I just need honest advice.

[cjo942]

hi there.

I just started my freshman year of high school. I left all my friends and boyfriend and moved here. I was more excited then anything to leave my home and get away from everything. It has been about a little over two months now. I know that moving away was the right decision. The past few years have been really rough. I went to two extremes in just two years of my life. Junior year, I decided that nobody cared about school and you weren't cool if you did so I never did homework and focused on spending all my time with friends. I went through a lot of pain and heartache during these years and when I look back sometimes I feel resentful cuz that was on of the best year of my lives. But when I was in it, I just wanted it to be over with. I don't know. how messed up is that? And then my best friend got sick and died within six months. Then i pushed everyone away everyone. I made myself so busy so I could forget the pain. I had no senior year. I had no friends. No one to talk to anymore. I only did school work and more school work. The only friends I do have didn't go to my high school and my boyfriend. These friends I barely saw cuz I was just so tired of being so busy all the time. I decided to move for college cuz I was just sick of everything and has to get away. Now I am here and reflecting on this all. Number 1, I don't want to ever go to either of those extremes ever again. Number 2, I don't know what to do. College kinda sucks and I miss my friends, there are NO jobs here so I have zero money. I can barely live. Everyone here goes home on the weekends and wants to hang with their friends. After last year, I became super independent so now I have that "i don't need you attitude" Another thing is that trusting everyone is hard. I don't have a car or know anyone here. If something goes bad, or I am in an uncomfortable position I can't do much. I have never really got partying out of my system, but partying with a bunch of people I hardly know and can't really trust is a bad idea. and this school I am going to is really easy and I kinda want to get a better education and go to a university. But I just don't know if going home is a good idea....or if I am giving up.
I guess what I am wondering is how did you move on from the past? how did you find yourself? how did you adapt to a new situations? if everything seems to be going wrong is that a sign this is not the place for me? I am getting super anxiety about all of this. There is so much i want, yet i feel so limited here and trapped.

[cjo942]

ok so that was a little overwhelming...but how to you guys deal with anxiety? and constant analyzing and worrying about this decision you have to make about what to do with the rest of your life and everything you do you will either regret or be happy with? how to decide what is right for you and where you should go? do you ever know who you really are? or do you always just have some "generalization" of you? is this life just a constant "oops! i made a mistake. let's readjust and fix it." will people ever grow up? do you ever feel peace??

[silicon toad2000]

I can't identify too much with going through a friends death, at that point in time. I had a freind commit suicide, but I was in my early 20's by that stage.
I view life as a bit of a fast flowing river. Don't try and swim upstream, just let it take you on your journey. Just make small shifts in the stream and the currents will take you a different way. Things like reading through this website, learning what life has to teach..., they'll all slightly reposition you in the stream.
Remember also that everyone else is in the river with you, life will continuously bring you in contact with new people. When you bump into new people in the river, say hello. Keep a hold of (keep in contact with) people you want to be friends with and let the stream carry you away from people you don't.
One of the major problems i have with schools is the importance they mistakely place on the decisions you make at that point in your life. We are all constantly making decisions and direction adjustments in life. If you were to ask any sucessful person if they could not have got to where they are if they had left school early and returned to study either part time or full time after some experience in the workforce, I would almost guarantee you would have very few people tell you they could not.
Seriously, even if you make an absolute ball tearer of a mistake it's unlikely to drag you down for the rest of your life. However if you do not learn from the mistake, and remeber that we generally learn more from our mistakes than from our successes, then you have a problem.