Negative Energy Surroundings

[RLF]

Has anyone felt like there are just some people who bring out the worst in you? OR bad things always happen when you're around certain people?

Sad to say this but my wife and my family have a negative effect on me. My family are nice people, smart and loving but its weird that strange and stressful things happen to me.

Seems like around them and my wife I seem down, stressed, tense, worried, and pissed about something.

My best times come with certain people or when I'm by myself or with my Lab Retriever..I seem happier, high spirited, meeting new people, talking more, future thoughts, visions, and good things happen.

I need to release this negative energy on me. I need to live on my own in Alaska with my dog and a cabin. I need to be alone on a mountain.

What else can I try? Books? Games? Thought processess? Just leaving them all?

I'm so tired.

[Angela]

Do yourself and your wife a favor, and leave immediately. Just take the dog and go.

Leave a note, though. Tell her about the ex-girlfriend you've been pining for, and how you've never really been your wife's partner in a loving, long-term, mutually beneficial relationship.

It's not them, RLF. It's you.

[RLF]

Angela, you can't make that quick judgement.. you have no idea what type of family my wife comes from or what personality my wife has. Have you even considered that maybe the reason why I think about my x is because my wife doesn't do it for me?

Speaking of doing it, she's not sexual, she never (i mean never) laughs.(I laugh at almost every stupid thing), she's negative about every decision, she never talks about the future, she's a "we should of" & "why didn't we" talker, she never expresses herself,

but this thread is not about her, its about the negative energy around me.

I feel so much pressure ontop of me when around her and family.

[Jarrod]

Judging by the posts so far I'm clearly missing some background information but anyway.

Originally Posted by RLF

Seems like around them and my wife I seem down, stressed, tense, worried, and pissed about something.

Here is my understanding of this whole energy thing.

People do things that give of certain impressions. Every impression is like a candle and it is sent to everyone nearby.

The candle by itself has no impact on anyone, but what always happens is that when the candle comes into contact with you it sparks alight your own candles.

So a word of anger from someone else does not 'make' you angry or pissed off, but rather it puts into place a situation in which your own anger can manifest.

The way I deal with this is two-fold. First I watch in my chest(emotions) and mind(thoughts) for incoming impressions. You can't always feel the impression but what you can pick up on is the instant that your own thoughts and emotions are triggered. At that exact instant you can let it go and be unaffected, but only if you watch closely.

The other aspect is to look at the things that are triggered inside you. You can grab an intuitive understanding of these things over time as you continually let them go but sometimes it is useful to put aside some time to directly explore them.

What you can do is sit alone somewhere, close your eyes and imagine a situation where you own anger appeared or you got pissed off. Imagine it and see all the things that were going on inside you. Look at them and try to understand them, see why they exist and if they are really necessary.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by RLF

Angela, you can't make that quick judgement.. you have no idea what type of family my wife comes from or what personality my wife has. Have you even considered that maybe the reason why I think about my x is because my wife doesn't do it for me?

Speaking of doing it, she's not sexual, she never (i mean never) laughs.(I laugh at almost every stupid thing), she's negative about every decision, she never talks about the future, she's a "we should of" & "why didn't we" talker, she never expresses herself...

Sure I can, but it's an evaluation, not a judgement. I am not judging you -- but I am saying that what you have said here is enough for me to evaluate that you should leave, for your own sake and for your wife's.

You married a woman who maybe doesn't do it for you, who is not sexual, who never (you mean never) laughs, who is negative about every decision, who never talks about the future, you have so much pressure around her and her family, etc... never once do you mention that you love or admire her. Not only that, but you consider some other woman to be your soul mate.

You have only complaints about your wife, and a longing to go away from her. My evaluation is: you are doing neither yourself nor your wife any favors by remaining in this relationship. Cut your losses, let her go with love, so that you can both find relationships that work.

What did you think I'd say: "stay and work it out with this woman who doesn't do it for you"?

[RLF]

Angela - thanks, I know you're right but its still hard to do. I do have positives about her but not enough. It's inevitable I leave her and that will be one less pressure on me.

Jarrod - exactly. Not going to go into details but I was excited to go somewhere with her today and she made 2 comments to put a negative spin on it and it drained me out and I wasn't excited anymore and it trigger my anger which came right out.

P.S - It was 7:15am before I even had coffee! Ugh.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by RLF

Angela - thanks, I know you're right but its still hard to do. I do have positives about her but not enough. It's inevitable I leave her and that will be one less pressure on me.

