How to Forgive yourself when you are totally in the wrong

[loveliketheflowers]

How can someone forgive their self if they are totally in the wrong in the situation. I got into a huge argument last night, and said some really mean things. I can't belive I would even say something so mean. And I feel so bad about it. I don't think i'm going to talk to that person ever again.

And advice on how to improve my anger, and forgive myself for all the wrong things i have said? i feel guilty and terrible.... Appreciate the help.

[magi13]

You need physical activities in your life <-- will vent your anger at. Ex. Running, walking, hiking, swimming or just plain jump rope. ^^

When you feel you are about to burst, go out of the room and breath. Push your thumbs together till you are relaxed. Come in again and talk to that person now that your mind is sober.

[loveliketheflowers]

thank you! Do you have any suggestions on how to control anger and mean words from being said.

[garentee]

I have found a really good self forgiveness tool .. google self forgiveness,coping.org great site with a lot lot lot of great tools.. I did a great misdeed recently that really hurt three people including myself and I am forgiving myself for it .. It is really powerful .. There is nothing that cannot be forgiven.. nothing at all. and if you think you have ruined the friendship, I would say that if you change the vibe and work at imporving it.. It WILL work out.

[SimonaRich]

All I can say that guilt is the lowest feeling that a conscious being can have and if you don't get rid of this feeling it will eventually manifest into some disease.

Past is in the past, don't worry about it. Concentrate only on now and do the best you can to become a better person, rather than looking at what you've done some time ago.

[Wombels]

Check out the damage of hurt you might have inflicted, if needed apologize, pounder it and get over it, get it out of your system.

Change your way’s, you are not all that bad because you suffer from what you did.

To make this suffering a reason to put endless guild upon your shoulders, learn from what you did instead, get wise….

Greets Wombels,

[smith1012]

I agree with simonarich

[Parthon]

Apologise to yourself first. Say sorry for hurting the relationship, and for making yourself look bad, and for acting without thinking and for saying words you can never take back. Genuinely be sorry and apologise for it all. Really be sorrowful and look for forgiveness.

Then, after you've said sorry to yourself, make sure its sincere enough, and then forgive yourself. Accept what you did, and then accept that you've apologised as the first step to making amends, then forgive yourself for your transgression. Perhaps you and you can come to an agreement over what you can do to make it up.

On a side note: I wouldn't stop speaking to that person, but I would defiantely apologise to them as well. DON'T MAKE EXCUSES. Just admit you were wrong and promise that you will not do it again, then keep the promise.

[lifetimelearner]

Originally Posted by loveliketheflowers

How can someone forgive their self if they are totally in the wrong in the situation. I got into a huge argument last night, and said some really mean things. I can't belive I would even say something so mean. And I feel so bad about it. I don't think i'm going to talk to that person ever again.

And advice on how to improve my anger, and forgive myself for all the wrong things i have said? i feel guilty and terrible.... Appreciate the help.

what triggered the anger ?

[yoopersmith]

Originally Posted by loveliketheflowers

How can someone forgive their self if they are totally in the wrong in the situation. I got into a huge argument last night, and said some really mean things. I can't belive I would even say something so mean. And I feel so bad about it. I don't think i'm going to talk to that person ever again.

And advice on how to improve my anger, and forgive myself for all the wrong things i have said? i feel guilty and terrible.... Appreciate the help.

You have already admitted to yourself and accepted that you messed up...that is generally the tough part. So good for you!

Hey I did a whole page on Forgiving yourself...lemme know what you think:

Forgive Yourself.

[lifetimelearner]

at least you realized that you did wrong
some people don't

live and learn

[sk8joyful]

Originally Posted by loveliketheflowers

advice on how to improve my anger,
and forgive myself for all the wrong things i have said? i feel guilty and terrible.... Appreciate the help.

Hi,
You don't want to "improve" anger; you want to clear it from you, as anger is mostly destructive to yourself, & others.
and
the reason you FORGIVE (both yourself, & others) is
because in this State you are spared any negative, damaging Health-consequences.

So, always remember to forgive... easily and quickily,
so you can live... PEACEfully, JOYfully & HEALTHfully.

[JGrace]

Originally Posted by loveliketheflowers

How can someone forgive their self if they are totally in the wrong in the situation. I got into a huge argument last night, and said some really mean things. I can't belive I would even say something so mean. And I feel so bad about it. I don't think i'm going to talk to that person ever again.

And advice on how to improve my anger, and forgive myself for all the wrong things i have said? i feel guilty and terrible.... Appreciate the help.

I always feel better about myself if I make amends...
if I hurt another person I try to be big enought
to say I am sorry.

[funchy]

Making amends is important. I would try to do that, if possible.

When I lose my temper unexpectedly, it's a reason to think hard about what led up to it. Did something the person say hit a sensitive spot I didn't know I have? Did the person challenge me with something that might be right but painful for me to accept? You can't keep it from happening again until you understand what let it get out-of-control & you work on the issue(s).

[WordKeeper]

Here's a suggestion. It comes from the concepts behind the Prayer attributed to St. Francis - if you want to forgive yourself or be forgiven - forgive someone else first. Offer forgiveness to receive forgiveness.

This issue of anger could be more difficult. Do you have any idea where your anger comes from - not what triggers it but where it originates? Trace it back and you may be able to cut yourself loose.

Are you familiar with EFT. It can be very useful in relieving emotional issues.

[The Cloud]

You should definitely talk to that person again. Also, you don't have to feel bad about what you said. You are making yourself feel bad because you think you're supposed to, but screwing up does not actually obligate you to feel that way.

I doubt that you did not mean the things you said. Maybe you said them more strongly than you intended, but you were definitely thinking them well before the moment they came out. Sometimes the truth sounds mean.

Perhaps your problem is judgment. It's not the things you said, but the judgment behind them that is hurting you. If you can allow yourself to be non-judgmental of the things you called your acquaintance, then forgiveness will come naturally. You have to forgive your friend for being the things you called them before you can forgive yourself for saying what you said.

As for avoiding anger, you have to pay attention. Maybe every time you notice yourself raising your voice or saying something derogatory or swearing a lot, you take a deep breath and hold it for ten seconds. I find that holding my breath calms me down pretty quick, and it's pretty hard to have an angry conversation without raising your voice.

[sk8joyful]

Originally Posted by WordKeeper

Here's a suggestion.
It comes from the concepts behind the Prayer attributed to St. Francis -
if you want to forgive yourself or be forgiven - forgive someone else first. Offer forgiveness to receive forgiveness.

Do you have any idea where your anger comes from -
not what triggers it but where it originates? Trace it back and you may be able to cut yourself loose.

Are you familiar with EFT. It can be very useful in relieving emotional issues.

All 3 are very Good suggestions. Hopefully the OP will follow them... and also always forgive yourself.
.

[TonyToneTone]

Understand you did the best you could do at the time.

Go back and see what happened and visualize how you would have liked it to go.