Touch Deprivation

[RRR]

touchisgreat.com - Touch Deprivation Articles / Research
Touch and Human Sexuality
http://www.ldsmag.com/familyconnections/050510sin.html
(my apologies for the Mormonism, but good information)
Violence and touch deprivation in adolescents. | Goliath Business News
Chapter 5: War as Righteous Rape and Purification
To summarize:

Touch is the primary mode of communication throughout infancy. When deprived of touch parts of the human brain will atrophy and deteriorate. Infant primates will choose an artificial mother capable of nurturing touch without feeding over an artificial mother capable of physical feeding without touch to the point that the infant will starve.

In the 19th century, infants in their first year of life commonly died from a disease called Marasmus, a Greek word for “wasting away”. Doctors later discovered that this disease was caused by a lack of touch: babies not touched on a regular basis would literally starve themselves to death.

In the early 20th century a new child rearing technique was being popularized throughout Germany and Austria where touch and most other forms of acknowledgment were withheld from children to make them "strong". Research into the childhood of Adolph Hitler (among most of his region) indicate extreme negligence and brutality from caretakers and parents.

A study of casual interactions differing between American, French, and another country (I think Portugal or Porto Rico) showed on average Americans touch each other 2 times per hour, the French 110 times, the other country 180 times. This has very serious consequences in the way our brains function as a society.

Another studied showed with very significant results that predictions of the violence on a society can be accurately made by measuring the amount of touch displayed. America is regarded in such studies as a very, if not the most, violent society.


I think this may be very very relevant to the many mystery emotional problems around here. I thought this information might be similarly mindblowing for the depressed, anxious, unhappy folk around here.

Get some hugs.

Much love,

RRR

[RRR]

My touch bio:

Infancy: Born prematurly, kept at hospital first few days of birth.
Mother returns to work 6 weeks after birth. Raising is mystery.
Childhood: Both parents work. Daycares, Schools, Babysitters, and relgious relatives are the caretakers. A pattern of shyness and hatred of authority figures is predominant. I would refuse to hug my relatives or parents. Very few friends.

Adolescence: Similar patterns from childhood. Violent tendencies become more rampant, lots of playing with fireworks.

Touch has never been a part of my life. I would estimate I have been hugged well under 100 times.

Touch deprivation has lead to the following outcomes in life for me:

Few friends
Fear of any touch
A lifetime of depression and anxiety
Over a decade of clinical depression.
Over a decade of social anxiety with panic attacks.
Over a decade of general anxiety at all times.
Violent tendencies in interpersonal communication.
Hypochondria.
Chronic Academic underachievement
Misanthropy.

I've found when I reintroduce touch into my life through relationships I experience:

Relaxation.
Cessation of Depression.
Happiness.
Manageable levels of anxiety.

[bluedragon]

Thanks for the insights and information. I can't wait for your next update. Good luck with your progress. And one more thing - don't let western medicine be the only arbiter in judging what kind of damage is permanent - there are situations in which it is simply not competitive, according to doctors themselves.

[cacheborn]

Great post, RRR. While reading your experiences, I felt as if I was reading mine. Although the exact details may vary, my childhood was very much similar to yours. One common factor was CONSTANT social anxiety. It was so overwhelming that when I think about my childhood experiences, the most dominant memories are of fear, anxiety in social situations. Needless to say, my parents had a huge role to play in all of it. I am still not very comfortable with touch. It's something which I have to learn. And I cannot remember a loving hug from my childhood, so few were given. And when they were given there was always some condition attached to it, do well in school, be good.

Later on I was in therapy for couple of years and it helped me quite a lot. And I also educated myself about psychology, psychotherapy as best as I could. I don't think I have fully recovered but at least I can deal with it without getting too much depressed.

It was touching to read about your experiences. I know where you are coming from.

[lifetimelearner]

I totally agree RRR

if I had to do it all over again I would have stayed home and raised my kids instead of working


family bonding is important and missing in our society

I need to find this study but there was one done in India with a group of schizophrenics and their families and the study showed that the episodes that the group of schizophrenics were few and far between and in some cases the episodes never appeared again w/out the use of antipsychotics

all this was due to the family bonding and support that the person receives in their town-even neighbors participate in the family support of the mentally ill individual




we have it so backwards here in the USA


peace to you RRR

[RRR]

My question, challange, puzzle for the viewers and responders to this post is to read the information on the links and see how it has affected your life. It is very simple to slip back into cultural conditioning. And if this is the case with most Americans we are looking at a very sick society. I'm looking for practical ways to integrate intimacy from the viewpoint of oneness. Perhaps we can all take little growth experiments and add more affection.

