Anxiety

[Lauxa]

SO...

My parents, husband's parents, and my niece and nephew are coming today for Thanksgiving and staying with us a couple of days. I am hosting a Thanksgiving meal today and then my daughter's birthday party tomorrow. I have been consumed in preparations for the past week -- cleaning, buying supplies, making decorations. I'm not 100% ready yet, and they will be here around 2 pm. After eating, there will be the huge meal clean-up effort and then I will have to bake dd's birthday cake and get the house decorated for her party... to get ready for even more people to come and see us 11 am tomorrow.

Hosting company is a big stressor for me. I woke up this morning after 5 hours sleep with a knot in my stomach and every muscle aching. I feel so tense. I just want to crawl into a corner in the fetal position. Or, more likely, retreat into some mind-numbing television programming.

Please remind me of some anxiety reducing techniques to get me through this weekend!

[Honeywith4bees]

Hey Lauxa,

Stand up straight, take some deep breaths, and smile.

Have gratitude for the position you hold that allows you the ability to do these things. Gratitude for your healthy, and vibrant body and for your beautiful daughters good health. Do you know Fierce Pose for yoga? If you feel yourself beginning to falter in energy or power, try Fierce Pose, it will light you up again.

And don't forget to delegate some of that work!! You're not the only able bodied adult in your household, right?

Good luck and have fun!

[Lauxa]

Thanks Honey. It means a lot to me that you took the time to reply to my post. Actually caused me to burst into tears. But in a good way, I think, a little release.

(deep breath)

Okay, I think I'm ready to move forward. Gratitude.

[Angela]

Happy thanksgiving, Lauxa -- I am sending you lots of calming pink love rays. I wish you lots of love and fun with your family, and for your anxiety to just slip away.

Maybe also some red wine!

[Lauxa]

Thanks Angela! DH made a remark and I burst out crying, then drank a beer to try to dial it down a bit, then came down to talk with him and had another bout of hysterics. And then managed to make a grocery store run for last-minute items and get the kids to help pick up their toys from the back yard.

DH is cleaning the kitchen, which is wonderful. Everyone is on the way, about 2.5 hours off now. There are going to be 8 extra people staying at my house tonight.

Thanks for listening to me. It really helps.

[Angela]

I'm in the opposite boat -- I'm all alone for the holiday in a place where I don't know anyone!

[Lauxa]

We usually go visit The Family for Thanksgiving, but decided this year to forgo travel and enjoy Thanksgiving at home. So they all decided to come here.

The in-laws have just arrived and all I want to do is retreat to an isolated corner. There is still clutter on desks and surfaces. I feel a crushing weight around MIL, like all my preparations aren't good enough. I have been working so hard on my posture lately, yet when she is in the room it is almost impossible to keep my shoulders squared. It's not because of anything she has said, but I know my house doesn't meet her Standards. When she has company over, she is always so concerned about getting all the clutter out of sight, and her house at its worst is better than my house at its best.

[WordKeeper]

Lauxa - I prepared Thanksgiving for 12 and have no over night guests. My child's birthday party is in 2 weeks and I will feel the same way you describe even though I will have only a fraction of what you have in front of you.

When I have something big like a birthday party or Thanksgiving looming over me the thing that helps me the most is to notice that I m shutting down or getting overwhelmed. When I feel this kind of anxiety I just go for escapes, turn to the computer or the TV or reading. It actually took me YEARS to understand that this was out of anxiety. So now when I find myself checking out when I have a ridiculous amount of work to do I start working on my confidence and building it up and then I start working on building up the feeling of enjoying the preparation. As I get better at it it amazes me what a huge difference it makes. Then things start to get done, my anxiety slips away and the preparation really does begin to be pleasant.

Hope you get some sleep and get some help for the party tomorrow. I bet things turned out well today. Good luck -

[spressnell]

One way is to just take each task one at a time. Ask yourself "what one little thing can I do now?" And then prize yourself for doing that. I have a Staples Easy Button that i hit and a voice says "that was easy." You can just tap the table and do the same thing. As you keep doing that you will get more and more done. And then if something doesn't get done, that's ok. It won't be the end of the world. Another questions is "what is the most important thing for me to do right now?"

Shirley

[PetraPortland]

Hi Lauxa - let us know once you've made it through these 2 events. I bet you are doing great & don't give yourself enough credit! This advice may be too late for you, but I find delegating is helpful so you don't shoulder all the responsibility yourself. Enjoy!! Petra

[Stressless]

Hi Lauxa,

You've probably felt that you have taken on more than you really needed to and that is why you are feeling so overwhelmed.

While your Thanksgiving is probably over by the time you read this, the birthday part still looms. What you need to do in future is make a time table so that all the work gets done smoothly and on time, leaving some room for errors and the unexpected.

Also you ought not to take so much stress, that is why your stomach cramps, because stress causes physical discomfort and worse. Learn to relax and take a few minutes off for yourself when you are feeling so down, and you will soon be re-energized.

Check out this site - it will definitely help you:

Stress Relief Blog — Simple ceremonies of the mind to Transform Stress into Success


21 Stress-Stopper Formulas For a Healthy and Happy Life
P.S. Make sure you also download your Stress relief free gifts, where you are able to use that to transform your stress into success.

[Lauxa]

Hello all, my parties are both over and all went fairly well, except that I was feeling a bit like a zombie during Thanksgiving dinner. Everyone really pulled together and helped out to get everything cleaned up and the next party set up. My daughter had a bug-themed party and it was a big success, and everyone admired the bee pinata and snail cake that I made.

The in-laws are still here, but it's actually pleasant without the pressure of upcoming events. I think next time I won't try to do 2 parties in a row; the stress of thinking about party 2 kept me from really enjoying party 1, even though the guests all enjoyed themselves.

WordKeeper, that thing you said about "the feeling of enjoying the preparation" really struck me. You mean I could actually enjoy the preparation? What a concept!

[WordKeeper]

You mean I could actually enjoy the preparation? What a concept!

LOL! Well I don't know but it seems to make sense and I have been working on that concept for a couple of months.

Here's a way I used it Wednesday night. I left my 7 year old at my mother's and headed out to yet another grocery store. My plans had been to complete all grocery shopping ahead of time BUT that was before my son got sick and stayed home Monday and my good friend's funeral was scheduled for Tues in another town and memorial for Wed at 1pm. So Wednesday 5 pm I'm headed back to the store - feeling behind, tired, lonely as the dark settles in and I feel the depression and loneliness start to take over. But I thought about "enjoying the preparation" and immediately shifted into feeling the "buzz" of last minute shopping and the coziness of the chill and by the time I got back to my mother's my mood had shifted.

As I was cooking my son wanted attention. An only child, he wanted to play. I felt the anxiety and frustration at not being able to meet his demands and then **** remembering "enjoying the preparation - I moved his small table into the kitchen and he set up monopoly and between stirring the gravy and peeling the turnips I rolled and took my turns and we had such a wonderful cozy evening of getting ready.

The whole concept turned what could have been loneliness and frustration into warmth and comfort. I love doing this but still I have to keep reminding myself. It doesn't come easily -