Ups and Downs

[luisgi]

Hi everyone,

I write this not to find advise or support I guess I just need to tell someone. My last 6 months of my life has not been very pleasent. I got fired frrom one company, maybe because the boss was not very good (I know... blame the boss), maybe because I was not confortable there since I was already looking for another job. The day after I was fired I got an offer on a bigger company. I accepted the offer and started to work there but after 4 months working there I still dont feel that I fit. My collegues are great maybe to great, they do everything perfect and I feel that I am not as good as them. This causes me great anxiety, when ever I "want to impresss", not so much impress but feel like I am doing a good job my collegue has allready done it or has done it better, my thoughts are "ok, whats the point of me been here, obviously she does it better than me, why should I be here wasting their time fixing my mistakes?" and then comes my fear from the previous job were I got fired without any warning causing me not to trust anyone and feel that behind my back there is something going on and I just dont want to express my real opinion because I dont want to create friction when I think that some of the stuff that we do is complete nonsense.
I thought about becoming a freelancer, on one hand I think is a good idea, on the other it could be like running away from the problem. Talking with my mother about this she told me that it was not good not to fit anywhere, that I had been only for 4 months in this company and that I was allready thinking to change. That I have to learn how to fit in with the people that I cant go changing from one place to another... that made me think about my life and about my relationships and actualy I am not very sociable, I get tired of people very soon, I dont keep any friend from school, nor university (maybe one), when I was in germany I lived in a student Doorm and every year new people came but I dont keep touch with any of them. I dont keep contact with the people from the las job (only one) and from this job I feel that I dont want to open to anybody, I just want to keep it strickly proffesional.
Sometimes is easier to talk and express my feelings with complete extrangers than with people I know (just like now).
you might think, well this is not ups and downs, this is a F**** hole, some days I feel like everything is possible but my emotions are like a rollercoaster, I try to keep them stable but is difficult... maybe I should see a "shrink"

[strangelove]

I'm a freelancer; I don't fit in easily either. This isn't necessarily your fault: sometimes 'fitting in' means becoming someone who you're not, for other people's benefit.

Going freelance for a while isn't running away from the problem in my view, it's just giving yourself a break from social pressure. You can fit in with people, but you need to work out who you feel happy working with (it might not be what you assume.)

Also, being freelance doesn't preclude doing things with other people. You still have a place in society, but you have more freedom to decide what it is,and how it will serve you.

Best of luck