actually pretty telling that you need to discriminate between "being interested" and "being genuinely interested". Think about that!

Johnny Soporno
Lifestyle Guru

[crazy horse]

It makes sense but I find it quite complicating...

[Daffy Duck]

Originally Posted by Johnny Soporno

even if it's simply because you proved to them that GOOD MEN still exist

I've had so many girls say stuff to me like, "Wow, it's nice to know people like you still exist!" Even for simple things like opening a door for them. It was somewhat surprising to me... is chivalry so dead?

[Falco]

Thanks for taking the time to respond Johnny + brendannz

Originally Posted by Johnny Soporno

It is actually pretty telling that you need to discriminate between "being interested" and "being genuinely interested". Think about that!

Johnny Soporno
Lifestyle Guru

Okay, I should have phrased that better . What I meant "was 'forced smalltalk' (asking questions interview style) versus a deep conversation where you go more into depth as to what kind of person she really is.

Update: Haha, you know, When writing my reply, I've just had an INSANE realization, it just hit me out of the blue... Putting one and two together I have to admit that it was my ego talking here. Especially about the 'sucking up' part. Wow, this is kind of embarrassing to admit but I was still in the frame of mind where I saw myself 'having to offer her my attention' as 'losing a match', and therefore, sucking up in order to get into her pants. I was still seeing everything as a competition or a race where I needed to win in order to 'show everyone' and feel good about myself instead of just letting of all that nonsense.

Man, I have to tell you, life feels great in moments like these, letting go of your ego can be extremely transcending. I still wanted to defend my point about 'attention giving vs receiving' but I just saw the light . It is all about sharing anyway, and that's exactly how I want it to be, even if that means investing time and energy into it.