Persistent, attacking thoughts

[CroMagna]

Every day I experience painful thoughts of people saying hurtful things to me. This happens every two or three minutes, throughout the day. They'll say "you mother****in-ass ♥♥♥♥♥" "you're weak" "coward!" "you don't love yourself" "you're a failure and a loser" "you dumb ♥♥♥♥♥". After every "encounter", I'm left feeling angry, resentful, and ashamed and at the end of the day I'm left feeling defeated.

I don't understand why this happens. Why do I have these types of thoughts? Do I hate myself? Am I scarred? Am I afraid of people?

I'm not sure how to get rid of this, but it is making my life miserable.

[Robinis]

Hi there - perhaps chanting might work, such as a Buddhist or some other kind of chant. This might help put you in touch with your real self, so that you can more easily take the steps you need to take to turn things around.

Meditation could do the same thing, but the physical side of chanting might be what you need to really focus your energy. Two chants I know of are:

A Buddhist one: Nam-myoho-renge-kyo
A Hindu style one: Om Namah Shivaya

It doesn't matter what they mean - just chant for e.g. 30 minutes a day.

All the best - Robin

[JaredR]

How do you see yourself? Are you competent? Intelligent? Worthy? Or do you agree with what these thoughts are saying--you're a failure, a coward, a loser?

[gr8tocre8]

What you are experiencing is your unconscious mind's way of handling your unresolved issues - most of which were created in your childhood. I HIGHLY recommend you go out and get "The dark side of the light chasers" by Debbie Ford. I know, I recommend this book a LOT on this forum, but there is a very good reason - it will give you an understanding of you inner demons in a way that will give you hope, maybe for the first time in your life.

I wish you the best.

[CroMagna]

-That sounds like a good idea. In fact, I'm about to go meditate and chant as soon as I log off.

-I think I see myself as intelligent, etc. I think unresolved childhood issues make me believe that others see me as a coward, etc.

-I immediately read the first few pages of the Debbie Ford book on amazon. It was already quite helpful. I have also located the book at local library branches. I will order tomorrow when I go to the library.

Thanks!

[jecember30]

This sounds a lot like OCD. OCD isn't just washing your hands or cleaning compulsively. It's also the obsessive, unwanted thoughts that pop into your head that make you feel insane, off-kilter.

I would look into seeing a therapist as it could very well be a manifestation of OCD. I have a similar form of OCD and I know how tormenting it can be. The biggest thing I had to learn was that I could not react to these thoughts, that is, feel horrified, hurt, or even try to stop them. There is a simple trick (that does take practice) in which you tell yourself, "Oh, that's just OCD" when you have a thought like this. You notice it and release.

It is when you react that you feed the monster. So the point is to let slide right off you. The less you feed it, the less it comes around.

But still, seek the help of a qualified therapist.

Best Wishes!

[NightSpirit]

Could it have something to do with your chosen religion?

[TonyToneTone]

Try this.

EVERY time those voices come up, replace it with it's opposite.

"you mother****in-ass ♥♥♥♥♥" "you're weak" "coward!"

"You successful good looking man" "You're strong!" "Hero!"

BTW, be patient with this process. It might be immediate or it might take a while for this new process to really kick in. It does work though.

[metamorph]

Originally Posted by CroMagna

Every day I experience painful thoughts of people saying hurtful things to me. This happens every two or three minutes, throughout the day. They'll say "you mother****in-ass ♥♥♥♥♥" "you're weak" "coward!" "you don't love yourself" "you're a failure and a loser" "you dumb ♥♥♥♥♥". After every "encounter", I'm left feeling angry, resentful, and ashamed and at the end of the day I'm left feeling defeated.

I don't understand why this happens. Why do I have these types of thoughts? Do I hate myself? Am I scarred? Am I afraid of people?

I'm not sure how to get rid of this, but it is making my life miserable.

Try to step-out of these thoughts. Become aware of them and just observe them. Like: "oh, there they are again. The same old tape, the same old BS. Let's see how long they are spinning in my mind this time...". Do not try to hide from them or to overpower them with conscious positive thoughts, because this will not work (in the very least it will not work if these thoughts also appear in your dreams). Face them as an observer!