I've done a free hugs experiment on venice beach...which is a bit scary . I'm not sure if each of us integrating greater affection into our personal lives is going to be enough to counteract the culture, sort of a pay it forward.

How do you plan to use this knowledge?

[lifetimelearner]

Originally Posted by RRR

My question, challange, puzzle for the viewers and responders to this post is to read the information on the links and see how it has affected your life. It is very simple to slip back into cultural conditioning. And if this is the case with most Americans we are looking at a very sick society. I'm looking for practical ways to integrate intimacy from the viewpoint of oneness. Perhaps we can all take little growth experiments and add more affection.

I've done a free hugs experiment on venice beach...which is a bit scary . I'm not sure if each of us integrating greater affection into our personal lives is going to be enough to counteract the culture, sort of a pay it forward.

How do you plan to use this knowledge?

hey can I have a hug first ?


when I was a nurse I never had time to just sit and talk with my patients
there was never enough time due to high pt to nurse ratio
now I am out of work
so I am planning on volunteering

I have already signed up for a group that gives out lunches to seniors
these people are shut up in their homes and some do not even have family that visit them


if we could all just slow down and look around us and be more conscious we could all 'grow' as a society into more loving individuals

pay forward is a great concept and is the right concept towards a better world

[Lauxa]

What was your experience with the free hugs experiment?

I don't know how I'll use this. Maybe try to be a little more free with hugs, back scratches, shoulder pats, etc.

[Andrew Gubb]

I LOVE free hugs. I'm working on making "free hugs" just part of my standard mode of being. It always has been, but I was affected a bit by this insane social conditioning. Britain and the USA are like the starving ethopia of hugs. That's probably why Anglosaxons took over the world -- we were too unhappy and thought more slaves and tea would solve the problem

I was staying with some guys who didn't hug their children like I would (all the time, for no reason, just because it feels good) and their son cries all the time, at the slightest provocation. I can understand why. Their life is torture and they don't even know it.


PS: I saw the study, it was Puerto Ricans that were 180 times. Actually I know a Puerto Rican that could really appreciate this study

[dogonegood]

So I was thinking about touch, I did not get much when I was a kid. my mom even told me that she and my biological father read this book that said if your kid cries to leave him alone otherwise you will end up with a spoiled child. Of couse I never felt any close connection with my mom, she never touched me when I was young, and when she did it was hitting.... SO I grew up thinking touch was either really intimate with another woman or how you showed your anger. I am begining to learn more about the other side of touch, where it is what it is, and it is just another way of connecting with other humans, yes all of you! so... *HUG for you.* Thank you for the post now I know that others went through the same touchless cold hearted raising that I did, and it does feel a little better that I am not the only one, as well as finding out ways of combatting the touchless, Hugs....

[WordKeeper]

This is so interesting to me. My family frequently said, "I love you." but there was no real love behind it and hugs were given nightly in a very pro forma way. By the time I was in college I cringed when people touched me - I actually hated it.

Now I have a little boy and I have always held him and touched him. When we hold hands crossing the street I feel his touch like a lifeblood transfusion. He loves to cuddle when we watch tv or go to the movies. He loves to climb in bed with me in the mornings on the weekends.

I am glad that his life won't be void of loving touch.

[JaredR]

Does touching animals relieve touch deprivation or are we just talking about human touch here?

[RRR]

@JaredR: I've seen no studies indicating...I assume human touch is preferable. I feel less touch deprived if I pet a cat than if I touch myself.

I've made some effort to incorporate hugs the past few days.. I'm literally a hermit most of the time, so incorporating more touch is going to involve adding more people. Hugs have substituted goodbye handshakes on a few occassions, but we are still looking at replacing goodbye waves with hugs, verbal greetings with hugs, and incorporating touch into communication. I find the stress of not touching at all during a conversation and then ending with a handshake or upping it to a hug to be a bit of a stretch for me.

I think communicating with more touch could do wonders for my social anxiety, I feel very distant around people, even if I've known them and hung out a long time..touch seems to lower that distance both physically and mentally.

What I find so strange about modern living is we don't actually know eachother, there is a plethora of strangers whom it would be awkward to say "HI!" run up and give a hug in the middle of the day, bounding happily from stranger to stranger exchanging hugs. Actually..What would happen if you had a good radar for the touch accepting? Or am I just going to get pepper sprayed too often to have that work?

