inner peace is getting me down

[Tonton Macoute]

In the past year I've changed drastically. it was initiated by a break up with a long term girlfriend. after we split I set about fixing all the things that i felt where personal flaws such as my health and psychique as I was a bit over weight and then I set about trying to sort out personal problems like depression/stress over my career.

so i joined a gym, learned how to eat right and lost all the weight and now have a healthy body and I've managed to get myself into a less stressfull job situation by switching careers and dropping my original plan and so have become considerably less stressed/ depressed.
the thing is I did all this so that if I ever got back with my ex these wouldn't be issues anymore, however I've since gotten over her and infact don't really want to go out with anyone and after dropping the old career (which had been a life long dream that was causing me nothing but trouble) I now discovered that I have absolutly no passion at all.

I've always judged my life on how I was doing in my career and who i was with. but for the first time in my life neither of these are a problem and I kind of don't know what to do with myself.

I've several women around me that could potentialy become a girlfriend and I'm enjoying spending time with them all (I'm not sleeping with any of them just socialising) but the concept of a 'relationship' no longer appeals to me. and while my new job doesn't really stimulate me it is comfortable and kind of in the same vein as what i wanted to do originally.

this emotional flatline has bled into every aspect of my life. I now have no desire to go see a film. I stick on the TV to discover theres nothing I want to watch. I start reading a book and lose interest after a few pages. I go into town to go buy something and I just walk from shop to shop seeing nothing of any interest.

everythings now boring. I'm terrified that I need drama in my life for me to deem it interesting as I really don't want to be one of those people and I've worked hard to get myself away from that life.

I know people are going to say it sounds like depression but I don't think it is, I'm actually quite happy. however I tend to fluctuate between not too unhappy and not too happy.

has anyone else ever experienced this?

[ar81]

You can't be happy with someone else if you are not happy with yourself.

[CroMagna]

^^ his whole point is that he IS happy.

You don't want drama right? So you've already decided. Stop catering to society's idea of what you're life should be like. Maybe your approach is more Buddhist.

[25AndJustBeginning]

HOLY EFFIN ♥♥♥♥♥! I feel like I just listened to myself. I am literally in quite the same situation as you:

• I recently ended a relationship w/ a person whom I think I was dependent upon - and so I wasn't living life
• I've started to take an interested in just socializing w/ people and not necessarily for the purpose of sex either
• I'm taking care of my body by eating well & exercising
• I don't know what to do w/ myself
• My job often stresses me out
• I post to this forum too

Seriously, it's all true. But it's great because I feel like I'm connecting w/ myself now more than ever before... like I'm consulting myself regularly rather than identifying w/ my surroundings. So first of all, remember that you're not totally unique in these struggles.

Originally Posted by Tonton Macoute

In the past year I've changed drastically. it was initiated by a break up with a long term girlfriend. after we split I set about fixing all the things that i felt where personal flaws such as my health and psychique as I was a bit over weight and then I set about trying to sort out personal problems like depression/stress over my career.

Like I said, I've just left a long term relationship too, am eating well, exercising, and have grown personally in considerable ways to the point where I almost don't recognize myself any more (but that's a good thing!).

so i joined a gym, learned how to eat right and lost all the weight and now have a healthy body and I've managed to get myself into a less stressfull job situation by switching careers and dropping my original plan and so have become considerably less stressed/ depressed.
the thing is I did all this so that if I ever got back with my ex these wouldn't be issues anymore, however I've since gotten over her and infact don't really want to go out with anyone and after dropping the old career (which had been a life long dream that was causing me nothing but trouble) I now discovered that I have absolutely no passion at all.

I'm not sure where you're at w/ this, but I'm currently learning about stress: how often I stress myself out & how it's just not that necessary to live like that.

As far as the passions go, don't get hung up on the idea that you don't have any right now... that's a great discovery!! It sounds like you realize that you want to discover what your passions are. This - again, similar to my situation - is where we choose our paths in life. I can't definitively list for you my passions. However, even though I often get depressed when I ask myself what I want to do, I try to remind myself that I need to try new things to discover what I like. So gitcher @$$ out there and try new things, which, by the way, you might not always like (but that doesn't mean the endeavor was a failure).

I've always judged my life on how I was doing in my career and who i was with. but for the first time in my life neither of these are a problem and I kind of don't know what to do with myself.

Same here... again. I think I used to identify w/ my surroundings. Now I differentiate myself from them and am often left not knowing what to do w/ myself either. The secret? Don't put too much thought into it. Next time you're wondering what you should do, do the FIRST thing that comes to mind and don't question it - provided it's not harmful to anyone/thing, of course.

I've several women around me that could potentialy become a girlfriend and I'm enjoying spending time with them all (I'm not sleeping with any of them just socialising) but the concept of a 'relationship' no longer appeals to me. and while my new job doesn't really stimulate me it is comfortable and kind of in the same vein as what i wanted to do originally.