[mercuryrising]

Originally Posted by NightSpirit

Could it have something to do with your chosen religion?

What would give you that impression?

[demk]

Definaletly check out CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy). Go to a library and get as many books on it as you can. Check out some stuff about OCD too as Jecember30 says. Make sure it is a book that recommends CBT techniques. it can really help a lot with this type of stuff. the 'Overcoming...' series is really good. Low self esteem could be a problem too.

And meditate every day! In two years time when you have progressed so fast with everything you will be glad you did it. Check out Vippassana and mindfulness, or some kind of mantra mediattion maybe like TM (although TM is actually just a basic mantra meditation and not worth the money to earn it from TM people).

Just keep going and answers will come

[Daphne Lim]

CroMagna,

I have not experienced it in the degree you have, but I used to hear myself saying "I'm so angry" through clenched teeth, at times when I wasn't really thinking of anything much at all. So I agree with Gr8tocre8 that it's the subconscious at work.

Metamorph's suggestion to step out of yourself is a good first step. Others like affirmations help a lot, plus reading lots of good books with positive attitudes. Essentially you have to replace your conscious thoughts with enough positives that it seeps into your subconscious. I think for me it took a few months, but eventually in an unplanned moment I heard myself saying "I'm so happy!" instead and I knew I was over it.

All the best!

[NightSpirit]

Originally Posted by mercuryrising

What would give you that impression?

CroMagna posted the following on the "If God is real" thread. I thought it would be a good idea if she would examine if she had invitied something evil into her mind during the practice of this religion. As she said, she doesn't believe in an actual Satan but I feel he does really exist and being a member of a religion that goes by his name might put her under his domain.

I know the devil can send thoughts to our head. This sounded so similar to accounts I have heard of others, especially my own experiences with suicidual thoughts, that I asked her to consider if her religion might be the source of the problem.

Sometimes when pastors counsel people they find similar thought patterns and some even more vile than this, in the minds of people who have opened themselves to those spirits.

Originally posted by CroMagna
My religion is Satanism. I believe my religion is the best one imaginable for me. It is an atheist religion that does not believe in either God or an actual Satan. We just employ the term "Satan" as a metaphor for our "fallen", carnal, rebellious position in society. Basically, we needed a mascot . For more info go to en.wikipedia.org and type in LaVeyan Satanism in the search box.

[CroMagna]

I have had these thoughts for years and chose this religion only about 6 months ago.

[NightSpirit]

Originally Posted by CroMagna

I have had these thoughts for years and chose this religion only about 6 months ago.

So have they become less or more vulgar since then? How long have you been a darkworker, about the same length of time?

[Jarrod]

Are these thoughts yours? Are 'you' thinking them? Did 'you' choose to think them?

While you answer yes to any of these questions you will never be free of thoughts of this sort.

The fact of the matter is that you can see these popping out of seemingly nowhere. This means it is reasonable to assume there is a separation between what is the essential 'you' and them.

Once you can drive a separation between what your thoughts are and what you are then you have room to change.

When you can see them like you would see trash on the road then you can do something about them.

You can begin to understand what is this thing separated from them that is always present, that is totally unaffected by my thoughts/emotions or anyone elses.

When you start this it gets worse before it gets better.

While thoughts like this can make you unhappy you will not be able to progress, the first step is to be able to see between them and realise they have no power over you.

I'm hesitant to say it but these type are pretty normal I think, most people get them now and again (for some they may be abusive, others may be just fear-mongering). Find anyone who is sad and I bet they have some variation going on in their in head.

Let me give you an example. I was on the tram today and was trying to decide if would talk to the person across from me. Thoughts started jumping up saying that it would not be appropriated, they are not a good person to talk to, this is not how society works, it is wrong try to make friends on a tram let alone with strangers you have never met.

