What do you do in situations that highly upset you?

[Mom2boys]

Should you: a) focus your attention on other things and things/situations/people that bring you joy and happiness, or b) dig into the core of what is really making you upset and deal with it?

I have noticed that when I'm in a situation when I receive nasty emails from customers, if it's something that doesn't require me to do anything, I just try to switch my focus on something that makes me happy. I know I should face my fears and my issues with highly unreasonable customers, but I find that when I do that, I get even more irritated and end up being unproductive the rest of the day because I just want to rip someone's head off . I am afraid that I will just keep attracting this situation if I keep dwelling in it, which is why I go the first option.

What's your thought on this?

J

[LifeFirst]

I don't know...


I just got back from basketball game where my favorite team was down by 24....came back to tie it....AND TO LOSE IT ON A LAST SECOND SHOT.





This is probably the MOST upset I've ever gotten this year...and it's STUPID. Because I rarely get upset about things....WHY SOMETHING SMALL AND UNIMPORTANT LIKE THIS??????


Maybe it's because the first professional basketball game I've ever went to????? Who knows......I can't even think straight right now.


Although this probably won't help you because completely different from your situation.

[LifeFirst]

Why are you getting nasty replies anyways?? Was it something you did?? It must be something you did, or else this would have never happened. I think that you should think about what you said or did to make them so angry that they have to send hate mail to you...unless they're pulling a prank or something (then just ignore it)

[ReallyGoodIdeas]

I reckon the problem is that at some level you aren;t able to just shrug it off. It either resonates as like what someone used to say to you, or it reminds you of some earlier problem. It hooks you somehow and you can't genuinely shrug it off. You can try EFT (check my homepage) or some other method to get behind the surface issue to figure out what is REALLY getting to you.


Joy to you
Hazel

[elainevdw]

I am never very successful with calming down once I'm all riled up. All I can do is try to change my overall outlook so things don't bother me so much. Unfortunately, this also lends itself well to avoidance strategies -- the key is to not avoid unpleasant situations, just to view them more lightheartedly. To achieve this can take a lot of inner growth, since real reason something bugs you so much really is part of a negative reaction to something else in your life.

I like hanging around lighthearted, happy-go-lucky people as much as I can. I easily emulate people, and taking on someone's positive outlook on things via osmosis is invaluable.

[Seraph]

This sounds kind of weird (even to me), but what I do in situation like this is reaffirm how I feel about myself.

I've tried going for walks, breathing exercises, meditation etc. But what it seems to come to most times is that I'm not accepting or acknowledging myself somehow.

So now if I get upset the first thing I do is accept the way I'm feeling. It's valid that you feel like this. Then I simply affirm that I accept myself and that I like myself.

It always helps and then I find that I can deal with whatever upset me much more productively.

[laur_454]

I absolutely believe that the people who choose to react so harshly are walking around completely unconscious. You obviously know better than that. Observe their behavior non-judgementally and be thankful that you are conscious enough to realize what's actually important. I agree that situations like that can be really frustrating, but it really doesn't matter in the long run. Then if someone REALLY pisses you off, just send them a copy of The Power of Now. Maybe they'll get the hint and be nicer

[dcaldwell]

You experience that reaction because you feel the criticism is a personal rebuff regardless if it's true or not. We all understand on an intellectual level it isn't, but that's not good enough. I find whenever I get upset/angry I withdraw to a third-party perspective of myself, experience the emotion and then ask "why?", and wait for an answer. Usually, the emotive reaction has something to do with an insecurity or fear.

At another level, you can spin the whole issue another way by reading between the lines and figuring out what exactly the customer is criticizing. Doing so might reveal a service or product fix you may have overlooked otherwise. Negative customers can be defused quite quickly and turn immensely helpful when they feel you truly want their constructive feedback. Even if there's no response required, maybe you should consider engaging a few of them.

[New Every Day]

It's hard to do via e-mail, but if you want to calm a customer down ask them "Why are you yelling at me? I'm the one who's going to fix this for you."

This allows them to a) realize that they are yelling and b) that you are professional enough to fix it and c) the issue is going to be resolved.

Most of the time, customers don't yell at the person they are really upset with. For example, I had a problem with my cell phone service. After 9 years with the same cell company, I started having problems. I worked for 4 weeks with customer service, then started escalating the problem. I spent (literally) 30 hours trying to figure out why I could not get cell service. I finally ended up talking to upper management (i.e. one of the top 3 guys in the company) and just wanted out of my contract. Did I yell? Yep. By that time, I had been lied to, put off, and just generally ignored. I had been told that it was my fault (after all, you can't use cell phones IN your house), that nothing had changed (when I knew that it had) and that if I wanted out of my contract, it would cost me $200. So, my yelling had nothing to do with what the top guy said to me, but it was accumulative.

