Life purpose, depression, and happiness

[odlantern]

I was reading Steven's blog about how depression is essentially a warning signal that our life is in the wrong place and headed in the wrong direction; perhaps we made the wrong choices. To me, this seemed like a refreshing and rudimentary statement, a complete reversal of direction from my prominent mindset of late born from the information I have been fed about chemical imbalances, not being grateful for what you have, and so forth. This simple statement really resonated with me. Finding this blog randomly on the web is how I ended up on this forum. This is my first post.

I'm ashamed to admit, up until recently, I had been seriously considering suicide. I made detailed plans, purchased mortgage protection insurance, looked up my student loans to see what would happen to them if I die. It took me months to obtain what I needed to make the final seemingly comforting escape as it is extremely difficult to obtain. I now know that suicide is not the answer. It was a battle between logic and emotion. Emotion was much stronger, but logic ultimately won. I realized that if I were to commit suicide, I would not be ridding the pain. I would just be transferring it to other people; my family and friends, the people who know me and care for me. So, perhaps, there is no net benefit.

If any of you feel suicidal, before you act in any way, please talk to me. Send me a message. I know what it is like, and hopefully I can help.

But enough about me. How do you find the right path in life to be happy? Sometimes it is just not obvious that something is making you unhappy. It can be a good thing, but maybe just the wrong good thing. Maybe something is just missing. Perhaps there is a true life purpose that is not being met. It can be tough when people tell you that you should be happy because you have so many great things, a well respected job as a senior mathematician for the government, a nice house, caring family, etc. (ok that was a little more about me). What techniques do you use to find the answers to these soul searching questions? How do you find the balance between learning to be grateful for what you have and seeking further happiness by change? Can there be a balance between these two dichotomies?

Regards,
odlantern

[gr8tocre8]

Thank you so much for your courage and honesty. And good job on attracting this forum into your life!

There is an AMAZING resource for what you're asking, and it is by Steve Pavlina himself. Here's a link:

How to discover your life purpose in about 20 minutes

VERY powerful, lifechanging excercise.

[WordKeeper]

people tell you that you should be happy What do they know and why are you listening to them? They are not standing in your shoes! More accurately they could say that you should be grateful because of what you have but being grateful and being happy are two different things.

How do you find the balance between learning to be grateful for what you have and seeking further happiness by change? The irony is that being grateful for what you have actually opens the door to receiving what it is that you want.

What you resist persists. If you resist what you have, it will persist. If you are thankful for what you have you can move on. Get it?

[mercuryrising]

What is it that stopped you from committing suicide?

[Revolution]

Life purpose, depression, and happiness

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I was reading Steven's blog about how depression is essentially a warning signal that our life is in the wrong place and headed in the wrong direction; perhaps we made the wrong choices. To me, this seemed like a refreshing and rudimentary statement, a complete reversal of direction from my prominent mindset of late born from the information I have been fed about chemical imbalances, not being grateful for what you have, and so forth. This simple statement really resonated with me. Finding this blog randomly on the web is how I ended up on this forum. This is my first post.

I'm ashamed to admit, up until recently, I had been seriously considering suicide. I made detailed plans, purchased mortgage protection insurance, looked up my student loans to see what would happen to them if I die. It took me months to obtain what I needed to make the final seemingly comforting escape as it is extremely difficult to obtain. I now know that suicide is not the answer. It was a battle between logic and emotion. Emotion was much stronger, but logic ultimately won. I realized that if I were to commit suicide, I would not be ridding the pain. I would just be transferring it to other people; my family and friends, the people who know me and care for me. So, perhaps, there is no net benefit.

If any of you feel suicidal, before you act in any way, please talk to me. Send me a message. I know what it is like, and hopefully I can help.

But enough about me. How do you find the right path in life to be happy? Sometimes it is just not obvious that something is making you unhappy. It can be a good thing, but maybe just the wrong good thing. Maybe something is just missing. Perhaps there is a true life purpose that is not being met. It can be tough when people tell you that you should be happy because you have so many great things, a well respected job as a senior mathematician for the government, a nice house, caring family, etc. (ok that was a little more about me). What techniques do you use to find the answers to these soul searching questions? How do you find the balance between learning to be grateful for what you have and seeking further happiness by change? Can there be a balance between these two dichotomies?