Moments later I could see my chest becoming heavy with fear! Offcourse seeing this stuff and knowing that I am not them I could see how ridiculously wrong they were about my limitations. Then I could smile and enjoy the world as it is. Knowing the separation and then giving the thoughts the flick sets you free.

Good luck and enjoy, you perfect being

[Annabelle]

I´ll tell you what works for me. I consider each negative thought that comes to my mind uninvited as a poor creature, garbage my brain is trying to rid itself of, really. So, I observe it not as a part of me, but just as you would watch debris floating in a river and going...away. I don´t dwell on them, I don´t listen to them, I just send them away, they mean nothing to me, they just are, well, garbage.

[mercuryrising]

Here are some practices that have helped me:

- Pay attention to where there is on-going tension, pain or chronic illness within your body. Your body stores all of your experiences. Repression of certain experiences creates tension, pain or repetitive illness. Yoga, changes in your diet, special herbs and relaxation meditation will help release stored experiences.

- Break the pattern with an anchor. Anchoring is an NLP practice. You remember or imagine an experience where you feel real good. You want to use all your senses to the point where you are 'there'. At the moment where you are at a peak state of happiness, make an odd gesture or say a ridiculous phrase. You might tap your leg three times or join your thumb and index finger in an "ok" sign. You might say, "Snozberries".

When you get the disturbing thoughts, do the gesture and bring yourself back into a state of happiness. The more often you use the anchor, the more powerful it gets.
When I get angry, my daughter will say to me "Princess Kitty", that's my anchor.

- If you do any recreational drugs, quit for a while. I used to smoke a lot of pot (among other things) and I found that getting high would create disturbing thoughts like the one's you describe.

- Forgive the people that have hurt you. Not because they deserve it, but because you deserve to go on with your life. Resentment doesn't hurt them, just you. I used to live by the saying, "I'll show you, I'll hurt me."

- Create a God form. I realize you are an atheist, but bear with me for a minute. I believe thoughts have a life of their own. We feed certain thoughts and starve other ones. We are constantly conversing with our own thoughts... it's like one big happy family in there. I suggest you create a thought of God. It doesn't matter exactly what your concept is, just make it all-powerful and that it always wants the best for you all the time. Have your God form eat up all the thoughts that you don't want. The more you talk with it, the stronger it will become to you.

- Last one, realize that no matter what thoughts come to you, you don't have to react to them. They are powerless to make you do anything. You always have a choice. You can just sit there and listen like they aren't even talking to you. You could laugh or do something that makes those thoughts look stupid. This practice has been the most useful out of all of them. I am the ruler of my mind, not a prisoner. I don't have to give court to any subject I don't want to.

I hope this helps you.

[CroMagna]

Originally Posted by jecember30

This sounds a lot like OCD. OCD isn't just washing your hands or cleaning compulsively. It's also the obsessive, unwanted thoughts that pop into your head that make you feel insane, off-kilter.

I would look into seeing a therapist as it could very well be a manifestation of OCD. I have a similar form of OCD and I know how tormenting it can be. The biggest thing I had to learn was that I could not react to these thoughts, that is, feel horrified, hurt, or even try to stop them. There is a simple trick (that does take practice) in which you tell yourself, "Oh, that's just OCD" when you have a thought like this. You notice it and release.

It is when you react that you feed the monster. So the point is to let slide right off you. The less you feed it, the less it comes around.

But still, seek the help of a qualified therapist.

Best Wishes!

I think I have Pure O, the Obsessional wing of OCD. That would explain why after years of therapy and reading, the ruminations haven't stopped. That's because I didn't have the right diagnosis. And why despite repeated reassurance I still slide back. This sounds like it might be my disorder:

"Obsessions frequently include but are not limited to a fear of harming others or oneself, doubts about sexual orientation, fear of being a sexual deviant or predator, fear of not understanding others or of being misunderstood, obsession with personal past or pasts of others, fear of lying, and fear of death and disease. Mental compulsions include but are not limited to seeking reassurance from others or from within, confessing, thinking "neutralizing" thoughts, retracing or replaying events, checking for sexual arousal, and "mental checking" or intentionally bringing up an obsession to see if it still produces anxiety."