I would also suggest that in some ways that you look within yourself. Some people just are not made for customer service jobs. They have a sensitive soul. This is actually a really good thing, but like everything else, it has a negative. Maybe God made you to be a empathetic counselor or something else that requires a sensitive soul. While I would agree that you shouldn't always run from problems, you can ask yourself if you're trying to do a job that you weren't designed for.

Godspeed & Good Luck

[Parthon]

Wow, lots of good ideas, I might have to steal some.

I use a completely different strategy though. I get in touch with the emotion, then see it as just an emotion. You can have anger, you can feel angry, but you don't have to BE angry. Emotion becomes a part of you much like your arm or leg, but you don't let it tell you what to do anymore. Then you can consciously say "Okay, I feel angry. Why?"

Most of the time an event which has occured has triggered a response from you. Things like bad customers and bad customer service will immediately make you feel angry, especially if you are someone who believes in fairness and integrity. Those situations it's fine to feel angry. When you see your emotion, and why it's risen in you, then you can start dealing with the situation that caused it.

You look at the situation without the emotion clouding your view and drop all the excuses and reasons behind everything and see what's really there to be dealt with. Often you can't cause anything in the face of what's going on, but you can accept it just the way it is, and often that's all you have to do.

Dealing with situations you can change is good however. There are many situations where emotions won't help at all, or it gets in the way of your happiness, it pulls you down the levels, away from courage, love and joy. If you can remove your self from your emotions, while at the same time feeling them and knowing them deeply and being able to use them to guide you, not control you, you can act responsibly and rationally getting the best outcome possible.

I think the best thing I got out of knowing my emotions and separating them from my core being is that I connected with my emotions again. I really feel them all the time, I know when I'm upset, angry or just plain happy . At the very same time they don't control me, and I don't have to supress them, change them or give into them. I love it!

So just accept your emotions, but remember that they are a part of you, just like an arm or a leg. You have emotions, emotions don't have you. I hope you gain something from this ramble.

[John Hill]

I wrote an article on my website called "Why You Should Never Worry". It explains how futile it is to let outside influences upset you. Nothing is ever as bad as it seems when you step back from it and examine what it is that is bothering you. Fear is an illusion in your mind, fear can't hurt you. Only your own thinking can hurt you.

John

[Dating Specialist]

I've realised in situations that are really upsetting, the more we tell ourselves we shouldn't get angry the more lousy we feel, and it usually extends the duration of anger rather than shortening or dissolving it as what we like to do.

Why not just allow yourself to feel what you feel as a natural response. If you should feel angry, then allow yourself to feel angry. But what is important here is to be conscious and aware of your feelings.

John Hill is right in saying not to allow external forces to influence us. So while we allow ourselves to be unhappy about it, use that as a temporary means to release that emotion from inside. Validate your own feelings.

It's ok to feel anger and to recognise and allow it. But it's not ok to use that anger to do something else as a retort or response. So after recognising it, do what you need to do to cool down. After that only then think of the way to respond to the event that caused you to be angry.

We can't choose the way we feel. But we certainly can choose the way we respond to it.

[Eternal Wayfarer]

What you sow, shall you reap.

Use this mathematical equation:

Thought + Action = Wisdom

Example these is why many people don't get the desired result-
Give, oh yes, action shown giving. Hence, in the equation there is action. Intention? Blah, blah, blah, blah, so where is the thought. That sums up- Desired result not achieved- No wisdom.

Think about it.

Now think about what have you been really doing all along. Fill the equation.

[Dharma]

Originally Posted by Mom2boys

Should you: a) focus your attention on other things and things/situations/people that bring you joy and happiness, or b) dig into the core of what is really making you upset and deal with it?

Option B for the win.

At the point you notice you're upset, own that you are the one creating the feeling of being upset.

"I'm choosing to be upset right now and I want to blame it on my customer. And... I hate that. I know it's a choice I'm making in the moment but I'm not conscious of it yet. I choose to go back to my joy now."

[Minsc]

Yell and punch stuff.

Works better if you're alone and mad a a thing and not a person.
It also won't work without the punching.

A keyboard is pretty much indestructable if you're bashing it while it's on the table(the stands can break though, but they're pretty tough too).

To punch the keyboard, you should put your right fist to your left side, bring it up over your head, and bash the keyboard. Don't stand up and punch it normally or your fist will be bloody. Also, make sure you know where the keys go since they pop out when you do this(more so if you have the stands up).

