Are your words damaging your self esteem?

[bbdream8]

Are your words damaging your self esteem?

Our self esteem are defined by our own thoughts of ourselves. Whenever we do a self talk to ourselves, we will either boost our self esteem or lower it, depending on what are the words we use.

Talking to ourselves in a positive way, such as...

1. I am confident.
2. I am able to succeed on what I am going to do.
3. This thing is hard, but it is going to be challenging and I love challenges.

If we talk to ourselves consistently in such positive ways, there is no way for us to have low self esteem because we are always reinforcing the idea that we have great values about ourselves.

But what if we talk to ourselves in this way...

1. They don't like me.
2. I can't do this.
3. I fail every time.

You definitely feel much, much worse whenever you say these to yourself and it does not contribute anything in helping you build your self esteem. More over, most of these thoughts are not true. You won't know who like you or not unless they tell you about it and even if they don't like you, there are still 6 billions of other people to play with, why bother with one?

You won't know whether you can or not do it unless you try and no one fail every time. There are definitely times when you succeeded in doing something. These are the false negative thoughts that you must avoid.

Change your words

The first thing to build self esteem is to change the way you talk to yourself. Always talk to yourself in positive tone instead of negative tone. Do not use extreme words such as "never" or "always".

Find your self a journal and keep track of the negative conversation you have with yourself and jot it down. Analyze your negative thoughts and ask yourself whether is it true. Most probably, most of your negative thoughts are false and can be solve easily.

Write down your good qualities. Jot down at least 10 good qualities you have and use repeat it to yourself constantly until you memorize it. Whenever you feel down and out, just refer back to them and remind yourself of the great qualities you have.

If you are interested in knowing how using words can bring you success, you may be interested in this article of mine, "How Changing Your Words Can Bring You Success"

Cheers
Vincent
Personal Development Blogger

[WordKeeper]

Thank you for this vital reminder.

Suddenly my language had slipped into severe negativity and my functioning slipped right along with it. Needed a push to shift gears. Your remindered did just that.

[bbdream8]

Originally Posted by WordKeeper

Thank you for this vital reminder.

Suddenly my language had slipped into severe negativity and my functioning slipped right along with it. Needed a push to shift gears. Your remindered did just that.

Hi Wordkeeper,

I am glad that this post work as a reminder for you. Stay positive!

Cheers
Vincent
Personal Development Blogger

[RRR]

I disagree that positive self talk is the correct path.

I am not always confident.
I am not always able to succeed.
I do not always love challenges.

I don't like to define myself in such ways.
My mind needs wiggle room. It needs options.

My model operates more smoothly like this:

Best option: Being genuinely confident.

Otherwise, the wiggle room.

I don't have to be confident. I prefer to be confident. If I am not confident, I can find ways to become confident.

This gives me the freedom from failure. If I say "I am confident", and I know deep down I am not, I fail at the task, or there are set backs I will use the negative energy from the inital self-betrayal of false confidence for self-attacking thoughts. If I give myself the wiggle room of preferences and options I tend to fare better.

I have no clear solutions to the second phrase. I think when you say you are able to accomplish something, if you fail, your ego might suffer a let down. I would say, I might be able to succeed at what I am going to do, I can make adjustments to make the most out of many situations, if I outright fail I'll learn something.

The third will follow a similar pattern.

For a while the way I saw a lot of pop psychology doing what I consider to be self-delusion actually lead me to thinking that being positive in itself was a crock. Its important to accept that you determine your outlook and opinions, but you don't determine the truth.

[David365]

Vincent
Thanks for starting this thread. Whilst I agree with the principle of positive self talk, RRR does bring in an important point with the use of language. By making emphatic, black and white statements you end up falling into the same unhelpful thinking patterns as using "never" or "always"

To build self esteem with positive statements, or positive affirmations, I use things that are not variable. For example:-

"I have a wonderful family
We live in a fantastic house in a great location"

This reminds me of what is good about my life.

As a variation on keeping a journal, at the end of each day write down three (or more) things you are pleased about that you have done that day. You can change the word “pleased” to proud of, happy about, or whatever suits you. But ensure it enables you to come up with this short list of positives.

It comes back to getting into good habits that suit you.

[lifetimelearner]

Originally Posted by bbdream8

Are your words damaging your self esteem?

