Depressed and Lost

[SuavePlaya]

I feel very lost and very depressed at the moment. I do not have feeling for anyone or anything, I'am not moved by alot of things anymore like I was as a teenager. I use to have a nice voice when I was younger, now it's like monotone(boring and dull). I think this has alot to do with my family issues. I really lost my connection with my family once I was around the 5th grade. My older brother never really hung out with me at that age only when we would play video games. Me and my father never had one on one talks or ever went somewhere together where we can bond together. My father and I went on a few vacations to europe, but even then we didn't talk much we just did our own thing. My oldest sister got married in an early age around 18 and I was about 9 or 10 about that time so we never really developed a real bond. MY middle sister and I had the best connection out of everyone, but then she ran away and got married. My parents disowned her for that, but now forgave her and speak to her. I can't even talk to her anymore, I kinda don't know who she is anymore. My youngest sister and I don't talk, we do but only if we have to due to my father. My mother really never asked me how was my day or anything like that in my life. My mom would always talk on the phone with her friends or my cousins. She would usually find all the bad things about me and talk to me about that. I once told them they were horrible parents when I was about 16 17 years old around then. They told me how can I say that provided me with cloths, money, and shelter(of course they yelled at me). I mean I do not hate them, I sort of can't feel for them or anybody anymore. I feel like I was on this earth alone for a long time. Whenever I felt depressed about this I would just bury myself into my hobbies and it would work for awhile. Whenever I told my parents I feel anything like sad,mad, or depressed they would always tell me you are too young to be feeling that, but never ask me why. I mean I have friends and had plenty of girlfriends, it just feels empty to me.

[lifetimelearner]

can I ask you how old you are ?

[SuavePlaya]

i'am 23 right now.

[lifetimelearner]

I am sorry suaveplayer that you are depressed
life can be a bit--h

here I am at 47 and I am still working through issues with my family
it's too bad we cannot pick our parents and family
there is no manual for life


I can offer you my online friendship

and tell you that there are some great people here with some wisdom and kind words

stick around and you will see

I am sending you a cyberhug

[Maguru]

Originally Posted by SuavePlaya

I feel very lost and very depressed at the moment. I do not have feeling for anyone or anything, I'am not moved by alot of things anymore like I was as a teenager. I use to have a nice voice when I was younger, now it's like monotone(boring and dull). I think this has alot to do with my family issues. I really lost my connection with my family once I was around the 5th grade. My older brother never really hung out with me at that age only when we would play video games. Me and my father never had one on one talks or ever went somewhere together where we can bond together. My father and I went on a few vacations to europe, but even then we didn't talk much we just did our own thing. My oldest sister got married in an early age around 18 and I was about 9 or 10 about that time so we never really developed a real bond. MY middle sister and I had the best connection out of everyone, but then she ran away and got married. My parents disowned her for that, but now forgave her and speak to her. I can't even talk to her anymore, I kinda don't know who she is anymore. My youngest sister and I don't talk, we do but only if we have to due to my father. My mother really never asked me how was my day or anything like that in my life. My mom would always talk on the phone with her friends or my cousins. She would usually find all the bad things about me and talk to me about that. I once told them they were horrible parents when I was about 16 17 years old around then. They told me how can I say that provided me with cloths, money, and shelter(of course they yelled at me). I mean I do not hate them, I sort of can't feel for them or anybody anymore. I feel like I was on this earth alone for a long time. Whenever I felt depressed about this I would just bury myself into my hobbies and it would work for awhile. Whenever I told my parents I feel anything like sad,mad, or depressed they would always tell me you are too young to be feeling that, but never ask me why. I mean I have friends and had plenty of girlfriends, it just feels empty to me.

I relate to what you are saying. I felt very much alone and disconnected from others at a deeper level. I was very sad. Whenever I tried to discuss my feelings, I was told I was depressed. I believed it for a long time. Then recently, I heard that depression is when 'nothing matters' and sadness is when 'everything matters'. I didn't find I was one or the other but a mixture of the two. Things that used to matter no longer mattered. Little, seemingly insignificant, things began to matter very much.

I had a look at my reasons for being sad and the main one is emotional disconnection. I realized that we (my family) don't really know each other. To me this is a perfectly good reason to feel sad and sadness is a perfectly natural response.

I don't know if this is the case for you but a change in my perspective has helped me. Wish you well.

[RRR]

Actually, once you are old enough to emancipate yourself you can choose your family. Your family isn't your blood, its the people who care about you, your tribe. I'm in the process of fixing or disowning my family, and replacing it with one that I feel is better. I'm 22

Freedomain Radio - Home talks about "de-fooing" which is a process of only allowing voluntary non-violent relationships into your life. Generally speaking..this will end up with most people disowning their parents. I don't like hanging around with people who treat children the way most parents do

[SuavePlaya]

Thanks life. maguru, do you still feel sad time to time or did it go away once you finally accepted it's okay to be sad for these reasons. I feel like my hobbies are only bandaids to big time problems.

[CroMagna]

Your family members are more loner types. Don't find fault with them for being independent. Be glad they're not constantly fighting, bossing you around, or invading your privacy. Would you rather go to europe with your dad and be fighting the whole time? Your parents probably don't think that parents and children should have the type of relationship where people converse casually. That may change as you get older. Don't rely on others, rely on yourself only. Relationships are not supposed to fill a void. You're supposed to feel whole on your own and relationships are supposed to be added bonuses (boni?).

[SuavePlaya]

I do agree with you they are loner types, but why make life so much harder by being a loner?

[Maguru]

Originally Posted by SuavePlaya

Thanks life. maguru, do you still feel sad time to time or did it go away once you finally accepted it's okay to be sad for these reasons. I feel like my hobbies are only bandaids to big time problems.

I have accepted that it is ok for me to be sad for these reasons (family relationships) and yes, I do still feel sad but not all the time. To use your term of phrase, I too used bandaids to escape but I finally realized I cannot run away from myself.

I am at the point now where I can accept that my escape mechanisms (bandaids) are as real as my sadness and it's ok to accept them as real too e.g. listening to music without feeling sad.

Through understanding myself and others, the reason's for my sadness are disappearing. I know we can only know what we know. We cannot know that which we do not know.

I know that my sadness is mine. I accept full responsibility for it but, it has taken me a long time to connect to my own emotions. I used to blame\hold others responsible. I had a little mantra that kept me on track : Name it, claim it and accept it.

As we are unique human's, your experience will be different to mine but I do believe the emotional (dis)connection is common in us all. I could describe it simply as 'emotional maturity' but it isn't that simple. One step at a time.

Warmest regards

[CroMagna]

Originally Posted by SuavePlaya

I do agree with you they are loner types, but why make life so much harder by being a loner?

What is your ideal situation? What do you want to happen ideally?

[magi13]

Hate it, don't dwell on it, move on and pray. You will find a way. I'm sure you will.