How to truly love yourself?

[Zeniues]

To keep it short, I have emotional wounds from when I was a little kid, that drains me of energy and keeps me from performing in any way, and incapable of enduring or completing any project, or work. In general, I fail in society, and fail to do the things needed for me to get my bread butter and housing.

So what I need, is to learn how to truly love myself.

Buddhists have confused me, I can't really reproduce what they ask. Loving yourself is not something you "do" physically, it is psychological. I need to learn, how to shroud myself in love and acceptance, until the old wounds can heal, and I can talk myself out of committing suicide simply because it will stop hurting.

I need to know how to truly love and accept myself fully. I know it will take time, but I need to know. Can anyone help?

[JAX]

Hi Zeniues,

Instead of a long reply, I will recomend a book to you.
"You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise L. Hay

The message and the exercises in the book deal mostly with self-love. How to love, approve and accept yourself. Hope that helps.

JAX

[Zeniues]

Thanks, I just watched a video of her. However, she says several times that we are in control of what we are thinking. Which I think is pretty recognized by psychology that we don't. Automatic thoughts is what dominates every person alive for better or worse.

So if she thinks that we control what we think i'm not quite sure what she says will work.

I mean I personally don't chose anything that I think. Thoughts come, and if I am aware, I let them go, if I am not, I follow them and fill my mind with them. I can participate or I can let it go, but I certainly have no control over what I am thinking.

[Ebinesos]

Be happy and surround yourself with happy people. Find friends who have happy friends. Try to "elevate" others emotionally. Giving compliments is a simple and easy way to do it, and you learn what the "feeling" of elevation is.

[Elfwing]

We are in control of our thoughts. It's just something as automatic as walking - you wouldn't say you're not in control of walking. It's just thoughts are something that become practiced over so many years they're just difficult to reverse. Consciously noticing and beginning to change them is hard at first, but doable.

[marty]

Its not just loving yourself,its the other things that go hand in hand or at least should with loving yourself.Having a healthy diet,put the effort into learning how to think correctly and work at it and EXERCISE, EXERCISE , EXERCISE.Exercise is one of the best ways to change your vibration imho.You don't need to be superfit or anything,just something that gets a bit of a sweat going and to follow it up with a sauna and/or steam room is really great.Perhaps you do exercise but if you don't move that ass!!I don't think I could make it through life without the invigoration I get from my daily ritual of working up a sweat.Sometimes I do very little but its second nature at this stage to just get up and do it.Also everyone suffers with self-pity from time to time and it takes courage and determination to move from that vibration to a place of harmony and joy.I'm not suggesting that you do indulge in self-pity but something like 85% of families are dysfunctional,I know mine are,, and its up to us to learn how to be great for ourselves and to release whatever holds us back from experiencing ourselves as the magnificient beings that we truly are.Best of luck.

[jtracy]

I too have emotional wounds from when I was a child. It continually amazes me how deep they were. So I have been working a lot on loving and accepting myself fully. One thing that helped me is to realize that what my parents (or whoever else) told me about myself is just not true, and to understand who I truly am (Esther and Jerry Hicks books talk a lot about that). It took me a long time but finally I understood where my parents were coming from, they also were deeply emotionally hurt in their childhoods. Learning to forgive, both yourself and others, is a very useful skill.

It is important to create an environment that makes you happy and reminds you of what you want to be like. It is especially important to surround yourself with happy people who genuinely care about you; this may be the single most important thing. Other peoples vibes rub off on you. Also try to identify those old beleifs that aren't serving you any more, and replace them with empowering new ones. I know this can be difficult but it can be done.
Good luck

[ZHereford]

Originally Posted by Zeniues

I need to know how to truly love and accept myself fully. I know it will take time, but I need to know. Can anyone help?

Hi Zeniues,

As you already know this will take time, effort and commitment on your part. There are no shortcuts or easy fixes.

Here's an article that can get you started: Develop A Healthy Self-Concept.

[Lauxa]

I've been working on loving myself by using negative affirmations.

I would have strong thoughts of hating myself, but I've found that instead of fighting the thought, I can easily redirect it to a "not-positive", such as "I don't like myself". Next I ask "what would that look like if I liked myself" and do a little visualization.

I've set this ground rule for my thoughts that I will focus on what I want, and state it in the present tense ("I am this" or "I am not that" are both in the present tense, and I keep "this" and "that" focused on things I want... to be, to do, or to have). Even when I am feeling really bad, I can look at my thoughts and give myself lots of approval for keeping a positive focus.