And on her, too. If it's inevitable, wouldn't it be kinder to leave her sooner rather than later, so that she can maximize her youthful appeal and give her as much time as possible with her future, more suitable partner?

And you, too -- give yourself that gift, too.

[RLF]

So the negative energy is strange with my family. Just one small example, mom gives me a tape to make copies of. The tape is blank. She swears and knows there was music on there. We go apple picking on a Saturday, the place is closed. Never have I seen an apple picking place close on a Saturday!

Just strange negative things happen when around my family. Its weird, unexplainable.

[Alfonso Crawford]

The thing with your family doesn't strike me as "negative," just awkward. If you plan ahead of your family (call where ever you plan to go to, a few days ahead of time; learn a bit about various forms of forensics, to prove things have indeed been arranged in a certain manner; etc.), and you'll not only have less "negative" moments, but also look really cool: it's what my dad does, so I know how impressive it is.

[RLF]

Alfonso, how about getting into accidents when driving their car? I gotten into 3 accidents my whole life and all 3 were when i borrowed their car, not used my own. One of those was major and I actually dreampt about it that morning that I borrowed my Dads car and a bus was involved.

I can go on and on, just very very strange what happens.

I'm usually good at figuring out signs but this one baffles me. Am I not supposed to be around them? lol Or how about doing kitchens? I'm in the trades and have done a kitchen for myself, my sister in-law and so many customers... never did I have a major problem. But for my parents, the project was a disaster and took 5 months to complete a kitchen that wasn't even gutted..

I need to find Alaska.

[Alfonso Crawford]

Found it!


You walked right into that. Anyway... uh, if you're pull the energy-card, then I suppose your folks are just not synchronized with you. Think of it like this: I could play the most thought-provoking and healthy rap-music there is, and you'd learn about yourself and the world, concurrently... but it would seriously mess up your ballroom-dancing, wouldn't it?

The family is of good people, but they're dangerous, like a bunch of pet tigers: the tigers don't mean to claw your entire skull off, when they play with you, but they end up doing it. If you're really intent on it, just feed the tigers, and pet them when they're too lazy to make any sudden movements.

[Cristal Lilly]

oooh oooh pet tigers! I would SO get one or a couple as pets if I didn't respect them too much for that.

but on topic now:
to the OP- have you maybe thought about trying to go away with your Lab for a week, for instance? take a week off work, leave everyone home, just take your dog and camp out somewhere remote and all nature-like.
this could help you clear your head alittle.

for instance, first you can try and pinpoint what is it that you feel and what is it that you think is holding you back (yes I know, your family, but specifically, what is it about them) and then sort of work on that until you've dug up something that you would not be comfortable showing around (you know you're making progress when it's making you feel uncomfortable ).

maybe then you can decide and see a bit clearer is this a situation you want to be in, can this be a situation you want to be in, what needs changing to achieve that if it's possible etc.

cause really, you have two healthy choices here.
you can decide that you want them in your life. in that case you'll just need to figure out how to function with them and how to deal with all of those things that are bugging you. that's why you've previously figured out what's bugging you and what are the key issues in that. yay!
choice number 2 is leaving. in this case you've previously figured out why you can't deal with them, and then just need to figure out how to rebuild your life anew, the way you want it.

p.s. otherwise, I agree with everything angela said. I just wanted to pop in and suggest a holliday with your dog.

[ns123]

RLF,

I used to be in a relationship with a guy and I sounded just like you. Really, all you have to do is switch out the words "my wife" and replace it with "my boyfriend" and you would be me.

I finally found the courage in myself to leave him. After five years. Yes, it took me five years. And man, did I have guilt. And did he lay it on me. Threatening to kill himself and blame it on me.

It was horrible, the hardest thing, and the best thing, I ever did. (Well, not the best, but darn near close) It took me a very long time to get over the guilt and forgiving myself. It took me a long time to fully understand, balls to bones, that it was not my job to make him happy. Even after I got married to my current husband, I would still have nightmares about my ex-boyfriend. I had nightmares for nine years, even after I found and married a wonderful man.

Do yourself, and your wife, a favor. Leave her. You cannot make her happy when you are not happy. You cannot offer what she deserves, which is a partner that truly loves her. She cannot offer you what you deserve.

Leave her, lovingly, and gently. Leaving her is an act of love, not of anger. Step into the life you want.