[CroMagna]

Actually I changed my mind. I don't think I have Pure O. I think my attacking thoughts happen for a reason. I think they serve some purpose. I'm not sure what though. I don't see what could possibly be accomplished my hurting myself this way.

[Alison Jenkins]

Is this other people saying these things or is it you saying it to yourself and turning other people's words to confirm the way you see yourself?

Have you tried positive affirmations. They work really well. For every negative thought answer it with a positive affirmation that you say twice eg " I approve of myself".

You need to keep saying positive affirmations but it will change things. Graduallythat negative voice will diminish and the positive one will take over

Alison

[skcastille]

Originally Posted by jecember30

This sounds a lot like OCD. OCD isn't just washing your hands or cleaning compulsively. It's also the obsessive, unwanted thoughts that pop into your head that make you feel insane, off-kilter.

I would look into seeing a therapist as it could very well be a manifestation of OCD. I have a similar form of OCD and I know how tormenting it can be. The biggest thing I had to learn was that I could not react to these thoughts, that is, feel horrified, hurt, or even try to stop them. There is a simple trick (that does take practice) in which you tell yourself, "Oh, that's just OCD" when you have a thought like this. You notice it and release.

It is when you react that you feed the monster. So the point is to let slide right off you. The less you feed it, the less it comes around.

But still, seek the help of a qualified therapist.

Best Wishes!

From my readings on this topic it sounds like you may be on point. Some people think OCD is just repeating do the same thing in the physical form but it can also be a mental issue.

[casera28]

Originally Posted by CroMagna

Every day I experience painful thoughts of people saying hurtful things to me. This happens every two or three minutes, throughout the day. They'll say "you mother****in-ass ♥♥♥♥♥" "you're weak" "coward!" "you don't love yourself" "you're a failure and a loser" "you dumb ♥♥♥♥♥". After every "encounter", I'm left feeling angry, resentful, and ashamed and at the end of the day I'm left feeling defeated.

I don't understand why this happens. Why do I have these types of thoughts? Do I hate myself? Am I scarred? Am I afraid of people?

I'm not sure how to get rid of this, but it is making my life miserable.

Hey there CroMagna!

One thing should be clear, and let it be for those of us who want Peace on earth and in our hearts: The cycle of violence and distrust cannot come to an end through more violence and distrust (ie: lending an ear to cruel, self-tormenting thoughts and feelings.) The cycle must be broken. How? By the deliberate act (on each of our parts) of choosing to consciously sacrifice the self that feeds upon the fury and fear that such thoughts provoke.

How is this sacrifice made? We don’t take part in the continuity of the conflict. We bear the ripples of the pain passing into us and don’t pass them along in either thoughts or actions. We let the hatred that is raised in us by such acts of hatred die in us, with us, by bringing its destructive force into the light of the Love we know and that we want to be.

You are not the only one who suffers from self-punishing thoughts and feelings. We all must learn to not go along with the senseless acts that fearful thoughts and feelings try to push us to do. Healing is what is needed, not more hurting. Each of us can make this choice, if we are willing to allow Truth to reveal to us the fact that we do have power in those moments where it feels as though there is no power.

For example: Believe it or not, Life is actually trying to show you that you are feeding the wrong parts of you and instruct you through total kindness that that is the sole reason for why you suffer. If you are willing to hear those thoughts and feel those terribly painful emotions that no doubt wrench your mind and body, without criticizing yourself nor anyone else outside of yourself, just watching all that takes place, then Life would naturally help lead you away from that lower level of thought.

I have found incredible help in my life through the books, cd's and dvd's of author, Guy Finley. In fact I've moved to Merlin, Oregon where he gives talks, meditations and is always available for questions. He's written over 25 books about self-understanding and I am completely convinced that it is the ONLY True and complete help that I've come across. I would recommend the Unstoppable Cd Album to help you get started. I guarantee your life will change if you listen to the cd's. I've included a link in my signature which will help you investigate this for yourself.

I wish you the very best girl!

Much love,
Katrina