Well, there may be better ways of directing thought, but for me this is working better than letting my thoughts run willy-nilly in mostly negative paths and it has been pretty easy to implement. The biggest improvement so far has been my posture, which I think is a pretty good representation of internal state.

[lifetimelearner]

Originally Posted by Lauxa

I've been working on loving myself by using negative affirmations.

I would have strong thoughts of hating myself, but I've found that instead of fighting the thought, I can easily redirect it to a "not-positive", such as "I don't like myself". Next I ask "what would that look like if I liked myself" and do a little visualization.

I've set this ground rule for my thoughts that I will focus on what I want, and state it in the present tense ("I am this" or "I am not that" are both in the present tense, and I keep "this" and "that" focused on things I want... to be, to do, or to have). Even when I am feeling really bad, I can look at my thoughts and give myself lots of approval for keeping a positive focus.

Well, there may be better ways of directing thought, but for me this is working better than letting my thoughts run willy-nilly in mostly negative paths and it has been pretty easy to implement. The biggest improvement so far has been my posture, which I think is a pretty good representation of internal state.

interesting way of doing things



Zeniues -
sorry I suffer too so I just wanted to say I hope you don't mind sharing the advice given with me

[selphy22]

Hi Zeniues,
Where you are right now, may feel like a bitter pill to have to swallow, because you know there is work ahead of you and it could seem like a lot to have to accept. Another reason is because you know you are capable of achieving much more that what you are currently outputing into the world. But only you know it. If anyone else were looking at you they could only see 'what is' rather than your potential and abilities. It must feel frustrated knowing this, but not being able to express your true self... for now.

Loving yourself or not loving yourself may not seem like a choice at times, because the momentum of habitual thinking seems to indicate otherwise. But I would like to reassure you that it is possible to change from one polarity to the other.

Start by deciding to love yourself. Yes it's a decision. Then consciously say to yourself "I love myself" and then act as if you do. Through the process of transformation, you may find yourself thinking, feeling or acting contrary to your plan. When this happens (and most likely it will), gently guide your thoughts, feelings and behaviour back to how you think a loving person would treat themselves.

There is no need to get upset or give up when you seem to get off track, when you understand that your mind is in the process of learning to adjust itself, to the new pattern you have set for it. You have the power. This may not be what you were taught when you were growing up, but it is true.

Also I would like to touch on how emotional wounds can affect learning to love yourself.

Emotional wounds are unexpressed (unaccepted) emotions entwined with thoughts about memories. These emotions kind-of bind these thoughts together making the thoughts tangle up into a ball. So when you introduce this new concept of loving yourself into your mind, you will notice that this great big, sticky, mess of tangled-up thoughts may take up some room.

But that's ok. It is alright to notice this and to accept it. Bit by bit as you continue to reintroduce your new self-concept as a person who loves themselves, sections of the 'ball' will offer itself up to be cleaned and untangled. Thus giving you the opportunity to re-experience the past and to feel the emotional pain.

The mind will try to recoil and say "I don't want to feel this pain!", but if you want to heal, please don't run from it. Allow yourself to feel it and understand why it was there. You don't need get into analysing it, just feel the experience. Experiencing it in this way is a form of acceptance and is what is needed for healing.

Once the emotional wound has been acknowledged, it can now wave you a happy goodbye and... it will leave! Yes, you will still have your memories but not the pain. Yay, you have just successfully made room for more self-love!!!

I have written this to cheer you on and assure you that you can have the life you want. Patience and faith in yourself helps this process a lot. I know you deserve this and I wish you the very best.

Last of all, when I reread your post I was feeling and thinking that Zeniues you already love yourself. The way you wrote your post and asked for help was an act of loving yourself.

[Zeniues]

Thankyou Selphy, reading your post I feel that you are right, I just know. But how do I know I am doing it right? How does a person that loves himself treat himself? It's not physical is it? Or ?

[selphy22]

Zeniues, a person who loves themselves, trusts themselves. When you trust yourself then everything else is possible.

[sk8joyful]

Originally Posted by Zeniues

we are in control of what we are thinking, recognized by psychology that we don't.
Automatic thoughts dominates every person alive for better or worse.

I mean I personally don't chose anything that I think.
Thoughts come, and if I am aware, I let them go,
if I am not, I follow them and fill my mind with them.
I can participate or I can let it go, but I certainly have no control over what I am thinking.

When Louise Hay says "you are in control", she's -and the
rest of us- talking about your own subconscious mind.

