aha moment

[lifetimelearner]

I was awakened by the sound of my cell phone today

>note to self -change the ringtone !<

the news of my cousins death which I posted about earlier sent me into a tailspin of emotions

and I knew somehow today was the day I needed to do my true purpose exercise all over again

death has a way of thrusting open your eyes and forcing you to evaluate your life

I wouldn't have been able to do this 2 years ago when my father died because to becompletely honest I wanted to die with him

-even my 20yo recognized that and asked me if I was going to kill myself
he had heard that sometimes grief is so bad that someone kills themselves because of it
-he saw all the drugs I had received from the doc the day after my father passed -lortab ,ativan and ambien

I told him I would never ever ever do that to him ,any of his brothers, my family or myself




today I felt a voice whispering to me -it's time




all my life I have been taught-by family ,my environment and the nuns in catholic school that to help out our fellow man was the journey all good citizens should take

so for most of my life I have struggled with this
and as a result I worked in the health field for over 20 years


honorable but not faithful to my true purpose


besides some people
-not all-
take on those roles for the most selfish reasons:
for recognition,
to have the feeling that they are needed and important
or even indispensable
but then they can switch into a martyr mode which that is another story altogether


Today I found a quote I had written down a few months ago
by Ralph Waldo Emerson :

"Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine"


I have been standing in my own sunshine,sitting on my tail for fear of having it pulled and corking my own voice for way to long

[The Cloud]

I'm not sure what you figured out, but super .

[dhg]

Originally Posted by lifetimelearner

I have been standing in my own sunshine,sitting on my tail for fear of having it pulled and corking my own voice for way to long

Sounds like you're finding, and accepting, yourself. That's great! :-D

[Starman]

Originally Posted by lifetimelearner

today I felt a voice whispering to me -it's time

I worked in the health field for over 20 years
honorable but not faithful to my true purpose

I have been standing in my own sunshine,sitting on my tail for fear of having it pulled and corking my own voice for way to long

It sounds like you're up to something lifetimelearner, like you're ready to make a move.

[lifetimelearner]

I have decided to edit this post today because I have been wrestling with myself over this 'career' search for years

and I realized that I am not getting any younger

and I cannot change who I really am

and what I am is a thinker ,a questioner,and a searcher

so why am I trying to fit myself into a category when it just won't work


sometimes I think it may have been easier to not have this questioning mind of mine

death is knocking on all of our doors
but is it enough to motivate us

what's so obvious may be right in front of our eyes
but we cannot see it because we block our own vision

just like we block our own sunshine

[evacorges]

In my country, health care meets animals in things like cow-cuddling on a farm
I am sure this will contribute nothing to your plans, but I wanted to share, as it is a phenomenon that amuses me greatly

[lifetimelearner]

Originally Posted by evacorges

In my country, health care meets animals in things like cow-cuddling on a farm
I am sure this will contribute nothing to your plans, but I wanted to share, as it is a phenomenon that amuses me greatly

that is so cool