It would be interesting to find a way to incorporate kissing and hand holding. What I find is the stressor is defining the difference between sexual touch and other types of touch. Probably quite a problem for the more affectionate people, not wanting to appear slutty, flirty, promiscuous...while starving of touch deprivation. One of the studies up above as well as one I'd read in the past indicated that women will have sex just to cuddle.

The urge to cuddle as a man is a strange one for me to wrap my head around. I feel kind of effeminate wanting to nuzzle. I'm not sure if there is a masculine way to pull that off.

Onward.

What changes have you responders/readers made in your personal behavior?

Much Love & E-hugs

RRR

[RRR]

Does anyone know a PUA/Social Dynamics online resource that covers touch?

[Andrew Gubb]

Originally Posted by RRR

Does anyone know a PUA/Social Dynamics online resource that covers touch?

Come post a question on next level game (in my sig). We have a real amazing community, including the one and only Señor Fingers of Weapons of Mass Seduction fame. He's big on touch -- I actually sent him this thread, though he hasn't answered anything.

[JGrace]

I think someone could make a fortune in the usa by opening a business
offering touch. Cuddling by the hour. Holding all night. Rocking a person in crisis.

[RRR]

@Andrew. Cool. I'll check it out.

I'd be interested in seeing touch therapy develop into a more common practice. This would make sense in the crisis situation model. I would like to see what physical effects touch deprivation has once adulthood is successfully reached. No touch = Failure to thrive in infants = death, what is the effect in adults? No touch = mental illness?

The free hugs phenomenon had some significant gathering power. I'm not sure how this could be harnessed to collect money, trading hugs for money seems to defile the compassion of the act. I think massage may be an alternative to hugging where you get both touch and therapy for a price.

Cuddle Parties have made the concept more lucrative, on my first search..the cuddle party hosted in san fran this Monday is charging $40. I'm uncertain if touch will have the same effects with strangers than with intimate relationships. Will it solve the problem entirely or leave the participants feeling only partially fulfilled?

The problem with touch therapy would be integrating it into life. This would be exceptionally true for the people who likely need it most. Haha.. I sort of see a "touch" prostitution scheme arising in my head, 5 dollars for a hug. Without affectionate people in your life it becomes difficult to integrate enough touch.

I'll ponder for a bit.

Much love,

RRR

[Lauxa]

Have you considered taking the cuddle party facilitator training? I would love to hear a first-hand report.

This thread also has me thinking about if it would be feasible to organize some sort of "hugs for the homeless" event. I have read that the homeless are generally very isolated and ignored. Maybe it is just human nature when you see someone coming looking for a handout to shut them out entirely. But maybe people would feel more generous giving out hugs than spare change.

[sk8joyful]

Originally Posted by RRR

Touch has never been a part of my life. I would estimate I have been hugged well under 100 times.

I've found when I reintroduce touch into my life through relationships I experience:
Relaxation.
Cessation of Depression.
Happiness.
Manageable levels of anxiety.

Hi,
Two positive activities you can add right now:
1. You are Free to ((Warmly-hug yourself)) at anytime.
a site that's really Hug-heart-Warming: Hugs, Hugging
&
2. You are free to Intentionally-bring into your own life,
a peaceful & joyful person who also would like your own ((Warm-hugs reciprocated)) Can it get any better than this?

[RRR]

Originally Posted by Lauxa

Have you considered taking the cuddle party facilitator training? I would love to hear a first-hand report.

This thread also has me thinking about if it would be feasible to organize some sort of "hugs for the homeless" event. I have read that the homeless are generally very isolated and ignored. Maybe it is just human nature when you see someone coming looking for a handout to shut them out entirely. But maybe people would feel more generous giving out hugs than spare change.

I'll be attending a cuddle party on Monday. I'm not sure about facilitation yet, I'll look into it after the party.

A Hug the homeless day event where the benefits of touch were explained would be a great idea. I'd proliferate information on touch deprivation to homeless shelters and soup kitchens, citing the mental and physical health benefits. They could enact a more touch based philosophy on a day to day basis. Cheap and reliable touch therapy.

Originally Posted by sk8joyful

Hi,
Two positive activities you can add right now:
1. You are Free to ((Warmly-hug yourself)) at anytime.
a site that's really Hug-heart-Warming: Hugs, Hugging
&
2. You are free to Intentionally-bring into your own life,
a peaceful & joyful person who also would like your own ((Warm-hugs reciprocated)) Can it get any better than this?

Touch isn't just the tactile sensation alone. It is the sense of sharing mutual affection, validation, and non-self touch. This is hard to replicate by yourself, this is why people use teddy bears and pillows.

