Cocaine-Alcohol-Over-Spending

[andersonx]

Hi

I'm a 23 year old guy, I'm quite wealthy financially due to career success in the finance industry. I've got very good relationships with my girlfriend, family and friends - there are a lot of people who are very close to me. I'm very happy, and feel like generally my life is progressing like a dream.

I eat very healthily all week, and have a planned, balanced diet.

But there is a problem: perhaps 3 nights a week I like to party. Thurs, Fri and Saturday. Perhaps 1 of those nights will be a heavy night where I do coke and stay up till 4.30am and drink a lot. The other nights I'll go dancing, have a few beers, and just generally go wild and enjoy myself, won't do coke.

So I'm drinking 3 nights a week, and on one of those 3 nights a week I also do coke.

The problem is I a) don't think these nights have a good effect on my health, and b) I really suffer financially from them. I do whatever I want to impulsively on these evenings. c) they mess me up emotionally sometimes the next day, but generally I'm just a little strung out, nothing I can't handle.

I don't think it's the coke, or alcohol that I'm addicted to individually. It's a combination of:
a) the wild, delirious pleasure of completely surrendering myself to my impulses
b) the barriers that break down between people on these evenings. People tell the truth about how they feel about you, losing their reserve, and I find you have strange moments of clarity and truth, where amongst my friends we open our hearts and minds to each other: we can forget about our reserves and worries of the day.
c) obviously the feeling from the substances themselves is very enjoyable

The result is, I feel better for days after these events, and I enjoy the rollercoaster of emotions. I perform better in my job, I find it easier to connect with people, and such wild and exciting fun carries my mind away from petty concerns and onto a bigger picture.

You can see how conflicted I am. Sometimes I discipline myself for months on end, and really see some productive results: feeling very clear headed, better of financially etcetera. But I have a very highly strung personality, and can be quite moody with other people or withdrawn, I find these issues really come back when I stop going out to enjoy the fun. Additionally, I'd sacrifice the times I'd have with friends that I genuinely love, who've helped me deeply in different times of my life. I don't believe in choosing your peer group, I think with your superficial friends you can, but I believe you have connections with other souls: those ones you feel deep love for, that support you and help you. I have friends like this (including my brother) and we all go out to enjoy this wild pleasure together.

My friends would still call me and want to meet up, if I quite substances, but the ecstacy we've shared together would be gone, and I'd be like a wild horse than can no longer run with it's herd.

I've gone for spiritual guidance, I've spoken to my parents, no advice I've received has really been clear or understanding. I mainly rely on myself to provide answers, since I've proved successful in all/most other areas of my life.

I just don't know what to do here, and I'd welcome advice from you all.

[Drulian]

Andersonx,

I understand what you're going through, as I have some behavior that I feel give me a benefit or better connections with people, yet are destructive to other areas of my life.

All that I can say is that you should consult your own values. To quote Ayn Rand:
"Contradictions do not exist. Whenever you think that you are facing a contradiction, check your premises. You will find that one of them is wrong."

If you feel that an action you take supports one of your values but is opposition to another, chances are that one of them is wrong.

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by andersonx

You can see how conflicted I am. Sometimes I discipline myself for months on end, and really see some productive results: feeling very clear headed, better of financially etcetera. But I have a very highly strung personality, and can be quite moody with other people or withdrawn, I find these issues really come back when I stop going out to enjoy the fun.

Perhaps your wild night of fun are an escape mechanism to avoid having to confront said issues. Maybe what you're addicted to is the avoidance of your high-strung moody self. Often our greatest neurosis are hidden inside our most tightly-held values. That's why so few people are able to deal with their issues; because it's extraordinarily difficult to admit that the thing one is most proud of is the thing that is destroying them. It's hard to face a problem when it's disguised as the solution.

[JorgeHTQH]

There's an old saying;

You are what you eat.

You can apply that to most things in life in the fact that you are or you become what you take into your body.

If you watch porn all day long eventually you will become a pervert.

If you drink all the time you will become a drunk.

If you get high all the time you will become an addict.

If you eat junk food all the time you become junk.

If you listen to crazy music you will start to live that lifestyle.

Now, I know your not there yet and maybe you have some self control but what you do in your life difines who you are. And the fact that you are seeking guidance shows that you are not really this guy who enjoys doing coke.

I know, it's enjoyable, it's fun, especially if you have enough coke to last you all night and then some... I've been there, coke, heroin, exstacy, weed, mesc, hash, you name it i've done it, other than lcd. i haven't done lsd and never will.

I don't get high anymore period.

But when i used to do coke, i would hate it when it ran out and ended up doing crazy things to get money for more. It was far worse with the heroin and took hard work to quit. But that gave me an addictive personality.. Today I am still struggling but only with cigerrettes because of my addictive personality.

