How to communicate with an emotional person

[ar81]

I met a teacher online. She wrote an article in the newspaper and I commented it.

I like computers and have argued in favor of teaching kids about how to use it, while she basically tries to say that empathy is more important than computer programming, so she prefers to teach using empathy.

I explained that computers are a must if they want to have a place in modern society. I explained that I was promoting as activist, the usage of computers for education, so in the future teachers should learn to program their own tools for kids.

She hates the idea, and she portrayed the picture of kids growing emotionally healthy without technology.

Pathetic arguments (derived from pathos) involve emotional arguments to cause a bias in an audience. She used such arguments and bashed my rationality and I could see how she tried to get me involved in a drama triangle.

When I refuted her ideas, I was clear that I aimed at her ideas, not her. Ideas are provisional. But she seems to think she is her ideas, and I presume she wanted me to indoctrinate me into her view of the world.

She felt frustrated as I kept being rational and as I pointed out that she was using pathetic arguments. I have been trying to keep myself focused.

I can feel like she is not very emotionally stable. I feel like she takes things a bit personal. Any ideas?

[Zwynd]

You may be getting caught up in the emotions of it, anyways!

Do you have to keep talking to her? Can't you just agree "this is where I stand, this is where you stand" and leave it at that? Does she continue to argue or do you have to prove to her that she is wrong?

Can't both sides be right?

Just curious here. Sounds like you want to keep arguing or you'd just let her be and carry on.

[Daphne Lim]

The problem with trying to win an argument is that somebody has to lose and nobody wants to, so both won't budge.

Do you seriously disagree with her that children need to learn empathy? She does have a point doesn't she? I mean, you are on this forum seeking the views of other empathetic PEOPLE, and not running a computer program to tell you what to do.

Saying 'you are right' puts you on the other person's side and inclines them to agree with your point of view as well. Just say 'you are right' and then ask 'so do you think children should not learn about computers at all?'

[metamorph]

Both of you got caught in the tunnel vision of each of your opinions. Both of you are right or wrong (whichever standpoint from you look at it), but instead of dancing together, each of you wanted to dance only to your own music.

[Lauxa]

It is a pet peeve of mine when people claim that they are purely "logical" and other people's opinions don't have merit because they are "emotional". Logic is just a tool. Our opinions are drawn from the vast experience that is our lives, and I happen to believe that we form opinions first and then find the arguments (logical or otherwise) to back them up.

[catherineskye]

"we form opinions first and then find the arguments (logical or otherwise) to back them up".

Very well put. Many people would have you believe their point is purely logical with little to no emotional connection to clutter their point. But the reason people often get involved in a discussion in the first place is because the topic has sparked a knee-jerk reaction based on personal experience or contentious issue.

Thank you

[ar81]

I wrote a remix of arguments presented here, saying that we both are right.
She is a teacher with teens at home and kids at school... that requires steel nerves.
I need precision at work, no chance for mistakes, for mistakes may cause huge consequences. So my brain is tired...
So a tired cold blooded brain with low emotional processing capabilities communicates with someone who has got on her nerves...
Result is a chemical reaction, oxidizer and fuel mixing up...