And for sure, this part of you is controlling, as you said,
it makes you consciously aware of "emotional wounds from when I was a little kid", and every child wants/deserves to be healed.

If you encounter Traditional-psychologists; particularly without
requisite-skills to guide... your own healing, easily & quickly,
please search until you do find such Guidance people. Obviously we are here!

[sk8joyful]

Originally Posted by Zeniues

To keep it short,
I have emotional wounds from when I was a little kid, that drains me of energy and keeps me from performing in any way -
So what I need, is to learn how to truly love myself.

I need to learn, how to shroud myself in love and acceptance, until the old wounds can heal,
and I can talk myself out of committing suicide simply because it will stop hurting.

I need to know how to truly love and accept myself fully.

I know it will take time, but I need to know. Can anyone help?

Yes, for starters, avoid people who tell you "it will take time" - what, like years??

Successful change-work can, and should, be easily & quickly achieved in about a couple hours,
and for the most part do not need return-appointments.

I wish you all the best! you richly deserve...

[SimonaRich]

I suggest using positive affirmations to re-program your thinking. This definitely works, but if you don't belive in them, then you will not receive any benefits and will need to go to the source and solve the problem from there.

[garentee]

Originally Posted by sk8joyful

Successful change-work can, and should, be easily & quickly achieved in about a couple hours,
and for the most part do not need return-appointments.

..

Can you elaborate on this process please?G

[JulietduPreez]

Originally Posted by selphy22

Zeniues, a person who loves themselves, trusts themselves. When you trust yourself then everything else is possible.

Would just like to ask what you mean by "trusting yourself"?
Thank you
Juliet

[vMike]

Assess your current situation, learn yourself and accept yourself for who are you. Be true to yourself.

And then you can start the work on self development and the self confidence will keep growing.

[lifetimelearner]

I do not know why we are so hard on ourselves

I wonder if we lived away from media influences and environmental pressures how would we turn out ?

we would love ourselves and think people that didn't were from another planet


so how do we love ourselves after all the damage has been

I say yell at the perpetrators
( you do not have to do this to them in person -use a journal or go to a quiet place and scream at 'them' all you want )

and take back your life !


the control is in your hands

fight for it darn't
I know I am !

give the love that you wanted from others to yourself

believe that you are worth it !

[sk8joyful]

Originally Posted by garentee

Can you elaborate on this process please?G

of What, specifically?, would you like to become more aware

[lifetimelearner]

Originally Posted by Zeniues

Buddhists have confused me, I can't really reproduce what they ask. Loving yourself is not something you "do" physically, it is psychological. I need to learn, how to shroud myself in love and acceptance, until the old wounds can heal, and I can talk myself out of committing suicide simply because it will stop hurting.

emotional wounds run so deep -don't they ?
I have been working on mine for awhile now
I tried many ways of intellectually dealing with the wounds

1)I tried to tell myself these people did not realize what they were doing
and than I thought
come on how did they not know better

2) I tried to tell myself that they did not have good role models themselves
and than I thought
that's no excuse either

3)I tried to tell myself that they were doing it for my own good
of course that was just plain wrong

4) I tried to tell myself it was over and they could not hurt me anymore
well the memories still hurt me


and than not to long ago me-a woman in her 40 's -realized that
if I could not get over this I was not going to be able to move on and live life again
and that just made me so mad !!!!!!!!

I was so mad I could have punched something or someone
and than I cried
and told myself I was born a beautiful little girl and these people went and fu--ed up my life

but I was the one who had to change or be stuck in this endless battle
of why me why me
why me -why did they do these things to me
wasn't I loveable enough

well it had nothing to do with me
it was them
I was a victim

people say victim is a 'bad' word cause you could be stuck in that persona

but you were a victim

plain and simple

but now it's time to move on

disengage your brain and
get in touch with your senses again
have a day in nature
touch a tree ,smell a flower ,watch animals,walk by a body of water

hug yourself
hug that little person you were when you were 2yo
you are that same person

I am sorry to ramble on
I hope you find the peace that you need

[garentee]

Originally Posted by sk8joyful

of What, specifically?, would you like to become more aware

Of how you can change in the matter of a few hours...I have been doing a lot of change for quite a while, and I feel as though while extremely effective when I am tired or stressed I can be pushed back into old behavior..does not happen all of the time, but It has been know to occur. Thanks G

[Zwynd]

Originally Posted by garentee

Of how you can change in the matter of a few hours...I have been doing a lot of change for quite a while, and I feel as though while extremely effective when I am tired or stressed I can be pushed back into old behavior..does not happen all of the time, but It has been know to occur. Thanks G

I never thought it was possible to heal quickly, until it happened.