Me personally, I no longer hang out with people who do any type of drugs. I don't care if it's weed or x. I don't care if it's my dad or my cousin, I just won't do it.

My mom always told me; tell me who you hang out with and I'll tell you who you are.

My advice to you is quit the coke completely, stop haning out at bars and clubs. There's nothing good out there. Stop haning out with people who do coke or any kind of drugs.

DO hang out with good moral people, friends and family members who hate drugs.

We all know whats right and whats wrong and you know very well it's wrong to do coke or any kind of drugs for that matter.

There is NO way you will become a better peson by doing any kind of drugs, especially coke... You will eventually, in time, become a a more imoral, corrupt and untrustworthy person.

Remember, either way, we always reap what we sow. You do what is wrong and eventually it will come back to you.

One day you may have a son and then he too will be getting high, ending up in jail etc.. don't fool yourself it happens. And when it does, it will hurt you real bad.

So quit it all while you still can before it's too late. You can end up in jail for possesion. That may end up being part of your reaping. You may end up in the hospital. You may end up an addict... it's all a matter of time..

Or.. you may end up a moral decent man who doesn't go anywhere around drugs of any kind and becomes a good example for our children today...

Eitherway the choice is up to you. Choose the wrong way and you will eventually pay the price. Choose the right way and you will eventually be rewarded.

You know what to do. So like Nike says, Just Do It!

[Stephen]

You are 23. It's understandable that at that age you will do things that you will cringe at when you look back when you are 40.

Look; it's not difficult to know the solution. The question is, are you prepared to be clean and at the same time lose some friends?

Sometimes that's what it takes.

Are your friends of similar ilk? Do they cage you or free you?

Many people are scared to be singled out as a '*****' or a freak. Are you?

[wolfgang]

Originally Posted by andersonx

But there is a problem: perhaps 3 nights a week I like to party. Thurs, Fri and Saturday. Perhaps 1 of those nights will be a heavy night where I do coke and stay up till 4.30am and drink a lot. The other nights I'll go dancing, have a few beers, and just generally go wild and enjoy myself, won't do coke.

So I'm drinking 3 nights a week, and on one of those 3 nights a week I also do coke.

Awareness of it being a problem is a step in the direction of stepping out of it. Imagine what it would be like if you didn't see a problem with it all.

The problem is I a) don't think these nights have a good effect on my health, and b) I really suffer financially from them. I do whatever I want to impulsively on these evenings. c) they mess me up emotionally sometimes the next day, but generally I'm just a little strung out, nothing I can't handle.

These are serious issues you identified. You aren't handling them or you wouldn't have listed them as problems.

I don't think it's the coke, or alcohol that I'm addicted to individually. It's a combination of:
a) the wild, delirious pleasure of completely surrendering myself to my impulses
b) the barriers that break down between people on these evenings. People tell the truth about how they feel about you, losing their reserve, and I find you have strange moments of clarity and truth, where amongst my friends we open our hearts and minds to each other: we can forget about our reserves and worries of the day.
c) obviously the feeling from the substances themselves is very enjoyable

There's a statement of Individually addiction made with "c" there. See it? The other things are not coke or alcohol related - "a" and "b" can be had regardless of substances.

The result is, I feel better for days after these events, and I enjoy the rollercoaster of emotions. I perform better in my job, I find it easier to connect with people, and such wild and exciting fun carries my mind away from petty concerns and onto a bigger picture.

You can see how conflicted I am. Sometimes I discipline myself for months on end, and really see some productive results: feeling very clear headed, better of financially etcetera. But I have a very highly strung personality, and can be quite moody with other people or withdrawn, I find these issues really come back when I stop going out to enjoy the fun.

But some of these "issues" sound positive - clear headed, better $$ flow...

Additionally, I'd sacrifice the times I'd have with friends that I genuinely love, who've helped me deeply in different times of my life. I don't believe in choosing your peer group, I think with your superficial friends you can, but I believe you have connections with other souls: those ones you feel deep love for, that support you and help you. I have friends like this (including my brother) and we all go out to enjoy this wild pleasure together.

Challenge them to a sober night out. If they are soul mates - then they would understand what you are saying about all the substance use.

My friends would still call me and want to meet up, if I quite substances, but the ecstacy we've shared together would be gone, and I'd be like a wild horse than can no longer run with it's herd.

The herd might be headed for a cliff.

I've gone for spiritual guidance, I've spoken to my parents, no advice I've received has really been clear or understanding. I mainly rely on myself to provide answers, since I've proved successful in all/most other areas of my life.