Also, the mouse will be propelled foreward with the same type of punch but I have a scar on my pinky from doing it so you might be better off with the keyboard(you have to hit it pretty hard to get a scar; hitting it normally is fine). You could try to knock the speakers over with it as you bash it.

Don't punch the other parts of the computer since they're fragile and more expensive.

[Love]

Originally Posted by Minsc

Yell and punch stuff.

Works better if you're alone and mad a a thing and not a person.
It also won't work without the punching.

A keyboard is pretty much indestructable if you're bashing it while it's on the table(the stands can break though, but they're pretty tough too).

To punch the keyboard, you should put your right fist to your left side, bring it up over your head, and bash the keyboard. Don't stand up and punch it normally or your fist will be bloody. Also, make sure you know where the keys go since they pop out when you do this(more so if you have the stands up).

Also, the mouse will be propelled foreward with the same type of punch but I have a scar on my pinky from doing it so you might be better off with the keyboard(you have to hit it pretty hard to get a scar; hitting it normally is fine). You could try to knock the speakers over with it as you bash it.

Don't punch the other parts of the computer since they're fragile and more expensive.

That's great. LOL

[Lauxa]

I had a recent experience with this where I felt I handled it well, for once...

I was out of town for a week with my 2 daughters and when I came back the house was a wreck. Dishes piled high, mold growing in the juicer, dirt tracked all over the floors. At first I was really mad at my husband for this. As I started cleaning up the mess, I tried to visualize how everything would be if I were living my perfect life. The kitchen would be clean, there would be flowers on the table, some fresh-baked banana bread, a love note for me. It took me about 3 hours to clean the kitchen and then I got myself some flowers for the table. When my husband got home I gave him a big hug and asked him to make some banana bread, which he happily agreed to. I commented that I noticed he had used the juicer while I was away; he apologized for not cleaning it and I forgave him.

[Liara Covert]

From my own experience, I try to direct positive feelings toward the person who is trying to upset me. I develop patience. This distracts me from the source of my frustration at the same time as it teaches me different ways to deal with negative energy. One example was a boss in my past who had decided not to pay me. I was following the legal avenues to have him meet this obligation, yet, he was continuing to ignore my rights and wasn't respecting me as a person. His regular attempts to 'push my buttons' were a challenge for me to deal with. My instinct was to get angry, since I was still going to the office, but during the festive season, I decided instead to wish him Merry Christmas in a cheery voice. I think I caught him off guard? I sense his mistreatment of people is his attempt to try to seem important when he is actually trying to hide insecurity. Its sad. Rather than add negative energy to his own trouble, I forgive him inside while I also demonstrate he must abide by the law.

[Angelwings]

QUESTION FOR EVERYONE:


Is there a way to FAKE your Behaviour Towards people u hate/angry/jealous/likes etc..???

"FAKE" Meaning.. to act in such a way, to put my body and voice tone in such a way sooo To fool/ deal/ Look confident towards people in very Upsetting situations, that u werent prepared to defend. People around me are so flexible, they do that alot..I cant even tell what they are feeling most times. Most people are like that in my environment IT'S quite dangerous coz i have to be careful of what i say.. I may trigger all sorts of things.

For example: i went out with 2 of my close friends and one of them said something about "that handbag is soo ugly "and it happened my other friend's has one.
!! She was SOO HURT but she didnt SHOW IT ! She looks fine at that moment!! Later on the day ..she called me and was B****ing for hours.
i want to be LIKE that..She knows when to Put on THAT I DONT CARE LOOK!" WOW! its a good DEFENCE MECHANISM..
MOST of the time I m not able to hide my emotions..I dont know HOW?
I know i should build up my confidence level..etcs..but this is a completely different issue.

Does anyone understand what i mean??

[Lynn 007]

Mom2Boys

In a customer service enviornment I would apologize to them and ask how can I help make everything right. By the sounds of it they're not really asking for anything. If they're just venting I would probably reply thanking them for their e-mail and if they need anything in the future do not hesitate to contact you.

I wouldn't let it upset me as you/we don't know if this person has just been fired/had a death in the family/fight with their spouse, etc. Perhaps your e-mail address happened to be on top of the inbox.

I rarely get upset as I don't think it's healthy and fortunatley or unfortunatly I put a value on the person who is trying to upset me. The word value may not be the correct word to use but in this sense it is a person who is of value to MY well-being and happiness. I will get upset if it is from someone I'm very close to and love but I can't see myself getting upset over something someone I barely knows says or does.