I spent years and years trying to figure things out in my youth: What went wrong, why couldn't I be loved, why I was beaten, etc. While I learned craploads of psychology/explanations over the many years it still couldn't stop the memories or the pain in my heart. Anger was the only thing that gave me temporary relief. It had been a long and vicious cycle of blame and pain.

There's a saying that if you fear something, you should embrace/understand it.

I had heard a song that I liked but always felt uncomfortable with for some logical reason or another. Today I listened to it again and instead of just poking at the tone, acknowledging mistakes, etc...this time I just listened to the words as if the singer was singing solely to ME. I finally understood why people said it was so beautiful for them.

Something triggered while I left it on repeat and closed my eyes. I saw myself as a child, alone and crying. But then an awareness came into my consciousness.

It was the realization that I, not just others, had abandoned myself more and more over the years. No wonder I felt so alone. Even recently with people who loved me I could not feel it because I did not love myself. I could never understand love and it was all because I wouldn't allow myself to have it.

I have heard of another saying, "I'm sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you." I don't know where it came from but I was grateful for it. I said it over and over as I watched stages of my life where I felt most alone; the times when I abandoned myself.

I then felt no sense of time. The love was, is, and always will be there. I can never stop loving the beautiful creation that is me, and I no longer have to block myself from that love. It is eternal. It is unconditional.

I feel great relief and joy in my life. The past is not hard and pain-filled but gentle and forgiving.

Crazy things may happen in my life while I'm still here on this planet, but at least now I know I will always be loved and never will be truly alone; for I am always here with myself. I am loved unconditionally. It is beautiful.

[ggwbach]

it starts with forgiving oneself.

sounds simple, but actually quite hard to do.

you have to accept that the things that happened to you were NOT YOUR FAULT.

forgive yourself this guilt, shame, suffering.

once you cleanse your heart, love will move in

but it IS a difficult process. Dredging up painful memories; going deep into the past; exploring family issues.

Self-Love then follows. And from there, you radiate it out into the world. A beautiful beacon of LIGHT.

blessings

[Foresta Gump]

Hello Zeniues

I hear you, I'm the exact same way, something stops me from moving forward in life. Most people suffer their upbringing, because no one is born a parent. Parents are growing up while they are raising their children, so they grow up with their children.

Their mistakes are felt by their children, most children become what they've learned. The child is purely innocent, and has to live a lifetime of mental torture because of our parents. But, it is up to the children to overcome the psycological damage, by accepting that this damage was inflicted upon you.

Self acceptance will help you once you realize that you cannot change what is natural for you. You are not a failure at all, no matter what way you look at it, you just can't do what is expected from you in life. What you need is to find what it is that you can control. You need to have a little power, you need to know that you are good at doing something, anything at all. I see you are good at expressing yourself, so perhaps become a writer like myself, you have to start somewhere.

What you need to do Zeniues is do something that you always wanted to do but couldn't because you feared it. You need to break free of self-bondage by accepting yourself as you are, then you will start to love yourself. You are entrapped inside of yourself, holding yourself hostage to your own self, and only you can change things, no one can change you except for yourself.

Focus on one thing you like to do, and master it. I mastered my writing, so I've done something which I feel happy and contented about, before this I was sad and miserable with my life, going nowhere. I was a failure, doing nothing with my life, I was wasting my time doing nothing for years. I hated
myself before I found self-love.

Once I accepted myself, I changed. So much in fact that I have been accused of being a narcissist--someone who excessively loves themself.

I have found self-love through the accepting of myself, I realized I couldn't change what was natural for me, so I accepted myself as I am and have been cured since.

You will change when you accept you can't change what is natural for you.

Accept yourself and love yourself, once you love yourself, you are on your way to changing what you can. You can start by giving yourself what yourself really wants--just do it! You have to make number one happy, and you are number one, never forget that. Focus on yourself. You need attention, once you start truly caring about yourself and taking care of your needs and desires, you'll be happy.

Do something you've always wanted to do but feared doing it, you'll gain confidence in yourself. Change a negative thought to a positive one, like when you say I can't do it and if you really believe you can't do it, then you're probably right, so do something you can do!

Start by realizing you're not a failure, that you're a victim instead. Be your own best friend and stand behind yourself, make yourself better, because only you can. Expect from yourself and you will receive for yourself!

