SO there is this limiting belief

[garentee]

Hi All,
I have been doing a lot of work on my fear of abandonment issue, and I feel as though I have gotten to the bottom of it..finally. I of course knew there was something waiting for me at the bottom of it. I found I have a limiting belief which states shes going to leave me...I no longer feel the fear associated with this possibility because I have the tools to assure that it does not happen. And if it does happen, I know it has NOTHING to do with me. But still I have that little voice in my head saying... shes going to leave me. I want to see how I can reframe this thought and change the limiting belief... This is an especially sticky belief due to the death of my mom when I was young. I know that I will crush this belief and further my growth. Just do not know how to attack it. I know a lot of people will say EFT, and I want to say up front that It does not really work for me.... Thanks in advance

[UtopiaFive]

If you can stop thinking about the future, you certainly won't be able to imagine any random possibilities.

Be present. Here and Now.

Very vague, yes. More vagueness: its all about focus, if you can focus on other things, then you're good.

I get the same thing when I get girls' phone numbers...for some reason I feel anxious when I think things like "are the girls just ****ing with me, not texting me back...or texting me, and then stopping responding." When that happens, I just start talking to new girls, forget about the other ones, until they get back to me.

Realize that your life won't be over if your woman leaves you -- there's always 10 more. I know your relationship might mean something to you, but if she leaves you, your knowledge that you can always find another woman should keep you happy (also your knowledge that you are really okay without one in your life at all times is not necessary).

[jtracy]

I agree with UtopiaFive. The first thing is to be in the present. Recognize that this fear is just your ego taking abandonment that happened in the past and projecting it out into the future. Realize that the past doesn't have to have anything to do with the future. The past is over and there is nothing you can do about it. It is only by doing the best you can right now that you can influence your future in a positive way. The second thing is to realize that if the woman leaves you, it really isn't the end of the world. There are lots more women out there who are just as nice. In fact, if the woman does leave you, chances are that you weren't right for each other anyway; and if you learn from that experience what you would prefer, then next time you will find another woman who is better for you. They are out there. It is also true too, that you don't absolutely have to have a woman at all. There are times when it is nice just to spend time getting to know yourself. People get into a panic at the idea of being alone but it really isn't that bad. It's all about your attitude. And if you have lots of friends, then you wouldn't even be alone without a woman.

[garentee]

Thanks Jtracy and utopiafive. It really is interesting that is exactly what I have been doing lately... so in other words it looks to me that i am on the right track.. G

[Honeywith4bees]

My first thought when I read your OP, was that when you feel your shadow tell you "she's going to leave me", to reply with "Yeah, so?"

We know that eventually, everyone will leave us, just as we will leave everyone.

As the others have said, be present, and be grateful for your chance to be together now.

Good luck!

[Angela]

How old were you when your mom died? What did you decide about yourself when she died, like: "I am _____."?

[garentee]

Angela,
I was ten when she died, but as for what I decided? No idea... I have blocked a lot of that stuff out. I took my dads advice and tried to not think about it. That only works for so long, but... there is much which remains hidden from me. I was told by my therapist that in some cases it is not important to get to every detail.. But now that you have put that out there.. damn straight I am going to get to the bottom of that, because I can. Just not really sure how....Thanks G

[Angela]

Maybe not all the details, but just that one sticky belief about yourself that has been running you since you were ten years old.

One way to get there is to look at: "She is going to leave me and that means that I am ____."

When you reach it, it will hit you like a ton of bricks, and you'll recognize that "I am ____" is with you in pretty much every choice you make in life.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Hey, g. I recommend working through Angela's questions of course as that's how I really started to get a handle on myself! I just wanted to say that Honey's suggestion is really good. The less credence and worry you spend on that little voice the less power it has over you.

It's just practice. The voice doesn't disappear right away, but as you just let it be without feeding it with your negative feelings and continued dwelling it gets quieter and weaker. When my little "I am nothing" gremlin pops up, I'm going to tell him "SO WHAT!!!"

Good luck. We're with you.

[garentee]

Funny as I have been sitting here thinking about it what keeps coming to the surface is the word unlovable...I need to let that percolate a bit, but... it is interesting.. Now intellectually I know that I am lovable and loved very widely. Curious.G

[garentee]

Originally Posted by Honeywith4bees

My first thought when I read your OP, was that when you feel your shadow tell you "she's going to leave me", to reply with "Yeah, so?"

We know that eventually, everyone will leave us, just as we will leave everyone.

As the others have said, be present, and be grateful for your chance to be together now.

Good luck!

I am doing this more these days... But it is good to see it in print.. Thanks G

[Angela]

Originally Posted by garentee

Funny as I have been sitting here thinking about it what keeps coming to the surface is the word unlovable...I need to let that percolate a bit, but... it is interesting.. Now intellectually I know that I am lovable and loved very widely. Curious.G

Whatever your limiting belief is, your grown-up self knows intellectually that it isn't real, but your child-self feels it utterly, and spends an awful amount of energy trying to prove that it isn't true, and also trying to avoid people finding out that it IS true.

[garentee]

I was just out doing some work in the field, and it really made a lot of sense to me this limiting belief that I am unlovable.. In fact if I look around me and see all the people that are surrounding me there are a lot of them with that belief....I see it, I feel it now I want to change it.. and what I have been to doing is to be more giving, to my friends, to my loved ones etc and to total strangers. I know this is part of what got me to the point of getting through the fear... knowing that the fear of abandonment has no power over me is a really big step in losing the belief. I posted this to see what came back and to see if I was on the right track.. It certainly feels that way. When I got to the answer of unlovable, it clicked. No ton of bricks though... the fear was like a ton of bricks, and once that was removed as a powerful issue I felt compelled to see what laid below the surface. I am sure there is more that is down there, but I feel like I can claim victory, because I know what I am looking at. Any other thoughts on this would be appreciated. Thanks to all that have replied thus far. G

[Angela]

"I am unloveable." Is that true?

(about you, I mean, not me. )

[garentee]

NO! I just realized just now this minute after I read your question(and this is the actual thought process) If I had a dollar for everytime someone has told me that they love me this year alone, I would be a really rich man... but wait I am a rich man because soooooooooooooooo many peopole DO love me so thus I am lovable... Now I just felt that in my heart.. and I know it is true ... but the old belief is what was driving the fear... I am not sure that it wont come up again, but I will remember this moment. Thanks G.

[Angela]

Yeah, it's not true, is it. It's just a thought in a ten-year old kid's head, and it has been running you ever since, like a ghost.

How do you react when you believe this thought, "I am unloveable"?

[garentee]

LIke the frightened kid I was at ten.. and probably before because my mom was sick for five years before she passed. Heck of an intense day today.. that much is for sure..
How do I react though? All my actions are fear based when I have that thought. I act in a scarcity mind set like there is little love to go around.. not enough around for me. But now as I just sat here realizing the absolute abundance of love within me and around me and the amount I have to give it sure does look different.Thanks for your responses Angela. G

[Honeywith4bees]

Originally Posted by garentee

I was just out doing some work in the field,

Out of curiosity G, what state are you in? I'm in Massachusetts and I was curious where you're from.

[garentee]

Nh..

[kenon]

Hi G
I have been following the thread of conversation and its nice to know that you are finally taking charge of your thoughts. A good book to read on this topic is Byron Katie's "Loving what is". She gives you four steps to finally expose every hidden fear hiding in the recesses of your mind and then helps you turn them around to become more empowered. You may or may not have read the book already. Her website is the www.thework.com
warmly
Kenon