Regards,
odlantern

Nice post.

Yes, I also believe that if your suffering from ongoing depression then it is a signal that you are living out of alignment with your true spiritual nature.

Too many people try to medicate these symptoms with tablets or other fix-it techniques like "being positive" or "looking-on-the-bright-side". But that side steps the real issues at hand.

How do you know if something is good for you or not? Check into your feelings. That is the key.

[odlantern]

Thanks for the responses.

What is it that stopped you from committing suicide?

My sister and Dad noticed there was something wrong (I am single, 27) as I had lost a lot of weight (around 15lbs, and I was already pretty thin) due to the depression and having no appetite. I guess my behavior must have been revealing. They sent me to the hospital late one night. This is the first time anything like this has every happened to me. I had actually planned on committing suicide 2 days after they had sent me to the hospital. I still had things that needed to be closed in my life. After being in the hospital for a week and being with people in a similar situation, I thought I could fight it out. Before going to the hospital, I had never told anyone of my plans. At the hospital i ended up telling a councilor after I had changed my mind. After getting out of the hospital, I was pretty sure I would never commit suicide. Now, when the despair gets too great, I keep going back. It seems easy when you have a means and all the plans are done.

What you resist persists. If you resist what you have, it will persist. If you are thankful for what you have you can move on. Get it?

Wordkeeper, this sounds a lot like the law of attraction.

gr8tocre8, thanks for the resource. I had actually tried this with no luck. Perhaps I will try it again.

I know if I am to have any chance, I need a very drastic change in my life. I know with 100% certainty that if I make the required changes I could be very happy again. I noticed that when I was at the hospital and trying to help other people, I was really happy. Perhaps, I will try to become a councilor. Sorry this post is so self centered. I hate to be all me, me, me, me....

[odlantern]

gr8tocre8,

I just tried that exercise again. Here is what I ended up with, short and sweet.

'To learn and grow'.

This will be difficult to explain but here goes. And, I realize that I am kind of going across topic here, but I guess I already did that with the thread title.

I believe that we are here on this earth to grow in some way. Not in some superficial way such as learning how to ski, to play the piano, to socialize very well, etc. but in a much deeper more fundamental way that persists after our death. Our consciousness which exists outside of the specific and all encompassing experience derived from our bodies and our senses is continually evolving. For an example of how we are so limited in our experiences by our current situation, try imagining a new color, or even a completely new sense. This limitation along with our experiences both negative and positive help us grow in our awareness and consciousness. Of course, this is probably just a contrived justification for all of the bad things that happen to people. I.e. someone goes through hell, but it really made his/her character grow! I guess it is just a way of adding fairness to the world. Who knows.

[gr8tocre8]

Originally Posted by odlantern

gr8tocre8,

I just tried that exercise again. Here is what I ended up with, short and sweet.

'To learn and grow'.

Something tells me that this didn't make you cry - correct me if I'm wrong. Learning and growing is pretty much everyone's broader purpose. There is a part of you that does not want you to get what your life purpose is this time around. Steve talks about that in that blog.

Do the exercise again , but this time set an intention - postulate that you will not stop until you have it. Then, don't stop until the tears are flowing and you KNOW beyond the shadow of any doubt that you got it.

The only reason anyone does not succeed with this excercise is because their subconscious counter-intentive programming is stronger than their conscious desire to succeed with it.

[mercuryrising]

Originally Posted by odlantern

Thanks for the responses.


My sister and Dad noticed there was something wrong (I am single, 27) as I had lost a lot of weight (around 15lbs, and I was already pretty thin) due to the depression and having no appetite. I guess my behavior must have been revealing. They sent me to the hospital late one night. This is the first time anything like this has every happened to me. I had actually planned on committing suicide 2 days after they had sent me to the hospital. I still had things that needed to be closed in my life. After being in the hospital for a week and being with people in a similar situation, I thought I could fight it out. Before going to the hospital, I had never told anyone of my plans. At the hospital i ended up telling a councilor after I had changed my mind. After getting out of the hospital, I was pretty sure I would never commit suicide. Now, when the despair gets too great, I keep going back. It seems easy when you have a means and all the plans are done.

I know that my depression is often associated with a lack of purpose. When the thought of suicide has crossed my mind, I think of my children, my family and friends. People give me purpose. I think life is about people and not things.

