Shame

[Boreas]

I find some of the worst emotional pain in my life comes from personal shame. Times I have reasoned myself into doing wrong and then had it shown back to me in all its grotesque form.

Things like lying to people, doing other things on work time, downloading copy-writed music. It all seems fine, till one gets caught, then it is a punch to the gut, and I think the most painful part is the personal shame, the fact that everyone is looking at what you have done, and that you are now going to have to pay for it...

How does everyone cope with shame? Do you stop it from flaring up? Or accept it and do the best you can to fix things?

[Boreas]

I also want to add that when you share this crushing shame with others, it seems less of an issue, and like "you are making too much out of it", and I would say that is the reality of it, so why do we blow these things up in our minds?

[tactile]

Originally Posted by Boreas

I find some of the worst emotional pain in my life comes from personal shame. Times I have reasoned myself into doing wrong and then had it shown back to me in all its grotesque form.

Things like lying to people, doing other things on work time, downloading copy-writed music. It all seems fine, till one gets caught, then it is a punch to the gut, and I think the most painful part is the personal shame, the fact that everyone is looking at what you have done, and that you are now going to have to pay for it...

How does everyone cope with shame? Do you stop it from flaring up? Or accept it and do the best you can to fix things?

I feel the same way sometimes.. I think it's because I value what people think about me so much, that I feel that they are judging me and mocking me when really I am having a "Personal Shame" moment. Please look at the words you are using "Personal Shame"... it's you having a conversation with yourself... (don't feel bad, everyone does it)

We all do things knowing and unknowingly, but it is your own person feelings that are playing your actions over and over in your head, and you are give off suspicious vibes to people that will pick up on your "Person Shame"..

Don't beat yourself up... I have done a lot of tings that I am not proud of, but the past is the past, and I can't worry about the future, this moment right now is all I have, and I choose to be happy and conscious hear and now.

[Boreas]

Yes, you are perfectly right, it is crazy how much we beat ourselves up sometimes. I guess I just lost focus. It is funny how everything seems fair and right in nature. I don't see too many ants stopping and getting frozen in doubt and self-loathing...you know?

[ar81]

Originally Posted by Boreas

I find some of the worst emotional pain in my life comes from personal shame. Times I have reasoned myself into doing wrong and then had it shown back to me in all its grotesque form.

Things like lying to people, doing other things on work time, downloading copy-writed music. It all seems fine, till one gets caught, then it is a punch to the gut, and I think the most painful part is the personal shame, the fact that everyone is looking at what you have done, and that you are now going to have to pay for it...

How does everyone cope with shame? Do you stop it from flaring up? Or accept it and do the best you can to fix things?

If you risk doing things that involve consequences, bad things happen when you fail. The best move is not to take those stupid risks. Responsibility comes when you think long term.

Why would you download copyrighted music if there is music that is non commercial and free? You also can produce your music.

If you do not do such things you will feel no shame. Today you may get shame, but I have seen people going to jail. One sad case was a girl who risked herself in a credit card fraud inside a bank.

Sadly she risked, and the bad thing about risk is that you can't estimate the real odds against you.

[marinik]

I have to admit that I had a tough time with personal shame for almost 40 so years. I had to go under the "knife" for the second time (cancer) to forgive everybody and most of all myself! It was so liberating and sad. Why did I need to all those years of condemning me, the only person I truly have. The worst are the moments when you remember a very bad situation and the knot in you stomach is so tight it hurts. Why? It is all so irrelevant! It is also not real it is only real to us and the stories we tell around these events. So make forgiving your self a dally ritual. We all fall on to our faces from time to time. SO just get up, brush of the dust, put your head up high and go you way!
Love m

[Boreas]

Originally Posted by ar81

If you risk doing things that involve consequences, bad things happen when you fail. The best move is not to take those stupid risks. Responsibility comes when you think long term.

Why would you download copyrighted music if there is music that is non commercial and free? You also can produce your music.

If you do not do such things you will feel no shame. Today you may get shame, but I have seen people going to jail. One sad case was a girl who risked herself in a credit card fraud inside a bank.

Sadly she risked, and the bad thing about risk is that you can't estimate the real odds against you.

Wow, that is a horrible story with the bank. And you are right about the music thing, we all get swept up in the moment, and give ourselves excuses when we shouldn't.

[Boreas]

Originally Posted by marinik

I have to admit that I had a tough time with personal shame for almost 40 so years. I had to go under the "knife" for the second time (cancer) to forgive everybody and most of all myself! It was so liberating and sad. Why did I need to all those years of condemning me, the only person I truly have. The worst are the moments when you remember a very bad situation and the knot in you stomach is so tight it hurts. Why? It is all so irrelevant! It is also not real it is only real to us and the stories we tell around these events. So make forgiving your self a dally ritual. We all fall on to our faces from time to time. SO just get up, brush of the dust, put your head up high and go you way!
Love m

Right on, just right on. Thanks for the post and support.

[Alison Jenkins]

I felt so much shame around the things I did with regards to my binge eating disorder. Today in recovery I accept that they are all normal behaviours for someone who binge eats and instead of letting the shame wreck my life, I chose to let it go, talk about it and help others get into recovery.

When you have acceptance over why you did things, then you don't have to live in the shame any more.

Alison