Feeling alone no matter where I go or who is around me

[SomebodySomewhere]

I'll keep this short and sweet. No matter where I go (I recently came back home for a vacation) and yet no matter how many people I know here or back where I live, and how many people I'm with, I always feel alone, even around family.

I don't know why. I feel like everyone is against me in some way and that even if someone seems friendly towards me right now, eventually they will turn against me due to some reason(envy, jealousy, spite, being an ******* for no reason) . I think I'm friendly towards people, otherwise I wouldn't have the friends that I do right now.

I feel as if I'm constantly having to defend myself, whether it be from people saying that I don't know what I'm doing or i'm doing something wrong(even though I'm far more successful that the people saying this), or from the many verbal jabs people try to take at me.

Is this all in my head? Am I overthinking this? or am I experiencing something here and is it in my power to control and change?

I'm getting really sick of this, I'm losing my enthusiasm for many things and just want to keep getting away from it even though I'll find it no matter where I go.

[lifetimelearner]

you do not have control over other people so why worry yourself about it
society has us all hyped up to be perfect when we are not and cannot be

worry is a waste a time and a useless word
-trust me I know from experience

and stop feeling that you have to defend yourself

if you are good at something then feel confident about it and stop WORRYING !

seems like maybe you have some self-esteem issues?

you need to get out of your head

all of us are alone but it's the connections we make outside of our head that matters the most

for example:
I do not think I love my children
I know because -
I feel it in my heart my bones my skin etc etc

[bob5483]

I am not one to really give advice on this because I generally feel the same way you do. Most people make in my life make me sick. They all wait to talk and never listen. They ask me how my day is or some random, useless question and then rant about themselves.

Anyway, by responding to their negativity you are giving them power. By having your values and beliefs questioned and then responding to them satisfies their need for whatever. Ignore them and ignore it. Honestly, find people you truly find interesting and fascinating and situate yourself around them. If these people in your life don't do it for you, then bye bye.

It’s your life, you make the rules. Set boundaries for those around you that you can't get away from (co-workers, father) so that you aren't constantly defending your beliefs.

I guess that’s all I have for you. As long as you feel at ease with yourself, then who cares what other people think. I stopped caring a long time ago and I have become a tad cynical, but its better then conforming to what everyone thinks I should be.

[Lwilliams]

You know guys ......... there was a time when I felt similar. I don't know exactly when it ended or what inspired my feelings to change. But somehow, somewhere they did. I guess what I'm trying to say is 'hold on' because one of the best things this life has to offer us is the fact that time is constantly changing, which works in our favor when life sucks.
Keep a smile. Linda

[Eisho]

Originally Posted by SomebodySomewhere

I'll keep this short and sweet. No matter where I go (I recently came back home for a vacation) and yet no matter how many people I know here or back where I live, and how many people I'm with, I always feel alone, even around family.

I don't know why. I feel like everyone is against me in some way and that even if someone seems friendly towards me right now, eventually they will turn against me due to some reason(envy, jealousy, spite, being an ******* for no reason) . I think I'm friendly towards people, otherwise I wouldn't have the friends that I do right now.

I feel as if I'm constantly having to defend myself, whether it be from people saying that I don't know what I'm doing or i'm doing something wrong(even though I'm far more successful that the people saying this), or from the many verbal jabs people try to take at me.

Is this all in my head? Am I overthinking this? or am I experiencing something here and is it in my power to control and change?

I'm getting really sick of this, I'm losing my enthusiasm for many things and just want to keep getting away from it even though I'll find it no matter where I go.

You sound disconnected. I advise you to find people that you share a stronger identity with and see how that goes. If it is true that you are really more successful than those around you then you may have outgrown them and the verbal jabs are a manifestation of that.

Cheers,

Eisho

[stealth87]

Hey,

I hope this helps you to realize that being lonely is a concept of the mind. You are surrounded by people who care about you. However, you feel alone because they are not providing what you feel you need or want. Chances are, you are out there against everyone, instead of the opposite.

Ask yourself if what you want others to provide to you, is something that they are responsible for. This can be validation, love, security, sense of worth, appreciation, happiness, etc.

The truth is no one is responsible to provide that to you. You already have it within. We are what we seek.

Once you realize that you don't need anyone to provide you with what you seek, you won't feel lonely anymore. You can be around many people or around none at all, and you wouldn't feel lonely. Your attachments to needs, outcomes and interactions would go out the window.

You wouldn't look at interactions through the eyes of wanting. You wouldn't expect people to follow your every demand and expectation, rather you would see them for who they are. This does not mean you have to put up with second hand behavior, rather you accept others and appreciate them while honoring yourself.

No one owes you anything and you shouldn't expect that. You are responsible for what you do for others and for yourself.

Regards,
Diego

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by SomebodySomewhere

I'll keep this short and sweet. No matter where I go (I recently came back home for a vacation) and yet no matter how many people I know here or back where I live, and how many people I'm with, I always feel alone, even around family.

