ways to heal old wounds

[garentee]

Hi All,
I have been chewing on some pretty intense fears that arise as a result of my old wounds. My fear of abandonment /rejection is the strongest one. Many who have read my posts will note that my mom passing on when I was ten is the big wound. I know that all too well. When reading over what I have been writing in my journal lately I notice that I am repeating myself in my knowledge of these old wounds. I was wondering if there are some ways to release the old pains to facilitate some of the healing? I realize it is a long process.. but I have things I want to do in life that are compromised by this wound. I know it can and will be healed.. it may never be complete and thats ok, but since it does affect my relationships I have to do a little more to reduce its impact on my life....
Just for the record I have been spending some time with a new woman and the fears are bubbling up to the surface.. I know that they have NOTHING to do with her, and this is all my issue.. I have not acted out of fear too much during this time, but have noted the fear as it comes and goes. The fear is my signal that I need to heal this wound.. It does not matter if I am spending time with her or not. I just have to do it ... thanks for your input. G

[WordKeeper]

I find myself drawn to posts such as yours because I have been working diligently for years to overcome siginificant childhood wounds that have completely immobilized me. In the past two years I have finally begun a true healing process that if freeing me. But your post of all the ones I have responded to really catches my attention b/c I have a young son whose father died when he was an infant and I know that at some point he will be dealing with similar issues as you describe.

My husband and I both experienced serious abandonment issues. I came from an affluent family and my parents are still living but while they were physically present they were emotionally absent and psychologically cruel. As a consequence, I have gone out in to the world unconsciously expecting rejection and abandonment and I can look back and see how I actually acted in such a way as to ensure that those wounds would be repeated over and over again.

I will give a brief description of a technique I have used. I have found that experiences that I have in life today actually trigger the old original abandonment/sabotage wounds. When I feel abandoned or rejected today, even in very casual ways such as someone I don't know turning away from me mid-sentence I can take that experience and work on it later to connect it to a similar experience with my mothers abandonment. The pain is indescribable but making the connection between present life and past original pain and re-experiencing the pain is profoundly healing.

The next step I use is a visualization - especially if the abandonment/rejection I am experiencing is with a person or persons I encounter regularly over time. I spend time each and every day envisioning myself being accepted by them and accepting them. I am astonished at how difficult this can be and how remarkably it changes with regular practise.

If either of those two suggestions appeal to you give them a try. Good luck to you. I admire your determination and believe you are on the right road. - WK

[PetraPortland]

Originally Posted by garentee

Hi All,
I have been chewing on some pretty intense fears that arise as a result of my old wounds. My fear of abandonment /rejection is the strongest one. The fear is my signal that I need to heal this wound...thanks for your input. G

Hi Garentee - I'm recommending a technique that may help you but I can't 100% promise you it will. I'm aware no one technique works for everyone & it's about finding a tool that gets results for you.

Have you ever come accross EFT (emotional freedom technique)? This techniqe removes all the 'negative' emotions (fear, anxiety) that stop you from moving forward. You are left with your memories but there is no emotion left in it.

My husband is an EFT Practitioner so I've been breathing it the last 7 years. He's worked with rape victims, anxiety & panic attacks, phobias, stopping smoking, money issues. His webiste is a huge resource with a heap of information - EFT Therapy - Emotional Freedom Techniques Information, Resources, DVDs and more

You could take a look at his website to see if you felt this techniqe could help you. If so try looking for an EFT Therapist in your area. If not, it is my best suggestion.

[garentee]

Thanks for you posts.I am looking into all the suggestions that were given.

OK for now though I am going to get cathartic: I am done with the fear of abandonment. I am done being afraid of the love that I will not get. In the first place however it is not all about me getting love.. It is about me giving that love that I have in my heart. For there is plenty for me to give. So the fear is really the pain from my mother dying when I was young and what I did when I was young was take take take take take... thats all I knew how to do. I cannot go any further just taking it feels wrong I have a lot to give and give I will. This fear stops me in my tracks because it is so ingrained. so darn heavily ingrained and I need to stop. STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!taking and living in fear of something that is not a truth. The way to truly feel love as I see it right now at this very moment is to give give give what you create create create. as I sit here almost in tears just feeling this I have to keep on giving giving giving. That is my truth for now. I know it is the key and will stop this pain. It is only now begginning to surface and I know all the heartache that I have felt in the past is from this serious serious wound. Losing the love at such a young age the only unconditional love I ever knew or have known is a traumatic event and I know though that I just have to have enough faith that I can be that person that can give that selflessly and not expect anything in return. I know this because yes I have received it when I was young. I am still reeling 31 years later from the shock of losing that. But I often tell friends that the love that they have lost is still there if you remember the person or think of the person. I need to take my own advice. I always do this though when I get close to someone that I want to be with. I fear that they too will leave. I have been with enough women to know though that there will always be more coming right behind them with new levels of love that they can give. I really am begining to understand the whole giving and not expecting anything in return. It is the ultimate act of faith which I want to make a daily practice.There is so much love to be given its just that the fear stops it dead in its track. Fear keeps you from being in the present because it is fear of future events based on the past and neither of those exist. I know this deep in my soul now. There is only now. there is only now there is only now. It is so incredible to be able to say this and know this and know that really everything will be just fine and dandy if I just stay present. I do not mind feeling this pain.. It is instructive. I feel it and then I move through it and then I act. I am getting stronger by the minute. I am growing. It is so invigorating. I was going to write this in my journal but I thought it would be much better to just let the world know exactly where I am at. I may actually start doing this more frequently because I am not afraid to share the private part of myself with people any longer. I will always have myself and I am absolutely fine with sharing. Thanks for reading. Love G

[ar81]

Fear is not real.
You can pass though it and when you do there is nothing behind.

[garentee]

Originally Posted by ar81

Fear is not real.
You can pass though it and when you do there is nothing behind.

I have been realizing this.. I know that it is just False Evidence Appearing Real... That said though It is so strong sometimes that it seems real and thus perception being reality and all it does become rather perplexing.. I find when I do take the tact of passing through the fear it does disappear..I am trying to befriend my fear and use it as an indicator that I need to work on something. Thanks G