I just don't know what to do here, and I'd welcome advice from you all.

No advice has been clear? Really? Or just choosing to see people's responses that way? What will you do with responses you get here?

[andersonx]

Thanks a lot for your advice everyone, each individual post made me think about this. Especially the Ayn Rand quote Drulian, I read a lot of Aynd Rand, and that made me think about what kind of person I want to be.

I think I just need to try harder to find a new and better level in my life, where alcohol and drugs just don't need to be part of the equation.

I'm working on some ideas, and will see what I come up with.

[Dward]

Hi Andersonx,

I have had this problem myself and I know many people who are still in the same boat as you.

My solution to this problem was to give up alcohol completely. In my opinion, alcohol is the root cause of all your problems. You see, when we drink alcohol, all of our common sense goes out the window and we do silly things that we would never do in a sober state of mind. Then we wake up the next day and face the consequences which might include: spending money that we haven't got; making complete fools out of ourselves; being unable to go to work; feeling hopeless and depressed; and I could go on.

Cocaine only works well in conjunction with alcohol. Without alcohol you simply wouldn't enjoy cocaine anymore. Even now, I still take cocaine from time to time if it is offered to me (very occasionally), but I no longer feel compelled to spend all of my money on it.

For me, the turning point was realising that I would never be happy so long as I was drinking. I purchased a book called 'No More Hang-overs' by a guy called Alan Carr and I have been sober ever since (3 Years).

Just thought I'd share what worked for me.

[andersonx]

wow, that's totally correct.

It really is once you have a couple of beers, that everything else goes out the window too.

I forgot that last time I totally quit cocaine, and did it for a long time, it was partly by not drinking anything either.

how do you make up for the fact that you don't have the same fun times anymore?

That's something I often have a real problem with.

[Drulian]

Originally Posted by andersonx

Especially the Ayn Rand quote Drulian, I read a lot of Aynd Rand, and that made me think about what kind of person I want to be.

I'm really glad to hear that. Rand's work has been a rare gem for me. Even when I disagree with some of her ideas, I respect the logic and themes that went into forming them.

[andersonx]

Yeah, that is how I feel.

Personally I do not agree with her philosophy particularly her anti-altruism and pro self-gain, it's slightly wrong-headed.

However we should all draw inspiration from the central characters of Atlas Shrugged, Hank Rearden, Francisco D'Anconia, Midas Mulligan, etcetera.

When working late at night at my desk, to close a deal, I've often thought of those characters and they've spurred me on.

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by andersonx

Yeah, that is how I feel.

Personally I do not agree with her philosophy particularly her anti-altruism and pro self-gain, it's slightly wrong-headed.

However we should all draw inspiration from the central characters of Atlas Shrugged, Hank Rearden, Francisco D'Anconia, Midas Mulligan, etcetera.

When working late at night at my desk, to close a deal, I've often thought of those characters and they've spurred me on.

Do you remember the scene in "The Fountainhead" when Howard Roark is at the site where is first structure is being built, and he sees the car full of young adults driving off to escape from the boredom of everyday life at a picnic or some such? Do you see any parallels between yourself and the people in the car?

[Call me Boges]

go easy on the coke bro

it is truly a scumbag drug my friend.

[Dward]

The reason why we drink, party, take drugs, etc… is simply because we want to be happy. Unfortunately, when we seek to enjoy ourselves with sense pleasures the happiness we get is short lived and then we have to face the other side of the coin and endure the pain. So you see, the whole thing is really just a trap that actually takes us further away from our true objective - lasting peace and happiness.

The way I see it, the ‘fun times’ are just the bait that keep you hooked in a cycle of misery; happy for a few fleeting hours and then depressed for maybe days afterwards. Don’t get me wrong: Alcohol does have a certain pleasure that you can’t really obtain in any other way but IMO there are just too many negatives to make it worthwhile. On the other hand, sobriety has countless high-quality benefits, including: freedom from hangovers; freedom from being out of control and doing stupid things; and freedom from wasting money. Most importantly, sobriety is the key to a happiness that is permanent and not fleeting.

I can’t really tell you ‘how’ to give up Alcohol; what I will say is that it is a clear choice between the fun and excitement (but also the misery) of drinking on the one hand, and the unblemished peace and quiet of not drinking on the other. I simply got to the point in my life where I realised that I wanted peace and quiet more than anything else and took steps to achieve that.

Best Wishes

[funchy]

You don't think you're an addict, but you describe an addiction. The continued use is justified by how it "helps you in other parts of your life", which is just a rationalization for your irrational attraction to the partying.