Our self esteem are defined by our own thoughts of ourselves. Whenever we do a self talk to ourselves, we will either boost our self esteem or lower it, depending on what are the words we use.

Talking to ourselves in a positive way, such as...

1. I am confident.
2. I am able to succeed on what I am going to do.
3. This thing is hard, but it is going to be challenging and I love challenges.

If we talk to ourselves consistently in such positive ways, there is no way for us to have low self esteem because we are always reinforcing the idea that we have great values about ourselves.

But what if we talk to ourselves in this way...

1. They don't like me.
2. I can't do this.
3. I fail every time.

You definitely feel much, much worse whenever you say these to yourself and it does not contribute anything in helping you build your self esteem. More over, most of these thoughts are not true. You won't know who like you or not unless they tell you about it and even if they don't like you, there are still 6 billions of other people to play with, why bother with one?

You won't know whether you can or not do it unless you try and no one fail every time. There are definitely times when you succeeded in doing something. These are the false negative thoughts that you must avoid.

Change your words

The first thing to build self esteem is to change the way you talk to yourself. Always talk to yourself in positive tone instead of negative tone. Do not use extreme words such as "never" or "always".

Find your self a journal and keep track of the negative conversation you have with yourself and jot it down. Analyze your negative thoughts and ask yourself whether is it true. Most probably, most of your negative thoughts are false and can be solve easily.

Write down your good qualities. Jot down at least 10 good qualities you have and use repeat it to yourself constantly until you memorize it. Whenever you feel down and out, just refer back to them and remind yourself of the great qualities you have.

If you are interested in knowing how using words can bring you success, you may be interested in this article of mine, "How Changing Your Words Can Bring You Success"

Cheers
Vincent
Personal Development Blogger

hasn't worked for me

been trying for too many years


too much crap in my brain

sometimes I think a rewiring would be nice

[bbdream8]

Originally Posted by RRR

I disagree that positive self talk is the correct path.

I am not always confident.
I am not always able to succeed.
I do not always love challenges.

I don't like to define myself in such ways.
My mind needs wiggle room. It needs options.

My model operates more smoothly like this:

Best option: Being genuinely confident.

Otherwise, the wiggle room.

I don't have to be confident. I prefer to be confident. If I am not confident, I can find ways to become confident.

This gives me the freedom from failure. If I say "I am confident", and I know deep down I am not, I fail at the task, or there are set backs I will use the negative energy from the inital self-betrayal of false confidence for self-attacking thoughts. If I give myself the wiggle room of preferences and options I tend to fare better.

I have no clear solutions to the second phrase. I think when you say you are able to accomplish something, if you fail, your ego might suffer a let down. I would say, I might be able to succeed at what I am going to do, I can make adjustments to make the most out of many situations, if I outright fail I'll learn something.

The third will follow a similar pattern.

For a while the way I saw a lot of pop psychology doing what I consider to be self-delusion actually lead me to thinking that being positive in itself was a crock. Its important to accept that you determine your outlook and opinions, but you don't determine the truth.

Hi RRR,

Different people have different views and I am always open to new opinions. For example, if I am going to give a speech and I say "I am confident" before my presentation, it do help me because I know I am prepared and ready but just before the presentation I am getting the butterflies in my stomach and thinking of what will happen if I screw up.

In this situation, using positive affirmation will definitely help me gain some confidence that is necessary for me to pull it through.

I do get what you are saying and I think what we are saying are similar and it may be because of my way of presenting that makes it different from what you are saying.

Originally Posted by David365

Vincent
Thanks for starting this thread. Whilst I agree with the principle of positive self talk, RRR does bring in an important point with the use of language. By making emphatic, black and white statements you end up falling into the same unhelpful thinking patterns as using "never" or "always"

To build self esteem with positive statements, or positive affirmations, I use things that are not variable. For example:-

"I have a wonderful family
We live in a fantastic house in a great location"

This reminds me of what is good about my life.

As a variation on keeping a journal, at the end of each day write down three (or more) things you are pleased about that you have done that day. You can change the word “pleased” to proud of, happy about, or whatever suits you. But ensure it enables you to come up with this short list of positives.

It comes back to getting into good habits that suit you.

Hey David,

I like the idea of keeping a journal and jotting down about the things that we are happy about. Showing gratitude definitely help us to be more positive

Cheers
Vincent
Personal Development Blogger