Letting go.

[StarFish]

For the most part, I'm able to keep my unhappy past in the past. I simple don't think about it, because thinking about wont change it or make me happy. But every now and then, someone will bring up the person who's caused me the most pain and I kind of spend the rest of the day in a funk, and may even cry.

I was wondering what everyone does to let go, so that when this person gets brought up or I see him, it doesn't effect me.

[Angela]

The "person who caused you the most pain" is not someone from your past. The person who causes you pain is you, in each moment you choose to grasp old pain till your knuckles are white and wring great suffering from it. You're free to do that, of course. You're also free to choose something that might work better -- like being present to the person you're with, and like being grateful for the lessons your old teachers have given you.

Surrender takes practice.

[Tabs]

Originally Posted by StarFish

I was wondering what everyone does to let go, so that when this person gets brought up or I see him, it doesn't effect me.

I sympathize with you and your situation so many people find themselves in the same position. I use constant forgiveness, as in every time I think of someone I want out of my life I immediately start to a forgiveness affirmation so that I can stop thinking about the person. I wrote a blog about it called Forgive and Forget? And a few other blogs about the issue of letting go.

The latest thing I learned and the best thing I learned about forgiveness is the meaning of that physical reaction you get when the person you are trying to forgive shows up unexpectedly or someone else mentions him/her. Apparently it means you still have not gotten over what happened or you still have not completely forgiven this person and guess what you still need to keep working on it.

How does knowing this help: if you know why you are having a reaction you know what to do. Ask yourself, have I gotten over this? What do I need to do to deal with this situation? Do I need to work harder on forgiveness? I use the forgiveness strategy because I just want to get on with my life and rehashing issues simply adds energy to a situation or person I want completely out of my life you know "Law of Attraction".

Hope this helps.
Good luck

[Alvin]

Hi Starfish,

It's hard to give you advice on so little

Since you're using a pen-name, perhaps you could share a little more-sometimes just sharing makes you feel better too.

[Colm OReilly]

Another simple tool that can help is focus on what you want, rather than what you want to forget.

So if ultimately you want to feel free and peaceful, then you should find ways which make you feel free and peaceful, rather than trying to get away from the hurt and emotional baggage you're moving towards peace and freedom.

Just a change in perspective can work wonders!

Tabs,
Nice blog post, I really enjoyed it!

Colm

[Yellow]

Originally Posted by Alvin

Hi Starfish,

It's hard to give you advice on so little

Since you're using a pen-name, perhaps you could share a little more-sometimes just sharing makes you feel better too.

Yeah, for me, it usually works to talk to people about it. Pick someone you can trust and talk about it, as much as you want, as many times as you want. After a point, you realize what happened has happened and that nothing can be done about it now except for changing how you view it. Once you have realized it, it's easier to move on, and with a positive outlook too.

[joshbickford]

I don't focus on the past. There is nothing that I can do to change it, so I just change my focus to the present, or the future, things that I can have some control over.

[skydust]

what helped me was to ask what lesson i was meant to learn from that event. when the memory of something is so painful, it can be very difficult to find positivity in it in form of personal growth. we often miss the lesson because of this.

you could try meditate for while or whatever it is you do to get to that relaxed state where you feel good. then bring up the image of this event in your minds eye, and ask your higher self/guides/whatever, what you are supposed to learn from this. it surprised me quite a bit, but as soon as i heard the answer, it not only helped me let go, but also forgive the other person because they suddenly became a teacher, not a villain.

[Tabs]

Originally Posted by Colm OReilly

Tabs,
Nice blog post, I really enjoyed it!

Colm

Thanks Colm.

[elainevdw]

What worked for me, strangely, was honestly being open to and desiring the inner resolution of old conflicts.

As soon as I invited that process into my life, I started getting weird reminders of this person out of the blue. Some song would come on, some friend would make a comment, and all those horrible memories welled back up, ruining my day. I hadn't thought of those things for years, either.

Being open to healing, I just let that happen. And as time went on, I had little revelations that made things easier. One of them for me was that I was more mad at a person who is still my friend than the person I thought I was mad at (the three of us used to be friends, and there was quite a bit of sabotage and romantic jealousy involved).

So now, unless I want to make myself miserable, I can think of this person without so much negativity, hatred, pity, etc. welling up in my system. I still harbor some animosity towards this person and the old wounds do still twinge, but if I ran into them some day, I don't think I'd have a crisis over it. They'll be just another old acquaintance I ran into on the street.

In fact, I used to stalk them on MySpace... and I haven't done that since. LOL.

[ReallyGoodIdeas]

Can I suggest doing EFT on it? Putting thoughts and feelings into a box that you keep shut tight, is denial! Its' not healthy in the long run. It's best to get it out in the open and deal with it. People here have suggested methods for dealing with it. For me, EFT is the most powerful way of dealing with things like this.

Write down the thoughts that bother you, either get my free beginners guide (from my website) or look up the EFT main site for a longer method. Do EFT on the thoughts, memories etc, until they no longer give you any emotional zing. Then you'll be over it properly!!

Good luck and
Joy to you
Hazel

[John Hill]

Hi Starfish,

This is only a problem if you look at it that way. This is in fact a great opportunity for you learn a worthwhile life lesson that will only make you a stronger person. Whenever you see this person, face them and without saying anything to them, say to yourself, "you have no power over me in any way". This person can't make you unhappy only you can do that.

During the course of our lives I think we all meet people we would rather not see again for whatever reason but we can choose to accept that they exist but they are no longer a part of our life if we want it to be that way.

Take full advantage of this opportunity Statfish and know that only you have the power.

Cheers,
John

[Dating Specialist]

Originally Posted by skydust

what helped me was to ask what lesson i was meant to learn from that event. when the memory of something is so painful, it can be very difficult to find positivity in it in form of personal growth. we often miss the lesson because of this.

you could try meditate for while or whatever it is you do to get to that relaxed state where you feel good. then bring up the image of this event in your minds eye, and ask your higher self/guides/whatever, what you are supposed to learn from this. it surprised me quite a bit, but as soon as i heard the answer, it not only helped me let go, but also forgive the other person because they suddenly became a teacher, not a villain.

That's a very good suggestion skydust.

Starfish, there are few ways to see what lessons you can learn from your past and from that person. What skydust suggested could be a very good one. You can test it out, if it doesn't work, then use other means.

In the book "Secrets About Life Every Woman Should Know" By Barbara de-Angelis, she said that everyone we meet is our teacher in life. When a relationship has broken up, beyond those negative emotions, why not look at the lessons behind each event? If he left you, that means he has finished the things he need to teach you.

Yes, he is your teacher, not the villain.

Also, my counsellor recently told me this - when you forgive someone, you are actually forgiving yourself. Forgiveness release your anger, your anxiety and your hatred. Because you are the one who is holding on to all these negative emotions, and they are affecting YOU, not him. So, by telling yourself (either during meditation or during conscious deliberation) "I forgive you. I love you" repeatedly, you will feel much more relieved and most importantly, at peace with yourself.

I know how hard this process can be, and it takes a lot of love from yourself to be able to do this. I really empathise with you, and all the more we hope that you can walk out of this period and be strong.

Lastly, all the best to you. Tomorrow is a new year, and this could just be the best gift you can give to yourself?

Hugs!