So what's the problem w/ the socializing/girlfriend thing? So what? Quit analyzing everything and just enjoy the moment. So you don't want a g/f, great. If you do change your mind, great. Enjoy the moment.

As far as the job goes, have you ever seen the movie "Waiting?" If so, then create your own penis showing game, it's that simple. If not, then watch it and then consult the previous sentence.

this emotional flatline has bled into every aspect of my life. I now have no desire to go see a film. I stick on the TV to discover theres nothing I want to watch. I start reading a book and lose interest after a few pages. I go into town to go buy something and I just walk from shop to shop seeing nothing of any interest.

You're in a funk. My suggestion: less thought, more action. Again, just do it w/o analyzing it.

everythings now boring. I'm terrified that I need drama in my life for me to deem it interesting as I really don't want to be one of those people and I've worked hard to get myself away from that life.

Stop trying to analyze your personality. You're probably right. Hell, I'm attracted to chaos too. Replace the energy that you're putting into thinking about this and redirect that energy towards something constructive, something you like to do, some action rather than thought.

I know people are going to say it sounds like depression but I don't think it is, I'm actually quite happy. however I tend to fluctuate between not too unhappy and not too happy.

Nope, just a funk. You recognize it so you're on your way out. Nice work.

has anyone else ever experienced this?

I should seriously not even respond to this question.

[The Cloud]

Have you read Steve's sample chapter for his book? There is a portion in there that has you rate each portion of your life on a 1-10 scale, 1 being the lowest and 10 the highest. I don't mean to ruin it for you, but he also says that if you're not a 9 or a 10 on something, you may as well be a 1. 7 just isn't good enough. I think that he's right with that evaluation. It sounds to me like you'd rate your life at a 6-8, which comes out to mean that you're in a situation where all your physical needs can be satisfied except for your need to grow and develop and achieve. This is a need as much as food and water, because what's the point of all that eating and drinking if it doesn't get you anything you want?

So you say that you don't want anything? That just means that you haven't accepted your desires. You haven't been able to admit what you want to yourself, because it will disrupt the status quo. Wanting, in its truest form, is a powerful action. It takes a lot to admit that something is wrong, that the status quo must be disrupted and your security blanket must be breached. But tolerating anything less is a 1.

[Holistic Star]

Well done on achieving what you have already. That's great. You made a plan, stuck with it and achieved it.

And now things seem a little flat.

Well what you need is some bigger goals, something to excite you again. What I also think might interest you is thinking about how you can add value to to others and contribute towards others. (I don't mean forcing your views down other people's throats, I mean supporting others to make some big life changes.

How does that sound to you?

[Parthon]

I'm in a bit of a funk though, but for different reasons.

The word I would apply to it is complacent. You are fine with everything, but it's gotten boring, there's nothing that makes you want to get out of bed in the morning.

The only thing I can think of right now is that you are well within your comfort zone, so nothing in challenging you anymore and therefore you are not growing. Like you said, you judge yourself on two criteria, career and partner, that aren't valid anymore, it's time for some new criteria.

How I got out of it was by creating a list of all my goals and using that for inspiration. I could see which directions I could head in and there were all these open doors all of a sudden. Now I just have to pick one. The other half of the problem is also accepting where I am now. Once I fully accept where I am, I'll be able to jumpboard into a number of exciting projects, depending on which one I want to do next.

So after that ramble: accepting where you are, creating new criteria for your own success and then listing out your inspirational goals. I think those are the three things that would make the biggest difference.

[mahreenferdous]

I know the feeling. Been there, sadly I didn't really manage to resolve it but found a way towards self-sabotage. The limbo was interesting though as it forced me to explore seek out area I do find interesting and areas in which I can grow and learn. So are there any areas that you feel drawn to other than the usual dribble of entertainment, shopping or socializing?

[Tonton Macoute]

hey! thansk for the replies, yeah I gotta say it is more of a funk.

ok replies...

25andjustbeginning that is quite strange (perhaps more so as I'm also 25 and just beginning thanks for your insights I think the idea of just stopping over thinking things is gonnna be good advice, I'm gonna try that one right now hahaha.
and your right, it is more a thing of i need to find new passion, I came to the conclusion last night that I'm kind of letting pervious experiences hold me back so i need to work on that a bit. specially with regards women.

Holistic Star - yeah I know what you mean but my job is actually teaching music and art to children so it's actually a great way to feel like I'm contributing and I do love it. my previous dream career was to try make it as a performer in music but it was just destroying me so thats what i meant by the new job being in the same vein

Parthon - yes the getting out of bed in the morning is a pain these days. hahahaha i like the springboard analagy I'm gonna go make that list of goals now see what comes up

and Mahreenferdous what do you mean you self sabotaged? I think I might be doing that in some ways but I'm not sure

[6facedserialsmoker]

You should go do something that will get your adrenaline going, like four-wheeling on some really good trails, if you feel like it go bunjee jumping, and then go on a few roller coasters and the list goes on, try to get with some guy friends and ask them if they got something ****in crazy they want to do.