Foresta Gump

[selphy22]

Originally Posted by JulietduPreez

Would just like to ask what you mean by "trusting yourself"?
Thank you
Juliet

In the midst of pain and suffering, there is always another part of you that is not experiencing pain and suffering. Allow me to elaborate by way of metaphor... In our galaxy, the sun shines on regardless of whether it's a rainy day here on earth. But in the middle of a storm, we have a tendency to focus on 'the clouds of our thoughts' and associated feelings.

When you trust yourself there is a certain openness, a certain willingness and faith that allows the essence of 'who you are' to surface. This part of you knows what is best for you, right here, right now, in this very moment. It can, when you allow it, bring you back to a place of harmony in alignment with your purpose and destiny.

However, when someone is suffering, there is a temporary and apparent real attachment to the physical. This person only seems to be conscious of their involvement in their suffering. It's very possible that they may be feeling helpless and lost in the quagmire of their emotion.

But if they were to actually allow themselves to feel the full force, the full intensity of their feelings, they would come to be aware of a purity of being, an incredible rawness, that is at the center of their pain. Think of this fierceness of purity - as the eye of the storm.

This space, is the seed, if focused upon will germinate...

Now it is possible, to begin to understand, the value of seeking the source of your suffering. For there lies within, a possibility of being lifted up above the mundane and offered a rare glimpse of the magnificence and real power and beauty of the human soul. A clarity of focus that may not be available in ordinary modes of being.

The next step is to take this knowledge into your daily life. By allowing yourself to retain a sliver of that realization, it increases the likelihood of always being connected to your center. Now permit yourself to imagine what could be availed to you now, for example: never ending happiness, peace and true self-love.

Trusting yourself allows you to once again access the power within, it can now come to the fore (because it has your permission), to guide you through functions such as intuition, creative forms of expression and your dreams. Other tools that help guide you back to your center are meditation and prayer.

...

Thank you for your question Juliet. It showed me where I could next 'add value' (as Steve would say) to this discussion.

[garentee]

Originally Posted by Zwynd

I never thought it was possible to heal quickly, until it happened.

I spent years and years trying to figure things out in my youth: What went wrong, why couldn't I be loved, why I was beaten, etc. While I learned craploads of psychology/explanations over the many years it still couldn't stop the memories or the pain in my heart. Anger was the only thing that gave me temporary relief. It had been a long and vicious cycle of blame and pain.

There's a saying that if you fear something, you should embrace/understand it.

I had heard a song that I liked but always felt uncomfortable with for some logical reason or another. Today I listened to it again and instead of just poking at the tone, acknowledging mistakes, etc...this time I just listened to the words as if the singer was singing solely to ME. I finally understood why people said it was so beautiful for them.

Something triggered while I left it on repeat and closed my eyes. I saw myself as a child, alone and crying. But then an awareness came into my consciousness.

It was the realization that I, not just others, had abandoned myself more and more over the years. No wonder I felt so alone. Even recently with people who loved me I could not feel it because I did not love myself. I could never understand love and it was all because I wouldn't allow myself to have it.

I have heard of another saying, "I'm sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you." I don't know where it came from but I was grateful for it. I said it over and over as I watched stages of my life where I felt most alone; the times when I abandoned myself.

I then felt no sense of time. The love was, is, and always will be there. I can never stop loving the beautiful creation that is me, and I no longer have to block myself from that love. It is eternal. It is unconditional.

I feel great relief and joy in my life. The past is not hard and pain-filled but gentle and forgiving.

Crazy things may happen in my life while I'm still here on this planet, but at least now I know I will always be loved and never will be truly alone; for I am always here with myself. I am loved unconditionally. It is beautiful.

Its funny but that is exactly the trajectory I am on. I totally understand the abandoning yourself line of thought.. I did it too for years and then one day realized that all this time I thought everyone abandoned me, it was only me... God almighty its so great to know that I am doing the right stuff. Thanks G

[The Cloud]

Don't judge. When you love everything, you love yourself.

[sk8joyful]

Originally Posted by garentee

Of how you can change in the matter of a few hours...
I have been doing a lot of change for quite a while, and while extremely effective,
I feel
when I am tired or stressed I can be pushed back into old behavior..
does not happen all of the time, but It has been know to occur. Thanks G

We all get tired, or stressed occasionally & sorta slide.

Yet generally, especially when guided , you can (harmful-emotions) quickly heal..., &
therefore also "chronic" body manifestations, like cancering, diabetes, heart diseasing, etc., as many have.