This isn't a game. You will end up in jail, in the hospital, or dead if things don't change. Heart attack, heart damage, and strokes are far higher risks for people on coke. People on coke are likely to mess with IV drug use, and then you risk hepatits and hiv. Jailtime is no fun, and a felony will ruin your career. Even if your close partying friends are cool, the people they deal with or the dealers may not be; you're at higher risk for violence, drug bust, and just general trouble.

Find new escape. Or address the reasons why you feel you need an escape. Love yourself more than you love the parties.

[andersonx]

Thanks a lot for the replies.
Dward- thanks that was very insightful.

[NeedMyCoffee]

Think of other activities that you find fun, wild and exciting that you can (should) do sober. Rock climbing, skiing, hang gliding, base jumping, spelunking, etc. The possiblities for an adreline rush are endless. Adrenaline and endorphines are a great natural high.

I wish you the best of luck.

[lejones]

Hi. I am lejones. this is my first post. I would love to share interests at a later date. Want to get some opinions from all of you. What do you know about a person with a cocaine addiction?....I have a fiance that will leave house at 2 pm and not return home at times until 4 pm the next day. Used to happen once every 6 weeks and then every 3 weeks and now it can be every week. He says he has an addiction to cocaine. Says he would never lie to me, or cheat on me, but wanted to be honest about the addiction. Says he does want to take steps to stop and get help etc. etc......Is that typical? Every time he does it, it is for hours!!! not just a couple. Am i being blind to the truth. Never done coke. Don't know what to expect etc. Please give me some feedback.

[mercuryrising]

Originally Posted by lejones

Hi. I am lejones. this is my first post. I would love to share interests at a later date. Want to get some opinions from all of you. What do you know about a person with a cocaine addiction?....I have a fiance that will leave house at 2 pm and not return home at times until 4 pm the next day. Used to happen once every 6 weeks and then every 3 weeks and now it can be every week. He says he has an addiction to cocaine. Says he would never lie to me, or cheat on me, but wanted to be honest about the addiction. Says he does want to take steps to stop and get help etc. etc......Is that typical? Every time he does it, it is for hours!!! not just a couple. Am i being blind to the truth. Never done coke. Don't know what to expect etc. Please give me some feedback.

When you do cocaine all you want to do is more cocaine. That is probably why he is gone for so long.

A couple things you should be aware of:

1. Cocaine depletes the chemicals in your brain that create pleasure. He may become un-feeling, depressed or angry for no apparent reason. He may become violent, even if he is not normally like that.

2. The urge to do more coke is very strong, but it doesn't last very long. A coke addict may want to do more the next day after doing some, but not care a week later.

3. The trigger to use is very strong. For example, just talking about cocaine or seeing a movie where people are using will trigger him to want to use.

4. Cocaine is expensive and if he has the funds available while using, he will buy more.

5. I've known many good people who lost everything including their lives to cocaine. Either they got murdered by dealers or they had a heart attack or they lost all their possessions. The stuff is very dangerous. It's like playing with fire.

6. The good news is that people can recover and live productive lives. Educate yourself about addiction and do everything you can to get him some help.

Visit this site: Cocaine Anonymous.


Or this one: Narcotics Anonymous

This is site for people who have loved ones who are addicts: Naranon

If there isn't a group for any of these organizations in your area, contact the website directly. They can help you find the help you need.

Here is a site to locate a treatment center in your area: SAMSHA


I wish you the best. And please remember that your own sanity and safety come before anything else. He sounds like a good guy, but addiction makes people do some messed up things. He might hurt you, threaten you, steal from you, destroy your finances or worse. Not because he isn't a good person, but because he has an illness. You don't have to be a victim of his problem. Sometimes, if you really love someone you have to let them go.

[RubberDuck]

My experience is that drugs is pretty much like taking a loan in the bank, it is fun, but payback time, including interests, will eventually come...

RD

[lejones]

thanks for the reply. Gives me alot to think about....one other thing i am wondering is, how much can his word be trusted...He says he would absolutely never cheat on me and that i should believe him for the fact that he is honest about telling me he has an addiction and always admits he is out doing drugs when he is doing so. I find it hard to believe that sex and drugs dont go hand in hand. however, I am not experienced with this type of thing, so i am not sure. I am willing to help him get help for the illness, not cheating though.

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by lejones

thanks for the reply. Gives me alot to think about....one other thing i am wondering is, how much can his word be trusted...He says he would absolutely never cheat on me and that i should believe him for the fact that he is honest about telling me he has an addiction and always admits he is out doing drugs when he is doing so. I find it hard to believe that sex and drugs dont go hand in hand. however, I am not experienced with this type of thing, so i am not sure. I am willing to help him get help for the illness, not cheating though.

If you can't trust his word, there's not much hope for your relationship whether he's cheating or not.