The hugs website is a good example of what I believe is at the root of many affection based problems. Gender roles. How can a man feel comfortable accepting being tender. I'm not sure how to explain it, when I see pooh bear I don't think of joyful childhood memories, when I see teddy bears I don't see cute, what are the objects of non-sexual masculine affection? Does such a thing exist? Perhaps using objects isn't a functional way to express affection.

Touch deprivation throughout a lifetime... Consider the effects this has on self-esteem. Affection is the tangible way we express love, validation, approval.


According to the studies I posted in the original post, touch deprivation causes neurological wiring to be restructured. Those who are deprived of touch become the least comfortable and capable of expressing touch. This perpetuates parent to child, individual to society, society to individual...

In my experience. I have had the notion that I was somewhat broken since early childhood. This lead mostly to anxiety, poor school performance, and hostility until puberty. Once puberty hit this lead to depression, weight gain and massive losses in self-esteem. Rejection when you have low-self esteem, depression, body image issues, social anxiety, and touch deprivation is horrible. That combination was too much for me and I fubared my life for quite some time. Its hard to handle, ask for, and give touch when you have that combination. The medicine stings.

[RRR]

Just back from the cuddle party.

Warm and snuggly in my oxytocin. Big grin on my face.

A very interesting and fun process. If I had a choice between any drug and a cuddle party... Cuddle party wins hands down. It was a bit unique sharing the experience with strangers. It was wonderful, I feel that if the process was incorporated even more and the boundaries of "strangers" weren't around this would be a great way to live.

What I found most interesting about the process is I felt closer to the people I had talked to, hugged, cuddled with, and I felt close to the group as a whole. But when we were separated towards the end I felt as if the group mentality of comfort had evaporated and the people I had not associated with during the session returned to stranger status. My ability to approach and mingle was restrained by fear of rejection, fear of being intrusive, and analysis paralysis. I want to work on this to avoid becoming clingy. I did find my way towards interacting with almost all the people I found attractive, I would like to take the time to reassess what I find personally attractive and try to mingle with more people next time.

I almost didn't go. I'm very glad I went.

I'll gladly answer any follow ups

Much love,

RRR

[lifetimelearner]

that's a new concept for me
where is something like that held ?

[RRR]

I believe the original host was running parties in NYC. The rest are run by other facilitators. Mine was in San Francisco run by the original host (Reid Mihalko)


Montgomery, Alabama; Washington D.C.;Cantonsville, Maryland; Highland Park, New Jersey; New York City; Abington, Pennsylvania; Seattle, Washington; Waukesha, Washington; and San Francisco, California.

[sk8joyful]

Originally Posted by RRR

I'll be attending a cuddle party on Monday. I'm not sure about facilitation yet, I'll look into it after the party.

In my experience. I have had the notion that I was somewhat broken since early childhood. This lead mostly to anxiety, poor school performance, and hostility until puberty. Once puberty hit this lead to depression, weight gain and massive losses in self-esteem. Rejection when you have low-self esteem, depression, body image issues, social anxiety, and touch deprivation is horrible.

Beyond a dependence on alcohol, & drugs (of any kind), is also this --> choice

(regardless of circumstance), we are free to determine... that we DO think Well of ourselves, and continue to hold our self in high-esteem

[Monique7nuns]

I'm more likely to jump when someone touches me than anything else. It really catches me off guard because it's such a foreign concept.. it doesn't always feel that natural. subsequently, I relate to much of this list

Few to no friends in "real" life
Fear of any touch
A lifetime of depression and anxiety
Over a decade of clinical depression. - depression, yes; clinical - ?
Over a decade of social anxiety with panic attacks.
Over a decade of general anxiety at all times.
Violent tendencies in interpersonal communication - not really, I don't think.. it doesn't happen often enough to manifest that way
Hypochondria.
Chronic Academic (life) underachievement
Misanthropy - very slight.

I don't know how people overcome something like this. I mean, my own tendency is to be very introverted or I think I may come off as 'stuck up'. I couldn't just go into a social situation by myself or even with someone else and start talking to strangers. I'd be hyper self conscious and very uncomfortable to say the least. Just thinking about it now makes my stomach feel uneasy.

[Dan.Linehan]

I really like their FAQ. Very well written...

[RRR]

My current goal is to limit the amount of "strangerness" in my life. (More Oneness?) Its awkward to me that I can walk around a city and pass by other individuals and we have no impact on eachother. Stopping to talk with each person would be a time-management nightmare. My current hypothetical solutions would be traveling in packs, (Having a crew) or living in a community where everyone knew eachother, ala. small town, commune, village. Or we could all wear name tags

I'm curious..if anyone is reading this forum from outside the united states, could you explain to me how your streets operate? Do people travel in groups mostly or alone? Are people in a hurry?