However I may die, I don't want people to stand around and say, "He was really good at his job, but he sure did whine a lot..." or "He had so much money, but what an *******."

Maybe your purpose is to help others get out of depression. You are proof that a person can get through such a state of being and live to tell about it. A side benefit would be that you feel better about yourself and you've got a reason to be here.

[Maguru]

Originally Posted by mercuryrising

I know that my depression is often associated with a lack of purpose. When the thought of suicide has crossed my mind, I think of my children, my family and friends. People give me purpose. I think life is about people and not things.

However I may die, I don't want people to stand around and say, "He was really good at his job, but he sure did whine a lot..." or "He had so much money, but what an *******."

Maybe your purpose is to help others get out of depression. You are proof that a person can get through such a state of being and live to tell about it. A side benefit would be that you feel better about yourself and you've got a reason to be here.

I whole-heartedly agree it is people and not things that give you purpose.

[odlantern]

Something tells me that this didn't make you cry - correct me if I'm wrong.

You are not wrong. I've been unable to cry for a long time now. However, even though my answer might not be specific enough, I do very strongly believe in it.

Learning and growing is pretty much everyone's broader purpose.

What makes you say this? Do you believe that everyone is here to learn and grow, but everyone has a specific purpose, call it 'life theme' from which to grow by? Or, do you believe something different?

I know that my depression is often associated with a lack of purpose.

This absolutely hits the nail on the head.

Sylvia Brown seems to have the same belief as me. We all have our own 'life theme' to live and grow by. However, I believe that it is more than this. I think that in our current state we can't fully understand the life purpose anchored in our thinking, senses and the concept of time as we are. Growing and learning represents change, and that is dependent on time.

[Lauxa]

Hey there odlantern,

Sounds to me that you don't really know what you want. I have been playing with Negative affirmations for 10 weeks now and from Day 1 I found they helped me get tremendous insight into what I really wanted. The longer I use them, the more clarity I get.

[Mark Dykeman]

Odlantern, I just wanted to acknowledge your courage in telling the people in these forums about your situation.

Sometimes I use some of M. Scott Peck's ideas about love as the fuel to provide discipline and to help push through difficult things (this is my paraphrasing of part of the message of The Road Less Travelled).

[odlantern]

After some soul searching, I figured out the first change I need to make. I'm quite unhappy with the way I look and this has been a real emotional downer for me especially with the recent drastic weight loss. This has been a life long problem for me. I was very skinny throughout my life. Starting today I am going to get back into bodybuilding. I plan on gaining 30lbs over the course of 6 months (1.2 lbs a week approx) shooting for a hopeful ratio of 4:1 lean body mass gains. 23-26 lbs muscle, with maybe 5-8 lbs fat is a reasonable goal provided I do a clean bulk. I'll use my programming experience from my job to create a detailed VBA driven spreadsheet, keep track of diet, body fat percentages, macro-nutrients, the whole nine yards. This is making me happy... To some this may seem like a shallow pursuit, but I think this is part of my life purpose. The exercise and healthy diet should help with the physical side of my depression as well.

[August]

Hi Odlantern,

I also want to thank you for sharing your story

Have you read Steve's blog Follow Your Heartbreak? It is also about Life purpose and I found it a lot more helpful than the Life Purpose in 20 minutes blog.

In another thread Steve wrote:

Instead of asking "What is my life purpose?" try rephrasing the question. Ask yourself, "What breaks my heart?"

You'll find as I have that the source of your greatest sorrow is also your greatest joy

I think working on your physical health/body is a good place to start. You could do a 30 day Trial of it and post about it on the forums.
I don't know about you, but there have been many times when I've felt v.down about my body and then decided I was going to do a tough exercise/diet plan. I would give up a few days later, feeling even worse.. don't be too hard on yourself. Good luck.

[gr8tocre8]

Originally Posted by odlantern

You are not wrong. I've been unable to cry for a long time now. However, even though my answer might not be specific enough, I do very strongly believe in it.


What makes you say this? Do you believe that everyone is here to learn and grow, but everyone has a specific purpose, call it 'life theme' from which to grow by? Or, do you believe something different?

You got it. Everyone's authentic, spiritual broader purpose is to learn and grow. OR, one might say that our purpose is really to experience joy by living in the moment - a byproduct of that kind of being is learning and growing.