looking for new ways to improve social/religious growth

[Colin Pedicini]

This is my first post so I'm a bit nervous...

I come at this from a somewhat unique perspective...3 months premature birth leading to cerebral palsy on left side. As such I've never been an athlete. This is how I became a Christian...I wouldn't be here if it weren't for God. I'm fairly new with first service Jan 8 and baptism Jun 5, both this year. I've written reviews of all of these at my website.

I've had people say I'm very loyal and even remark I'd be good at remembering anniversaries, but when I try and open up, they turn off, even those single.

1) Most of the time the conversation ends whenever I'm asked to name my majors (math and history). The perception seems to be that I'm too busy to get to know. When I went through one such stretch, I completely shut down for two weeks 9though since returned to normal) and now, six weeks later, people are still talking about it. (Most often I'm first asked if I'm still busy or skipping meals to study.)

2) I'm skinny so I eat plenty, but the palsy means I need 45 minutes to eat a full meal--and that's without talking. I've got issues there. Just today (Nov 4) I ended up at three different tables...it seems most aren't interested in a deep conversation or don't have longer than 5 minutes.

3) Just stopping and trying to talk to folks...most of the time they're not interested and the conversation ends after three seconds.

4) As mentioned...when I say I'll call or write, I always do, but usually that's it from them. (Most of the time I don't get a follow-up response.)

5) It seems as though most of my church networks keep multiplying and splitting (which is good) but this means my social networks constantly shift every three weeks so I've barely grown at all this semester. I've been trying to remedy but the response has been "we'll wait until next semester." That's January 18! I'm a bit weary when someone says "I'll write you back" because the vast majority of the time this does not happen.

All of this leads to...I'm having one of those midlife crises where I'm not sure whether I should do math, history, law, or the ministry. You can extend this to faith as well...I'm having a hard time believing the words of Jeremiah 29:11.

My biggest concern is not having an accountability partner I can actually *know* on a deep level. We're also at the point where it seems my entire support network has completely fallen apart, and even where I have success I'm almost never in the loop.

Suggestions?

[annie]

Hi Colin....welcome aboard.

Just read your post and am wondering a few things.

1) how old are you? are you living away from home to attend college?


Can I be blunt? As I'm sure you're painfully aware...your age-group is not the best at handling individuals with handicaps. So all that I read makes me feel sad for you. And I hope with all my heart that you know...it's NOT you...it's them!

You do sound loyal....being your word when you say you'll write or call. Some...(dang) young people just aren't their word...so kudos to you for that! ( I really don't mean to "dis" young people, just know I'm talking about SOME!...like the ones you're talking about)

I'm sensing that you'd be happy with just one or two really cool and loyal friends. I'm not sure the school cafeteria is the best place to look.

Have you tried the Library? What about in class...can you study with someone?

Everyone has gifts....what are your special gifts? Maybe there is another one that you could offer...like the gift of "validating" or complimenting others. Noticing them. Everyone loves attention.

Hang in there buddy. You just need to keep on...keeping on.

I'm sorry the religious affiliation isn't working out. Do you dare approach your minister and talk to him about your discouragement. I bet he could set you up with an accountability partner....or help you out with the church networking disappointments.

I'm sorry I don't know more, but I felt impressed to let you know that at least I care...and I feel confident to say that I'm sure there are many others on this board that do also.

Maybe you can find a little support here also.

annie

[Colin Pedicini]

Originally Posted by annie

how old are you? are you living away from home to attend college?

I'm 20, a college sophomore double majoring in math and history, and live away from home. I don't drink or smoke (I'll faint if around smoke for more than 5 minutes.)

Originally Posted by annie

Have you tried the Library? What about in class...can you study with someone?

I've tried those both with minimal success. Seems as if I don't fit any of the cliques so even if I open up, no one wants to study with me. It's almost as if only at my crisis points do people actually notice...well after I'd prefer.

I should point out that I tried networking with student government all of last year with the same results.

I'll definitely talk to my pastor at 0830 services Sunday morning.

For the loyalty issue, this is the major reason why most of my support groups are older. But they always fade the moment romance enters the equation. As for keeping on...I'm trying, but I've had people tell me that for five years, at least. The cerebral palsy doesn't help here, but that's out of my hands.

As for my gifts, I write/speak well, the major reason behind developing my website and writing commentaries on the religious services.