Image vs. Honesty

[Living2xcess]

As a man of honesty, I try to go out of my ways to maintain my transparency and integrity. Recently I was given a gift, a Rolex watch Replica. Looks exactly like the model it is replicating. The watch was also of high quality and good weight. Because I try to always live congruently with my beliefs, honesty being one of the most important, I refused to wear it. However, I was deeply grateful for the gift. I have started to notice that women like a man who dresses good and buys expensive clothes. Just like any other man, I want to be attractive. I want to be desired by the opposite sex.

This summer I decided to do a little social experiment. I started buying knockoffs of designer clothes. Rayban sunglasses, Lacoste shirts, Ralph Lauren shoes, various brands of jeans, and of course, the Rolex. Since doing so, I have noticed a huge increase in my self image. I look better, I feel better, and I feel desired. Incidentally, I also think I am more desired as a result.

The problem I am having now is of deception. I never lie about the clothes and accessories being of the real brand. In fact, I let anybody who asks know that I am against paying big dollars for a name brand, and this is one of the methods I compensate without going against that belief. However, most people do not ask, and by wearing designer brands that are not truly from that designer I feel like I am deceiving everyone. I am creating an image of myself that is not congruent with who I am.

I like how I feel when I where these items. It makes me feel extremely confident and attractive. I act more confident as a result. The problem I am facing right now is whether or not this feeling of higher social status is reason enough to create a deceptive perception. Am I not being congruent with my beliefs by doing this? Am I deceiving myself? Why is it that something that makes me feel so much better also makes me feel conflicted with my belief system?

[Andrew Brunelle]

Well, since you aren't lying about the clothes you are wearing and aren't spending major money on Ray Ban sunglasses, and you feel great, it's not really a problem from my end. If someone asks you, you tell them the truth. If you believe in intentions, you are sending a message that you want to be able to afford these real items without blinking. Besides, it is just clothes and "cranium accessories." A name on a shirt or pants doesn't really mean anything.

As long as the clothes and watch make you feel good, just go with it. What's the worst that could happen? Someone notices your Folex watch? So what? It's still a nice watch. But that's just me.

[sheffy4]

"I never lie about the clothes and accessories being of the real brand. In fact, I let anybody who asks know that I am against paying big dollars for a name brand"

Then what's the problem? You don't have to feel bad for other people's assumptions.
What if you got a really nice haircut for $10? Would you feel bad because maybe people would think you paid more money for such a great hair cut?

[Living2xcess]

Originally Posted by sheffy4

Then what's the problem? You don't have to feel bad for other people's assumptions.

I believe I am enabling people to have false impressions about me. I believe this is a form of dishonesty. I am against dishonesty. I am creating an image to others that is not necessarily who I really am (or is it?). I don't feel bad for other people's assumptions. I feel confused because two things that have been improving the quality of my life conflict with each other.

Honesty has by far improved my life more than anything else, but there is nothing that compares to going out and knowing (believing) that you are among the best dressed, best looking people in the crowd.

[Jarrod]

You want to be an honest person. But you feel that by wearing 'expensive' things you are manipulating peoples perspectives in your favor. Then you feel this is deception and against being honest.

You don't want people to think you are richer than you are, but you want people to think that you are rich/well groomed/attractive.

Can you ever buy clothes that exactly match who you are?

By your logic, if you dress badly then you would also feel bad because you are manipulating peoples perspectives to look down on you.

The clothes of an honest person and the clothes of a dishonest person are identical.

--

Can anyone know who you really are inside?

How long does it take someone on average to get to know exactly who you really are, your values and goals?

The only thing we can ever give out to people is false impressions, or from another perspective, true impressions.

If you walk through the street with you head up you give people the impression of confidence. If a thought crosses your mind and your gaze momentarily drops to the ground you appear less confident and like a person who worries about things.

Viewing both of these impressions from the same person what can we conclude. They are confident, a worrier and not very confident. Which one is the true impression? All of them? None of them?

People see what they think they see and what they think is influenced by decades of conditioning. Everything you do makes them see you differently.

A smart person would try to look beyond the clothes, the smiles and the grimaces and see a persons real values as difficult as this is. Other people will always see a false impression no matter how true the vision is that you try to give them.

Summarising,

- Wear clothes that give out the impression you want to give.

- No matter how true or false the impression you give is, people always filter it before receiving it.

[bluemoon]

I don't think it's dishonest. Almost all clothing is imitating something more expensive (from designers)- whether in the features or the color or whatever. I have a pair of kinda preppy pink pants I got from Target for $10 that people constantly think are JCrew (and in turn, JCrew was probably imitating some super expensive designer). I can't help it if they can't recognize a knockoff

Maybe what's bothering you is that you're getting your self confidence from clothes?

[Daphne Lim]

Originally Posted by bluemoon

Maybe what's bothering you is that you're getting your self confidence from clothes?

I think Bluemoon has a good point. Perhaps what is at conflict is not your value of honesty since you are still upholding that. There may be another underlying value that you feel you are betraying, for example that you should not get your self-esteem from material things or what other people think.

Can you find other clothing and accessories that feel as great but don't carry the big brand names and so aren't pretending to be something else? This may end your dilemma.

[Angela]

I think that if you believe you are more attractive because you wear things that convey a higher social status, and that makes you feel better about yourself, you are standing on quicksand. It doesn't matter whether the item is "real" or not, because where you are standing is inauthentic. I think that's why this makes you uncomfortable.

Whether you wear a rolex or a fauxlex or no watch at all -- makes no difference whatsoever to your worth. If a person is disappointed by your "deception" (she feels like you have "fooled" her into thinking you're superior when you're actually inferior), you don't lose anything real. And if a person is impressed by your fancy duds and sleeps with you or gives you a job because of it, you don't gain anything real. That's because the image of higher social status, or the idea that one person can possibly be superior or inferior to another, is not real. It's an illusion.

So maybe you want to *game* the illusion, and use whatever tools you have for playing your game? Whatever it is that you think you have to gain or lose in this game (being thought well of, attracting sex partners, getting a higher salary or more prestigious work, etc.), recognize that you are neither diminished nor enhanced by it. It may be a very fun game for you, and there's no reason you shouldn't play it, but if you buy into the "reality" of inferiority/superiority, then you are setting yourself up in a game you can never win, because there will always be people you feel superior to and there will always be people you feel inferior to. Why not forego these illusionary comparisons altogether, and be free?

You could make your own rules, though, and play your game free of the "reality" of these judgements. A game you and everyone else can win, because you set it up that way. You could play by rules in which you recognize that a designer item and a Wal-Mart item are equally "real" (that is to say, illusionary) in their power to affect your true worth, and then pick the item that gives you the most pleasure, free of any need to impress anyone.