Try this: Try imagining feeling connected to everyone in a room, or just to a person. Just sit there (or stand you're standing in a line) and just imaging that you're feeling connected to them - that there are strands connecting your heart to that person's heart. Just imagine it. After a while, you'll start to feel connected. You won't feel alone anymore.

[jtracy]

I actually feel most alone when I am with my family. My parents have massive emotional problems and I always felt like they are more interested in solving their own pain than dealing with my needs. I feel like they're more likely to be interested in what I can do for them than what they can do for me. I guess most people are like this to some extent, depending on how many "internal wounds" they have. It takes a person who is "whole", who is comfortable with himself, to really give authentic love to another, and I don't think that most of us are very "whole" or comfortable with ourselves.

I also am trying to understand the idea that everything in the universe is connected to everything else. That means every person is connected, and we are really more alike than different. That helps me feel like I belong in the world.

You do sound like you have self-esteem issues. Maybe you are like me and had the people important to you say several very hurtful things when you were too young to remember it. I often find myself feeling defensive when I logically have nothing to feel defensive about. I tend to assume that people will be critical of me (like my parents were). You sound similar to the way I often feel.

I do believe this is something that we can change though, and I am working on it. I think that it helps to choose carefully the kinds of people you spend your time with. Stay away from negative people as much as possible, even if they're family. And look for ways to build up your self-esteem. And try to remember that most people really aren't as bad as you think.

[SomebodySomewhere]

I think I do have some self esteem issues and insecurity about a few things. I've been trying to eradicate these things and I thought I had the self esteem sorted out but I guess I don't. I'm wondering whether it's truly possible to get and KEEP a high self esteem. It seems there's always something that manages to bring me down. No matter how well I do in my life, I can't seem to let go of unimportant things and so become obsessed with them(trivial matters, like what my friends are doing).

I feel better when I'm in a new place when I don't know anyone, because I don't have any expectations of loyalty or behavior from any of the people around me. When someone I know does something bad to me(says something hurtful, does a hurtful action) I start to question all the people I know and whether they have the capability to do the same.

It's tiring and I'm tired. I can't seem to just relax and enjoy the people around me, there always has to be some other motivator. I've been trying to develop myself and have seen improvements but I always get thrown back to these core issues. I'm starting to feel as if it's a futile effort and that staying alone would be a better choice even though it would hurt but would be better than the anguish you go through when you start questioning the people around you.

Also let me add that, since I feel that people will eventually do something to harm me, it's causing me to become more and more abrasive as time goes on. I'm starting to use less filters during conversation, becoming more direct, and generally not caring (in a bad way) and I don't like this.

[Ecce Homo]

Hey Somebody, to answer your first four questions:

Originally Posted by SomebodySomewhere

Is this all in my head? Am I overthinking this? or am I experiencing something here and is it in my power to control and change?

Yes, yes, yes and yes.

It sounds to me like you resolved your own “issue” when you said,

I feel better when I'm in a new place when I don't know anyone, because I don't have any expectations of loyalty or behavior from any of the people around me.

Apparently it’s your expectations that create the painful feelings within you and not necessarily other people. When your experience of people’s behavior does not match your expectations, feelings of isolation must naturally ensue. Fighting reality by continuously believing that people should be something other than what they are can be exhausting. I can relate. That’s definitely how it’s been for me!

Your beliefs about other people wanting to hurt you aren’t necessarily true though. For instance, are you absolutely positive that people will eventually do something to harm you? You didn’t qualify your statement. Are you talking about all people or just some people? Are you willing to entertain the possibility that this belief about people isn’t entirely accurate? Couldn’t it be just as true that people will eventually do something to help you? Not only is it possible that this last statement could be as true if not more true, it might also lead you to feelings of ease, joy and inclusion if you believed it.

One last question. Do you feel a lot of anger, maybe at the world and/or yourself?

And in all seriousness, I'm really glad you felt you could come here to talk about this. I'm glad you trusted us enough to share your thoughts and feelings. Thanks for the vote of confidence!

[CroMagna]

I don't see anything wrong with how you feel. I feel the exact same way and I know others who do too. You are a misanthrope, someone with a distrust and/or dislike of the human race. Now you just have to figure out what the ideal life of a misanthrope would be like. For example, if you polarize as a darkworker, you realize that you are ultimately completely alone in the universe and you dedicate your life to serving yourself only. Any interactions you have with people are strictly based on how they benefit you. You stop caring about what others are thinking about you because you're only thinking about what you can get from them. You will find yourself enjoying being alone and interacting with people more often because you will want to get something out of it. For example, ever since polarizing, I have found myself spending more time with my family and calling them more often.

Misanthropes keep at most 4 friends and do a lot of reading. It's best to learn mindfulness techniques so that your time alone isn't ruined by daydreaming of people's verbal jabs.