I'll work on making more concrete goals and observations of what happens. The big picture goal is to create and proliferate a culture where touch is emphasized, boundaries are minimal, harm is minimal, and self-actualization is the norm.

[dreamtime07]

Originally Posted by RRR

touchisgreat.com - Touch Deprivation Articles / Research
Touch and Human Sexuality
Meridan Magazine :: Family Connections:“Why Do I Keep Doing That?” — Understanding Why We Sin
(my apologies for the Mormonism, but good information)
Violence and touch deprivation in adolescents. | Goliath Business News
Chapter 5: War as Righteous Rape and Purification
To summarize:

Touch is the primary mode of communication throughout infancy. When deprived of touch parts of the human brain will atrophy and deteriorate. Infant primates will choose an artificial mother capable of nurturing touch without feeding over an artificial mother capable of physical feeding without touch to the point that the infant will starve.

In the 19th century, infants in their first year of life commonly died from a disease called Marasmus, a Greek word for “wasting away”. Doctors later discovered that this disease was caused by a lack of touch: babies not touched on a regular basis would literally starve themselves to death.

In the early 20th century a new child rearing technique was being popularized throughout Germany and Austria where touch and most other forms of acknowledgment were withheld from children to make them "strong". Research into the childhood of Adolph Hitler (among most of his region) indicate extreme negligence and brutality from caretakers and parents.

A study of casual interactions differing between American, French, and another country (I think Portugal or Porto Rico) showed on average Americans touch each other 2 times per hour, the French 110 times, the other country 180 times. This has very serious consequences in the way our brains function as a society.

Another studied showed with very significant results that predictions of the violence on a society can be accurately made by measuring the amount of touch displayed. America is regarded in such studies as a very, if not the most, violent society.


I think this may be very very relevant to the many mystery emotional problems around here. I thought this information might be similarly mindblowing for the depressed, anxious, unhappy folk around here.

Get some hugs.

Much love,

RRR

Thanks RRR for the information. I believe I have a touch deprivation too. I never got hugs from my mother or my father until now. My mom only touched me by holding my hands whenever we went so that I won't stray away when I was a kid. I think that's the only touch that I have. I don't feel much closeness with my father; I feel close with my mother but not that much.

Sometimes, I feel that I really need a hug or to hug someone. This sounds like feminish. Don't get me wrong, I'm not gender discriminator or something like that. It really doesn't sound right especially in the social norms. But, I want hug.

[dreamtime07]

Originally Posted by RRR

My current goal is to limit the amount of "strangerness" in my life. (More Oneness?) Its awkward to me that I can walk around a city and pass by other individuals and we have no impact on eachother. Stopping to talk with each person would be a time-management nightmare. My current hypothetical solutions would be traveling in packs, (Having a crew) or living in a community where everyone knew eachother, ala. small town, commune, village. Or we could all wear name tags

I'm curious..if anyone is reading this forum from outside the united states, could you explain to me how your streets operate? Do people travel in groups mostly or alone? Are people in a hurry?

I'll work on making more concrete goals and observations of what happens. The big picture goal is to create and proliferate a culture where touch is emphasized, boundaries are minimal, harm is minimal, and self-actualization is the norm.

I live in the Philippines. If you're in a place near a school, you see students travel in groups of maybe 2, 3, 4 or 5. Never much in a hurry.

In malls, people also travel in groups. Rarely you would see people travel alone. Even in the central business districts, people in suits travel with 1 or 2 companions.

Here in the Philippines, if you travel alone, you'll feel lonely because you'll see people walking in groups and you see yourself just walking alone.

[polyfulcrum]

I've been a massage therapist for about 15 years now. About a year or so ago (can't believe it took me this long to figure out!) I had an epiphany that I have structured my life to help meet my need for touch, and get paid for it!

Between my work and being poly, touch is part of my landscape, and something that I seek out actively. I can't remember the last time I went through an entire day without snuggling with my child, spouse, lover, friends, dogs, somebody!

I work on a lot of people that are touch starved, and there is a sad desperate air about the way their bodies respond to touch during a session. It really helps me realize how fortunate I am to have such a strong touch-friendly network in place.

There is a group based out of Portland, OR: http://lovetribe.org that hosts touch-positive events, like snuggle parties. They are expanding into different cities now, so if you're interested in working something like that in locally, they might be able to help you start events up in your area.