Am I being over-sensitive?

[Zenessa]

Something has been bothering me for a while now. I was just wanted some objective perspective as to whether I am being over-sensitive (which I can be sometimes) of whether I am justified in feeling the way I do.

I have some old high-school friends and for the first few years out of school, we managed to get together pretty regularly. Now, all but two have moved interstate and with our lives so busy and in different paths, we don’t meet each other as much. One of the friends ‘friend a’, always makes me feel less of a person, (even though I don’t believe it’s her intent) so I’ve sort of cut ties unless it’s an obligatory occasion, such as birthdays or something like that.

The other friend ‘friend b’ I realised, we were only catching up once I initiated contact with a ‘how’s it going’ call or email. This was usually about once a month. I thought I would see how long it took for her to contact me if I didn’t do anything and it took about 6 months.

The thing that really bothers me is that every time I want to catch up with this ‘friend b’ she always brings ‘friend a’ along, sometimes she asks if it’s okay, sometimes she doesn’t. It’s as if my company is not enough. ‘Friend A’ and ‘friend b’ get together without me, so it’s not like it’s a chance for a big meet up and I have told her before that it bothers me.

The other thing that bothers me is that ‘Friend b’ is very particular about when she wants to get together. She’s says only on Mon-Wed afternoon, because she tends to be ‘busier’ at other times. Maybe im being sensitive, but I just feel that’s like saying you are a second-rate friend and I will probably get better offers on those other days. I told her something along those lines and she told me to tell her the dates I am free and she will see if she is free.

It’s a tough situation for me, because I know should tell her how I feel, but ive felt like this for a few years now and don’t want her to feel bad, and I have tried to distance myself, but she gets in contact after a while, and then all the bad feelings come up again.
Basically what I am asking is am I being over-sensitive or am I justified? Sorry for the long rant.

[Pequod]

I don't think you're over sensitive. You are just aware of your feelings.

About the situation: it's a difficult one. Have you told friend a how you feel about her behaviour? Maybe she isn't aware of it and she's willing to change. Or she can clear the situation up.

When you have talked about it with friend a, it's much easier to tell friend b what you think of friend a.

About the 'time-slots' of friend b: is it really a problem? It could be a good sign that friend b knows when she has time for you and when not. Perhaps she has her life well under control. She also asked you to tell her when you have time, and she can see when it matches her schedule. Looks fine to me: she presupposes that you both have busy lives and need a little bit of planning to find a moment that suits both of you.

[Zenessa]

I know im probably reading too much into the time-slot thing. I guess its the fact that I perceived it as, im grouped into her 'early week afternoon/no better stuff on' friend. Its like she's saying all im good for is a quick drink or lunch, but only if its on those days.

I guess I kind of think friendship should not be restricted with time slots. Maybe its more to do with the way she 'manages' the friendship.

[ZHereford]

Originally Posted by Zenessa

I guess I kind of think friendship should not be restricted with time slots. Maybe its more to do with the way she 'manages' the friendship.

Hi Zenessa,

I don't think you're being oversensitive at all and I agree with the above statement.

You're not a business acquaintance or someone who should be 'slotted' in. I would hope that a friend would sometimes go out of their way to see me and not make me feel like it's an obligation. I also don't think she should assume you want friend a along every time either.

If it were me, I would back off for a while and see what happens. Will this friend contact you? Does she care enough to? Time will tell.

Best of luck to you!